7 Tips/ Reasons To Save Your Marriage And Don't Divorce


1. There Are Only Few Happy Divorced People: Nigeria was never a divorce-prone country. However the influences of western culture and movies have turned it into one. Nigerian’s abroad are the worst hit, as many couple rush into the emotionally and financially costly process without thinking about the consequences. Forget about the public shows and fake lives/ lies of how people are enjoying after divorce, I am yet to see anyone that went through divorce and came out not bruised – the legal fees, emotional wreck, social demotion, loss of assets, and the devastating effect on kids. Sistas are worst hit despite the pretenses of a new-found freedom. Even with Child-support payments, ladies who won full custody of minor kids ended up with the harsh reality that they just turned themselves into full-time home-bound, baby-sitters as they can no longer travel or even date openly because of the kids while the man simply drop-off child-support check at the end of the month and cruise around the world enjoying with his girlfriends.

2. A marriage is better saved than broken. People in the ‘divorce club’ will disagree because they want most young women to end up like them, unhappy, depressed, complaining, snapping without the physical/ social protection of a man. According to a research children raised in single family homes are most likely to have behavioral problems and end up in street crimes. The money most ladies gained on child-support is spent on jail-bails later on in life. So what’s the gain?

3. Forgive And Give A Second Chance: How can we be preaching gospel everywhere on social media, FB, churches about God’s love and forgiveness when in our own hearts we lack love and forgiveness? No sin cannot be forgiven even cheating. Like any sin, most cheats become remorseful and better people when busted and given a 2nd chance. Couple who overcome scandals became stronger. Don’t give in to what your enemies and society wants during a scandal. Think forgiveness first except it fails! I know at the heat and frenzy of the shock of a scandal (cheating, etc) people act on myriads of advice (mostly by competitors, lawyers and enemies). The best advice I have ever heard was “If God and Allah forgave you and gave you a 2nd chance why can’t you give your wife or husband a second chance even if caught in the act – God (Allah) catches you in the act all the time but let go?”

4. Seek Professional Counseling On Time Not Just Prayers: Most couple due to pride, shame and ego don’t seek the services of professional family counselors when signs of problems creep into their relationship. Those trust, love, and confidence-building sessions can be helpful. Don’t be a typical Nigerian that rushes to a pastor and leaves everything to prayer even cancer, till they die needlessly. Some pastors have no experience in relationships. In fact, most are bad spouses themselves. In most cases they worsen situations in family problems with their so-called unfounded visions, prophecies, prescriptions, and escalate fixable issues. A hot-tempered man is better off attending anger-management classes, a nagging wife, a former prostitute, a former ‘sugar-baby’ who had a sugar-daddy, drug addict, a porn addict, or cheating couple are better-off attending counseling and behavior modification classes than seeking a young inexperienced pastor’s services. In most cases the same pastors have taken advantage of their patrons financially, sexually or breakup the marriage through emotional infidelity and over-zealous actions to win followers.

5. Keep your friends, in-laws, and relatives away from your marriage issues. They worsen the matter by taking sides and broadcasting it or even seeking ‘help’ at native doctors on your behalf. Some people have secret problems they would rather keep confidential such as er.ection problems, pre-mature-eja.culation, low Spe.rm-count, body odor, lack of s.ex skills in bed, bad cooking, financial problems, compulsive mas.turbation, etc. Laying bare these problems in the normal narratives that follow quarrels cause permanent damages.

6. Admit the role you play in your relationship problems. It takes two to tango. There maybe something you are doing that’s igniting the reactions you get from her. Men stop comparing her with you ex-model girlfriends. Afterall you left them and married her. She’s got her own strengths too not necessarily looks. Ladies, stop comparing your men with your ‘loaded’ ex boyfriends and sugar-daddies- why didn’t they marry you?

7. The Golden Truth: Take steps to save your marriage. Children do better living with both parents. Sometime the next woman/ man prove to be worse. Lawyers work for your money and really not your friends. What is right sometime doesn’t make sense. Stop citing the law, your rights, radio/TV activists, feminists, chauvinists prescription (most are not married or failed in relationships), etc. It’s between two of you. Courts and police don’t fix relationship problems; they enforce the law and may not know your personal situations. Remember the people who fuel the conflicts and advise you to ‘take a break’ most times have vested interests in your partner, and turn out to be the ones remotely behind your woes. You only find out 5yrs later.

