Hi5 folks,

I got married sometimes last year.the first wedding night was not fun at all cos she was on her period and I only got to know on that wedding night. Meanwhile we ve never had sex before.

After few days we eventually had it and indeed she was a virgin.after much unsuccessful effort to make her like sex I got frustrated. Now we ve a baby she seems to ve added too many pounds and I am now unattracted to her sexually coupled with so many domestic flaws and the reluctance from her to be corrected. .how do I overcome this.

You problem is, you might be seeing other ladies or probably you womanize a lot. Before you marry her, didn't you notice all this or you date her today and you get wedded the next day!! Abeg..

I am no more marryn a virgin again, infact, she must hav five yrs experience in sexology

Como esta?

This mistake is strictly for those that fancy Virgins.......I dey test my product wella before buying o!!!

Cutehector:
I am no more marryn a virgin again, infact, she must hav five yrs experience in sexology

I see

Things like this happen, just live with it. Remember your vow.

Marriage is a prison which u chose whom to spend d rest of ur life with, so endure it..

PATIENCE

marriage ought to be enjoy and not endure...
you can help her adapt to these changes.....buy nice outfit for her which she will cherish....assist her with the chores and speak with her about it .....bring out some romantic ideas like taking her out on a date....just to bring the memory of the old days of what you saw in her before approaching her......you really have a great but small job to do to help her out if you really love her....
cheating on her will be a bad option

one olosho is calling your name. Don't answer o!

If u are loosing the excitement in ur marriage just join the vaseline crew.

To the virgins out there, the day you say I do, you've given up ur virginity. in marriage sex is one of the most important thing, it keeps the marriage going. if you're not ready for sex pls remain a virgin and don't marry.
op the lord is your strength , it's for better for worst. A life without sex is boring, a lot of evil thoughts comes to your mind but don't give in.

Seriously, communication is key in any relationship even marriage and of course there are different ways to do dat. Verbally with love ensuring the message is understood and appreciated, non verbally also by your actions.if u take out to places u like and want her to learn, if she's smart then she would get it, wen u buy clothes, do some things in d home and drop some comments obviously she will get the message but if u tink she isn't, then spell it out.
Now sex is another vitals in relationship, if I may ask if it was well discussed and talked about during ur courting then u shouldn't b having problems. Remember it takes two to enjoy d fun . So mayb u a guy who's sexually active and she's not yet known her stand on that( knowing if she likes it or not since u met her a virgin) then u need patience and make her love it , cos I know every sensible woman wants to please her man.and if she's on d low then u have to compromise for d now.
I know u sure have fantansies u wanna fulfill and u desire to explore.
But again I ask u, ow knowledgeable is she? Her background, trainings,exposure( u can b a virgin yet b a pro), so u got work to do and trust me when d boat is rocky its d both of u.
Buy her dresses u love her to wear, spoil her in ur own brand yet free. She will love u more for that. Its not easy being urself, a new mom, and a wife.u both are just starting, its an investment u reap in d future. Much said

A

Briee:
To the virgins out there, the day you say I do, you've given up ur virginity. in marriage sex is one of the most important thing, it keeps the marriage going. if you're not ready for sex pls remain a virgin and don't marry.
op the lord is your strength , it's for better for worst. A life without sex is boring, a lot of evil thoughts comes to your mind but don't give in.

dnt mind d Op jare......afta he haf taste d soup lick moutn...he's nw saying d soup no sweet.......he beta contunu licking d soup......cox it's a life tym pot of soup....did dey force hm 2 marry ni

now if u love her, its your duty to help her out



take her out for exercise, ensure she cooks with fat burners, give her some teachings n special treatment

she is your wife, make her your taste


Good luck

wow, so their r ladies who remains virgins till marriage. Wow, thats impressive, if ur a virgin, thumbs up, dont let anyone discourage u because they r not- jealous, being a virgin till marriage is good n d right thing to do.

Bck to d matter, not enjoying sex most times is a pyschological thing, not lack of experience or physical thing. So u ve to convince, or u guys visit a therapist, if she no gree, u will do it by force ni, coz its ur right.
most annoying part is her getting fat, let her know d gal u married was not fat, let her know u dont like it, make d house unbearable for her till she decides to start doin something abt it. Lastly, always pray.

From your writeup, it is obvious you never loved her. What you had was strong likeness(which is often dependent on certain conditions eg (her looks, sex appeal, actions etc) but the truth is this; you can't have perfect marriages. But your marriage is what you make it to be.

The question is this: what kind of marriage do you want? What is lacking now? What can you do to put those things that are lacking into your marriage?

The first thing to do, is to begin to change yourself with respect to your wife. It is quite glaring that you are more interested in the physical and the things that you want to see. You don't consider how own side.(That's likeness for you. It is always about what "I" want) who doesn't know that it is normal for a woman to put on weight after birth? Does that mean we should run away from our spouses? Certainly not. If you feel she's not exciting intimately, you can help her as a husband. Get her books that teach on such matters, speak to her about it, if you have an elderly couple that you confide in, speak to the wife about it. Afterall, you said she was a virgin so obviously she wasn't experienced in that aspect of life. The home she came from might have also miseducated her on issues bothering on intimacy so it may not be entirely her fault.

