shortly after my wife delivered, we received a phone call from my elder brother who we haven't heard from for 3 years now. he claimed to have gotten a job in our town and needs a place to stay. I initially refused as my wife had just had a baby and we were already going through a tough time in our marriage but he begged that he would just stay for 2 weeks and afterwards would go to one of our other siblings across town. Needless to say, it has now been 9 months and my brother is still in our house refusing to go stay with any of our other siblings as he is not on good terms with them.

Since he has been here, tension has been building between my wife and my brother until they recently had a big fight due to the following reasons:
*since coming to stay with us, he has never bought N1 gift or card for our newly born son. this hurt me so deeply but I kept quiet.
*as soon as he began working, he started to ask that I take him to and fro work everyday despite seeing that my wife and I have not slept all night due to a crying baby. i would leave the house so early,drive him to his office before i start my own journey to work in this lagos traffic. by the time we get back home, I'm too tired to assist my wife with any house chores. when my wife got frustrated and complained, he decided to make her an enemy.
*I decided to air out my grievances to him in a respectful manner, but instead of understanding, he flared up on me and said I'm chatting shiiittt.
*we asked him not to take pictures of our baby but later discovered that he had been sending pics to family members who have refused to come see us since my wife put to bed.
*on top of everything, my brother would bring different girlfriends in and out of my house and even store the food that they cook in our fridge amongst the food that my wife cooks. of course this wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that he is married and I happen to be very close to his wife.
*bare in mind that my wife would cook dinner every night and even pack the lunch both of us would eat the next day at work despite not having any assistance from my side of family.

my wife finally had enough and insulted him on one fateful day. during the argument brother recorded the dialog and forwarded it to our family members portraying my wife in a bad light. all the phone calls and embarrassment became too much. so last week, brother and I came home to find the house almost empty. my wife had packed her things and disappeared.
last night I received a call from her mother saying my wife and son are with her and shortly they would send my cheap bride price back as a christmas gift.
Please I'm completely shattered and feeling all alone in this world. bro is still in my house and is not moved by any of this at all. I overheard him saying as long as he's making his money and living rent-free whats his own"

If this your story is true, i would advise you ask your brother to go and rent his own place, and you must mean it.
He works and is getting paid. He should plan his life around the salary he makes.
Give him 1 month to find a place.
You also need to learn to stand up for yourself. How can you drive him to work everyday? , and still drive to your own place of work? Did you need your wife to tell you before you realize its stressing you out?
Your brother is just a user, you can never gain anything from him, so forget comments like you or your children may need his help in future. Even if you do, he will never give it.
As per your wife, just go and apologize. Talk to your inlaws. Once your brother leaves, bring back your family.

I know you are not a sissy...you are the man!

Here is the next point of call...formally marry your brother! That should be easy, groom price unnecessary! Well done!

You didn't say anything about the ways you've been stressing your wife too.
Let's deal with your brother's case.Tell him he will need to get his own place.Give him just a few weeks.
Change the locks in your house and shut him out when the time expires.
Go and make moves to reconcile with your wife.Complete your bride price osiso.

This your brother is the real definition of a parasite.

He gets paid but has refused to be responsible to himself. Lives in your house, you drive him to and fro work, your wife gives him breakfast, packed lunch to work and he'll eat dinner when he's back. What does he do with his salary?.

Give him an ultimatum to leave your house. You'll be doing him a favour.

thorpido:
You didn't say anything about the ways you've been stressing your wife too.
Let's deal with your brother's case.Tell him he will need to get his own place.Give him just a few weeks.
Change the locks in your house and shut him out when the time expires.
Go and make moves to reconcile with your wife. Complete your bride price osiso .

i have completed it but the damage is done already. in her people's eyes i can't seem to erase the bad impression.
if you read my previous thread you will see that the problem has been from day one. my wife is so beautiful and respectful
but was never accepted from my family because she's from a wealthy home and her parents are divorced.
how do I reconcile with her when she has said to my face several times that she appreciates that i'm a good guy but she has
fallen out of love with me. my wife has logged out emotionally.

deleSayo:
shortly after my wife delivered, we received a phone call from my elder brother who we haven't heard from for 3 years now. he claimed to have gotten a job in our town and needs a place to stay. I initially refused as my wife had just had a baby and we were already going through a tough time in our marriage but he begged that he would just stay for 2 weeks and afterwards would go to one of our other siblings across town. Needless to say, it has now been 9 months and my brother is still in our house refusing to go stay with any of our other siblings as he is not on good terms with them.

