We're a new/young couple and I sort of noticed my husband goes to the backyard a lot, 'to hang out with our dogs' as he puts it.

He goes there with a bottle of alcohol mostly and I sort of give him space to do his thing, as I don't like sitting out in the heat and all, with the dogs clambering all over me and licking me.

Then some days ago, he got in and stepped around me to go shower and I smelt cigarette on his cloths. I asked him and he said it was the guy he called to work at the backyard who was smoking. And that he stopped him immediately he saw him.
I still reprimanded my husband Because I know a worker cannot just come and smoke in your compound, if you've not given him reasons to believe he can do so without consequence.

Then yesterday, he came in from the yard again and when he kissed me, the smell was unmistakable. It was cigarette and this time he had been alone in the yard with the dogs,except if he was going to say it was the dogs that did it.
What am I saying sef. The smokey stench was on his breathe ni.

He has been denying it But now, a lot of things that didn't add up are just falling into place.

1. When We went to stay at his mum's empty apartment one time, I saw a pack of cigarette with two sticks left on the dining table. He had been there all day before taking me there and had told me one of the boys staying with mum must have left it. Infact, he talked about the cigarette like it was rubbish.
But I know the boys staying with her would never disrespect her like that. But then I just believed Because she was ill and I assumed the boys had taken that opportunity to loosen up.

2. His shirt blew up in the breeze one time and I saw a green lighter tucked in his pocket. I thought it was Because We were cleaning the house and he found the lighter and didn't want to lose it.

3. He does the same disappearing act into the yard wherever We are, once there's a courtyard. Even when there are No dogs. I never thought I needed to be snooping or checking up on him....

As it is, I don't know What to do. It's the lies that hurt me the most. If he would be open, Then We would think of the way forward.

And to top it off, he eats with a very healthy appetite, Which is unusual for a smoker from What I've read. And this makes me very scared that What he smokes might be much more than cigarettes. Or Maybe I'm only being paranoid.

Your urgent advice is needed Please as these are the very early stages of our marital relationship.

No front page Please.

play the game with him. buy weed and smoke in his presence... he will stop as fast as possible..

^ Seriously?

dkronicle:
play the game with him. buy weed and smoke in his presence... he will stop as fast as possible..

Chai!!!! some people sabi advice o. OP talk to him maybe he might see reasons to stop. if smoking persist FAST AND PRAY.

Ahmed0336:
Chai!!!! some people sabi advice o. OP talk to him maybe he might see reasons to stop. if smoking persist FAST AND PRAY.

#sigh
I didn't know fasting and praying will start this early o, to break a bad habit. When there are so Many things to pray and fast for....

I appreciate your advice, Thank you.

I smoke weed,but I will never allow my woman know,I smoke. I think,that is what ur Man is doing,only dat u gat a sharp nose to perceive. Try to spy on him nd catch him 1day.

and u want to tell me dat u neva know he was a chain smoker before u married him

sister confront him

BlackMaria:
I smoke weed,but I will never allow my woman know,I smoke.
I think,that is what ur Man is doing,only dat u gat a sharp nose to perceive.
Try to spy on him nd catch him 1day.

Wow!
The thing is, the moment I open the door, our dogs would run up to me jumping and barking, giving him the time to cover up his tracks before I get to the back where he is.

Young03:
and u want to tell me dat u neva know he was a chain smoker before u married him

sister confront him

No, I didn't know. He told me he used to But had stopped.

This one is Strong's oh

How come you never noticed he smokes all the while you guys were dating?

divalishis:


No, I didn't know. He told me he used to But had stopped.

Mayb he had stopped before Bt am telling u sister ,its hard to stop smoking cus my own bros ran mad because he smokes weed,he was asked to stop which he did for some months Bt today he had started smoking again
when I asked him y, he said its hard to quit
atyms he feels lik takin a wrap

all u will do is to pray for him

divalishis:


Wow!
The thing is, the moment I open the door, our dogs would run up to me jumping and barking, giving him the time to cover up his tracks before I get to the back where he is.

No matter,how he covers up his tracks,u will still perceive the odour,just try and spy on him,maybe u wud get ur answer.
But I can't smoke,whr my woman wud be.
It's eida,I finish smoking a hour b4 she comes.

