ireneidiva:

That needs to be discussed before marriage.

True

What if he backtracks after marriage?

What If he says yes yes and after I do change to no?

Ralphlauren:
what about dropping the kids off at a very good daycare center?

i do not understand all the noise about women unable to combine career with raising kids or giving up their career because of their kids.

being a 'stay-at-home' mum doesnt mean you will have the most intelligent kids on earth. Heck! I am surrounded by people with 1st class degrees with excellent jobs whose mothers all combined motherhood with their careers and they retired as executive directors, MDs of top companies.

having a very good job/impressive career if anything sets a good example for your kids. it shows you are successful, independent, motivated and hardworking

why would someone with a geology degree aspire for a teaching job under the guise of ''you want to raise your kids''? what happened to oil and gas firms? do you know you can work in the office and not on a rig with your degree? oil and gas jobs are actually the least stressful. by 4pm, the staff bus is waiting to drive everyone home.

why did you study geology in the first place? you must have known you were going to be a mother some day, so why didnt you just get a degree in education rather than putting yourself through the rigours of acquiring a degree in geology?

one day those kids will leave home. dont forget that. by age 12/13, they are off to boarding school. in sane countries, a 16yr old is classed an adult. by age 18, they are off to university. before you know it, they are married. so dont give up on your dreams/career because of them.

women, stop limiting yourselves!!

@ bold, that is a rather naive and presumptuous assertion.

Ralphlauren:


lmaoooooo

Okay oh

Yes naa like she said you must have been reading a different Ewuro

Teaching is a noble proffession o see the way you guys have finished teachers Who will teach the future geologists and engineers ABC first naa

However i agree that like nursing and other caring professions it should be a career you go into not because of money or the hours but because you genuinely have an interest or calling.Thats why some teachers suck at their job because they never had an interest but just went into it because of the hours.And why some nurses are very faaaar from caring because they went into it because they were told nurses get paid well in the west


I defend stay at home mums because people stay at home for different reasons at different points in their life and I think it's a bit unfair to judge or label them all as lazy or lacking ambition etc.I generally think we women like to unfairly judge people who might have made choices that were different from ours.

Being a stay at home mum is not even something i really saw while growing up in Nigeria.All and I mean ALL the adult women around me while growing up had jobs (Careers) or businesses or both like my own mother. At the worst end of the spectrum they had a shop by the house selling coke and chin chin but to be SOLELY dependent on the man was an exception not the norm.

I could feel my mums sigh of relief when I went back to work She honestly could not understand why I decided to stay at home for two years.She still does not even get the 9 months maternity leave that we get in the UK.The fact that I chose to even bewildered her more I must say that the fact that she knew I was studying and still earning a lil income by the side made it a bit more bearable for her.She still wanted me to work though cos she did all three at a point in her life.


It's an oyinbo concept I.e soccer mums. More oyinbos CHOOSE to do it than African women.So my people don't worry.
Naija women esp are born hustlers.

bukatyne:


True

What if he backtracks after marriage?

What If he says yes yes and after I do change to no?

You'll always know if you are marrying a man of his word. And this is an entirely different issue from the topic. Women should aways try to rise to the top of their career.

ireneidiva:

You'll always know if you are marrying a man of his word. And this is an entirely different issue from the topic. Women should aways try to rise to the top of their career.

I agree

You just need to define and elaborate more on what you mean by 'education'. Where do you see yourself in 10, 20 years? What was behind the drive to study geology?
By education do you mean teaching kids or having a career goal in academia? Scientists do come to that crossroad of choosing between going into industry or academia.
If I can guess correctly using my Nigerian sense, I think by education you mean being a school teacher. Well, teaching kids for the meantime is not bad, but you need to think ahead, think of the future. You need to ask questions like Can I define my ultimate career goal? Are there any technical skills I need to have to fulfill this career goal and how can I get those skills? What certificate courses can I add to my geology degree to boost my resume in order to make myself still relevant in the work space?

ireneidiva:

Seconded. Dunno what's up with the whole teaching and business thing.

as if everyone can make a good teacher or a great business woman.