Give people who hurt you a second chance, third chance, fourth chance. “If God and Allah forgave you and gave you a ten chances why can’t you give your wife or husband a fourth chance even if caught?

May God Blot Out ‘Divorce’ From Your Family Dictionary As You Digest This!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Woged2005:
7 Tips/ Reasons To Save Your Marriage And Don't Divorce


1. There Are Only Few Happy Divorced People: Nigeria was never a divorce-prone country. However the influences of western culture and movies have turned it into one. Nigerian’s abroad are the worst hit, as many couple rush into the emotionally and financially costly process without thinking about the consequences. Forget about the public shows and fake lives/ lies of how people are enjoying after divorce, I am yet to see anyone that went through divorce and came out not bruised – the legal fees, emotional wreck, social demotion, loss of assets, and the devastating effect on kids. Sistas are worst hit despite the pretenses of a new-found freedom. Even with Child-support payments, ladies who won full custody of minor kids ended up with the harsh reality that they just turned themselves into full-time home-bound, baby-sitters as they can no longer travel or even date openly because of the kids while the man simply drop-off child-support check at the end of the month and cruise around the world enjoying with his girlfriends.

2. A marriage is better saved than broken. People in the ‘divorce club’ will disagree because they want most young women to end up like them, unhappy, depressed, complaining, snapping without the physical/ social protection of a man. According to a research children raised in single family homes are most likely to have behavioral problems and end up in street crimes. The money most ladies gained on child-support is spent on jail-bails later on in life. So what’s the gain?

3. Forgive And Give A Second Chance: How can we be preaching gospel everywhere on social media, FB, churches about God’s love and forgiveness when in our own hearts we lack love and forgiveness? No sin cannot be forgiven even cheating. Like any sin, most cheats become remorseful and better people when busted and given a 2nd chance. Couple who overcome scandals became stronger. Don’t give in to what your enemies and society wants during a scandal. Think forgiveness first except it fails! I know at the heat and frenzy of the shock of a scandal (cheating, etc) people act on myriads of advice (mostly by competitors, lawyers and enemies). The best advice I have ever heard was “If God and Allah forgave you and gave you a 2nd chance why can’t you give your wife or husband a second chance even if caught in the act – God (Allah) catches you in the act all the time but let go?”

4. Seek Professional Counseling On Time Not Just Prayers: Most couple due to pride, shame and ego don’t seek the services of professional family counselors when signs of problems creep into their relationship. Those trust, love, and confidence-building sessions can be helpful. Don’t be a typical Nigerian that rushes to a pastor and leaves everything to prayer even cancer, till they die needlessly. Some pastors have no experience in relationships. In fact, most are bad spouses themselves. In most cases they worsen situations in family problems with their so-called unfounded visions, prophecies, prescriptions, and escalate fixable issues. A hot-tempered man is better off attending anger-management classes, a nagging wife, a former prostitute, a former ‘sugar-baby’ who had a sugar-daddy, drug addict, a porn addict, or cheating couple are better-off attending counseling and behavior modification classes than seeking a young inexperienced pastor’s services. In most cases the same pastors have taken advantage of their patrons financially, sexually or breakup the marriage through emotional infidelity and over-zealous actions to win followers.

5. Keep your friends, in-laws, and relatives away from your marriage issues. They worsen the matter by taking sides and broadcasting it or even seeking ‘help’ at native doctors on your behalf. Some people have secret problems they would rather keep confidential such as er.ection problems, pre-mature-eja.culation, low Spe.rm-count, body odor, lack of s.ex skills in bed, bad cooking, financial problems, compulsive mas.turbation, etc. Laying bare these problems in the normal narratives that follow quarrels cause permanent damages.

6. Admit the role you play in your relationship problems. It takes two to tango. There maybe something you are doing that’s igniting the reactions you get from her. Men stop comparing her with you ex-model girlfriends. Afterall you left them and married her. She’s got her own strengths too not necessarily looks. Ladies, stop comparing your men with your ‘loaded’ ex boyfriends and sugar-daddies- why didn’t they marry you?