Like is selfish (always about what I want) love is sacrificial( what's best for us) why not begin to see things from her angle and look for solution rather than lose interest in her?

Btw, marriage is about what you are bringing into the other person's life to complete him or her. This is your chance to bring something. Don't lose it.


NB: no matter how hot and steamy a relationship may be at first, slowly the initial passion fades and if there's nothing else to take its place, then........................

kunlap:
Hi5 folks,
I got married sometimes last year.the first wedding night was not fun at all cos she was on her period and I only got to know on that wedding night. Meanwhile we ve never had sex before.

dude, if you have waited for so long to make love to her then a few more days shouldnt have been an issue, really.

After few days we eventually had it and indeed she was a virgin.after much unsuccessful effort to make her like sex I got frustrated. Now we ve a baby she seems to ve added too many pounds and I am now unattracted to her sexually coupled with so many domestic flaws and the reluctance from her to be corrected. .how do I overcome this.

1) pls do explain to us all what you did to make her like sex? or did you think that as long as the dikc enters, there must be pleasure automatically?
2) did you ever sit and talk to her about the issue that is bothering you?
3) maybe, just maybe, what you desire sexually is not what she does (and therefore you guys aint compatible in the bedroom)?
4) pls enlighten us all on the domestic flaws that you are talking about.
5) why do you automatically assume that she should be corrected? shouldnt you guys work as a team?
6) did you use to "correct" her easily before marriage, that you now expect her to be "corrected" after marriage?

Thanks folks for the feedback even those that are insulting.
Mrbrown raised some issues:

First what did I do to let her like sex?

I have been having long discussions about sex with her before and after our wedding. I told her I like sex ooo,she quickly told me her parental values instilled on her made her disliked sex so much such that she remained a virgin because she was scared of sex not necessarily because of any religious stuff.i told her she can overcome this gradually as we progress.
At first I begin to introduce her gradually and seriously it was difficult because she was practically running. Lol.i refer her to her elder sis who I called to consel her,we go online and swe read alot of discussions about sex and she gradually begin to pick up

The crux of the matter is that she has added so much weight and I am discussing with her because of her eating habit but she wont listen.she said its her body and she can do anything.
She cant cook alot of food and she dnt care even when I try to discuss with her.

lastly we had our baby 5th jan,2015.since then no show.

Thats her pix last year during our honey moon.

The second is earlier this month during our anniversary.

kunlap:
Thanks folks for the feedback even those that are insulting.
Mrbrown raised some issues:

First what did I do to let her like sex?

I have been having long discussions about sex with her before and after our wedding. I told her I like sex ooo,she quickly told me her parental values instilled on her made her disliked sex so much such that she remained a virgin because she was scared of sex not necessarily because of any religious stuff.i told her she can overcome this gradually as we progress.
At first I begin to introduce her gradually and seriously it was difficult because she was practically running. Lol.i refer her to her elder sis who I called to consel her,we go online and swe read alot of discussions about sex and she gradually begin to pick up

The crux of the matter is that she has added so much weight and I am discussing with her because of her eating habit but she wont listen.she said its her body and she can do anything.
She cant cook alot of food and she dnt care even when I try to discuss with her.

lastly we had our baby 5th jan,2015.since then no show.

Some women just don't know how to make their homes.They think when they marry,it is finished.
Why would you not want to work on your weight and won't even listen?
Op,is there someone your wife listens to?

kunlap:
Thanks folks for the feedback even those that are insulting.
Mrbrown raised some issues: First what did I do to let her like sex?

I have been having long discussions about sex with her before and after our wedding. I told her I like sex ooo,

i dont think long mathematical discussions, in order to tell her how much you like sex, is the way to go about this issue (this will only put unnecessary pressure on her). what i wanted to know is what did you physically do to make this lady feel comfortable around you, to relax and let herself go. obviously she is blocked somewhere and you havent been able to break that wall.

she quickly told me her parental values instilled on her made her disliked sex so much such that she remained a virgin because she was scared of sex not necessarily because of any religious stuff.

ok so, if she is scared of sex due to how she was brainwashed then it is your duty to reassure this lady and make sure that you show her the right way (if she doesnt trust you in the bedroom then you are going nowhere). this lady is sexually broken and you have to try to fix her. it actually starts in her mind though.
since you knew she was turned off by sex, how did you guys prepare for that big wedding night?
your first time should have been really slow and gentle, but as we know you were hor.ny as a bull, i doubt it was a pleasurable experience for her.

i told her she can overcome this gradually as we progress.

i think you were wrong here as she should have overcome this before you let yourself "in" her. you should have made everything right till this lady asks you to mount her. we all know that the first night is painful to most ladies and your job was to make her be positive about the

At first I begin to introduce her gradually and seriously it was difficult because she was practically running.

you failed to realise how big her issues were and thought it would be easy while it certainly aint. if she ran then either A) you didnt not prepare her well enough B) you were hurting her a great deal or C) this lady is simply not into your sexual practices..... or you.

i refer her to her elder sis who I called to consel her,we go online and swe read alot of discussions about sex and she gradually begin to pick up

Ay caramba!!!! how could you bring her family into this matter?! was she "that" close with her sister? was her sister not brought up in the same family unit that turned her into the zombie that she is today?