Reminds me of that posche girl's thread.

cococandy:
as if everyone can make a good teacher or a great business woman.

Reminds me of that posche girl's thread.

What's the title of the thread?

Damiso , you're not serious oh.

Naijababe, great post.

Not saying oil and gas isn't the best career goal as suggested but does it really matter to US what she does as long as she's not IDLE, has something going for her and the ultimate she's happy?? Pleaseee

Ralphlauren:


damiso, taking time off from work (one day to a week) to take care of a sick child is different from giving up your career entirely to raise a child.

in as much as you might get the 'stare' from your employer anytime you give 'child care' reasons for not coming to work or coming in late, trust me they understand.

the mothers they have issues with are those not pulling their weight in the workplace. if you know your onions well, the business will actually 'bend' for you.

heck! i know mothers that work few days a week (3days) and attend meetings via skype from the comfort of their homes and trust me, their input to the organisation is immeasurable.

besides, parenting is a joint effort. if the man has a more flexible job, then he has to do the school runs, attend all the PTA meetings, etc. however, some men do not want to get involved. they are happy to push their wives to ''teaching jobs'' under the guise of ''taking care of the kids'' while they flourish in their own careers which is bullocks if you ask me - after all, they had the kids together, so why cant he make sacrifices

Really good points but most of Naija corporate world won't accept it. When I worked with LASG civil service, I remember suggesting Skype meetings with clients in order to reduce the stress of them going through traffic. Office people stared at me as if I had grown another head and a tail.

I'm really worried about this about my current job sometimes can take me from home for a month or two and the environment can be stressful and late nights are a must.

Plus I didn't really wanna work after kids (so I delayed them)

Ralphlauren:
what about dropping the kids off at a very good daycare center?

i do not understand all the noise about women unable to combine career with raising kids or giving up their career because of their kids.

being a 'stay-at-home' mum doesnt mean you will have the most intelligent kids on earth. Heck! I am surrounded by people with 1st class degrees with excellent jobs whose mothers all combined motherhood with their careers and they retired as executive directors, MDs of top companies.

having a very good job/impressive career if anything sets a good example for your kids. it shows you are successful, independent, motivated and hardworking

why would someone with a geology degree aspire for a teaching job under the guise of ''you want to raise your kids''? what happened to oil and gas firms? do you know you can work in the office and not on a rig with your degree? oil and gas jobs are actually the least stressful. by 4pm, the staff bus is waiting to drive everyone home.

why did you study geology in the first place? you must have known you were going to be a mother some day, so why didnt you just get a degree in education rather than putting yourself through the rigours of acquiring a degree in geology?

one day those kids will leave home. dont forget that. by age 12/13, they are off to boarding school. in sane countries, a 16yr old is classed an adult. by age 18, they are off to university. before you know it, they are married. so dont give up on your dreams/career because of them.

women, stop limiting yourselves!!

Big e bear hug!!!!!!

mavany:
The way people decided to gatecrash into the teaching career is dangerous for this country. Its so obvious that most teachers don't like their jobs because they have no passion for it , and are just doing it cos it gives them more time or they haven't found jobs in their career path. This tells on the students or pupils being taught .We should stop all this advice we give to women to go into education just because it gives them more time for Kids. The teaching profession should be left for professionals who had chosen it from start and are well prepared and equipped to handle the challenges that come with teaching.

I agree teaching is a vocation and not everyone is good at it.Same way I think people should stop advising women who moved to the west to 'go and do nursing'.You have to genuinely have a passion for it to excel at it. And the less hours are a myth because really good teachers go far above and beyond and even take their work home with them.

I respect and doff my hat to all the wonderful teachers out there who are helping to educate the next generation.

damiso:



I agree teaching is a vocation and not everyone is good at it.Same way I think people should stop advising women who moved to the west to 'go and do nursing'. You have to genuinely have a passion for it to excel at it. And the less hours are a myth because really good teachers go far above and beyond and even take their work home with them.