Since he has been here, tension has been building between my wife and my brother until they recently had a big fight due to the following reasons:
*since coming to stay with us, he has never bought N1 gift or card for our newly born son. this hurt me so deeply but I kept quiet.
*as soon as he began working, he started to ask that I take him to and fro work everyday despite seeing that my wife and I have not slept all night due to a crying baby. i would leave the house so early,drive him to his office before i start my own journey to work in this lagos traffic. by the time we get back home, I'm too tired to assist my wife with any house chores. when my wife got frustrated and complained, he decided to make her an enemy.
*I decided to air out my grievances to him in a respectful manner, but instead of understanding, he flared up on me and said I'm chatting shiiittt.
*we asked him not to take pictures of our baby but later discovered that he had been sending pics to family members who have refused to come see us since my wife put to bed.
*on top of everything, my brother would bring different girlfriends in and out of my house and even store the food that they cook in our fridge amongst the food that my wife cooks. of course this wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that he is married and I happen to be very close to his wife.
*bare in mind that my wife would cook dinner every night and even pack the lunch both of us would eat the next day at work despite not having any assistance from my side of family.

my wife finally had enough and insulted him on one fateful day. during the argument brother recorded the dialog and forwarded it to our family members portraying my wife in a bad light. all the phone calls and embarrassment became too much. so last week, brother and I came home to find the house almost empty. my wife had packed her things and disappeared.
last night I received a call from her mother saying my wife and son are with her and shortly they would send my cheap bride price back as a christmas gift.
Please I'm completely shattered and feeling all alone in this world. bro is still in my house and is not moved by any of this at all. I overheard him saying as long as he's making his money and living rent-free whats his own"

I believe that's not the only house in town. Jejely look for money and park out one day before he comes back from work. Let him remain in the empty house. What's your own. We are all human.

The damage has been done but it can still be salvaged if and only if you want your wife to return. Your brother must not celebrate this Xmas in your house. He must leave, yes, it is a must. You need to go and meet your wife and bring her back. This brother of yours is of no value to you. He is a parasite and he needs to fend for himself.
I still don't understand why you allowed him to even stay beyond one month since you knew from day one that your family didn't like your wife. Forget about blood is thicker than water. It's your life bros!

I can't believe you allowed your elder brother ruin your marriage...you reconcile with your wife if it means prostrating.....then just take a take leave at work...pack your things from that house to another suitable accommodation...leave your brother in the house...of course tell the landlord you are moving out simple....when rent expire your brother will either renew it or the landlord throw him out.....you better take charge of your life

You really should start being a man and try winning your wife back.

You should have curbed his excesses right from the time he started working and refused to go rent his own apartment.

Ask him to leave and go beg your wife. Also, you two should make rules on duration for accommodating family members.

deleSayo:


i have completed it but the damage is done already. in her people's eyes i can't seem to erase the bad impression.
if you read my previous thread you will see that the problem has been from day one. my wife is so beautiful and respectful
but was never accepted from my family because she's from a wealthy home and her parents are divorced.
how do I reconcile with her when she has said to my face several times that she appreciates that i'm a good guy but she has
fallen out of love with me. my wife has logged out emotionally.

Man up and tell your brother to leave your house, give him a time frame of one week that would be enough for him to sort himself out but be matured enough to handle him so it won't result to physical fight.

Look for a means to see your wife and her mother, apologize and do everything you can to take her back home though it won't be easy at first but don't just give up.

Regarding her telling you she has fallen out of love with you, when you were asking her out there were things you did that made her fall in love with you, try and do those things again. Do everything within your power to win her love and emotions back.

Best of luck

It is simple oga

Ask him to move out and if he refuses, either you move out yourself or get the cops to move him out.
Oga landlord, I'm moving out next month. So move out if bros doesn't wanna move.

