emeify:
I have been married for a while but I seem to have lost interest in sex. I used to enjoy it before but for some reason, it no longer interest as me. Hubby is impatient as he does not understand and I am at a loss. Does anybody know what could be wrong with me?

https://www.nairaland.com/1434785/no-longer-interested-sex-hubby

Ermm..... Like someone pointed out in the first page before all the noise from these single feminists giving marital advice to you drowned it. Was this part of the reason why you separated? It will good for you to state facts here since you've already dragged the matter to Nairaland Court. At least, you'll get in some practice here before you head out to the courts cos I can see that is where you are most likely headed. And it's curious you can tell us here that the man was abusive but find it hard to give us the reason(s) for your separation. I smell something and it is not a rat.

Goodboiyy:


lolz,, not yet married, don't even wanna see him, point of correction he his nt my father jst 1 fool... u don't know what it is to have a father tat denied u every right to life,, let's b fair here, if u re d 1 will u Accept d man as ur dad?, e knows our family compound, I don't care abt him, jst trying to send msg to the Op

I really admire ladies, I jst hope d OP figure out a way to resolve this issue, bt divorce ain't a good solution

I asked those questions because you'd do well to hear his side of the story and then decide for yourself how foolish he really is or hwo much of his folly is forgivable. Also, being a father gives you a view into the mind of your father at the time of this separation between him and your mom. Good luck bruv, hope you find answers before you do get married and begin a family of your own.

it should be after all he is the one taking care of them,abi is that not what you women demand for when you are taking care of the kids

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

Divorce isn't right you guys should settle.

missKiffy:
Absolutely abnormal, for you to pay to visit your kids, and asking you to pay part for their school fess is absurd. Can't he own up to his responsibilities as a man. Some men just love to frustrate their ex after a separation or divorce which is very bad

Lol. You sound like the kind of girl that when she marries, will simply fold her hands and sit down to eat her husband money. Ori aku di ya.

henryskywalker2003:


Lol. You sound like the kind of girl that when she marries, will simply fold her hands and sit down to eat her husband money. Ori aku di ya.

Ori e ko pe

Op, drag that negro straight to court. This is always very common among africans. Whatever issues you have with your ex should not make you use your kids as tools to hurt her. Later they will say dudes aren't emotional beings. So what exactly is the motivating factor behind this foolishness on the part of the man? What kind of hateful environment is he creating for his kids? Whether he likes it or not, those kids need to be with their mum. let him man up and settle this issh amicably. Quality of males these days is something else.

Timbuktou:


I asked those questions because you'd do well to hear his side of the story and then decide for yourself how foolish he really is or hwo much of his folly is forgivable. Also, being a father gives you a view into the mind of your father at the time of this separation between him and your mom. Good luck bruv, hope you find answers before you do get married and begin a family of your own.

yea I understand u, bt that does not give me to right to abandoned my own, my responsibility as a man,


#the man calling us every December asking 4 forgiveness, saying its d devils work ( Hope this prov to u the man is nt responsible) lolz,,,

https://www.nairaland.com/1434785/no-longer-interested-sex-hubby

Women are very complex and difficult beings.

Before you got married to the man you knew he loved sex so much, now you are not interested and what do you want the man to do?

From my close to 10 years of experience of marriage and from what I've seen in most homes, majority of the problems comes from the women.

Its a general thing that after some years of marriage the woman shifts her main attention to the kids, she looses interest in sex, she becomes unsubmissive, she lacks common respect for the man due to familiarity not even the DEEP RESPECT the bible mentions, nags a lot, some are even abusive and if the man lacks self control that woman is dead.

If I were to advice you, please change your attitude to the kind you had when you were dating him and see how things fall into place.Please go back to your home, your children's upbringing should be of top priority to you.

lolababe331e:


Reminds me of my biologically father and that crap about the children looking for their father no matter if he deserted them is a lie. I certainly never looked for him and when I got married I simply let my I laws no the man was never a part of my life and didn't deserve to be a part of my successes and celebrations . I don't hate or resent him, I just feel nothing for him

I understand hw u feel, I too felt tat way, I can't call him dady, its abnormal to me, so many commentator here do nt know hw it feels to b abandoned by ur dad...
.
I jst pray the OP take d child from the man, Its better 4 a woman to train a child than a man,,, I was trained by a single Woman, and I always tank God I have a mother


Love u ladies

Goodboiyy:


yea I understand u, bt that does not give me to right to abandoned my own, my responsibility as a man,


#the man calling us every December asking 4 forgiveness, saying its d devils work ( Hope this prov to u the man is nt responsible) lolz,,,

Lol @ calling every december. That some crazy ish right there. I hope you guys can forgive him, though. While I don't believe in devil things, I think he must have learnt the error of his ways. Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge against one's own parent. He goofed big time, though. I couldn't imagine myself letting go of my son for 20 days even. But who knows, his demons may have got the better of him. Feel free to do what you think is right. He may not deserve your love but, love, by definition, isn't earned .