The crux of the matter is that she has added so much weight and I am discussing with her because of her eating habit but she wont listen.she said its her body and she can do anything. She cant cook alot of food and she dnt care even when I try to discuss with her.

most women put on weight after a baby, but their ability to lose it lays in their desire to still be attractive to themselves and/or their partner
if i was a woman, forced to have sex while i detest it, then i would probably do the same thing. she fully well knows that the uglier/fatter she is, the less she will have to perform her duties.

btw if you dont listen to her when she tells you that she doesnt want sex, why do you think she should when you tell her to eat less?

lastly we had our baby 5th jan,2015.since then no show.

kai!!!!

Bros, please take down the pictures. Not necessary @ all. All the best!

kunlap:
Thanks folks for the feedback even those that are insulting.
Mrbrown raised some issues:

First what did I do to let her like sex?

I have been having long discussions about sex with her before and after our wedding. I told her I like sex ooo,she quickly told me her parental values instilled on her made her disliked sex so much such that she remained a virgin because she was scared of sex not necessarily because of any religious stuff.i told her she can overcome this gradually as we progress.
At first I begin to introduce her gradually and seriously it was difficult because she was practically running. Lol.i refer her to her elder sis who I called to consel her,we go online and swe read alot of discussions about sex and she gradually begin to pick up

The crux of the matter is that she has added so much weight and I am discussing with her because of her eating habit but she wont listen.she said its her body and she can do anything.
She cant cook alot of food and she dnt care even when I try to discuss with her.

lastly we had our baby 5th jan,2015.since then no show.

kunlap:
Thanks folks for the feedback even those that are insulting.
Mrbrown raised some issues:

First what did I do to let her like sex?

I have been having long discussions about sex with her before and after our wedding. I told her I like sex ooo,she quickly told me her parental values instilled on her made her disliked sex so much such that she remained a virgin because she was scared of sex not necessarily because of any religious stuff.i told her she can overcome this gradually as we progress.
At first I begin to introduce her gradually and seriously it was difficult because she was practically running. Lol.i refer her to her elder sis who I called to consel her,we go online and swe read alot of discussions about sex and she gradually begin to pick up

The crux of the matter is that she has added so much weight and I am discussing with her because of her eating habit but she wont listen.she said its her body and she can do anything.
She cant cook alot of food and she dnt care even when I try to discuss with her.

lastly we had our baby 5th jan,2015.since then no show.

Did not see the after pix however women tend to add weight after childbirth and during breastfeeding. Encourage her to eat healthier and cook food healthier. Avoid/Cut down on oil (some foods might not require), frying, eating a lot of carb e.g. rice, yam, eba, semo, garri etc. She should eat a lot of protein and fruits when she is hungry (Breastfeeding especially exclusively tend to make women hungry)

@sex: You married her a virgin so you should prepare to work. unlearn all you previous sexacapes, learn what she likes and teach her what you like/want. You have extra work because she has confided in you that she doesnot like sex due to her upbringing. What she was taught for 20+ years will not fly away in one year. AS for the show, try again at the end of the month.

@domestics: Do you assist in the home? Is it overwhelming for her? She got preggers immediately after your wedding so you cannot even know who she really is sexwise and domestically.

For foods you love, have you tried teaching her yourself?

You both just have to start learning about yourselves (if that was not done during courtship)

It is well.

ronald4lif:
Tell her to eat less and get her enrol into an aerobic class. She has to burn down those pounds and return to her initial shape.

You should also change some of her wardrobe wears and replace them with attractive wears; leggings, mini gowns etc. You want her to be sexually attractive again you start by telling her so too. Not every woman is aware that she need to still be sexually appealing to their man even after marriage and birthing babies.

Lecture her what she's not doing right at the home front. She should be told that domestic chores is what a responsible woman do to keep the home cozy. And you must also assist in doing them. Don't just cross your legs watching football and expect her to do everything then come and serve you meal. If the baby cries you go check on him and if his diapers needs change you change them, clean the house too. The baby is yours as well and the responsibility to take care of him doesn't just stop by providing money. My 2cent.

I wish there was a love button . Are you a Nigerian man?

fem29:


I wish there was a love button . Are you a Nigerian man?

Fem what do u mean. We have great men in Naija who are all out for their families

amtheone:


Fem what do u mean. We have great men in Naija who are all out for their families

Hmm do you do stuff around the house, do you change your baby's nappy?

. . . . . .And who told you marriage is for excitement?

These NAIRALAND peeps act like they NEVER had parents!

when did having sex becomes a must in marriage?

I can marry for just good meal alone. and marry others for other things as well. that just me.