I just don't get why men never learn.

Find a way of getting your wife back, and yes your bro must leave.

You will become wifeless and his response will be 'As long as I am making money and living rentfree what's my own' this statement shows he cares nothing about you or your family and is just after his own selfish interest.

Which brother will demand you drive him first to his place of work and then you go back to yours ( and it's not like it's on your route else you wouldn't be complaining) what kind of selfish human is that.

He doesn't respect you and wifeys privacy, even after saying pls don't send my baby's pictures.

He's not even in good terms with the other siblings, who will take all these attitude from him, most people wont.

Go and appease your wife and her family and get her back, else you will be all alone and your family members that hate your wife will face their own families.



Wise up, many have gone.

deleSayo:


i have completed it but the damage is done already. in her people's eyes i can't seem to erase the bad impression.
if you read my previous thread you will see that the problem has been from day one. my wife is so beautiful and respectful
but was never accepted from my family because she's from a wealthy home and her parents are divorced.
how do I reconcile with her when she has said to my face several times that she appreciates that i'm a good guy but she has
fallen out of love with me. my wife has logged out emotionally.

I just read your other thread.There's a lot of work to be done if you are to get your wife back.Nevertheless,give it a push.
Move away to a temporary place and appease your wife to join you

Marry your brother. Nonsense.

Your brother is your family's game plan to tell ur wife "like mother like daughter". Don't sit and let that happen. Pls this should be among the lines you use in begging your wife.

I keep telling people that this thing called marriage is a big scam in this generation, but they hardly get it.

There is no need trying to "tie" a person down if you can break out anytime this don't go your way anymore. Yet they market it as "happily ever after", "for better for worse". Hahaha .

Marriage this days is nothing more than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Just leave it at that level. Love (as they call it) shouldn't be so selfish and self centered to be thinking of "tying" the other down.

Marriage is a scam! Don't say you weren't told!

Agbaletu:
The damage has been done but it can still be salvaged if and only if you want your wife to return. Your brother must not celebrate this Xmas in your house. He must leave, yes, it is a must. You need to go and meet your wife and bring her back. This brother of yours is of no value to you. He is a parasite and he needs to fend for himself.
I still don't understand why you allowed him to even stay beyond one month since you knew from day one that your family didn't like your wife. Forget about blood is thicker than water. It's your life bros!

I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

deleSayo:


I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

Oga, I think I get why your wife has fallen out of love with you. Women like men who know when to draw the lines. You saw how she stood up to correct your brother before leaving your house, that's what you as the man of the house should've done but you didn't.

Why do you care so much about the opinions your family members will have of you? Who cares about that? Are you married to your family?. You're too weak for a man...You tire me abeg!. No wonder you were driving your bro to and fro when the situation was uncomfortable for you. You rather displease yourself and please family members.

I don't even pray to marry a man that doesn't know when to draw the line.

deleSayo:


I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

Now I understand why your wife moved out. You failed to draw the line right from when you noticed that your family didn't like your wife.
I can't sacrifice my marriage for anyone on this earth.
It is well bro!

Dear Op, in marriage, wisdom is needed.

Now, My advice to you is to send your heartless brother packing, anyhow you want to do that, then, go apologise to your wife and her family. Then move her and your son back into the house. Don't allow your brother to destroy the home you have been building from years back. And d most unfortunate thing is that the said brother is even happy that your wife left. SMH.

You should get a new place and move out, then go bring your wife back home.

This is just crazy

Being married myself and reading this shameful story, I’m not sure the OP is ready to be in a marriage. You just fell in love and thought the next logical step was to get married.

Firstly, as the man you own your home and everything that goes on in it is directly under your sphere of influence. A wise man should know that the only way to make a woman happy in her home is to make her feel loved and most important to make her feel like you want her there. This is always stated indirectly through your actions or inactions.

Op, the first mistake you made was to ignore the underlying issues between herself and your family. Granted, I’m one of the people who think a marriage can thrive even if the mans family don’t like the wife. This happens a lot and is one of the leading causes for divorce. If you were serious about marriage you should accepted this fact and protected your wife from undue communications with your family. Again, I do not believe your family members will have the effontory to insult your wife without your implied permission. And even if this happened “fighting” for your wife would make her know you weren’t in support of it.