Good luck, once again.

When I was saying last week that children abandoned by their parents don't forgive them and people were arguing with me (and advising a young man to leave his newborn son, that the child will "look for him" in the future). See 2 examples here.

Where's the emoji for "I told ya so"?

Dead beat mom pay child support... good for nothing biach

cococandy:


she said he was abusing her.

How will they settle that one?
They can't get back together. It will be suicidal of her to do that.

I agree it is expensive but he's being unreasonable. He's leaving her with no choice.

u dey there? she no like sex any more...d man kicked her out.

ferdimako:

u dey there? she no like sex any more...d man kicked her out.

so because of that she doesn't deserve to see her kids?

Onegai:


I know someone with 2 children in the cemetary. Because their father didn't see anything wrong with beating a pregnant woman and our Nigerian Association of Insane People with No Pyschology Training, excuse me, Nigerian Christian Counsellors of Whatever Random Church, kept telling her to stay. I hate this "go and pray, carry your pastor" nonsense advise once it has gotten physical. Even my husband begged me to leave him the day he ever hits me, then someone with no proper training except "the anointing" will ask me to stay and bury myself or my child.

OP, we are not here to judge you or your husband or marriage. Take this to court (contact the lawyer who posted her details), he has no legal right to subject you to this. An arbitrator will decide whom custody should be awarded to and hash out any other details.

And for those wondering why she's leaving her kids with the man, only she knows (please it isn't your business unless you are planning on helping her directly, so get off NL and contact her to help her, not judge). I know someone who lost her kids to an abusive man because he was more financially capable than she (she left his house with the clothes on her back and slippers, nothing more and her family didn't know their legal rights and thought it was typical Naija situation where na Big Man dey get justice), luckily someone got her a good lawyer and she got them back. I know another lady who dares not file for divorce because she doesn't have a stable job with Letter of Employment (the man doesn't contribute at all) but if she files, he will immediately demand custody of his child. She's trying to avoid a messy legal battle she cannot afford. The OP said she doesn't have a house, she has to prove to the court that the kids will have a stable environment if they come with her, she knows what her reasons are.

Sometimes, NLers (Nigerians in general) just wanna hear gist and judge you, to make themselves better, that's why they ask for details.

We are in the development stage...bring ur own money...person wey no fit rent house u dey shout court. Mak una see wetin most guys dey cover for una.

cococandy:
so because of that she doesn't deserve to see her kids?

let her pay up and see them. nothing normal any more...everything is upsidedown. so nobody shld expect favors. marriage means different things to different pple.

henryskywalker2003:


Lol. You sound like the kind of girl that when she marries, will simply fold her hands and sit down to eat her husband money. Ori aku di ya.

u dey mind her...na that time them know say man get responsibility.

emeify:


Thanks. This only happened revently so no court involved yet. Still trying to get a lawyer and planning to rent a place.

how long have u been separated? Allow time to heal the misunderstanding....Are u a christain? Seek God if u are than seeking a mere lawyer. God bless ur reunion in advance.

cococandy:


she said he was abusing her.

How will they settle that one?
They can't get back together. It will be suicidal of her to do that.

I agree it is expensive but he's being unreasonable. He's leaving her with no choice.

Pray this does not happen to you....she can settle it if she is determined....so please don't support divorce. God settles disagreements more than lawyers.

cococandy:
so what do you propose?

If she felt abused, then she's right to leave.
Anyone has the right to leave a situation that feels threatening to them.
Whether it fits our definition or not.
The important factor is that it didn't feel safe for them.

I'm not saying jail the man or hang him or anything like that. I didn't even call him names. so I don't see how I'm judging him.

All I think he needs to do is let her have equal access to the kids as he does and both of them can forge their lives separately.

