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Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? - Romance - Nairaland

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Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 12:10pm On Mar 10, 2015
Ok guys, this advice is for my friend (no jokes). We work together here in London. He is in a long distance relationship with this girl in Nigeria. It is fairly new. They started dating December when is was in Nigeria but he had to resume work end of January so he they agreed to continue dating. Now he says the girl is very sweet and nice. They even met each others parent and said they love each other. Now like all babes she has a past. One was she hooked up with a guy just before they started dating officially but while he was still in london. He is pissed about it cos he feels she knew he was interested and she still just hooked up with another guy. She said she did not know he was interested and he was only been friendly and acting like a player. When she knew he was serious she cut it off with the other guy who even had a gf but she did not know at the time. Also she asked her how many guys she is been with and her number of 6 felt like alot to him as he would be her 7th. Now that made him unsure if he wants to be with the girl and this reflected to her. He however decided to go on with the relationship and they had a great time (saw pictures). I even saw the message she sent the day he left of how she is so in love. However, the past relationship and in particular the guy she hooked up with still bothered my guy and he made it known. He claims the rate reduces with time. I told him that 7 or 8 isnt that large a number for most guys now. Most will say 2 or 3 but are lying sp she did a good thing telling you the truth.

Now like most LDR they had some communication issues and argued alot. out of anger and frustration he broke up with her. He however called back really quick (20 minutes) to make up back. She agreed but things were not getting better. She is very active on social media and guys are always hitting on her which annoys him. She was not always replying or replying rude. This frustrated my guy even more and then broke up with again like 5 days later which was on vals day. He realised his mistake and called her back hours later but she just kept ignoring him. He has sent numerous messages. She finally called him back and said they were still broken up and they both needed a break to work on themselves. He does not want this but the girl is adamant thats what she wants. He has apologised and called so many times. She would ignore some and answer some. The last time they spoke he said she said she still loved him but the relationship has overwhelmed her and that she needs them to be on a break until he comes back to Nigeria in July. She is not seeing someone or plans to but anything can happen. He is confused does not know what to do.

I told him he is losing his ego constantly begging her. He is also losing respect. She used to be all over him sending him videos of how much she loves him and now she is barely talking to him. I dont want to mess his relationship up but i believe she might be seeing someone else. He however feels he messed up and she has every right to boost her ego with it. What do you guys think ?

(1) Does she still love him?
(2) Does the break thing make any sense?
(3) Is he losing his pride or is this allowed because he messed up and broke up with her twice?
(4) I am also surprised she can go 3 weeks without talking to him and she claims she loves him. Does this make sense?
(5) Is she actually trying to break up with him or is her pride also hurt and she wants both of them to be sure what they want.
(6) Should he keep sweet talking and apologising?

Sorry if i went on and on about this but we have been arguing for over 3 weeks and wanted to get you all's opinion
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Nobody: 12:13pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:

(1) Does she still love him?
You want the truth?

She doesn't love him and never has. The catch for her was the "london" aspect of him. Sleeping with guy number 7 is a testament to that fact. A girl that has even the tiniest of feelings for a guy and is communicating with him to that extent, will keep her hopes open. Not sleeping with someone else, and then telling him. What she is in effect saying to your guy is "just take me as I am. These things happen". Thats not good enough. And now that they are officially an item, no one says she should restrict her use of social media, but why would she always do things to get him jealous and pissed? That's simply because, she gives no fvck about his feelings whatsoever.


(2) Does the break thing make any sense?
Yes it makes a lot of sense. In fact, they shouldn't have started at all. He obviously had a problem with the amount of guys she's been with. If he was truthful enough, he wouldn't enter into a relationship with her. Like I said earlier, she wasn't serious about him. She slept with guy 7 and would have been willing to sleep with him as 8, but the offer of a relationship with a guy not based in Nigeria was too tempting. They are both to blame for that mistake, and the _shit has to be called off.


(3) Is he losing his pride or is this allowed because he messed up and broke up with her twice?
He's being an ass, a baby, a halfwit, a half man. End the marrafvcking relationship and stick to your gun. No woman even wants a man as half confused as he is? Wtf! You break up with someone and call them back begging after 20 mins?? You deserve a slap to the face with a right leg!

(4) I am also surprised she can go 3 weeks without talking to him and she claims she loves him. Does this make sense?

Makes sense! I hope he can see she gives no fvcking hoot about him. Look, ladies have a secret 21 day rule. After 21 days and she doesn't miss you, she has moved on. Your friend is being a Mitch. What? Are there no other girls that want him for him to be this foolish for this girl?

(5) Is she actually trying to break up with him or is her pride also hurt and she wants both of them to be sure what they want.
Bro, she doesn't care anymore. As far as she is concerned, he is weak. Too weak. Her pride is not hurt. She currently holds all the aces. She's telling him to fvck off. He's muguciously going back to her. He's giving her unnecessary power over him to tamper with his emotions anyhow she pleases. That's total fvcking bullshit!

