chidyhels:
if only they will listen
God forbid i trade my happiness with a fine face. Of what benefit

What benefits do you feel obliged?

AAinEqGuinea:
Great topic @op

Speaking from a purely African American perspective because many AA women look like other shades of gorgeous black women around the planet. There's no big mystery there, different cultures but same black beauty.

I did the whole get a nice degree, well paying job, I workout, but currently I'm not completely happy until I get my own business going here in the States. How I see my job is I'm merely a rat running on someone else's wheel... and a poor choice of woman can derail entrepreneurial ambitions directly and indirectly. While direct subversion is easily spotted (damaging your business equipment, messing up your contacts, etc), indirect subversion is the most dangerous and many men feel obligated to play along (you should be saving, but feel compelled to take dinner dates, passively gifting her materialism, buying flashy clothes/gadgets to keep her impressed/interested, some men go further but yet are one paycheck away from being broke, then the girl be gone). I understand if you need these gadgets for a business. black nice looking women will look right past you unless you show signs of playing along, they're not remotely put on by your ambitions. IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM

Hot, or maybe not, women with degrees may show slightly more support for you, but they tend to see a big family, staying home, taking care of children, cooking meals, etc as a nightmare. They wanna be another rat running on the employment wheel too. It's as if you have to settle for a woman who's dumb or unnoticable. Black men call them "basic b1tches", a woman with a boring life. But the masses have told black women here that they're getting thicker and finer (and they are), which is turning otherwise basic women to egotistical ones, not caring about anyone else.

I'll just wait until the storm clears, fellow bachelor

Nice one bro.... Seems like you get the whole point....To be frank, Ego is the main reason that makes me think it's not smart to give most (if not all) of them your love, talkless of marriage..
Most beautiful women believe they are doing their spouse a favour by dating them and they always believe they can get better option... This is where the Egotism plays in and if one is not careful, one might end up being a dummy to them..
I don't need any beautiful woman to feel better about myself, to be sincere, I think most men that chase beautiful women for marriage have low self esteem....
I hope the storm clears quickly bro, but you might wanna try something else if you don't mind... ... Thanks for your contribution.....

hawlahethan:
op u r so on point......my siblings av green there b4 so I gerrit

Thanks... You mind sharing?

chidyhels:
if only they will listen
God forbid i trade my happiness with a fine face. Of what benefit

Lol... No benefit just vain...

Boland:
Nice one bro.... Seems like you get the whole point....To be frank, Ego is the main reason that makes me think it's not smart to give most (if not all) of them your love, talkless of marriage..
Most beautiful women believe they are doing their spouse a favour by dating them and they always believe they can get better option... This is where the Egotism plays in and if one is not careful, one might end up being a dummy to them..
I don't need any beautiful woman to feel better about myself, to be sincere, I think most men that chase beautiful women for marriage have low self esteem....
I hope the storm clears quickly bro, but you might wanna try something else if you don't mind... ... Thanks for your contribution.....

you're a strong sermon right now, cast those demons outta here, Gospels according to Boland, and I'm zoned in. Glad you're seeing it as well.

@bold they have it in their minds of what a man is to them, likely shaped by how they were raised, but many women I like grew up in the slums or hood know that such lifestyles for cancerous. They dont see the long-term effects of the patriarchal, yet toxic qualities that think they need from a man. First its the bad boy image, the wetness women get from from seeing the spontaneous and criminal. I respect a smart criminal. When criminal, Nigerians tend to be smarter black criminals. These guys fit the description of your last bold sentence. They'll screw and have babies like crazy, like polygamous mad men, then off to prison or back the streets they go because they dont tend to see bigger picture. Secondly there's the SIMP who throws everything at a pretty but undeserving woman who brings nothing to the table. The Nice guys tend to be more of a SIMP to a pretty lady. She'll dispose of him (while likely cheating on him) because he's boring then its back on the hunt again for the next SIMP.

