@poster

you cant get the best advice from here

you may get sound advice though

and for what its worth here is one

the question in the exact manner you posed to us

ask her, thats the only way you will know

I don't see anything wrong with it. I am proud of you guys. The fact that she is not coming aound might be a good thing. I don't think it would have been easy to save it for "THE DAY" if she was always around and she might feel that same way. Ask her if that is her reasoning. It seems you guys are on the right path

@poster
you are the only one who knows what u're going thru.
and its not possible for u to tell us the full history of ur relationship

So i am glad you took a decision that's good for YOU. Since you are the one in this situation

Marriage is about meeting mutual needs and if this relationship is not meeting your fundamental need of two-way communication then why force it.

At least you have talked to her about it already and it has not changed abi


anyways we await PART2

Been out of town & out of internet connection. She came as promised and I made good my plans. We had a long talk & I re-affirmed my dissatisfaction on her mode of handling the relationship. I touched on so many areas that she is lacking. As usual she went on the defence. Finally, I told her I'm calling off the engagement since it didn't seem to me she wants it as much as I do and she is not ready to be committed to it. Initially she tot I was bluffing, but when it dawned on her I was serious her mood changed and tears filled her eyes. Did I tell u guys? My baby is so proud. She held back so hard to cry but no sooner she stepped outta my apartment than she started to wail. Today she's a bit repentant at least she tries to call or sms but nothing much has changed. I'm trying to start something new now and she is aware of that. She's begging I shouldn't leave her that we are meant to be together. I love her so much still but don't want to end up in an unhappy union. Pls my people what ya'll advice I do?

Bro,whats the problem?
If everything is ok,she'll switch off,you back out,she come s running with
tears streaming down her cheek.

Marriage is not by force o.
I used to think u need much more than love to sustain a marriage.
You need compatibility which I can tell if u relationship have at the moment.

She's a celibate to u,are you sure she aint doing it with someone else?

If a woman is not as enthusiatic as u are in a marriage union,it not worth it.

There are things you dont know about ur girl,u are simply rushing her into marriage.

Dont back off completely,u may need tosuspend the marriage,re evaluate everything,
its ur choice to be haapy in marriage
dont short change ursef.

There is lack of communication in this relationship,

She's just pretending as if she loves you! I don't think she really do!

Fianceee for that matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  rarely calls/visit, there's no reaction btw u guys! no matter what even if her job is demanding/long distance,  wetin happen! if a girl really do! hehehee! even thou na Osogbo u dey! she go come even thou na 1.00am she land your crip!

Alot of things is going wrong man! I think you should relax for sometime and take time to study her movement.

1 yr plus and she aint changing men,

If you really wanna settle down. I think you should start searching for another girl! I bet you she's aint feeling you! all those cries na Hullabaloo,

If she is a virgin and you guys decided not to have sex b4 marriage and she's acting like this OK considered!
but if she't not a VIRGIN and why waiting b4 marriage! I bet you she's doing it wit someone that is why she's not feeling you I bet you!

shit 

See I dey boiL!

There are many reasons one can suspect for her present attitude. But I would advice you not to jump into any premature conclusions until you solve the puzzle. First you can start by talking to her. Communication is very essential in every relationship. It brings both parties closer. Tell her how you feel about her and your plans for her. You said something like you're getting married in May. Talk about your unborn kids, your future and watch her reaction. If she changes, then you know you're making progress. If she doesn't, then you can seek advice from a professional; (like a marriage counsellor). It is also advisable to keep close tabs on her because she might be seeing someone else.

Is she a virgin? Yes she is and despite her travail in life she held tight to it. I respect her for that. However, my love for her wasn't based on the fact that she is untapped. I didn't get to know about it till 2months into the affair. Before I knew about her V state, normally I'd try to initiate sex whenever she comes around but she'd say NO! & I'd respect that. She was wary of telling me cos I once told her in one of our dates I didn't intend marrying a virgin. My point; my love happened so fast, wasn't 4her V. Never hav I felt such a surge of emotion in such a record time. It was the moment I saw her & it has never seized to grow stronger even with her funny demeanour. She swore she wasn't seeing any body. Said she didn't need to cos she believed in us. <ALL THAT MIGHT JUST BE STORY sha>. Funny enof, my aunty got a prophecy from her church she's the one for me. She's been told similar thing too. Also, in my bid to seek God's face concernin us, I was given d same prophecy. Does this prophecy thing work?

