firstEVA:
oh cheating is a compulsory thing for the man?

It is not compulsory, but the ladies arent make it easy for us.

NemzySeries:

Ma guy dis is africa......ne b everybody read book abi na igbo man 4 village u wan go dey xplain will & nxt of kin to?......d woman simply nids help abeg.....long talk no dey cook rice

there is no where in a marriage will and agreement where it says one has to put his spouse as the next of kin.as you said no be everybody read book, even if she has her name as next of kin the village man go gree?

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

your Children suppose be the next of kin not you or his brother lecture him before is too late.

I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

You have the answer to your question already.


But please, on no condition should you ask him about. Na beg I dey beg you.
I believe the date on the form preceed your marriage and you haven't told us if you have any issue yet. I believe he will make amend at the appropriate time.
But if you doubt me, just talk to him about it.
This is an advice I can give to my sister.

tete7000:


I am not a pessimist, I always maintain optimism. Thus far my optimism has attracted good things and good godly people I can trust into my life. Even if I die, I believe what will happen afterwards will remain good. My life - my past, my present and my future remain ever in God's hand. Marriage is created by God for two to become one and I see it ever like that. I can't be wiser than God!

fair enough.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

if I am to choose my next of kin, I think I will choose my Junior ones if I am not married or my children if I am married but as for my will I will include my wife. u can't be his next of kin and also the one in his will. Just know it like that k. but u still gat to have a heart to heart talk with him k

In igboland , we dnt judge any case until we hear from both parties involved. Oya tell u husband to tell NL his own view b4 i mek my final decision

You stumbled on it abi? Something is telling me that if your name had been on the will you'd kill your husband before his time; afterall you don't have a child for him yet. Desperate women!

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Kill him and his younger brother. Cook for them and poison it. That way you have all the inheritance

NIGERIAN MEN BE LIKE:
.
.
.
.
MEN: why do you insist in being my next of kin?
.
WOMEN: so that i will be the one to be trusted of all our properties incase SOMETHING happens
.
MEN: what!!! SOMETHING happens?, So you want to kill me so that you will take all my properties abi? (which properties? Maybe they are living in a rented/shared flat) Continuuuu

fonzie2u:
Most women can be very annoying, even if they have kids the man has his reasons best known to him,contributors may have listed his reasons on the thread. She claims to have contributed 60% Take a true life scenario that happened to me:

Scenario 1

ME: Police stopped me ooh, they wanna arrest me for no reason

GF/Wife: You too, what did u do, when u never sit@home and u sneak out, settle them.


Scenario 2

Me: Police stopped me ooh,they wanna arrest me for no reason.

Brother: How come?, Calm down,which area?you know its Xmas season. I am on my Way let me call my lawyer friend. They will know there laws in this country.

Its all who will be there for us in time of need

Trust between you couples is infinitesimal. Check out what you have done to him. And don't give up.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Britney, I am married and my wife is my next of kin. However, there are reason why some men make their brothers their next of kin and, in some instances this is excusable. Below are possible scenarios where a man would make his brother a next of kin.
1. Tradition: In our part of the (I assume your husband is from the southwest, southeast, south-south of Nigeria) tradition its is expected that the man's interest will best be protected by a member of the family. It is also assumed that the brother is the closest part of the nuclear family and is therefore in the best position to keep the "family name" in the event of the demise of the brother. This is actually a baseless tradition.
2. Circumstances: If you have the luck (or a lack of it) of marrying a treacherous woman, who does not share true family ideals and who does appreciate the value of working as a team with you, you will most like not want to have her as next of kin. It can also be vice versa.
3. Friends: It is also possible that your the company a man keeps could influence his attitude and posture when it comes to who his next of kin would be. He may be getting insinuations from friends who are advising him wrongly. It is unfortunate, that some of us allow others to tell us about the ones we should know better.
My suggestion: My take on this is that you need to thread cautiously. A lot is involved in this situation that you should weigh carefully before taking the decision to confront him or hold your own. I know that a lot will be running through your mind at this point-you may be thinking of your children (if any), yourself and tomorrow. But I will advise that you try to hold your own. It will be easy if you have a means of earning an income. Three things are clear...
1.There is a need for you keep your marriage safe and sane (If the conditions are right and there is no threat to life or livelihood)
2.There is need for you to keep something aside for your future. Actually even if you were your husbands next of kin, you would still need to keep something aside for yourself and kids because life itself is uncertain. I encourage my wife to do the same and I do not pry into her income or savings...that is her privacy.
3.It will matter how you handle the situation as it will affect your relationship with your husband. Again, you have to thread carefully. There is a lot on my mind and I could talk more if I were to speak one-on-one with you. I WISH YOU THE BEST!