To me the nice guy SIMP had a better approach but I just don't feel the need to dump all my attention into a potential partner, my dad taught me men should be builders. By design everyone runs like a rat on rat-wheel, a low paying job or simply working for someone. I'm not teaching my offspring that the key to success is being someone elses running rat. So I'm waiting for a fellow beautiful darkie that also gets it... But ya know prophet Boland, how great of a story this is, a pretty and thick woman still dont a fvck. They won't. I've learned it's best to build yourself up, and don't be played like a fool in the long run

Until then I only have one bootycall, which is all I really need to wait out the storm, if it ever ends.

Nneka123:
Dear op! you just said your problem, and point of view of this issue, which i think it's not a bad thing.

so my question.

Are you saying beautiful girls ain't worth getting married to, cause they are just beaautiful and that's it!


So you're encouraging your fellow guys to marry an average girl, because they are worth it, right?

I'm not against you trying to portray this contention of yours. Every guy is free to marry any girl they want, but beautiful average,

whatsoever you call it. You can't make that choice for them.


BUT don't try to shun out the BEAUTIFUL girls, unless one did something awful to you. Let us know!! Thanks.

Awww you afraid guys will marry and leave you cuz you cute?
As long as you're not rude, AND STILL KNOW WHAT A WIFE DOES...that shouldn't be a problem.

AAinEqGuinea:
Great topic @op

Speaking from a purely African American perspective because many AA women look like other shades of gorgeous black women around the planet. There's no big mystery there, different cultures but same black beauty.

I did the whole get a nice degree, well paying job, I workout, but currently I'm not completely happy until I get my own business going here in the States. How I see my job is I'm merely a rat running on someone else's wheel... and a poor choice of woman can derail entrepreneurial ambitions directly and indirectly. While direct subversion is easily spotted (damaging your business equipment, messing up your contacts, etc), indirect subversion is the most dangerous and many men feel obligated to play along (you should be saving, but feel compelled to take dinner dates, passively gifting her materialism, buying flashy clothes/gadgets to keep her impressed/interested, some men go further but yet are one paycheck away from being broke, then the girl be gone). I understand if you need these gadgets for a business. black nice looking women will look right past you unless you show signs of playing along, they're not remotely put on by your ambitions. IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM

Hot, or maybe not, women with degrees may show slightly more support for you, but they tend to see a big family, staying home, taking care of children, cooking meals, etc as a nightmare. They wanna be another rat running on the employment wheel too. It's as if you have to settle for a woman who's dumb or unnoticable. Black men call them "basic b1tches", a woman with a boring life. But the masses have told black women here that they're getting thicker and finer (and they are), which is turning otherwise basic women to egotistical ones, not caring about anyone else.

I'll just wait until the storm clears, fellow bachelor

I thought I left a clone of myself somewhere who typed this.
You nailed it bruh.

AAinEqGuinea:


you're a strong sermon right now, cast those demons outta here, Gospels according to Boland, and I'm zoned in. Glad you're seeing it as well.

@bold they have it in their minds of what a man is to them, likely shaped by how they were raised, but many woman I like grew up in the slums or hood know that such lifestyles for aee cancerous. They dont see the long-term effects of the patriarchal, yet toxic qualities that think they need from a man. First its the bad boy image, the wetness women get from from seeing the spontaneous and criminal. I respect a smart criminal. When criminal, Nigerians tend to be smarter black criminals. These guys fit the description of your last bold sentence. They'll screw and have babies like crazy, like polygamous mad men, then off to prison or back the streets they go because they dont tend to see bigger picture. Secondly there's the SIMP who throws everything at a pretty but undeserving woman who brings nothing to the table. The Nice guys tend to be more of a SIMP to a pretty lady. She'll dispose of him (while likely cheating on him) because he's boring then its back on the hunt again for the next SIMP.

To me the nice guy SIMP had a better approach but I just don't feel the need to dump all my attention into a potential partner, my dad taught me men should be builders. By design everyone runs like a rat on rat-wheel, a low paying job or simply working for someone. I'm not teaching my offspring that the key to success is being someone elses running rat. So I'm waiting for a fellow beautiful darkie that also gets it... But ya know prophet Boland, how great of a story this is, a pretty and thick woman still dont a fvck. They won't. I've learned it's best to build yourself up, and don't be played like a fool in the long run

Until then I only have one bootycall, which is all I really need to wait out the storm, if it ever ends.