(6) Should he keep sweet talking and apologising?
Sorry, but if he keeps repeating that, he's a damn fool! He should dump her and move on. You don't sweet talk someone who is hurting you. What rubbish?! He sweet talks her, she does the same, and he apologizes again for what she causes? Da fuq. . .

Long distance relationships aren't worth it anyway.

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Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Cutehector(m): 12:14pm On Mar 10, 2015
He is definitely losing his ego. Moving on is d only way foward. Like me for example, I can go on my knees begn my girl bla bla bla, buh if it gets to her head and I see dat she isn't tryna forgiv, I let go. Most times, I hardly even beg. I just let dem be and giv dem space.

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Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 12:26pm On Mar 10, 2015
Cutehector:
He is definitely losing his ego. Moving on is d only way foward. Like me for example, I can go on my knees begn my girl bla bla bla, buh if it gets to her head and I see dat she isn't tryna forgiv, I let go. Most times, I hardly even beg. I just let dem be and giv dem space.

Thats what i told him. You have begged enough. It so bad the girl is expecting him to call her again later. He however feels he deserves it cos he broke up with her twice and she deserves to do shakara
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Cutehector(m): 12:29pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


Thats what i told him. You have begged enough. It so bad the girl is expecting him to call her again later. He however feels he deserves it cos he broke up with her twice and she deserves to do shakara
shakara my foot. Shakara is one of my top turn offs. D moment I notice she is doin it dat much, I turn d table around. She should go bleep herselv for all he cares.

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Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 12:33pm On Mar 10, 2015
Cutehector:
shakara my foot. Shakara is one of my top turn offs. D moment I notice she is doin it dat much, I turn d table around. She should go bleep herselv for all he cares.

So what do you advice him to do. Do you think she still loves him? How can he turn it around? Can he tell her that he cant wait for 3 months cos there is no use??
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Olutola88(m): 12:51pm On Mar 10, 2015
The relationship will most likely NOT work. They will keep having issues cos of the distance. Btw, it's not easy for a lady that has enjoyed active sexual life to just go on a break like that( she will most likely see other guys). They should free each other at least for now, if they are both single when the dude comes back then can think of starting something again if the affection is still there
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by stambouli: 1:07pm On Mar 10, 2015
Your pal is kinda unstable.breaking up in a moment and calling back in twenty minutes to apologise.he keeps breaking up every now and then,even if the girl loves him,his unstable act of breaking up with her everyday will make her think twice.your pal should re-evaluate his thoughts and think deeply on whether he really wants the lady or not.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 1:07pm On Mar 10, 2015
Olutola88:
The relationship will most likely NOT work. They will keep having issues cos of the distance. Btw, it's not easy for a lady that has enjoyed active sexual life to just go on a break like that( she will most likely see other guys). They should free each other at least for now, if they are both single when the dude comes back then can think of starting something again if the affection is still there

I have told him that as well. I actually felt she is a lil loose and you cant do long distance just like that. He however cant get over the fact that he messed up and he made her react. I feel she is taking advantage of it. Yes it is possible she is seeing someone else thats the only way she can just lock up on him like that
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Cutehector(m): 1:09pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


So what do you advice him to do. Do you think she still loves him? How can he turn it around? Can he tell her that he cant wait for 3 months cos there is no use??
if she still loved him den she would hav forgvn him a long tym agao
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 1:10pm On Mar 10, 2015
stambouli:
Your pal is kinda unstable.breaking up in a moment and calling back in twenty minutes to apologise.he keeps breaking up every now and then,even if the girl loves him,his unstable act of breaking up with her everyday will make her think twice.your pal should re-evaluate his thoughts and think deeply on whether he really wants the lady or not.

I agree with you. Now he is stuck he does not know if the girl is doing this cos she wants him to decide what he wants or if she's done and just playing him. He wants her but i know her past plays on his mind. He is trying to let go. She is not helping though. She flirted with a guy on twitter after they broke up and it is making him conclude.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 1:14pm On Mar 10, 2015
Cutehector:
if she still loved him den she would hav forgvn him a long tym agao

True talk. I told him a one month relationship cannot sustain long distance especially with a sexually active girl. She is used to sleeping with guys and it not working out so you have no real hold on her especially when your not there. So you really think she does not love him again? thats scary though cos i saw the pics and videos she sent him. Girls sha
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by stambouli: 1:27pm On Mar 10, 2015
Your pal still has reservations concerning the number of guyz the lady has been with and he always gets annoyed whenever he thinks about it.I doubt if he trusts the Lady. I think he should just let the lady go cos he is in London and she's in Nigeria ,they need trust to make it work and ur pal lacks trust in the lady
Chucks2015:


I agree with you. Now he is stuck he does not know if the girl is doing this cos she wants him to decide what he wants or if she's done and just playing him. He wants her but i know her past plays on his mind. He is trying to let go. She is not helping though. She flirted with a guy on twitter after they broke up and it is making him conclude.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Cutehector(m): 1:28pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


True talk. I told him a one month relationship cannot sustain long distance especially with a sexually active girl. She is used to sleeping with guys and it not working out so you have no real hold on her especially when your not there. So you really think she does not love him again? thats scary though cos i saw the pics and videos she sent him. Girls sha
feelings die u knw. Well as for d pics and videos grin, is it adult content?
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 1:31pm On Mar 10, 2015
stambouli:
Your pal still has reservations concerning the number of guyz the lady has been with and he always gets annoyed whenever he thinks about it.I doubt if he trusts the Lady. I think he should just let the lady go cos he is in London and she's in Nigeria ,they need trust to make it work and ur pal lacks trust in the lady

You know I believe trust is built or earned personally. I dont he trusts her fully either. Also is 7 a lot for a girl of 23 yrs?
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 1:32pm On Mar 10, 2015
Cutehector:
feelings die u knw. Well as for d pics and videos grin, is it adult content?

Lmao i know they do. But that fast? lol na everything o. Adult to her actually professing her love
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Cutehector(m): 1:36pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


Lmao i know they do. But that fast? lol na everything o. Adult to her actually professing her love
erm maybe like u said, she might hav found anoda guy. So I advice he should move on.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Rexhenrex(m): 1:46pm On Mar 10, 2015
sowie to say this,but the gurl is a player and never loved the guy,he better find someone else.if u are in a relationship where by you always beg the other party and the never admit being wrong then u are no longer in a relationship rather in a fellowship of the other party because the love is one sided,tell him to moveon.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by stambouli: 1:50pm On Mar 10, 2015
I won't deceive u,personally,7 is too much,I won't take it.she was sexually very active before she met ur pal and it may not be easy staying away from sex for a long time.as far as I am concerned,I won't commit to a long distance relationship with someone that has slept with 7+ men.
Chucks2015:


You know I believe trust is built or earned personally. I dont he trusts her fully either. Also is 7 a lot for a girl of 23 yrs?
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 1:52pm On Mar 10, 2015
Rexhenrex:
sowie to say this,but the gurl is a player and never loved the guy,he better find someone else.if u are in a relationship where by you always beg the other party and the never admit being wrong then u are no longer in a relationship rather in a fellowship of the other party because the love is one sided,tell him to moveon.

Nah i dont think thats what it is. My guy did take the piss alot. She begged him alot at the beginning. Especially on issues that cannot be resolved. Like her past. She even let him meet her parents and she did vice versa. Her intentions were good imo. But i think my guys wahala got to her hence are change. Now yes the guy has over compensated by constantly trying to get her to come around but he has to move on
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by In4matic: 2:18pm On Mar 10, 2015
My friend Wether its you or your Friend that this is happening to need to grow up because the man herein is still a boy. Unsafe unattractive and a loser. So what if she has dated twelve guys? What is he currently doing with her? Even if guys hit on Her doesn't that mean she is attractive? Or would he b content to date a woman no other man wants? I bet he won't.
She agreed to date him despite the number of real men asking her out only to discover she settled for a child!
He better not call her for d next month while he works on growing up and mastering his emotions , also give her time to miss him. And no she is not dating anyone else she'd have told him CLEARLY or dropped a very obvious hint
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 2:26pm On Mar 10, 2015
In4matic:
My friend Wether its you or your Friend that this is happening to need to grow up because the man herein is still a boy. Unsafe unattractive and a loser. So what if she has dated twelve guys? What is he currently doing with her? Even if guys hit on Her doesn't that mean she is attractive? Or would he b content to date a woman no other man wants? I bet he won't.
She agreed to date him despite the number of real men asking her out only to discover she settled for a child!
He better not call her for d next month while he works on growing up and mastering his emotions , also give her time to miss him. And no she is not dating anyone else she'd have told him CLEARLY or dropped a very obvious hint

lol thats a different opinion. Mastering of emotions is something he clearly needs to do cos he cant keep been indecisive. However i feel he can be uncomfortable with her number. the problem is him letting her know. As for calling him a loser and unattractive. He is still got the girl remember. How can u be sure she is not dating anyone? Like women dont lie or deceive. I think she is but she is keeping him there cos of his "potential". but we can never know. He did ask and she said No. but didnt expect a yes anyway, her behaviour alone rigs of it imo
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 2:41pm On Mar 10, 2015
Guys i have spoken to him and what he really wants to know is if her attitude is just her making a point that you cannot just break up with her anytime like that or is she moving on. She saying they should break up till he comes back
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by klark3: 2:48pm On Mar 10, 2015
Op u really need to help ur guy. He's in love, he doesn't know what he's doing presently, trust me he will cry when he eventually realize this moment. d only way to stop him is to constantly foil any of his plan to call d girl. He has already traded his respect as a man for love, I know it's gonna be hard for him, but try your possible best to stop him, let him end everything, d girl is just playing on his emotions, & most importantly, he should never accept her back again.