You are being defiant on this issue...Are u married? If u are, pray this does not happen to you...if u are not start praying for endurance before u get married because u might leave your husband on slightest provocation. Then again, seek Almighty God, he ordained Marriage and divorce is not from him.

lekwas:
Hi OP, the story you shared is incomplete and will need to be listened to fully (no on NL though).
Since you live in Lagos, there are facilities available you can access:

1. Ministry of Women Affairs - Blk 18 Alausa Secretariat
2. Initiative for Sustaining Family Unity- 16 Harvey Rd, Yaba. info@iforsfu.org
3. Project Alert on Violence Against Women- 21 Akinsanya Str off Isheri Rd (by FRSC) Ojodu. projectalert@projectalertnig.org

You can go to any of these places to report and they should guide you on appropriate steps to take to avoid further disintegration of the family. Do ensure you give correct information on the issues that led to the separation, was it legal or you just moved out of the home, also be sure to let them know what other remedies you have sought before now.
All the best

OP, You can also look for Legal Aid Council office in lagos they give free legal services to those that can't afford to get a lawyer

emeify:


The kids are not in danger. It was just me being abused and he has sworn tobfightbme tooth and nail if I try to take d kids.

I don't have a house now so cant even taken them. I don't mind paying their fees and have asked for the right to have them with me at certain days.

He is brandishing a cane and using tr kids as bargain. I also asked that he contribute to their upkeep when I have them over since I Wil be doing same for him. That passed him and I wonder y

Yes I Wil get legal advice since my attempts are hitting a wall. I am a responsible mother and have contributed all their life not only to their education but to everything in d house including rent. I don't tjink my husband is willing to let go those contributions. I don't blame him but he too needs to budge

Hey ma, how long have u been married? Are u a christain? Please, Go BACK to your family. Use your energy to get back than using your energy to get a lawyer. Invite JESUS to your home.....he is knocking. God bless u.

Goodboiyy:


lolz,, not yet married, don't even wanna see him, point of correction he his nt my father jst 1 fool... u don't know what it is to have a father tat denied u every right to life,, let's b fair here, if u re d 1 will u Accept d man as ur dad?, e knows our family compound, I don't care abt him, jst trying to send msg to the Op

have you heard your father's side of the story? Or your conclusions are based on whatever your mom told you about him. Its very possible that she denied him access to his kids.

.

Onegai:
When I was saying last week that children abandoned by their parents don't forgive them and people were arguing with me (and advising a young man to leave his newborn son, that the child will "look for him" in the future). See 2 examples here.

Where's the emoji for "I told ya so"?

95% of them do look for their fathers(especially the men). Only a 5% willl still be steeped in hatred which was planted in them by their mothers. Women tend to tell their kids a lot of lies after seperation to make them hate the man. Unsuprisingly, daughters are mostly the ones that buy into those lies.

Who on this earth will not like to grow up or know his/her both parents?

lolababe331e:


Reminds me of my biologically father and that crap about the children looking for their father no matter if he deserted them is a lie. I certainly never looked for him and when I got married I simply let my I laws no the man was never a part of my life and didn't deserve to be a part of my successes and celebrations . I don't hate or resent him, I just feel nothing for him

with this type of hatred for your father after more than two decades, your man must be dam.n scared of you. What story will you tell your children? That your father seperated from your mom and your mom took you people away from him, and he never bothered to come see you? Do you even know if your mom lied to you guys? Have you heard his own story? No matter what the sins of my parents are, I can't have much hatred/grudge against any of them for this long. I need to be a rolemodel to my kids and not teach them how to pay their parents back for their sins.

Sounds like u married a woman. He wants to keep the children and you have to pay half their fees to see dem. what a disgrace to manhood

Hi there, have you done with child custody. If yes then who is the custodial parent? You should consult a child custody lawyer. When I had my divorce we appealed for child custody with the help of custody lawyer Fairfax, VA.

last minute u had problemx wt sex,d next minute u need a lawyer to interven into ur matter..




maleh,I no bliv sh.it u said..
try harder next time.

emeify:


No court involved yet. The cause of the separation is not important. We used to jointly pay their upkeep.

I am suggesting they stay with me certain times and the upkeep be taken care of jointly at that time as well

the cause is the foundation of the problem and it is important. if tis just this below, why can't u express ur mind exactly to recieve help from God and Man.

emeify:
I have been married for a while but I seem to have lost interest in sex. I used to enjoy it before but for some reason, it no longer interest as me. Hubby is impatient as he does not understand and I am at a loss. Does anybody know what could be wrong with me?

azezola:
Dead beat mom pay child support... good for nothing biach

Why are you so bitter?

Who hurt you?

#okbye