@Jiokeh

OK She is a Virgin 

Don't break up,  maybe she doesn't know how to handle things, do you know any of her friend? if so,  tell her friend about it so that she can talk to her for you how to handle men, ,

All goes,  Don't break up oooooooooooooooo 

@ Poster,


Look man, the prophecy thing does not work for everybody. Haba, your woman is so indifferent to almost evrything about your relationship and you are talking about prophecy. if it was meant to be then God wuld have confirmed it to you through her attitude. God is not the author of confusion. Open your eyes and dont just marry for love, you aint compatible at all. You dont want to end up with someone who does not reciprocate your love. I am in a relationship that is heading to marriage by december and believe me if i dont see my guy in a day, you will think i am ill. We so much want to be together all the time. We always walk hand in hand. Does it mean it has been without its own travails? No, we have ben thru thick and thin together and we have learnt to love each other , we worked on the relationship together. we were even told we aint gonna make it but time has proven all their prohecy wrong. If you are not crazy about the person you want to marry, then it aint worth it.

Jeez!, I've almost concluded that your beau is having a little TRYST on the side until I learnt she's a virgin. Boy!, and you want to dump her, because she doesn't show affection?! Why don't you, as you're on it, find out if she knows what affection is or how to show one for that matter. Does your ABSTINENCE inclde BONDING gestures like kisses and cuddles? Do you guys hold hands in public or you DAMMED YOUR EMOTIONS IN THE TURPOR OF ABSTINENCE?
Who made the CELIB8 rules?
See,guy, to each, his own. But I won't do a lotta things the way you're doing them. That woman, even if she denies it, is ONE SEETHING VOLCANO WAITING TO ERUPT,YOu must find a creative way of releasing this PENT UP ENERGY if you persist in staying celib8.Methinks this relationship is one HELL OF A BORING SPECTACLE. But you can wake her up. ITZ IN UR HANDS.She deserves a SECOND CHANCE

Thanks all for the heart-felt responses so far. The celibacy was her initiative & I consented to it. We needed to build our relationship/marriage right. I'm one guy dat's been there done that & hav told her all abt it. We smooch, kiss, there's public display of affection when the opportunity presents itself. I also kno she's a time bomb waitin to explode sexually but I don wanna take advantage of her weakness there. Funny enof, the relationship looks so good from the outside but on the inside, a lot is wrong. Someone did make a good point, "maybe she's ignorant on how to handle a relationship". Midway into the relationship when I wanted out due to her nonchalant behaviours as regards the us; this was before we got engaged, she admitted her ignorance on how to handle a relationship & pleaded I giv her time to learn. I advised her to talk to her married colleague at her work place. She agreed to but did she? I can't say. I worry about that cos a woman doesn't need to be tutored on that. Its a natural instinct.

LISTEN IF U HAVE EAR!

YOU MAY WISH TO DELAY SO YOU COULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER,

DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKEN OF QUITING BECAUSE YOU'RE BEEN OVER EMOTIONAL

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!

Is better u sit her down talk some sense into her because mst girls do behave anyhow.

What u have to do is to sit her down since u are not comfortable with her behaviour,then talk some sense into her.i believe with dat she will change.

@Poster,
Honestly, I dont think talking to her will change anything. From the way u write, u seems to like her a lot, even if she's had done something wrong to u, will u act the way shes is right now, considering how close it is to ur wedlock? Comon, a girl that is abt to get married and is serious abt it, will b in ur house almost all the time planning the occasion. Believe it or not, wedding days are the most important days of ladies; lives. I have 2 elder sis and they are both married, I know their state of minds 6 months to the dates. I dont think i hv seen them happier. If uu want to know, ask ur girl what she has been doing in preparing for the wedding and u might b surprised the answer will be nothing. Talk all u want, I dont think shes ready. Now dont get me wrong, not that she doesnt like u, it may just b shes not ready. Its left for u to find out which. Good luck, bro.

i think you made the right decision

there's no point going ahead if your needs in this relationship are not being met

i'm a little concerned that she was trying not to show her emotions in front of you
how do u build intimacy then
i realise some ppl are different but she can always find another way to express it so at least you know she's with you on the smae level.

just leave it as it is
the ball is in her court
if she wants u back, let her work for it
else ur future lies with someone else

by the way even prophecies need to be tested