Nice one again from you and thanks for the complement... lol...
It is really good to build oneself up first, that's the main priority...
When you are built up, confident and mentally mature, I believe chasing a beautiful woman will be of no serious importance to you, all you will "need" and aim is a happy home...
Once again, thanks for your contributions...
Where are you based exactly bro?

@OP, it makes sense but I think there is a way you can handle a woman in such a way that you'll own her soul.
You just have to be a little dominant.

You just have to understand that women are a black hole of attention. They want all the attention they can get, even if it crushes other people. Problem is, every basic dude is always trying to give attention to a beautiful chick. You just need to let her know, even when you are already dating, that SHE is not your life's mission and that you are not like other guys who kill themselves for this love thing.

She must ALWAYS have the impression that although you enjoy her company immensely, but whenever she wants to leave, she shouldn't let the door hit her on the way out. Focus on you and just do your thing. She should understand that, if she is willing, you will be happy to cultivate her into being a better person (to suit your specs ofcourse). Don't show her any weakness. If you say dumb shiit like "I will die if you leave me", fawking stop right now. Yes I know she wants to hear it, but a 10 year old also wants to eat sweets all day.

She will eventually crave your attention (which you give to her in small doses when she behaves) until she becomes addicted to it. The only reason filet mignon is more exotic than rice & peas is because you don't eat it everyday. That's what you gotta make your attention to her.

The moment you define your relationship like you are always trying to compete for her or that you will kill yourself for her without her earning such an effort....you guessed it, she'll leave one day to get the ego boost of having some f00l "die" for her.


ANY woman can be tamed as such, no matter how she tries to act. I've done it so many times. This my essay is getting long, but I will share an example:

There was this cute girl I once dated who made a stupid threat one day that she would walk if I didn't call her more often. She told me how the other men she dated in the past called her about 10 times a day to check on her but she only wanted half of that from me. This she said along with leaky eyes and some typical female guilt tripping bullshite.
I interrupted her right there and I told her point blank "Looks like you're used to dating losers then. No man with a job or purpose has time to call anyone that many times a day. If that's what you need to feel fulfilled in a relationship, then this isn't gonna work out"

She was shocked. She probably tried that with some lesser-minded man one day and the guy started petting her and making stupid promises to "Try harder" and so was surprised that I wasn't interested in playing her crap.

She later apologized and started acting right and I even helped her become a better person by getting her involved in some hobbies to pass her time with herself so it's not like she can only have fun when receiving attention.

This is the way a man defines his relationship with ANY woman no matter how she looks.

One thing led to another though and I had to end the relationship, but till this day we are friends and she still calls to check up on me.
If I wanted to, I could grab her from whoever it is she happens to be dating now because he's just another basic dude who doesn't understand how to handle women.

ebonflex:
@OP, it makes sense but I think there is a way you can handle a woman in such a way that you'll own her soul.
You just have to be a little dominant.

You just have to understand that women are a black hole of attention. They want all the attention they can get, even if it crushes other people. Problem is, every basic dude is always trying to give attention to a beautiful chick. You just need to let her know, even when you are already dating, that SHE is not your life's mission and that you are not like other guys who kill themselves for this love thing.

She must ALWAYS have the impression that although you enjoy her company immensely, but whenever she wants to leave, she shouldn't let the door hit her on the way out. Focus on you and just do your thing. She should understand that, if she is willing, you will be happy to cultivate her into being a better person (to suit your specs ofcourse). Don't show her any weakness. If you say dumb shiit like "I will die if you leave me", fawking stop right now. Yes I know she wants to hear it, but a 10 year old also wants to eat sweets all day.

She will eventually crave your attention (which you give to her in small doses when she behaves) until she becomes addicted to it. The only reason filet mignon is more exotic than rice & peas is because you don't eat it everyday. That's what you gotta make your attention to her.

The moment you define your relationship like you are always trying to compete for her or that you will kill yourself for her without her earning such an effort....you guessed it, she'll leave one day to get the ego boost of having some f00l "die" for her.