7. The Golden Truth: Take steps to save your marriage. Children do better living with both parents. Sometime the next woman/ man prove to be worse. Lawyers work for your money and really not your friends. What is right sometime doesn’t make sense. Stop citing the law, your rights, radio/TV activists, feminists, chauvinists prescription (most are not married or failed in relationships), etc. It’s between two of you. Courts and police don’t fix relationship problems; they enforce the law and may not know your personal situations. Remember the people who fuel the conflicts and advise you to ‘take a break’ most times have vested interests in your partner, and turn out to be the ones remotely behind your woes. You only find out 5yrs later.

Give people who hurt you a second chance, third chance, fourth chance. “If God and Allah forgave you and gave you a ten chances why can’t you give your wife or husband a fourth chance even if caught?

May God Blot Out ‘Divorce’ From Your Family Dictionary As You Digest This!

Nice write-up @OP.
Personally i'm of the opinion that divorce becomes justified only when the life of any of the spouse in a marriage is in danger by the action(s) of the other spouse. Thankyou.

limamintruth:



Nice write-up @OP.
Personally i'm of the opinion that divorce becomes justified only when the life of any of the spouse in a marriage is in danger by the action(s) of the other spouse. Thankyou.

You are right. but before it gets to that point..don't you think something could have been done, but pride and ego don't let people do something practical other than 'pray'?

Nice one. But I believe some ppl are not marriable, and some marriages were neva meant to be.

The one tip I believe that can save a marriage and not lead to divorce. Change.

Change change change.

If you're cheating on your husband or wife pls change. Repent. Ask for forgiveness and make sure you intend to never go back to that sin again.
Change.

If you're selfish. Pls change. The world doesn't revolve around you. Give as much as you expect to be given. Respect as much as you want to respected. Love as much as you want to be loved. Change your selfish attitude. Your partner shouldn't always be getting the shorter end of the stick.

You know what you promised when you got married. Remember them and keep to them. If you fail sometimes as humans do, apologize and be ready to make up for it. Don't expect your partner to be fine with your shortcomings all the time. They are human too. If they are, pls be appreciative. They are not living solely to please you. Their happiness also matters.

If someone is always on the receiving end of your selfishness. it will only be a matter of time before they snap.
So treat the cause of the disease and not the symptoms.

@OP
Western influence indeed.

The divorce that happened in igando court of Lagos last week surpassed that of America and UK put together in 2yrs

Pls the earlier we start owning up to our failings than blaming western influence for them, the better for us.

Marry your ideal heart desire, that way, there won't be no divorce.

cococandy:
@OP
Western influence indeed.

The divorce that happened in igando court of Lagos last week surpassed that of America and UK put together in 2yrs

Pls the earlier we start owning up to our failings than blaming western influence for them, the better for us.

A situation where a woman seeks divorce because her man can't sexually satisfy her, would you still preach CHANGE to him?

xynerise:

A situation where a woman seeks divorce because her man can't sexually satisfy her, would you still preach CHANGE to him?

yes na

he needs to know that sexual satisfaction is part of a satisfactory marriage.

Except he has health issues or any kind of stress that may have reduced his drive (which is a case of for better for worse) then he should endeavor to satisfy his wife. Kilode

cococandy:
The one tip I believe that can save a marriage and not lead to divorce. Change.

Change change change.

If you're cheating on your husband or wife pls change. Repent. Ask for forgiveness and make sure you intend to never go back to that sin again.
Change.

If you're selfish. Pls change. The world doesn't revolve around you. Give as much as you expect to be given. Respect as much as you want to respected. Love as much as you want to be loved. Change your selfish attitude. Your partner shouldn't always be getting the shorter end of the stick.

You know what you promised when you got married. Remember them and keep to them. If you fail sometimes as humans do, apologize and be ready to make up for it. Don't expect your partner to be fine with your shortcomings all the time. They are human too. If they are, pls be appreciative. They are not living solely to please you. Their happiness also matters.

If someone is always on the receiving end of your selfishness. it will only be a matter of time before they snap.
So treat the cause of the disease and not the symptoms.

With all due respect ma’am, I disagree with the change mantra as far as relationship is concerned. Change can never be sustained especially when human beings are constantly having to deal with temptation of varying degree on a daily basis.

Expectation! Expectation! Expectation!

Couples need to have/set realistic expectations. The world is changing and as such very diverse. You need to embrace differences and ensure expectations are well communicated before embarking on the journey. Yes people will lie so they can receive the acceptance they yearn but as a person you simply can’t lie to yourself. If your expectation isn’t being met then there really isn’t any point to continue the relationship hence the divorce option.

