Growing up, I was that wimpy
kid who never had the
courage to talk to girls and
in a world of testosterone,
lies of ‘knacking’ girls and
foul armpit odour — wimpy
means I was also short
which basically translates to
my face ending where all the
other boys armpits
shoulders began—this left me
with a severe case of Catch
Up Syndrome.
So, the moment I got me my
own pair of outstretched
legs, a gruff voice, misplaced
hair growth and the ability to
scratch ones groin whilst
thinking no one can see you
but being terribly wrong, I
sought out my own girlfriend
and what I got was a Calabar
girl – this is the story of my
experience with one and why
it didn’t quite work out for
me.
– First reason why you
shouldn’t date a Calabar
girl? They’re mostly short! If
you’ve had any experience
with short people you’ll
attest to this: they are
always angry! It comes from
that feeling of always being
pushed around and the over
compensating nature to
stopping this. Now, before
you call this an unfair
generalisation, remember, I
used to be short so I have
first-hand knowledge of this
inherent rage also my ex-
girlfriend is Calabar, so I
know what it is I speak of.
– The diatribe hasn’t ended,
and if you’re someone who’s
suffered as much as I, you’d
continue too: Afang soup!
Most people will tell you a
reason why you SHOULD date
a Calabar girl is for this
wonderful vegetable soup
but I’ll tell you this story –
Once, my ex made me this
“wonder” soup before an
important meeting and I
spent the entirety of the
meeting dropping green fart
bombs. If it weren’t for the
sheer stroke of luck that the
clients were Pakistani and
rather than take offence,
saw it as a competition and
fired me back with their garlic
bread bombs, I’d have lost
out on the project.
– People never take this into
account but it’s an extremely
vital point: baby names!
Dating will lead to sex—will
get to that in a bit—and sex,
if done wrong, almost always
leads to kids and when that
happens, you’re left to deal
with the unfortunate task of
having to name the kid. Have
you heard Calabar names?
Imagine bringing a kid into
this malevolent world then
punishing the kid by giving it
a Calabar name?
Wickedness! Why should a
child have ‘bong’ in its
name? Just why?
– If you date a Calabar girl,
just be ready to join Club
404 and also be prepared to
be snarled, chased and
hated by every dog you
come across. Which I can tell
you now is a very bad thing.
They don’t call them, Man’s
Best Friend for nothing. How
does anyone get to the point
of eating their best friend?
That’s what Calabar girls do
to you, which is one of my
strongest arguments as to
why you shouldn’t date one.
– Sex! Yes, sex! Sex is a
major reason why you
shouldn’t date a Calabar girl.
Ask anyone about a Calabar
girl, the first thing they’ll tell
you is: ‘Dem sabi do the thing
well’. Look, too much of
anything is never good for
you. You take 2 tablets of
Paracetamol if you have a
headache and it cures your
ache but go take 20 and
you’ll never have to worry
about headaches again…
you’ll be dead. Which is what
sex is to Calabar girl: 50
Paracetamol tablets all
coming inside you at one.
That’s a terrible attempt at a
pun but that’s what Calabar
girls do to you.
– I don’t know how else to
say this, Calabar girls are
strong! I once tried arguing
with my ex and the
experience left me scarred,
literally! Now, because of
said scar I can’t wear short-
sleeved shirts. At a pool
party – I’m that guy wearing
a long sleeve. At the gym –
I’m the guy wearing long
sleeves Having sex? You
guessed it… I’m the one
wearing long sleeves. I
repeat – don’t date Calabar
girls!
– You know another reason
why you shouldn’t date a
Calabar girl? They’re
stubborn. I’ll explain it to
you so. I’ve been telling my
ex-girlfriend, Enobong that
she and I are over, I mean
after a certain ‘brushing’
she gave me, I said to
myself, this relationship is
unhealthy and I needed out,
but nope, she ain’t taking no
for an answer. In fact, she’s
knocking at my door as I
write this piece. Somebody
please save me from this
Calabar girl!
– Calabar girls are free to
defend themselves in the
comments section.

trash!

lolss not cool, buh funny

smh for bigots,op u really need psychiatric examination

But I used to hear all around that calabar gurlz re superb in bed

Copy and Paste...

@op just keep fooling yourself around with that ya mumu ideology of calabar gal in ur brain. You don't have anything concentrate in your story, just illusion of your own imagination. I pity you but keep the good work going. Smh

Lol, funny thread!
OP, abeg leave Calabar girls alone oh...

lol ...where my calaba love o

DocAdray:
Lol, funny thread! OP, abeg leave Calabar girls alone oh...

Don't tell me your a calabar girl too

Calabar girls are short though. .

I could give y'all 7 reasons why you shouldn't be as stupìd as this OP...