ANY woman can be tamed as such, no matter how she tries to act. I've done it so many times. This my essay is getting long, but I will share an example:

There was this cute girl I dated who made a stupid threat that she would walk if I didn't call her more often. She told me how the other men she dated in the past called her about 10 times a day to check on her but she only wanted half that. This she said along with some typical female guilt tripping bullshite.
I interrupted her right there and I told her point blank "Looks like you're used to dating losers then. No man with a job or purpose has time to call anyone that many times a day. If that's what you need to feel fulfilled in a relationship, then this isn't gonna work out"

She was shocked. She probably tried that with some lesser-minded man one day and the guy started petting her and making stupid promises to "Try harder" and so was surprised that I wasn't interested in playing her crap.

She later apologized and started acting right and I even helped her become a better person by getting her involved in some hobbies to pass her time with herself so it's not like she can only have fun when receiving attention.

This is the way a man defines his relationship with ANY woman no matter how she looks.

One thing led to another though and I had to end the relationship, but till this day we are friends and she still calls to check up on me.

Great post right here... Really nice, I like the fact that you set some policies which is part of what I stated in the Op....
But why not walk away from all the "wahala" of getting involved with someone you will have to train before she gets it? Why not aim at a better woman that doesn't have huge Ego? That's why I'll keep saying that it's smart to go for the not so good looking ones..
Thanks for the contributions..

Boland:
Great post right here... Really nice, I like the fact that you set some policies which is part of what I stated in the Op....
But why not walk away from all the "wahala" of getting involved with someone you will have to train before she gets it, someone you will be watching closely if you are not being used? Why not aim at a better woman that doesn't have huge Ego. That's why I'll keep saying that it's smart to go for the not so good looking ones? It is as simple as that...
Thanks for the contributions..

My guy, you will be surprised to find that even less attractive women could give you their own kind of wahala these days.

See, society today and the media has put it in the mind of every woman that she has to look a certain way or nothing for her.
Yes on one side of the spectrum, fine chicks heads' become big and you have to work on correcting their ego (which is no problem for someone like me).
But on the other side of the spectrum, average or not so fine chics may have this latent low self esteem, whereby they then become clingy and utterly insecure. If you've ever dated an overly clingy girl, you'll know that it's not worth it bruh. It's the equivalent of the man that calls a girl 10 times a day and gets angry if "you can't talk right now because you actually have shiit to do". Random cheating accusations from nowhere, etc.

Removing the small percentage of women who just "come perfect", whether fine or not...
The majority demographics of both of these types of women need some form of work.
So I say, if I must work...then let the benefit be that she is at least fine after the whole wahala.

ebonflex:


Awww you afraid guys will marry and leave you cuz you cute?
As long as you're not rude, AND STILL KNOW WHAT A WIFE DOES...that shouldn't be a problem.

I'm not afraid of anything, and

there is no way the post of the op exasperated me. This is just me saying what i feel. He initially opposed that marrying "Average girls" (I

have no idea who the averages are ) is a good and a wise decision for you "gUYS" Because the "pretty ones" are just there, and got

nothing to offer cause of their ego

Nneka123:
I'm not afraid of anything, and

there is no way the post of the op exasperated me. This is just me saying what i feel. He initially opposed that marrying "Average girls" (I

have no idea who the averages are ) is a good and a wise decision for you "gUYS" Because the "pretty ones" are just there, and got

nothing to offer cause of their ego

Well gurl, marriage ain't about whether you fine or not, but whether you know what to do in a marriage.
Women these days are losing touch with what it means to be wives.

As a man, even though I cook, nobody needs to tell me before I take pride in providing for my family no matter who is angry at me that day.
As a woman, even though you work, do you feel you need to be forced or bargained with before you make sure there's good food and everyone is well fed?

It is the answer to these questions and more that determine whether ANY woman is worth the ring.
It ain't for girls.

ebonflex:


My guy, you will be surprised to find that even less attractive women could give you their own kind of wahala these days.

