I no dey drink any panadol for my friend headache oh!!!

I have kept my advice to a minimum and just point out to both of them to take the children's interest first in whatever they do.

Both my friend and his wife know that i am not taking sides in this matter.

As to the money i gave his wife, this is the best i could do as a friend and knowing my friend he would likely misunderstand this to mean i am on his wife's side (he knows me well enough not to suspect me of paying undue attention to his wife).

mamaput:

This Ladys Doctor has a big mouth.
You cannot send a grown woman back to Nigeria he will Find her way back.
So this time he is annoyed becauseit was a white man.
I would like to ask a personal Question don't be annoyed.
Is it possible that the man your Friend is not so well off?
is it possible he was "trying" to be forgiving because of the extra mony she was bringing in.
Is it possible that now that she did it with a white man the sings were black and white on the wall.

I gather that the lady's doctor is permitted to divulge this information to her husband as the issue of a married woman aborting a pregnancy under non-health grounds is not covered by the doctor-patient confidentiality (at least, not to the partner).

Yes, part of my friend's annoyance is that it is a white guy (this time) - he has said that if na becos of him performance madam dey stray, na further insult say white man dey perform pass am.

Now, since i cannot measure / assess my friend's performance, how i go fit answer whether im dey good or not?

is your friend more concerned that the person who was alleged to have gotten her pregnant is white? is so then that's absurd!
could it be that the baby was your friend's but she just wasnt ready for another child considering all the problems they are having?
all said and done, its best to stay out of husband and wife palaver. seriously they are adults and can sort themselves out. good intentions often backfire and when they get back together. (like husband and wives always have a way of doing. ) you will become the enemy.

Una dey misunderstand am. The man is just gisting us. I dont see anything wrong with the role he's playing as a friend. Abeg yarn us more jare.
I heard this somewhere that when a man cheats he's a bastard whist if a woman cheat she's a victim.

gather that the lady's doctor is permitted to divulge this information to her husband as the issue of a married woman aborting a pregnancy under non-health grounds is not covered by the doctor-patient confidentiality (at least, not to the partner).

Then you gathered something wrong.
Du you not know that Holland is the Mecca for abotions in Europe?

mamaput:



Then you gathered something wrong.
Du you not know that Holland is the Mecca for abotions in Europe?

@mamaput, since there seems to have been no legal issues raised in the doctor's disclosure to the husband i am certain that there are circumstances where the doctor-patient priviledge can be breached.

Anyway, this is not really the main issue. I am not interferring in their affairs and the post was purely to see in what direction the public leans on real issues like this (and if there are any points of advice i can pass on).

I gather from the replies that the best i can do is to MIND MY OWN BUSINESS.

whats ur business?

I think you friend should not rush things especially like you said in a country that favours women. He should plan this over like 1 year, during that time he should strategize on getting her out of his system, once he is over her he should the file for a divorce on the grounds of adultery with adequate evidence.I don't see any court giving her anything if he makes the divorce as messy as possible.

flakey94:

I think you friend should not rush things especially like you said in a country that favours women. He should plan this over like 1 year, during that time he should strategize on getting her out of his system, once he is over her he should the file for a divorce on the grounds of adultery with adequate evidence.I don't see any court giving her anything if he makes the divorce as messy as possible.

In most countries in europe adultery is not a crime. That will not work out

mamaput - In most countries in europe adultery is not a crime. That will not work out

True but its a ground for divorce. Since the law favours women in Europe, the court will focus more on the kids welfare than the woman's misbehaviour in deciding who gets the house, car, child support etc. So even an adulterous wife may still get to keep the house, car etc and the hubby will have to pay her child support. The only way he can get the kids is to prove that she is a bad mother whose slutty lifestyle/behaviour will harm the kids. Even so, in some European countries, the mere fact that a woman is adulterous and has sex with her boyfriend[s] in the same house with her kids is still not enough to deny her custody.

Truth is Ugwumba's friend has almost no options available other than to just waka leave the woman and face his life jeje.