I respect and doff my hat for all the wonderful teachers out there who are helping to educate the next generation.

spot on !

that nursing thing does my head in. it is very common in the US. honestly, i blame some women though. you need to put ya foot down and insist on what career path you need to take.

a friend once turned down the advances from a man based in the US because he made it perfectly clear that she would have to take up a nursing degree and become a nurse once she steps in the US. she tried to make this dude see reason that she had zero passion for nursing but the guy wont budge, so she quickly walked away. this is a lady who at the time was studying civil engineering.

today, she is happily married and works with Balfour Beatty PLC in the UK.

i agree with you 100% that the talk of teachers working less hours is nothing but a myth. you can have a well paid bank job and work 9am-5pm and not take a piece of paperwork home to continue any work. my opinion on the the craze to push every mother into ''business and teaching'' is a post for another day. one thing i will point out is teaching and entrepreneurship is NOT for everyone.

Ewuro4:
Not saying oil and gas isn't the best career goal as suggested but does it really matter to US what she does as long as she's not IDLE, has something going for her and the ultimate she's happy?? Pleaseee

No please - all that should "matter to US" is that she and hers are happy with their choices/situation.

Spoken as the proud husband of a SAHM who spends a lot of time lunching with her friends and causing commotion in the town centre with her SAHM' gang !


TV

Ralphlauren:


spot on !

that nursing thing does my head in. it is very common in the US. honestly, i blame some women though. you need to put ya foot down and insist on what career path you need to take.

a friend once turned down the advances from a man based in the US because he made it perfectly clear that she would have to take up a nursing degree and become a nurse once she steps in the US. she tried to make this dude see reason that she had zero passion for nursing but the guy wont budge, so she quickly walked away. this is a lady who at the time was studying civil engineering.

today, she is happily married and works with Balfour Beatty PLC in the UK.

i agree with you 100% that the talk of teachers working less hours is nothing but a myth. you can have a well paid bank job and work 9am-5pm and not take a piece of paperwork home to continue any work. my opinion on the the craze to push every mother into ''business and teaching'' is a post for another day. one thing i will point out is teaching and entrepreneurship is NOT for everyone.

I remember how the first thing my mums friend said to me when I got to the UK was to go and study nursing and get a care assistant job while studying. Now don't get me wrong, I have maximum respect for not even nurses alone but even the care assistants as I feel anyone who takes on the role of caring for the most vulnerable people in society is to be admired(in my opinion sef they don't get paid enough) but it has to be something you enjoy doing. I cant cope with seeing people in pain and I would be totally useless in some certain scenarios where you are needed to support and help your patient. She felt I was being choosy but I just knew that nursing was just not for me. And I know she meant well because nursing is a profession that would always be in demand but I am just not cut out for it.

I can never forget one of the midwives who delivered my daughter she was just sooo wonderful.I cant even begin to relate how wonderful she was. Her shift ended and she said she was going nowhere until baby got here ( after pulling a 12 hr night shift) now that is passion for what she does. When hubby went to give her flowers, a thank you card and a bottle of wine she said he shouldn't have as she was just doing her job and nothing makes her more happy than bringing another child into the world.

See a trained child-minder or nanny who genuinely loves children in action and you would wonder how they are able to get the most aggravating tantrum prone toddler to do their bidding with minimum effort. There is this key worker in my sons nursery I cant believe that she is talking about my own son when she talks about him but the passion is so obviously there.

I think the actual career path one is willing to take is an individual and reaching the top of your career means different things to different people. And to some people its not even about the pay or prestige associated to that career path.

damiso:


I remember how the first thing my mums friend said to me when I got to the UK was to go and study nursing and get a care assistant job while studying. Now don't get me wrong, I have maximum respect for not even nurses alone but even the care assistants as I feel anyone who takes on the role of caring for the most vulnerable people in society is to be admired(in my opinion sef they don't get paid enough) but it has to be something you enjoy doing. I cant cope with seeing people in pain and I would be totally useless in some certain scenarios where you are needed to support and help your patient. She felt I was being choosy but I just knew that nursing was just not for me. And I know she meant well because nursing is a profession that would always be in demand but I am just not cut out for it.