See, society today and the media has put it in the mind of every woman that she has to look a certain way or nothing for her.
Yes on one side of the spectrum, fine chicks heads' become big and you have to work on correcting their ego (which is no problem for someone like me).
But on the other side of the spectrum, average or not so fine chics may have this latent low self esteem, whereby they then become clingy and utterly insecure. If you've ever dated an overly clingy girl, you'll know that it's not worth it bruh. It's the equivalent of the man that calls a girl 10 times a day and gets angry if "you can't talk right now because you actually have shiit to do". Random cheating accusations from nowhere, etc.

Removing the small percentage of women who just "come perfect", whether fine or not...
The majority demographics of both of these types of women need some form of work.
So I say, if I must work...then let the benefit be that she is at least fine after the whole wahala.

Hmm... I know there are Average looking ladies with bad characters too but they tend to calm down when they face reality (if you know what I mean).
To me Ego is very bad in a relationship cos that's where the problem always start and I believe a lady with low self esteem is better off because one can boost a low self unlike Ego that is not easy to control... I get your point bro.. Thanks..

Hello people, If u av access to well funded local naija cheques, contact me lets make money, +2348035801090,whatsapp

Instead of "beautiful", I'd rather use the words, "attractive" or "attention-prone" ladies. Generally, fair and averagely curved ladies easily fit into this shade.

I perfectly understand the op's point of view. Now, with experience, these ladies will constantly keep you on your toes, so no one snatch her from you. You're likely to be compared with other men, whether consciously or unconsciously by the lady. You must be "sweet-mouthed". You just have to keep up on all fronts. You're likely to feel insecured. In their world, everything you do must be about them.

Most stunning ladies I've seen get married very fast to a man they barely know, but a smooth talker, handsome and loaded! The man certainly, most times, tends to wanna pay her back in her own coin, for making him pass through all that stress before he married her.

To everyone his own.

Like I said, this is from my own observation, experience and perspective.

Femsyn:
Instead of "beautiful", I'd rather use "attractive", "attention-prone" ladies. Generally, fair and average curved ladies easily fit into this shade.

I perfectly understand the op's point of view. Now, with experience, these ladies will constantly keep you on your toes, so no one snatch her from you. You're likely to be compared with other men, whether consciously or unconsciously by the lady. You must be "sweet-mouthed". You just have to keep up on all fronts. You're likely to feel insecured. In their world, everything you do must be about them.

Most stunning ladies I've seen get married very fast to a man they barely know, but a smooth talker, handsome and loaded! The man certainly, most times, tends to wanna pay her back in her own coin, for making him pass through all that stress before he married her.

To everyone his own.

Like I said, this is from my own observation, experience and perspective.

Well delivered...

@ebonflex.


Man...You're killing this thread! I couldn't just quote all your posts, but really they are all superb, pragmatic and well informed.

@Boland

Very nice thread. I totally get your point and I think every true man would get your point too, It baffles me as to why some men would come on here to say the decision not to marry a "beautiful" woman is based on the man's inferiority complex - It's not, it has nothing to do with inferiority complex, it's actually a very objective and logical way of reasoning, because let's face it, the general belief with most or very many "beautiful" women is that the 9planets literally revolve around them.

As a guy no matter how put together and upwardly mobile you are, you can't deal with that kinda of a woman except you really put it in some drastic measures, some of which were prescribed by ebonflex, but not all men are emotionally toughened for that.

This however is not to say, a man should limit himself and his desires, it's everyman's desire to marry a woman who falls under the caption "Allure of the eyes".. He walks into a room with her and his ego goes up by 50,000watts because he sees other guys starring at him with the " guy you don hammer look"...... But would you trade that for peace of mind?.

Would you rather marry a super gorgeous lady who thinks that because of her beauty, you should lick her ass with the attention deserving only for gods or would you rather marry a not so beautiful lady who you mean the world to and who respects and reciprocates all your care and attention.


The balance to this post is this : Ultimately marry a lady (beautiful or not) with an amazing character, who is humble, loving, caring, and all other good stuff - There are super beautiful ladies who have such characters, but hey logically comparing the number to those who don't have such.... The answer is obvious.

InZA:
@ebonflex.