The second mistake was to let someone into your home when the bond yourself and madam wasn’t too strong. If I may ask, did she give her consent to this decision? I’ll assume that as with any wise woman , she wouldn’t have. But you ignored her and went ahead to let your brother come in.

The third mistake you made was to let things get this bad. Basically your wife is now tired of the marriage because you’ve made her feel like you don’t want her to be a part of it. Try to think about things from her perspective for a bit.

It will take the grace of God for her to come back. But first you must sit down and reason where things went wrong and how to correct them/ prevent them in future. Your wife won’t be coming back until you allay her fears and even if you convince her to come back without solving these issues, it won’t last long.

Ask yourself these questions and what you have to do becomes obvious:

1. Are you ready to take your wife above any family member?

2. Are you ready to get serious about asking your brother to leave that house? Or at least getting another house without your brother in it?

3. Do you think your wife is cheating on you or has someone else she’s emotionally tied to?

deleSayo sorry to say but you've lost your wife, son and family. Haba you too weak nau. Drive your brother to work then come back home and tell your wife that you're too tired when your family are not showing any support and it's obvious that your wife noticed it and has fallen out with them? From your previous topic you explained how she was badly treated by your mom after she gave birth yet this woman would still prepare lunch for your brother who his wife openly showed hatred from the first day and you make her felt like she's second choice? Worse still you saw the red flags but I guess you were among the crew that believes 'It's my home'. But you've failed to protect her and your son and she's right to leave you. Confronting your brother would lead to dastardly consequences and as far as I'm concerned the only way your wife will come back is if your family change how they treat her. She wasn't mad at you but at your family but you made her less important and she isn't stupid. The only way to bring your wife back is for your brother, his wife, your mom and dad to settle with her and you show her you're a man but I don't think that would work because since April you couldn't settle that problem now it has escalated. I'm sorry just look for a lawyer to finalise the divorce procedure and then you can marry your family.

Wonders shall never end

Op sorry to lay blame on you first. You fvcked up big time. How could you have allowed your brother do such a thing. You fuvk up oo bro. I know its not easy on you but you should have stood your ground and own your home. Your wife really tried.

This is the time you send your brother away and go back and remarry your wife. You owe her the same gifts deserving of a newly married lady. Go and collect another list from her mother, buy everything and bring her back.

Do this immediately.
Kind regards

Op why? Don't you know that being married means protecting your wife? Your wife had taken a lot and could not take it anymore. It is unfair to put her in such situation and expect her to be happy.
Your wedding ring does not qualify you as a husband but putting your house in order. How can you allow your brother come to run your home. Whether older or ancestor, he has to respect your home and you have to define that respect.
Your attitude of allowing anything and everything has got you here. You don't seem to have any standards or rules...so anything goes.You drive him to work at the detriment of your sound health and of staying a little longer with your wife and kid. Are You under a spell?
You should know that your brother will not allow you to come to his house and try the rubbish he is displaying in your house.
If you don't have plans to move out yet, pack his things and keep with a neighbour, lock up your house and go stay with a family...friend for a while with your wife.
Your brother is selfish. He will not do for you what you are doing for him. Live your life and let him live his.

The most difficult people to deal with are shameless people. And your brother is acting shamelessly. Have you informed your brother that he has to leave? Because all I can see from your write-up is that you haven't. Do not beg your wife to come back or bring back your wife while your brother is in that house.

The solution starts with him packing out and fast. Your brother has no iota of respect for you, even bringing girlfriends to your house while He is married. These are are the ways he is being your brother:

He is demeaning you.
He is abusing you.
He is controlling your life.
He is making your life miserable.
He is causing separation between you and wife.
He does not give a damn about your happiness.

So you can either continue to enjoy your brother's love, or you can stamp your foot down an say enough of this brotherly love.

Good. Now, you should marry your brother.

deleSayo:


I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

You're supposed to be the man to take care of the family, what you wrote here is really pathetic