Have any of you dated/had a serious relationship with a woman/man who has previously had a child(ren).

What were your experiences like?

If you wouldn't, why not? Is it such a major problem?

Do you think your parents wouldn't be accepting to it?

My work colleague has a child from a previous relationship that ended nasty, and granted she has had quite a few guys take serious interest in her, but there are some that when she mentions having a child run for the hills, lol.

Tell me, w/could you?or w/couldn't you?   

No I would not. There are too many issues attached to it. The child or children may never want to accept me into their mother's life. There is also the social stigma, where everyone tends to view one as going after a woman who is already ''after one.'' But if the children are ready to see me as playing a fatherly role to them, and the woman in question loves me, possibly then. . . . . . . I may consider it.

@ Pataki

too many issues like what? and why are you bothered about what other people may think? doesn't it also depend on the woman's character and the story behind how she became a single mother? what if the child/ren are young? and how will she get to that stage of love with you if you wont even date her because you already know she has a child?

Well, I wouldn't consider doing it again.I once went out with a lady with a daughter but things got pretty much out of hand.Eventhough I was ready to be a father to her daughter, it didn't work.Since I've never been married and without kids, I thought she might be most willing to make the relationship work as I did my best to make it work too.One, she's a very hot tempered lady and sometimes would do nasty things when she gets angry.While going out with her, I found out that she had a penchant for married men and sometimes would make friends with the guys' wives to get close to their husbands.Eventually I was to travel out of the country and bingo hell let lose.Some of her ex-boyfriends had accused her of just hooking up with them for adventure.Needless to say the embarrassment that caused me.For a woman who you cannot sit down to resolve issues with, it's not worth the candle sticking out your neck for it.Lovers should be able to talk to each other whatever the issue is all about.Not one party wanting to do all the talking and benefiting and the other party doing all the listening and giving.Well, this is not a blanket judgement on single parents as some of them are in their present situation due to circumstances beyond their control.But for bachelors and spinsters who have never had kids, do a critical analysis of the ramifications and implications of going for a single parent.It might not be as rosy as you anticipate.

@ SoAmazing.

I think that's just an experience you had with that chic, doesn't sound to me as if it had anything to do with her having a child. My brothers and males family members have come across chics like that who didn't have children. Shes lost.

Pataki:

But if the children are ready to see me as playing a fatherly role to them, and the woman in question loves me, possibly then. . . . . . .

With that In Place, I will gladly look the woman in the eyes and say Si, Se Puede!

Absolutely.It's not about the child but the lady.About the fear of God, true love, compatibility and willingness to make it work.Relationships are not to be passively handled, the two parties involved should actively build it.Spending the rest of your life with someone is no Bill Cosby show.It's a serious thing and should be handled as such.

SoAmazing!:

Absolutely.It's not about the child but the lady.About the fear of God, true love, compatibility and willingness to make it work.Relationships are not to be passively handled, the two parties involved should actively build it.Spending the rest of your life with someone is no Bill Cosby show.It's a serious thing and should be handled as such.

Well am glad you clarified that, because all the above qualities are the most important things. Where are you based @ soamazing!?

For the lady I was zipping words about, she only wanted a man who would take up the responsibilities for her daughter while she catches her fun around.

Talk about eating one's cake and having it!That's just the way it is.

@ SoAmazing,

well there you have it! Where are you based? for the 2nd time asking, lol

The U.K.

SoAmazing!:

The U.K.

Hmmm that explains why you are alot more open to the idea, cos I have noticed men based in naija normally flat out! Point blank! reject the idea.lol

and take responsibility for a child that isnt mine? No. Women shld be extremely careful when they open their legs to just any man . . .

Negative!The relationship I was talking about was back in Nigeria.So I don't quite agree with you on that.

SoAmazing!:

Negative!The relationship I was talking about was back in Nigeria.So I don't quite agree with you on that.

lol ok,

davidylan:

and take responsibility for a child that isnt mine? No. Women shld be extremely careful when they open their legs to just any man . . .

that's a bit harsh don't you think? What about the circumstances behind the fact that a woman is a single mother? I mean say you're with someone for like 6 years and you fell pregnant, then it gets all messed up later and you part ways? what then? Or the father of your child passes away?

i cant guarantee that i will love those kids like they are mine . . . so no dice.

davidylan:

i cant guarantee that i will love those kids like they are mine . . . so no dice.

real talk! well I respect you for that, it's being honest!