Man...You're killing this thread! I couldn't just quote all your posts, but really they are all superb, pragmatic and well informed.

@Boland

Very nice thread. I totally get your point and I think every true man would get your point too, It baffles me as to why some men would come on here to say the decision not to marry a "beautiful" woman is based on the man's inferiority complex - It's not, it has nothing to do with inferiority complex, it's actually a very objective and logical way of reasoning, because let's face it, the general belief with most or very many "beautiful" women is that the 9planets literally revolve around them.

As a guy no matter how put together and upwardly mobile you are, you can't deal with that kinda of a woman except you really put it in some drastic measures, some of which were prescribed by ebonflex, but not all men are emotionally toughened for that.

This however is not to say, a man should limit himself and his desires, it's everyman's desire to marry a woman who falls under the caption "Allure of the eyes".. He walks into a room with her and his ego goes up by 50,000watts because he sees other guys starring at him with the " guy you don hammer look"...... But would you trade that for peace of mind?.

Would you rather marry a super gorgeous lady who thinks that because of her beauty, you should lick her ass with the attention deserving only for gods or would you rather marry a not so beautiful lady who you mean the world to and who respects and reciprocates all your care and attention.


The balance to this post is this : Ultimately marry a lady (beautiful or not) with an amazing character, who is humble, loving, caring, and all other good stuff - There are super beautiful ladies who have such characters, but hey logically comparing the number to those who don't have such.... The answer is obvious.

Excellent point you've just made... I wish you've commented on the first page...
Maybe some folks didn't understand what I meant by "Smart"..
It is very logical to marry a not so attractive woman rather than an attractive woman... Like you said it is obvious that the number of attractive women that have good characters are fewer than the not so attractive.
Even if an attractive woman has all the good characters, if care is not taken, it may get to a point where the beauty gets to her head and she will misbehave, it's not that I'm blaming them, it is what it is...
I'm sure that had it been Obama married an attractive woman, he wouldn't have become the president of the United States... Thanks for the contribution bro...

ebonflex:


I thought I left a clone of myself somewhere who typed this.
You nailed it bruh.

Yeah... He nailed it...

Nah! I totally disagree. Okay, some beautiful girls seem to go a little over the edge but not all. And then, why should i because of the statistics of a few random beauties out there deprive myself of one of the best things in life...a beautiful woman? C'mon, gimme a beauty anyday with a good character and a homely disposition, il marry her and we'll be fine. I can handle my woman. Whats to fear about another guy out there? I think its cowardise when you fear the attention your woman attracts or the stares she gets when she's outside... I'd be filled with pride instead, why? Cos i trust my girl. Thats me though and thats why i love em smashing and drop dead gorgeous. #nothingToFear

PaulCI:
Nah! I totally disagree. Okay, some beautiful girls seem to go a little over the edge but not all. And then, why should i because of the statistics of a few random beauties out there deprive myself of one of the best things in life...a beautiful woman? C'mon, gimme a beauty anyday with a good character and a homely disposition, il marry her and we'll be fine. I can handle my woman. Whats to fear about another guy out there? I think its cowardise when you fear the attention your woman attracts or the stares she gets when she's outside... I'd be filled with pride instead, why? Cos i trust my girl. Thats me though and thats why i love em smashing and drop dead gorgeous. #nothingToFear

No one is saying all beautiful/attractive ladies are the same..
Attractive ladies tend to come with a lot of problem if they aren't getting their way with you. Like when she sees her friends with expensive stuffs from their hubby, she nags about that to you believing that since she's beautiful she deserves even more... That is how most of them are programmed..
Don't get me wrong, some are not like that but a good number of attractive ladies are ....
This is simple logic bro, this ain't cowardice or anything of such.... Trust me, that gorgeous lady may turn to a nightmare for one in marriage if care is not taken

chidyhels:
if only they will listen
God forbid i trade my happiness with a fine face. Of what benefit

Oh good to see you here...went to the shrine and you werent there. How about the jazz? This one isnt working either...im still losing my happiness for the fine face. Your fine face. Do another one for me nah

Maybe men need to stop going for only what they see...

Nice thread.