,just when passers by thought that the cab driver would pounce on Einstein, the driver snapped his fingers and time stood still. Every thing stopped, even the urine from the agberos pr%*k stopped flowing and was suspended in the air . The only things still moving were Einstein and the driver.
"goodness me, It's judgement day and I've been left behind, how come i didn't hear the trumpet God ?" asked Einstein. "Fear not earthling " replied the driver, " i'm a zactothroid, from the planet the where continuum transfunctioner was created."
"phew", sighed Einstein "for a second there i thought it was a zillion years of ass 1000 degrees barbecue for me" he added. Then with a sudden change in his expression He asked the alien. . . .

"who are you"

"I am the duppy they sent to put you out once and for all." the duppy answered anxiously with a smile on his face

"so how would you like to die" the duppy asked

"slow and painful or fast and furious" the duppy asked again smiling

Without hesitation, the duppy jumped into Einstein body screaming. 

Die mother #$*&^%, Die!!! 

Einstein descended into hell.  When the devil approached Einstein he realized it was not a dream and indeed he was in hell


[size=58pt]The End[/size]

On a cold rainy night in Nigeria a little boy and girl walked the streets of lagos. The night grew darker as they walked . . .

(@Epi, that one na lie o )

. . . walked by an abandoned coal mine. They had a sound like the echo of people groaning in pain from a distance,"my mother told me that the sound coming from the mine is that of people writhing with pain in hell" says the little boy. The little girl nods in agreement with a demeanour that showed she already knew of such, she adds "my pastor also told us that when ever demons or the devil is coming to earth from hell, they use the mine".
"gbudu. . . gbudu. . . .gbudu. . " the earth starts to rumble like a magnitude 6 earthquake on the Richter scale. The little boy and girl look with terror at the entrance to the mine as a man emerges from it holding in his hand a device and slowly inspects it for damage. As he walks towards them he mutters to himself, "thank God i got the CT back". When he reaches them he smiles and says, "Hi there, My name is . . . .

the little boy shook his head and asked ' what did you say your name was.?'

I am Einstein. Sorry for the mixup initially. My life in hell must have made me lose my identity temporarily.

But why did you say OBJ at first, the little girl asked.

Einstein smiled. I have a mission from the devil concerning him. MAny Nigerians are in hell and they say OBJ was the cause,
Well, i have to be on my way. theres work to be done.

Einstein travelled to Ogun state. But he decided to take a night bus. He arrived at about 9pm. At the park, he looked around and spotted one pretty lady struggling to carry some bags. He fell in love instantly. he walked towards her,

Einstein alive again?? DWL me belly, I can't stop laughing, I'm crying

some people here wants Einstein dead, He will never die,

Now we are celebrating the resurrection of Einstein.

^^ I took pictures of my tears on my lap top to show how much I laugh.  He caught me off guard.  I really thought it was the end of Einstein, but it's that line.  I even ask others to log on and read because they all think i'm crazy here.  you should see them here watching me

ok, time to continue the story

someone should please start the Einstein story, writers are waiting

looking for an excuse to talk to her; he racked his head and finally hit on an idea.
pls sisi i am looking for a man
she stared at him blankly before bursting out in laughter.
"there are many men in ogun state" how do i know which one you are looking for
einstein replied. his name is seun osewa and i have a message for him the message is that

. . "he should make sure that he gather enough young Nigerians on the web based secret society he was told to form". She looked at him in amazement and asked him "who is sending the message ? " . Einstein replies "just tell him the boss, he'll understand." . She was about to ask him "but how do you know i know Se. . .", when he interrupts her and says "i know everything. Aren't you Muki the Gunner Fan ? " . Surprised she answer yes. He then tells her "tell him we're coming to collect them all at 11:59pm on sept 30. And o, by the way, the gunners will an treble winners in may 2010". Before she could say anything he makes time stand still with the Continuum Transfunctioner and starts to run in the opposite direction.
2hrs later. . .

, he was at the Grand opening of the Obansanjo Cultural center in Abeokuta. He had not forgotten the mission he was sent to do. He could still hear the screams of those Nigerians in hell begging for justice.

He approached the door. A tall, huge agent and wearing dark shades with a semi automatic on his hand stopped him.

Where are you going mister? This event is strictly by invitation so where is your pass.
Einstein looked at him eyeball to eyeball. he thoght of using the C.T to pulverize him but he thought otherwise. He ddnt want to attract attention. What could he do?