I can never forget one of the midwives who delivered my daughter she was just sooo wonderful.I cant even begin to relate how wonderful she was. Her shift ended and she said she was going nowhere until baby got here ( after pulling a 12 hr night shift) now that is passion for what she does. When hubby went to give her flowers, a thank you card and a bottle of wine she said he shouldn't have as she was just doing her job and nothing makes her more happy than bringing another child into the world.

See a trained child-minder or nanny who genuinely loves children in action and you would wonder how they are able to get the most aggravating tantrum prone toddler to do their bidding with minimum effort. There is this key worker in my sons nursery I cant believe that she is talking about my own son when she talks about him but the passion is so obviously there.

I think the actual career path one is willing to take is an individual and reaching the top of your career means different things to different people. And to some people its not even about the pay or prestige associated to that career path.

The moral of the story is this: 'Folks should stop looking for the easy way out'

TV01:

No please - all that should "matter to US" is that she and hers are happy with their choices/situation.

Spoken as the proud husband of a SAHM who spends a lot of time lunching with her friends and causing commotion in the town centre with her SAHM' gang !


TV

Oh please...Your wife is on mat leave. How's that princess doing?

Again, Nobody cares bout their (SAHM) choices, as long as she's not IDLE and have something to fall back on like Naijababe said. Just DO something.

I was home too for each child and literally almost rip my all braids out.
The overpriced jogging stroller, YWCA new mommy group(all we did was gossip) , swimming lesson for tots, eat at the food court with new moms like a gorilla(excuse to pack fat) ... Been there done than , worn the T-shirt.

They all went to daycare at 10months when I realized the braids in back of my head are all gone.

Ciao.

Ewuro4:


Oh please...Your wife is on mat leave. How's that princess doing?

Again, Nobody cares bout their (SAHM) choices, as long as she's not IDLE and have something to fall back on like Naijababe said. Just DO something.

I was home too for each child and literally almost rip my all braids out.
The overpriced jogging stroller, YWCA new mommy group(all we did was gossip) , swimming lesson for tots, eat at the food court with new moms like a gorilla(excuse to pack fat) ... Been there done than , worn the T-shirt.

T[b]hey all went to daycare at 10months when I realized the braids in back of my head are all gone. [/b]

Ciao.

Frustration 101

Naijababe... Tell me something. Felt like midlife crisis at 27. The acne, white/black heads, engorged chest, so so so on

Aghhh

Ewuro4:
Naijababe... Tell me something. Felt like midlife crisis at 27. The acne, white/black heads, engorged chest, so so so on

Aghhh

My first ML was only 2 months long, I had only just gotten my dream job in a cutthroat company, there was no room to entertain my sentiments however strong. My second was 1yr long and I enjoyed every bit of being a lazy 'alabodo' wife o

Ewuro4:


Oh please...Your wife is on mat leave. How's that princess doing?

Again, Nobody cares bout their (SAHM) choices, as long as she's not IDLE and have something to fall back on like Naijababe said. Just DO something.

I was home too for each child and literally almost rip my all braids out.
The overpriced jogging stroller, YWCA new mommy group(all we did was gossip) , swimming lesson for tots, eat at the food court with new moms like a gorilla(excuse to pack fat) ... Been there done than , worn the T-shirt.

They all went to daycare at 10months when I realized the braids in back of my head are all gone.

Ciao.

You know the drill I can bet like 80% were oyinbo. I used to get bored at all those mother and toddler groups esp where there was already a 'clique'.Ther contributions to the sales of Costa and Starbucks is almost as much as the working proffessionals

naijababe:


My first ML was only 2 months long, I had only just gotten my dream job in a cutthroat company, there was no room to entertain my sentiments however strong. My second was 1yr long and I enjoyed every bit of being a lazy 'alabodo' wife o

Mostly enjoyed the first 6months and that was it.

naijababe:


My first ML was only 2 months long, I had only just gotten my dream job in a cutthroat company, there was no room to entertain my sentiments however strong. My second was 1yr long and I enjoyed every bit of being a lazy 'alabodo' wife o