Young03:


Mayb he had stopped before Bt am telling u sister ,its hard to stop smoking cus my own bros ran mad because he smokes weed,he was asked to stop which he did for some months Bt today he had started smoking again
when I asked him y, he said its hard to quit
atyms he feels lik takin a wrap

all u will do is to pray for him

Guy,weed no dey make person mad oh.
Make una stop dis crazy notion jare.

BlackMaria:
Guy,weed no dey make person mad oh. Make una stop dis crazy notion jare.

too much of it....3 big wraps at a time

Enjoy the smell and stop complaining.

If not for the health hazard, I would have encouraged guys to smoke

But seriously, why do people smoke or what pleasure do they derive from it

Young03:


too much of it....3 big wraps at a time

That is a lie,with only 1 jumbo size,u are knocked out already.
So tell me,how person wan smoke 3 jumbo size. U don't know how jumbo looks lyk nd u dey claim say person dey smoke 3 jumbo.
Even dose,whey dey smoke wella sef don't do 3jumbo size.
Find something else to say.

Op, u sound like a love bird and am happy.

Let him be, spy on him on a day he least expects u to.
Dnt argue with ur man cos he smokes, u can wait for a time when u know his so happy around u, ask him with a low tune as if u wanna cry, just tell him to let u know what's going on around him dat u Wnt shout.

Beg him, den when he tell u he still dose, den ask him why he still dose, plead with him to find a way to quit.

As for people who thinks they can't quit, I have quit smoking and drinking and not for a woman sake or relationship or religious shake but I had to tell my self d truth, it's an opium.
It's not a rush stop thing, dnt give him reason to quit, just beg him to find reason his self to do so, u dnt wanna come in-between.

A friend had a serious fight with his wife over same issue and d wife was so agitated and he told her to leave his house.

She never knew when he started and what caused it den she just wanna change a man. I had to leave my house mid nyt to go settle quarrel.

We resolved on him doing it and hiding it from the kids but me, anytime I tell him to find time to quit, he gets angry.

We used to smoke together, packs of Benson everyday and wraps of warri igbo which is bind blowing daily or we Wnt sleep well but now his always alone and doing mine and his in combo.

Just find out to confirm first, den u flow well with him.

emilyone:
This one is Strong's oh

How come you never noticed he smokes all the while you guys were dating?

LDR. During Which he did most of the visiting.
And I'm incredibly busy, sometimes spending 13 hours at work.
It is not an excuse But cannot recall really sniffing this smoke scent or Maybe it just didn't register in my brain.
Moreover, was more watchful for womanising and partying. Non of Which he does....

Besides, We were more boxed up Then for expensive perfumes and toothpaste, without the stress that getting married has placed on our finances.
These May have concealed the tell tale evidence. As he uses a simple Cologne now. And Because I'm currently off work, I have closer bodily contact with him than just chatting or talking on the phone.

Your actions would definitely turn me into a bigger liar OP if I were your husband.

You make it seem like smoking is death sentence and that’s the reason he wants to shield it from you.
Act like it’s nothing or soft-peddle on it and he would definitely come out clean.


ALSO,
You’re lucky he smokes (at least that’s the only bad thing you can associate with him) cos I hear any man who doesn’t drink, smoke, or womanize tends to be ‘woman beaters’ or highly vindictive fellows

Not paranoid dear, your husband do smoke and he is trying to hide it from you cause of the respect and love he has for you. But its part of your obligation as a wife to confront him and let him know since you are not okay with it. As for me, I think he knows that you knew but only trying to play on your weakness. Moreover Op, you need to work more on yourself and what goes on in your subconscious mind , so that your marriage could lasts longer.

emilyone:
But seriously, why do people smoke or what pleasure do they derive from it

start smoking and you will understand

I really can't think of the best advice sis but you have to be patient and prayerful

Mrbigman1:
Op, u sound like a love bird and am happy.

Let him be, spy on him on a day he least expects u to.
Dnt argue with ur man cos he smokes, u can wait for a time when u know his so happy around u, ask him with a low tune as if u wanna cry, just tell him to let u know what's going on around him dat u Wnt shout.

Beg him, den when he tell u he still dose, den ask him why he still dose, plead with him to find a way to quit.