Love sha...
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 2:53pm On Mar 10, 2015
klark3:
Op u really need to help ur guy. He's in love, he doesn't know what he's doing presently, trust me he will cry when he eventually realize this moment. d only way to stop him is to constantly foil any of his plan to call d girl. He has already traded his respect as a man for love, I know it's gonna be hard for him, but try your possible best to stop him, let him end everything, d girl is just playing on his emotions, & most importantly, he should never accept her back again.

Love sha...

Wow u really think so? What has he done thats so bad? He broke up with her twice remember?
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by klark3: 3:00pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:
Guys i have spoken to him and what he really wants to know is if her attitude is just her making a point that you cannot just break up with her anytime like that or is she moving on. She saying they should break up till he comes back
d girl has moved on, she is just taking ur guy for a fool, or probably as plan b. Presently ur guy is weak, he has been incapacitated by love, u're d only one dat help him end this folly. Ur guy cannot face d pain of breaking out alone, he needs encouragement, that's why he ends up calling her, breaking out of love isn't easy. Blackett has already explained everything, just apply his advise.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Chucks2015: 3:13pm On Mar 10, 2015
klark3:

d girl has moved on, she is just taking ur guy for a fool, or probably as plan b. Presently ur guy is weak, he has been incapacitated by love, u're d only one dat help him end this folly. Ur guy cannot face d pain of breaking out alone, he needs encouragement, that's why he ends up calling her, breaking out of love isn't easy. Blackett has already explained everything, just apply his advise.

I am just seeing blackett advise but it makes sense sha.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Nobody: 3:24pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


I am just seeing blackett advise but it makes sense sha.
Re-send here bro. x59000@gmx.com
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by sinizia: 3:27pm On Mar 10, 2015
The relationship was doomed to fail from the onset.

They should move the fùck on already. This ain't love.
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by Nobody: 4:30pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


True talk. I told him a one month relationship cannot sustain long distance especially with a sexually active girl. She is used to sleeping with guys and it not working out so you have no real hold on her especially when your not there. So you really think she does not love him again? thats scary though cos i saw the pics and videos she sent him. Girls sha

its so sad that nowadays good guys end up wit bad girls nd vise versa. d babe is not sure of him due to his on nd off attitude so in other not to waste time shez moved on coz she sees ur friend is unserious nd immature.

ur friend should take time to decide on wat he wants in a lady nd work towards it. not all that glitters is gold. if he can rule out d issue of revealing his residence to a decent lady wen next he comes to nigeria nd start out wit being friends first nd studying her behavior witin few weeks of his stay before making it official. he shuld carry out personal background checks nd see her reactions to situations.

every matured guy and lady have past experiences even ur friend thats judging her coz of being wit 7 guys is not a saint either.the truth is a very bitter pill to swallow. for d babe to av sincerely told u d truth is enof sincerety on her part afterall ur friend asked about it nd after hearing d truth he started acting funny.


dnt judge people from the outside coz u dnt know wat they av been tru nd survived.some bad experiences changes some people.

ur friend shuld just let go of d girl nd work on himself before trying again
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by In4matic: 6:32pm On Mar 10, 2015
Chucks2015:


lol thats a different opinion. Mastering of emotions is something he clearly needs to do cos he cant keep been indecisive. However i feel he can be uncomfortable with her number. the problem is him letting her know. As for calling him a loser and unattractive. He is still got the girl remember. How can u be sure she is not dating anyone? Like women dont lie or deceive. I think she is but she is keeping him there cos of his "potential". but we can never know. He did ask and she said No. but didnt expect a yes anyway, her behaviour alone rigs of it imo

Hellooo . So please tell us how many girls have u slept with? Can u really remember, honestly? Except you and your guy are still lads then I'll Understand your naivety. My guy, is either she has done it before or she has not. The number is inconsequential. Get used to it. Tell your guy he needs to get laid more, sow his wild oats. He's still unprepared For relationship hassles
Re: Should You Lose Your Ego To Win Her Back? by In4matic: 6:47pm On Mar 10, 2015
Potential you say. Hehehe . So because your friend lives in the U.K means he has potential. Does he stay with the royal family? Please wake up. If I were a girl, I'd prefer to date a guy earning 70k or less in Naija than one who is an immigrant in d UK

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