It’s really as simple as that

its always hilarious when the association of I cannot keep it in my pants rant about the impact of divorce without equally ranting that it is two people that Got Married and it also takes the two people to keep divorce at bay



I'm coming






I don't post without illustrations . Let me wear my glasses first

.. .

....

cococandy:
yes na

he needs to know that sexual satisfaction is part of a satisfactory marriage.

Except he has health issues or any kind of stress that may have reduced his drive (which is a case of for better for worse) then he should endeavor to satisfy his wife. Kilode

For better for worse in today's marriage is a hoax. That cliché don't exist anymore or very rare. Health issue or not, some women will still seek divorce if Oga's John-Thomas also go South-South, South-West or South-East during sex.

cococandy:
@OP
Western influence indeed.

The divorce that happened in igando court of Lagos last week surpassed that of America and UK put together in 2yrs

Pls the earlier we start owning up to our failings than blaming western influence for them, the better for us.

Don't mind these hypocritical fellows; always blaming western world for their woes.

Marry the right person and be the right spouse too

People do not wake up out of the blues to ask their partners for divorce...

Treat the disease and not the symptoms

Ur right

xynerise:

For better for worse in today's marriage is a hoax. That cliché don't exist anymore or very rare. Health issue or not, some women will still seek divorce if Oga's John-Thomas also go South-South, South-West or South-East during sex.

well I really believe in it.

I even think that sometimes going through hard times together can help a couple bond more emotionally of they are ready to be each other back bone.

It's just some people understand for better for worse to mean "if I cheat on you or beat you or abuse you, you should stay and endure it."
That's where all the mixed interpretations come from.

Ma'am?

Jaybee will not kill me.

Sir I agree with you on being realistic with expectations. But I think you're misunderstanding my position. In a way we are saying the same thing.

If someone won't change a bad attitude that puts strain on his or her marriage but keeps expecting his/her partner to put up with such things, isn't that an example of being unrealistic about the things the other is capable of enduring?

See same thing.

jaybee3:


With all due respect ma’am, I disagree with the change mantra as far as relationship is concerned. Change can never be sustained especially when human beings are constantly having to deal with temptation of varying degree on a daily basis.

Expectation! Expectation! Expectation!

Couples need to have/set realistic expectations. The world is changing and as such very diverse. You need to embrace differences and ensure expectations are well communicated before embarking on the journey. Yes people will lie so they can receive the acceptance they yearn but as a person you simply can’t lie to yourself. If your expectation isn’t being met then there really isn’t any point to continue the relationship hence the divorce option.

It’s really as simple as that

cococandy:
well I really believe in it.

I even think that sometimes going through hard times together can help a couple bond more emotionally of they are ready to be each other back bone.

It's just some people understand for better for worse to mean "if I cheat on you or beat you or abuse you, you should stay and endure it."
That's where all the mixed interpretations come from.

Not just cheating. I am talking about hardship, Societal pressure and even health related issues.

Depression make husband run mad. Wife carry children run go village. Bicycle hit Wife, she became crippled. Husband marry another woman to replace the legs ....End time marriage

cococandy:
Ma'am?

Jaybee will not kill me.

Sir I agree with you on being realistic with expectations. But I think you're misunderstanding my position. In a way we are saying the same thing.

If someone won't change a bad attitude that puts strain on his or her marriage but keeps expecting his/her partner to put up with such things, isn't that an example of being unrealistic about the things the other is capable of enduring?

See same thing.

Shouldn't they be accomodating the difference from the onset?

Going into a union an expecting change for a desired result is too much of a gamble.

You shouldn't knowingly introduce uncertainty variables into marriage equations.


Madam sounds better?

How u been though?

cococandy:
well I really believe in it.

I even think that sometimes going through hard times together can help a couple bond more emotionally of they are ready to be each other back bone.

It's just some people understand for better for worse to mean "if I cheat on you or beat you or abuse you, you should stay and endure it."
That's where all the mixed interpretations come from.

@bold: Very True

Yes they should be accommodating if they are aware of those faults from the beginning. Everyone does have some fault to begin with.