As for people who thinks they can't quit, I have quit smoking and drinking and not for a woman sake or relationship or religious shake but I had to tell my self d truth, it's an opium.
It's not a rush stop thing, dnt give him reason to quit, just beg him to find reason his self to do so, u dnt wanna come in-between.

A friend had a serious fight with his wife over same issue and d wife was so agitated and he told her to leave his house.

She never knew when he started and what caused it den she just wanna change a man. I had to leave my house mid nyt to go settle quarrel.

We resolved on him doing it and hiding it from the kids but me, anytime I tell him to find time to quit, he gets angry.

We used to smoke together, packs of Benson everyday and wraps of warri igbo which is bind blowing daily or we Wnt sleep well but now his always alone and doing mine and his in combo.

Just find out to confirm first, den u flow well with him.

The thing is that I'm starting work again while he will have more time on his hands. I'll only be at home at night. By Then he would have finished all the do- ables during the day.
But he and I know What he did, Because he denied this smoking in a guilty/bashful way, unlike the way an innocent man would protest.

don't be hard on him if you eventually found out,cos that might make him more careful in hiding it..

just take it easy on him,and tell him your aversion for cigarettes and its danger to health,himself and you if the complications arises.

divalishis:


The thing is that I'm starting work again while he will have more time on his hands. I'll only be at home at night. By Then he would have finished all the do- ables during the day.
But he and I know What he did, Because he denied this smoking in a guilty/bashful way, unlike the way an innocent man would protest.

Just let him quit by his self.

Dnt push him to even leaving d house to do it cos it's gonna be worst.

Continue begging him for health sake.

StPete:
Your actions would definitely turn me into a bigger liar OP if I were your husband.

You make it seem like smoking is death sentence and that’s the reason he wants to shield it from you.
Act like it’s nothing or soft-peddle on it and he would definitely come out clean.


ALSO,
You’re lucky he smokes (at least that’s the only bad thing you can associate with him) cos I hear any man who doesn’t drink, smoke, or womanize tends to be ‘woman beaters’ or highly vindictive fellows

I don't believe I am making it seem a death sentence. I asked him calmly. And I didn't over react. Though as expected, I was unhappy and taken aback. But I don't nag/didn't nag. I brought up the topic a few times last evening and it was same answer always. Didn't throw tantrums or issue ultimatums as the case would be if I were to make it seem a death sentence.

He is acting this way Because he knows I might not like it. And he said he has to keep some secrets to make himself Happy. That Because if I know, I won't be Happy and Then he won't be Happy.
Still undecided about How I feel about that statement....

Yomieluv:
don't be hard on him if you eventually found out,cos that might make him more careful in hiding it..

just take it easy on him,and tell him your aversion for cigarettes and its danger to health,himself and you if the complications arises.

#sigh
OK oo
Thank you

Mrbigman1:

Just let him quit by his self.
Dnt push him to even leaving d house to do it cos it's gonna be worst.
Continue begging him for health sake.

Honestly if not for anything, Then for his health...mentally and physically....

StPete:

ALSO,
You’re lucky he smokes (at least that’s the only bad thing you can associate with him) cos I hear any man who doesn’t drink, smoke, or womanize tends to be ‘woman beaters’ or highly vindictive fellows

huuuhh?? Real story for the gods...


Op, really don't know what to tell you because stopping a habit isn't an easy task... Would have been easier if he's admitted to smoking and genuinely wants to stop. As it's now, it will be hard cos he's even still denying. .

I will say intimate him on dangers of smoking. . Buy books/movies that showcase dangers of smoking.. Then pray also, there's nothing God can't do..

I pray with you that he admits his habit and finds ways to stop someday... All d best dear..

Bros i de tels u, my guyz de smoke 2 jumbo size, me no de smoke cus i hate d smoke bt i always apply it in indomie,custard and jellof rice.
Bro, the one i apply in food pass 3 jumbo size

BlackMaria:

That is a lie,with only 1 jumbo size,u are knocked out already.
So tell me,how person wan smoke 3 jumbo size. U don't know how jumbo looks lyk nd u dey claim say person dey smoke 3 jumbo.
Even dose,whey dey smoke wella sef don't do 3jumbo size.
Find something else to say.

dkronicle:
play the game with him. buy weed and smoke in his presence... he will stop as fast as possible..

^^ Shoro niyen?