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Madam try and get a personal account even if you are the next of kin. Its a way of rewarding yourself for your labour

@BritneyStacy
Its a serious matter, how is ur rship wt ur husband? Do u hv access to evrytn (phone,ATMs,...),if u dont, den I think u hv 2 bgin serious prayer & dscusns.

Let d lord help u

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

were those docs drawn up while he was still single. a lot of peeps use siblings as next of kin while single and forget to change it (to wife or kids) when married. My company reminds us about this and its consequence.

Note that it is the same with Nigerian women who use siblings as next of kin while single and forget to change it (to hubby or kids) when married.

What of people like me that don't know my status? I have never thought of this ooo! Smh@husband.

Dyt:
Hmmnmnn

If I say anything now, they will call me names

But sorry o woman
U are very dumb
Lived n living all ur life for a man, even without seeing his will u shld have made smth for ursef, well welcome to the real world

There is nothing wrong in living all her life for a man...."All men are not the same"

femi4:
There is nothing wrong in living all her life for a man...."All men are not the same"

Yimu
Wontu tele mi debi

wait so you mean to tell me that just a year after your marriage you want to be next of kin? am starting to believe you married him for his money. sweety marrying someone isn't an automatic ticket to being next of kin, it is a matter of choice! just the same way he can will everything to someone else. would it be out of place if a husband isnt his wife's next of kin? the answer is no! lastly the sooner you learn that marriage works better when you keep your issues in house, the better for you. except you are suffering from ASD(Attention Seeking Disorder)


i got the below post from your thread of last year https://www.nairaland.com/1838365/suggestions-new-marriage

BritneyStacy:
Am 24yrs old and just married for 3months in marriage. Married to a nice dude, godly aand very homely. Am proud to say his type is rare. He is not perfect, he has his flaws just like I do(I can be very annoying) but that's wat makes us imperfect. I need decent and very responsible suggestions like you would give a sister or friend on how to solve or manage this problem. Bobo doesn't last in bed. Since we married even on the wedding night, he doesn't last more than 3mins. Am worried. Once he releases, he will cuddle me and den sleeps off with me in his arms. I feel bad discuSsing the issue with him again and again because each time I bringup the issue, I could see the shame and shyness written all over his face. I hate seeing him feel like he is not a man. I understand he is still new in it as I was the first girl he has ever had sex with(one reason am proud of him tho I wasn't a virgin when I met and he knew). We had sex just 3times through out our 1yr 9mnths relationship and I wasnot worried because I was happy to be in a relationship that wasn't so sexual yet we could still see how much we loved and adored each other. How do I get him to improve his Perfomance without jeopardising my marriage? Am beginning to loose interest in sex andjust be satisfied with his romance because he is good at that. But then I wonder, how long will I have to cope with that? SUGGESTIONS PLZ

Dyt:


Yimu
Wontu tele mi debi

Igba wo le join egbe "ki loko o se?"

femi4:
Igba wo le join egbe "ki loko o se?"

Well
Aiye ti di olaju

Dyt:
Hmmnmnn

If I say anything now, they will call me names

But sorry o woman
U are very dumb
Lived n living all ur life for a man, even without seeing his will u shld have made smth for ursef, well welcome to the real world

Oh Dyt, I fear for whomever marries you...are you a victim of some man's maltreatment? I've never read any constructive advice from you in such situations. May God work on your psyche!

Justfollowit:



Someone is trying to be philosophical. He is not going to give it to his dear wife after her sacrifice. I pray you experience the same thing if you had partnered with someone with in good faith and confidence that the person would do right by you. Sorry, it is not a curse and this issue is not about husband and wife. It is about what is just and fair.