Alright , i will go back. But lets shake hands as a sign of no illwill. As the agent stretched his hand, Einstein pulled him suddenly and give him a killing upper cut that dislocated his jaw. The agent lay on the ground lifeless.

He walked through into the hall and just then OBJ was about giving a speech.

Time seemed to stand still. OBJ knew his time was up. HE reached out under his flowing agbada and,

. . .pulled out a picture of late Stella. He started to sob and mutter"atlast it is time to rejoin you my dear.". On hearing these words Einstein hesitated and was taken aback but he was still reluctanctly going to do what he came for when out of the blue, steps Lara George as she starts singing an emotional song that made everyone shed a tear. Einstein was touched too, so touched he . . .

started to sob and went up to obj on the podium
sir he said shakily, the song is really touching my heart
and i find it difficult to do the job assigned to me here
out of the blue he screams LARA WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME GET ON WITH WHAT I CAME HERE TO DO
kia, the song dry up in lara's mouth and she ran crying out of the hall.
einstein then collected himself and prepared to

. . . .do job when time stood still again. Einstein knew he wasn't the one who did so he knew there was another powerful agent there. Some one tapped him from behind,"my child why do waste your time on trivial matters". Einstein was about to ask ,"who a. . .", when the man answered"i'm Olga from the 3rd moon of jupiter.". "wha. . . " Einstein was about to ask again, when he was replied"we have real problems for you to solve not these puny matters you're pursuing". Einstein was again bout to ask,"how do . . ." when he was replied "i knew everything you're about to ask cos i can see into minds".
Einstein still in shock stood as the man continued"yes i know all, your thoughts i can see. I will advice you to harbouring those thought of Omotola cos she's a married mother of four. I'll also advice you to stop fantasies on Jennifer Love Hewitt cos you'll never meet her even if you had billion bucks ". They both stood quiet with Einstein looking embarrassed and feeling when the man started to speak "your new mission is . . .

, a Special One and it could prove dangerous. There is a Special Stone which was misplaced from our planet and a space ship from earth picked it and brought it to earth specifically in Smallville, Kansas, USA. The stone is an important energy source and has special powers. Right now it is being worn as a pendant by the daughter of the astronaut who found it. You are take the next flight there and retrieve it within one week.

Alright. I will be on my way.

The next day, Einstein was on the next flight. He wasnt too used to being in airplanes. He had heard stories of near crashes and hijackings. He was deep in thought when suddenly the plane gave a series of jerks.

Oh my God. Einstein cried. Its happening.

A voice came over the intercom. Relax everybody, its just a minor weather problems. It will be calm soon. Meanwhile, all passengers should have their seatbelts on.

Einstein was petrified. Is the end? What of my mission. God, i pray i survive this,

Suddenly

the journey came to an end, Einstein was hungry so he went to buy himself three spring rolls and carrot, he checked into a hotel and went to bed.

When he woke up just before noon the next day, he discovered he was naked. Lying next to him were 3 female septugenerians whispering and giggling to themselves. When they realised he was awake they all said,"good morning tiger" after which they all giggled.
Einstein was dumbfounded, he didn't know what had happened but he knew he was in a tobacco filled room with 3 grannies who kept giving him kinky stares and making what he suspected were cat meows. "where's my CT ?" he asked them. "What's a CT?" one of them replied, "a slim, silvery cylindrical device" he told her. "o ! You mean this thing" she replied pulling the CT from under the sheets. She continued "that's not what you called it last night when you and your . . ." she then looked at her 2 friends and giggled as she emphasized CT and continued". . 'CT' rocked our world last night lover boy."
Einstein got dressed and. .

"well I've got to find a TV fast" Einstein thought to himself as he left the hotel. Ofcourse every knew it was a European weekend and champions league was on most guys agenda including the great Einstein.

he decided that his best bet was to go to the nearest viewing center.
so he went downstairs. he heard some guys sobbing at the isiewu joint
and he remembered that spain was due to play against nigeria
it seems the losing side is sobbing so
he went to ask them about the match."who won the spain nigeria match guys?"
they looked at him with red angry eyes

and then one of them burped, they then all smiled and then went to bed.