Me and you both Most days sha don't let me lie cos some days with a over active toddler can be more emotionally and physically draining than going to work. It also did not help when people kept asking me 'When are you going back to work'

damiso:


You know the drill I can bet like 80% were oyinbo. I used to get bored at all those mother and toddler groups esp where there was already a 'clique'.Ther contributions to the sales of Costa and Starbucks is almost as much as the working proffessionals

Eeehhh Dami yes they're all oyinbo, they can eat ehn, I just nod my head and pray for 12noon to knack already. We used the metro/ public transit too. *faints*

There was daddy group too( like a break for moms) , dont ask me how that went

damiso:


Me and you both Most days sha don't let me lie cos some days with a over active toddler can be more emotionally and physically draining than going to work. It also did not help when people kept asking me 'When are you going back to work'

I always ask visibly frustrated moms that esp when they start to sweat profusely while the baby wails

Ain't carrying no toddler around nowhere

Ewuro4:




Mostly enjoyed the first 6months and that was it.

Which six months, I loved every single day. Who has time for waka-about? I slept, read, watched naija movies..............I found 'Things fall apart and Arelu on Youtube and must have watched both movies like 20x

Ewuro4:


Eeehhh Dami yes they're all oyinbo, they can eat ehn, I just nod my head and pray for 12noon to knack already. We used the metro/ public transit too. *faints*

There was daddy group too( like a break for moms) , dont ask me how that went

The thought of my hubby in a daddy group had in hysterics Daddy group bawo?

naijababe:


The thought of my hubby in a daddy group had in hysterics Daddy group bawo?

Hehe I enrolled "our daddy" too ( our last) and waited in the parkade thru the whole program enjoying my 'break' slurping skinny peppermint mocha and mini donuts. You should see him when he came out with the baby on his back

naijababe:

Which six months, I loved every single day. Who has time for waka-about? I slept, read, watched naija movies..............I found 'Things fall apart and Arelu on Youtube and must have watched both movies like 20x

Jesus omo you try oh.

Haba, 9 months maternity leave? Overhere you get 12 weeks after you deliver your child and then you get back to work. I work fulltime, got 2 kids, an 9 and 1 year old now. It no easy, the 9 year old can manage but has soccer practices, matches, parties with friends or other activities that you need to drop or pick them from, the 1 year old will go to a day care center.

As far as what happens when they are sick? Well that means i call on my mother inlaw or my guy (he works in shifts) and i adapt my working hours an take the work home. This is allowed by my boss since my work is always finished under any circomstance.

Housework and cooking, i do it all,is it hard? At times, one would be lying if it isnt, but surely it is manageable. Just plan every freaking minute from the moment you open your eyes,anticipate and you may actually have time left over.

Moms who sit down at home and move around with other stay at home moms, tend to be like they are living in their own little world,(wondering if their childs lunchbox matches their socks...:-) ) but when the day comes that their children have matured they fall into a very big gap. Not remembering their skills, hobbies and what more anymore. Dont get me wrong, I have nothing at stay at home moms, but for me, I would go gaga.

Had it been I had a choice, i would choose to work 32 hours a week instead of 40 hours, even if i would be married to a millionaire. Then again, what suits me, may not suit another.

[quote

Ewuro4:


Oh please...Your wife is on mat leave. How's that princess doing?

Again, Nobody cares bout their (SAHM) choices, as long as she's not IDLE and have something to fall back on like Naijababe said. Just DO something.

I was home too for each child and literally almost rip my all braids out.
The overpriced jogging stroller, YWCA new mommy group(all we did was gossip) , swimming lesson for tots, eat at the food court with new moms like a gorilla(excuse to pack fat) ... Been there done than , worn the T-shirt.

They all went to daycare at 10months when I realized the braids in back of my head are all gone.

Ciao.

- a condition I have a cunning plan to make permanent ! I love it when I get home and am recieved with a kiss and my son is happy and eager to see me. The whole house is warm and welcoming, it makes the whole day worthwhile.

...keeping home is not idle; household operations + lunching + gym + etc...allow now, at least until the kids are both school age . Just need to find the money

Princess is fine jare! Thank you for asking...


TV