If you had carefully read my post you would have realised that I based my opinion on what she claimed to have contributed. However you automatically assumed because she is a woman.

'Nigerian' woman.........and pls never play the 'discrimination against women' card,you only gather pity but never respect.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Dear Ops,

Next of kin is just an Administrator. Try to confirm main beneficiary.

Do you have kids ?

It is possible that he has done that before you guys married. The pension for instance.

Please revert.

If you listen to most single ladies here and their advises, you will ruin your home.

Talk and discuss with your husband.
Don't let any unhappy Lady make you unhappy in your home through their dirty suggestions.

jasper7:
When I read through, Some questions just come to my head.

Please make out time to answer.

How long have you been married?

Do you have kids?

What is your husband's relationship with your family?

How is your relationship with your husband's family?

How is your relationship with your husband? are you frustrating his life?


I think the first thing on every man's mind is the security of his children, not you. am sorry, but that's the truth.


A man will not leave all he has for a woman who he is not sure will take care of all his family. this includes his mothers and brothers.
he might see you too selfish.

If he is silently frustrated and dying inside the marriage, he won't leave everything for you
Maybe because you have a good thing going for you, probably you earn more than him, he doesn't see the use of the pension to you. It's just pension money. yours can be much more than his own.

But in other case, please discuss this with him o. communication is key in relationship. if you bottle this up, secreta and worms will start eating up your marriage. Discuas it with him, he might have an ill-adviced reason for doing it. and maybe you can point out the disadvantages in his decision. you might be surprised that he never thought about that angle. @britneystacy

Wow, king Solomon of ancient Hebrews is not dead

Having read the entire post (yes! I took my time and read every single comment), I have a new prayer point "God please I don't want a husband with a poor mentality".
If you die as a Man and your wife re marries. So what? Often times, most women never re marry but Men do and hell its ok.
Secondly, I can deduce that many people marry for the wrong reasons - if you do not trust your wife, or love your wife why marry her in the first place? If she changes after marriage y remain with her?
Thirdly, did u come to this life to fend for your siblings. If your wife is not important enough for you to entrust your wealth y did u marry her? I mean, unlike your brother, you had a choice and you picked her. That should count for something.
Assuming like she said she contributed to the House even if its 10% (for those who can't fathom that a woman can contribute more than a man) isn't she entitled to some benefit?
Even if she has no issue...if the man dies, won't he like his wife to have something from him after all, aren't they supposed to be one?
Marriage is not by force. If you can't find someone to trust and love, forget it.
The only justification for me is if those forms and will were made before marriage.

ITbomb:
Talk with him and discuss the implications which is that you will start your own savings, withdraw your pension contributions and start your investments.

Again the question, do you have a son?

Excuse me, must it be a son, what if he has a daughter? doesn't a daughter have a right to her father's property. the question should be Do you have a child?

BritneyStacy, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, its well.
this has 2 sides to it.

1. you are a supportive wife with lots of moral value, then he is wrong. Most of our men these days believe their siblings are their immediate family, I don't know why, but if this is the case abeg, start saving for your self and ur kids if you have any.
try talking to him but if he an egoistic man, your talk cant do a thing, once such men make up their mind, there is nothing anyone can do.
when did you guys get married?
if its not long, then maybe he is yet to change it from before marriage

2. you feel you are supportive but you are too extravagant, then he is doing what he feels is the best for his kids (that is if he and his brother wee brought up with so much love.

so where you belong will determine how you will handle it.

Do you have a child for the man?

kenonze:



To start saving from the husband salary or from hers?
Women are too fast. If she is sincere enough, no man will marry a wife to hurt her.

I disagree with the crossed statement...Sir, She is working I guess...by the way how can she be saving from her husband's salary??

oluwaisaac:

Oh Dyt, I fear for whomever marries you...are you a victim of some man's maltreatment? I've never read any constructive advice from you in such situations. May God work on your psyche!

Picks teeth
Licks finger, open Ur mouth let me put it


I haven't said nothing bad have I?
I only said she shld save
Oga oo, so she shld give him all her money abi?

Sorry to say I but u sound like a lazy man


Oya abuse me