But how about those that got married and after some years start behaving nasty to their spouse? That's the kind of thing I think they should change instead of expecting the poor fellow to endure it. They are preaching against divorce but won't stop doing that thing that can lead their partner to get fed up. Just like you said at the bolded. Introducing uncertainties that don't belong in marriage is likely going to break the marriage.


I'm fine
If you keep calling me ma'am or madam I'll go and find a chieftaincy title for you

jaybee3:

Shouldn't they be accomodating the difference from the onset?

Going into a union an expecting change for a desired result is too much of a gamble.

You shouldn't knowingly introduce uncertainty variables into marriage equations.


Madam sounds better?

How u been though?

xynerise:

Not just cheating. I am talking about hardship, Societal pressure and even health related issues.

Depression make husband run mad. Wife carry children run go village. Bicycle hit Wife, she became crippled. Husband marry another woman to replace the legs ....End time marriage

Yea. I believe couples should stay together and be strong for each other in such situations.
You're probably right people tend to run when such hard times hit but the ideal would be to stay and tough it out. Although I've to say I know some married people who have been through hell together. And they are not in the minority.

I don't pray for such and I can't really say I've had hard times but I'm of the mindset that if such were to happen to me,(poverty, sickness, or anything like that) I'd stick it out until the end.

cococandy:
Yes they should be accommodating if they are aware of those faults from the beginning. Everyone does have some fault to begin with.

But how about those that got married and after some years start behaving nasty to their spouse? That's the kind of thing I think they should change instead of expecting the poor fellow to endure it. They are preaching against divorce but won't stop doing that thing that can lead their partner to get fed up. Just like you said at the bolded. Introducing uncertainties that don't belong in marriage is likely going to break the marriage.


I'm fine
If you keep calling me ma'am or madam I'll go and find a chieftaincy title for you

Give me the list of character traits that are likely to change once married and allow me scream those traits where obviously ignored whilst dating as they were deemed not serious enough to warrant total pullout

I'm sure they go don dey use ma'am for you for obodo oyinbo

Glad to hear you are doing fab..Just tge way we like it

Gbam. My point exactly

cococandy:
Yes they should be accommodating if they are aware of those faults from the beginning. Everyone does have some fault to begin with.

But how about those that got married and after some years start behaving nasty to their spouse? That's the kind of thing I think they should change instead of expecting the poor fellow to endure it. They are preaching against divorce but won't stop doing that thing that can lead their partner to get fed up. Just like you said at the bolded. Introducing uncertainties that don't belong in marriage is likely going to break the marriage.


I'm fine
If you keep calling me ma'am or madam I'll go and find a chieftaincy title for you

Below is the reality

[size=15pt]Most divorced people regret ever getting divorced[/size]

Yet, 50 per cent of divorcees have regrets about their break-up, a study revealed. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 per cent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realising they miss or still love their ex-partner.

For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 per cent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again and 21 per cent of those still together now.

https://winteryknight./2014/08/20/new-study-50-percent-of-divorced-people-wish-they-had-never-ended-their-marriage/

The second reality

Most divorcees still seek marriage a second, 3rd 4th 5th 6th time

So instead of changing partners and later land with another imperfect one after the next, why not work out the first one?

Third reality

[size=15pt]With more marriages, the higher your chances of divorce[/size]

The failure rate is indeed high; in 2006, the U.S. Census Bureau found that 60 percent of second marriages and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

"They don't want to be alone. They feel scared by what's happened to them -- it's disturbing," she said. "Instead of resolving the issues that caused the first break-up, they move into the second one and bring all of that with them."

And while children are often "the glue that binds" couples in their first marriage, that's not necessarily the case for second and third unions, which generally take place in the post-child rearing years.

Saltz added that the sense of determinism most people develop after recovering from their first divorce often sets them up for failure when they hit rough patches in their second and third marriages.

"You become desensitized to the idea of divorce," she said. "You run into some trouble and go, 'Well, I have been down this road before and I survived, so what the heck.'"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/06/second-third-marriages-divorce-rate_n_1324496.html

If you notice its mainly the younger crowd that champions divorce a lot because like Yorubas say, What is after 6 is more than 7. WHat elderly even educated people see and advise against divorce the youth wont see


[size=15pt]Divorce Rates Increase if You’re young[/size]

60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce.

http://www.maselliwarren.com/2014/03/20/divorce-rates-increase-youre-25/