In today’s day and age sex dominates our society. Yes I think waiting till marriage is the best thing to do (which I will discuss in a future post) but I still acknowledge the fact that many of us make a choice to engage in sexual activity before marriage. Men “getting around” has pretty much been accepted as it is. Women on the other hand get slandered, disrespected, and chastised for their choice to be promiscuous at any point in their lives. I feel this is an unfair double standard and I refuse to judge them or cast a negative light upon them for their choice. Too many people use the fact that this woman has slept with a certain number a men that they personally deem too high as validation to dismiss this woman as a potential mate or a future great wife. Why are we so stuck on this? Should the number of men she has slept with really help determine if a man should be with a specific woman? I say how many men she has slept with should not matter.

What do her previous partners have to do with who she is today? Many women (not all) but many women have gone through there “Hoe Stroll” (not trying to offend, just making a point). “Hoe Stroll” is defined as a period of time where a woman is much more promiscuous than she has ever been or will be again. Many times the stroll occurs in high school or college, but it varies for different women. With that said, don’t expect all these women to reveal this information. This is why the whole idea of using her number of past partners as criteria is unnecessary. You can be with a woman who only tells you she only slept with 3 guys when in reality you may have to add a 0, or two 0’s. You may never know and either way it shouldn’t matter. What should matter is if she is STD free. This should matter in the sense of being fully aware of it, but I support any man being with that woman if you love her regardless of what she may have. There are women who have been with one man, and have gotten an STD. While the next woman can be known around town and still have managed to not catch any STD’s. So again basing her value as a woman off of numbers shouldn’t really mean much.

Some may argue that it speaks to her character. I understand where you are coming from, but I do not fully agree. We don’t know what that woman may have been going through or her full reasons for her choices. Some may just love sex and wanted to explore. Others may have been dealing with some deep issues and did not know how to properly handle it. Either way I think all women when put in the right relationship (and have taken time to heal & love themselves) are capable of operating as the best women they can be. Now if the real reason you hold this against a woman is because you don’t want to have to compete with the level of pleasure her past lovers provided, well you just need help then. That should not deter you, if anything let it motivate you to just be better and become the best lover she has ever had.

All in all I just don’t feel we should be looking at the amount of men she has slept with in the past as evidence for if she is someone to be with. I have seen women who had only slept with one man end up being “loose” while in a relationship. I have seen women who may have once been viewed as “hoes” be the most faithful in a relationship. Her past had less to do with either scenario, but her current relationship had plenty to do with it. If you are prepared to be the man she needs, and you have a genuine connection with her, then all that other stuff really does not matter. If you can’t provide a woman with certain things you will always leave the possibility of that relationship going in the wrong direction. Nothing wrong with knowing who she was with in the past, but understand and respect who she has become in the present. We block love sometimes for all the wrong reasons, and how many men she has previously slept with should never be one of them.

you are making sense


but as a new comer here, learn how to minimize.

Op you expect me to read that textbook up there?

Though you made good sense..

it matters to me though. i can let my younger broda 2 date anyhow. op is a cheap male


female Secretes....
if she sud tell u dat she has only dated a guy and u look at her face and you believe dat she's telling d truth. a smart guy will just add two to become 3guys.

if it is 2guys times it by 2 =4guys
if it is 3 guys times it by 2=6guys
""""""""4guys""""""""""by 2=8guys
and so on. this is when your girl is being truthful o
cause most of d time is always higher than that.

For example if my new bf sud ask hw many guys have dated, I will divide them by two(i.e if i don't want to lie)
inspite of not counting some guys as ex-boyfriends because they are jerks.

ask tosyn2much 4 more.

my guy was telling me yesterday that he has slept with more than 20 different girls before. And he is 24yrs old. Calabar/akwa ibom boys/girls no the play oh.

chowlade:
it matters to me though. i can let my younger broda 2 date anyhow. op is a cheap male

if am that your younger bro. the kind of slap i will give you if you interfere to my relationship. Na your body go tell you.

STPEACE:
if am that your younger bro. the kind of slap i will give you if you interfere to my relationship. Na your body go tell you.

Ok, Tell ur Mom or younger/senior sister dat u want to date d above type of prostituute lady, If ur love ones truely love you, Watch their reaction towards her. They will never accept her but u can go ahead and marry her though. cuz they won't stop u though.

chowlade:


Ok, Tell ur Mom or younger/senior sister dat u want to date d above type of prostituute lady, If ur love ones truely love you, Watch their reaction towards her. They will never accept her but u can go ahead and marry her though. cuz they won't stop u though.

anywell it depends, my mum can stop me from marrying her, even my younger sister can stop me also buh my two elder sisters dont have any say in my relationship.