While they were in bed Einstein suddenly jumped out of bed and shouted out,"It's still European night and i still have to watch tonights hands".
He then got dressed and went down stairs to the bar and bought some drinks. He then brought out his internet enabled phone and logged onto Nairaland. He then wrote to the Nairalanders controlling his destiny

dear Romsky, Ibkaye, Epi, drHarry, edoyad. . . ., it is European night tonight and i would greatly appreciate it if you don't cause me to go on any stupid missions tonight.
Yours professionally, Einstein

After sending the message, he closed his laptop, put it into his bag and then flung the bag containing the laptop into the nearest lagoon. He then smiled to himself, picked his nose and rolled on the floor until he was back at the hotel. Then he ordered a bagel.

Afterwards he called to add with what ordered for, some mozzorella sauce and a pack of heineken. It was time for him to watch the match between Manchester utd, the team he hated versus Wolfsburg, the team he was going to support.

Then Manchester united won and the other team lost, he then cried himself to sleep.

Einstein was awoken by the smell of burning incense in his room. He opened his eyes and right in his room were two men clothed in black attires with masks and a sword latched to each back. From the way they stood motionless he knew this men were master swordsmen who could cut the proboscis of a mosquito with one swipe. Just behind stood an old Asian man with white hair and in a white apparel. His heart started to race, "could this man be the husband to one of those three giggling women i woke up with yester-morning ?".
Just then the old wise man in white began to speak, "i am sensay Hakibi Maroshi, of the Fuwojima dojo. I am here to give you enlightenment. Get prepared for destiny begins now"
Einstein was perplexed but still got his things together and ofcourse the CT and followed them jumping out the window though his room was on the 23rd floor of the hotel.

, One moment he was jumping out of his window, the next moment he found himself in a Huge enclave full of Gothic Figures. All around him were men in black attires motionles.

Where am I? Einstein asked.

You are in the Kora brotherhood, messengers of Olga. You were given a mission to retrieve a special stone but you deviated from it. We have been ordered to persuade you to go or else,

Or else what?

It will be too grievious to speak of it now. Right now, the lady is about to sell the pendant. get to her before its too late. you have 3days.
Using the C.T device, Einstein teleported himself to Smallville. and soon he was standing at the door of Kate, the Astronauts daughter. He wondered what he was going to say to her when she opens the door.
How would he convince her to give him the stone?

He knocked on the door, A sonorus voice answered, " Yes, i'm coming. hold on.'

And the door opened to reveal the most beautiful lady, he had ever seen. He stood with mouth agape.

Kate smiled, she knew she had this effect on men. She looked at him from head to toe. He was handsome but what did he want?

Einstein stammered, Emm, I am, Emmm, I was just, You know. Can i borrow your Pressing iron?

Kate laughed,

. . . . She hesitated for a moment before answering "yes you can". She went further "the problem is that It's a coal iron. We use those here cos the local power company was sold to a Nigerian power company and we've not had electricity for over a week. Even when we've got power It's usually rationed and this is not our week to receive power."
Einstein had not listened to a word she had said cos he had been busy dreaming of him and her on a magic carpet ride. Just when he had mustered enough words to reply she said "oh excuse me " pushed past him and shouted to a boy selling mobile phone recharge cards "Hi there Clark " . The boy turned as soon as he heard her voice and replied "i'm doing fine". The boy then looked at Einstein with cold eyes but still managed to nod his head at Einstein. Einstein nodded back then told the girl that. . . .

, He was in love with her.

Kate smiled, Im not sure you are alright. you just meeting me for the first time and you say , you love me. By the way, i am in love with someonelse.

Einstein stared at her. Hope is not that slowpoke who just passed by. What is that is name? n Clark. Sounds like the sound of a duck.

Kate's eyes became red and before Einstein knew what was coming, a hot slap landed on his cheek.

How dare you speak of my friend that way!!!. You are nothing compared to him.

I am very sorry, Einstein apologised. i guess i got carried away. I dont intend to come between you and Clark but i want to sincerely be your friend. Can i at least take you out on a date toniught??

Kate looked at him for some seconds. Ok, but behave more responsible and no fast moves to get me to bed.

Einstein smiled. Alright its a date. i will pick you up by 8pm.

, At the grocery store, Clark heard everything with his super hearing ability and was instantly jealous.
How could Kate do this to him. He had to stop him.

Later that evening, 30 minutes to the time to pick up Kate, Clark