Ah no know which kain konko below oyibo women use to get the law to favour them so much.

wonders shall never end. if na the wife that caught her husband cheating, people will say that she should pray and fast so that he will come back to her. but na wife that is cheating and its a different reaction.

i don't condone either spouse cheating. if the victim (the husband in this case) thinks he can forgive and the wife is ready to stop then they should heal and continue the marriage if not then they should go their separate ways.

staying in a marriage solely because of the children is really not advisable. if one spouse is not happy, this can lead to resentment and eventually affect the children.
only stay in a marriage for the children if both parties are willing to work on their issues.

im still analysing your story. will post a reply soon

The guy should just package the woman inside container,ship am come naija !

tell your friend to forget her and move on with life

Ugwumba u v bin noble all the while and u played the friend so well but ur job isnt finished yet. as much as u play careful not to get involved b/w husband & wife matter, the matter is no longer them matter but a social matter which still have hope of a happy end.
bad that she did what she has always done in the past & somehow the husband comes in the know. i deduse a lot from ur story 7 i make my case;
1.every problem has a solution but if a person keep on running away from the truth cum solution of the problem then expect repetition of the problem at every opportunity.
2. every problem has a root cause. the repetitive nature of the problem is a pointer that the root cause is not yet known & or implimented.
3. running away may give u a temp releive but watch out that problem will soon shot up.
4. if the relationship matters so much to u & is something u want in a deeper sense, breaking up will injure ur health in the long run.
5. staying put in the relationship without proper address of the problem will also injure ur health i the long run too.
6. finally some women hav this way with them, that they r ever emotional, childish even with serious issues & not strong internally.

based on these point, my take or rather advice for ur friend tru u are as follows;
1. he shld get some space for himself to punder on many issues sorrounding the problem, its time for a soul search & problem analysis.
he shld tempoary let the wife off his presence until he had gotten a enough info of himself, the wife, the recuring problem, the children well being and the relationship.
2. he has forgiven before, & doing that again will not kill him but rather will be a launch pad to help the woman help herself.
3. he will sure need therapy or consult with expert, go buy books that deal with issues linked to the problem; he is not the ist nor will he be the last to have such problem;its already in a book.
4. then prepare himself well for the time to take the make or kill decision based on my 6 point above.
no matter the end of it, he shld write his book to educate those coming after, thats while the white are good because the keep records.

well this is my take and may not be pleasing to a lot of guys but as one that is aspiring to be a family consultant in the future, saving family is my joy.

Divorce d woman.

My goodness! Lack of self control!

In this day & age of sexually transmitted diseases!

Divorce her!

So if the husband has indeed caught d woman, dan y is he still around her? Smthn is wrong!!!! He knows she cheats and he's still with her, smthn is very WRONG big time.

I totally agree with some ppl, trick her back to 9ja and RUN like HELL, no good man deserves sucha woman and vice versa.
Its a pity, in most cases wen u get a good man, he's usually with a bad woman, eish and good man are hard to come by.
RUN

Your Pal's wife is definitely a dog, haha se na curse.

She dey distribute am from country to country, she no fit change.

And for your friend, I feel sorry for him.

He is better off without her or else if she catches anything nasty e.g HIV he is doomed.

Remember HIV, he no dey show for face ooooooooooooo

Poster this your friend predicament get k-leg!!

I go pass

sammyjl:

So if the husband has indeed caught d woman, dan y is he still around her? Smthn is wrong!!!! He knows she cheats and he's still with her, smthn is very WRONG big time.

You read my mind. An African man? and one who is comfortable enough to be able to relocate his family abroad? Something is between them that they are not disclosing.

''Yes, part of my friend's annoyance is that it is a white guy (this time) - he has said that if na because of him performance madam dey stray, na further insult say white man dey perform pass am.''

So he would have been more comfortable if na black woman they do his wife? Your friend has not told you the truth. Do you know what i think? He might not be the father of the kids because she probably would have not aborted the pregnancy if it was a black man that impregnated her and the husband would have accepted the pregnancy and as usual the child will be 'his' but since it would be so evident if the child is born 'halfcaste' their secret go burst _{just my thought though}

A Bleep which has been bleeped can be re-bleeped if the fucker and the fuckee agree that the Bleep which was bleeped was a fucking good Bleep.she will continue to Bleep around untill she kills the guy,LET HIM DIVORCE HER NOW.