Now I know how difficult it is to write in simple and concise English.

The way some peeps write/construct their sentences can best be termed as appalling!!!

Na wa...

Hehe!!! What inspired this writeup?

Op that was a gr8 read and you come from an intelligent place. Many NL folks couldn't appreciate what you wrote or even understand where you're coming from. Thank you.

I don't judge others living their life because I'm busy living mine.

I've never asked any lady I've dated, "how many men have you slept with?" To me, there are things that are best left unsaid. Not every secret is meant to be told and this issue is one of them. Because once the truth is known, if the lady has slept with much number of men, her partner is likely to judge her wrongly. We live in a judgmental world, where people judge you as if they know better, as if they are saints and have committed no sin.

And as a human, I'm likely to judge that lady who's slept with many men wrongly, so what i do is, i NEVER ask her such question. I don't even bring up that issue. I don't want the pandora's box open. Not all truths are meant to be told. All i can ask her is if she's done any abortions, or better still, i'll take to a qualified doctor to ascertain if she's STD free and her womb/entire body condition is top-notch.

After that, I'm done. I'm suppose to love her present state not her past. As long as she's STD free, has a perfect health conition, doesn't go about sleeping with other men now she's with me, and she has those characters that i seek in a woman, i don't care about her past sexual life, i'll date her and if possible marry her too.

chowlade:
it matters to me though. i can let my younger broda 2 date anyhow. op is a cheap male


female Secretes....
if she sud tell u dat she has only dated a guy and u look at her face and you believe dat she's telling d truth. a smart guy will just add two to become 3guys.

if it is 2guys times it by 2 =4guys
if it is 3 guys times it by 2=6guys
""""""""4guys""""""""""by 2=8guys
and so on. this is when your girl is being truthful o
cause most of d time is always higher than that.

For example if my new bf sud ask hw many guys have dated, I will divide them by two(i.e if i don't want to lie)
inspite of not counting some guys as ex-boyfriends because they are jerks.

ask tosyn2much 4 more.

tanks for the tip bu Abeg how many u haved dated does it actually mean the number of times u have had sex.?

chowlade:
it matters to me though. i can let my younger broda 2 date anyhow. op is a cheap male


female Secretes....
if she sud tell u dat she has only dated a guy and u look at her face and you believe dat she's telling d truth. a smart guy will just add two to become 3guys.

if it is 2guys times it by 2 =4guys
if it is 3 guys times it by 2=6guys
""""""""4guys""""""""""by 2=8guys
and so on. this is when your girl is being truthful o
cause most of d time is always higher than that.

For example if my new bf sud ask hw many guys have dated, I will divide them by two(i.e if i don't want to lie)
inspite of not counting some guys as ex-boyfriends because they are jerks.

ask tosyn2much 4 more.

@embolden, while it can apply to some women, i hope you know it's wrong to judge all women with that formula? What if the lady has actually dated 2 guys only and her BF times it by 2, ain't that wrong?

And in your last paragraph, that's why i said it's better to let the sleeping dog lie because most ladies will lie about theirs (as you just affirmed that you'll lie too), just so their men won't judge them wrongly.

sinizia:


@embolden, while it can apply to some women, i hope you know it's wrong to judge all women with that formula? What if the lady has actually dated 2 guys only and her BF times it by 2, ain't that wrong?

And in your last paragraph, that's why i said it's better to let the sleeping dog lie because most ladies will lie about theirs (as you just affirmed that you'll lie too), just so their men won't judge them wrongly.

You're right women do lie about there number.
What I've learnt during my counseling lessons is that both men and women who have had traumatic experiences in their childhood be it physical or sexual abuse often lead promiscuous lives at some point.

If these issues are not dealt with these types of people are left with problems such as abandonment issues and mistrust and abuse. Sleeping around is considered as a form of self harm which comes from low self worth. The reason we can't judge people is we haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

Chiam55:


You're right women do lie about there number.
What I've learnt during my counseling lessons is that both men and women who have had traumatic experiences in their childhood be it physical or sexual abuse often lead promiscuous lives at some point.

If these issues are not dealt with these types of people are left with problems such as abandonment issues and mistrust and abuse. Sleeping around is considered as a form of self harm which comes from low self worth. The reason we can't judge people is we haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

Men do lie about theirs too. It's just that while a man will be called "a player" for sleeping with a ridiculous amount of women, a woman that does the same is labeled a slut. That's the harsh reality. So many women won't bother asking their partners because it would yield no fruit.


And yes, you are right. That's why i don't bother about her number of men she slept with so i don't judge her. As long as she's perfect health-wise, no damaged womb or STDs, have left whatever ba life she must have live (if she has any), i'll love her fo her present state. No one holy pass.