Dont see the problem as long as everyone knows thier role.

I believe any single woman who has a child(ren) should be looking for a male couterpart in a similar situation. Otherwise the man's family will make the woman's life hell. The is a reality and has nothing to do with love.
I pity single ladies all over the world but they will be jumping from frying pan to fire if they set their eyes on single men with no children. If the role is reverse, it is much easier for male single parent. If men are honest, they will admit their unwillingness to look after another man's children.

davidylan:

i cant guarantee that i will love those kids like they are mine . . . so no dice.

I like the honesty

@topic
i wont advice it

@ topic

It's no big deal!

Obodo999:

I believe any single woman who has a child(ren) should be looking for a male couterpart in a similar situation. Otherwise the man's family will make the woman's life hell. The is a reality and has nothing to do with love.
I pity single ladies all over the world but they will be jumping from frying pan to fire if they set their eyes on single men with no children. If the role is reverse, it is much easier for male single parent. If men are honest, they will admit their unwillingness to look after another man's children.

Hmmmm, I see what you mean, but I dont think any woman/man should actively 'look' for someone in their same position, because they too may not even work and it means you are restricting all possible interested parties. I really think many factors play a part, like the background of him/her being a single person, the age of the child(ren) in question etc.  

michelin89:

@ topic

It's no big deal!

hehehehehe . . . you still have plenty to learn. Its a HUGE deal dear . . . have you thought of the fact that those kids other parent would want to be a part of their lives? As a dude how would i put up with my "wife" having to meet her ex on regular basis to discuss custody of the kids? Would we have to plan our lives around when the kids would be with us or their dad?

who would discipline the kids? How much discipline is too much? Who will pay for simple things like toys, vacations, clothes . . . will i have to pay and then let their dad reap where he hasnt sown or go bugging him to reimburse me?

Madam, you dont know what this entails.

davidylan:

hehehehehe . . . you still have plenty to learn. Its a HUGE deal dear . . . have you thought of the fact that those kids other parent would want to be a part of their lives? As a dude how would i put up with my "wife" having to meet her ex on regular basis to discuss custody of the kids? Would we have to plan our lives around when the kids would be with us or their dad?

who would discipline the kids? How much discipline is too much? Who will pay for simple things like toys, vacations, clothes . . . will i have to pay and then let their dad reap where he hasnt sown or go bugging him to reimburse me?

Madam, you dont know what this entails.

Or maybe you are just complicating things for yourself.

Secretz:

Have any of you dated/had a serious relationship with a woman/man who has previously had a child(ren).

What were your experiences like?

If you wouldn't, why not? Is it such a major problem?

Do you think your parents wouldn't be accepting to it?

My work colleague has a child from a previous relationship that ended nasty, and granted she has had quite a few guys take serious interest in her, but there are some that when she mentions having a child run for the hills, lol.

Tell me, w/could you?or w/couldn't you?   

Date a woman who has a child?? NEVER!!!!!

davidylan:

hehehehehe . . . you still have plenty to learn. Its a HUGE deal dear . . . have you thought of the fact that those kids other parent would want to be a part of their lives? As a dude how would i put up with my "wife" having to meet her ex on regular basis to discuss custody of the kids? Would we have to plan our lives around when the kids would be with us or their dad?

who would discipline the kids? How much discipline is too much? Who will pay for simple things like toys, vacations, clothes . . . will i have to pay and then let their dad reap where he hasnt sown or go bugging him to reimburse me?

Madam, you dont know what this entails.

Very insightful, once again, all depends on the circumstances and background, what if the other parent is not around and hasn't been since birth or even before? what if the other parent don't care too much for you having someone new in your life and their child's and they letting you get on with it, but maybe pays maintenance each month and takes the child @ weekends etc etc.   Alot of is compromise between the 2 involved.  

@ Sauron and David

What you are implying are:

1. No child outside wedlock.
2. When a child comes in no more divorce.

Isn't that just too unfair? Even single parents deserve some love. And if the other partner is dead, the surviving one must move on with or without a kid.

@michelin89

It is a big deal.

No matter how much you try to please them, step daughters and step sons will still see you as their father's wife.

I should know.

Are you ready to deal with a rebellious daughter? Are you ready to deal with the "you are not my mother, so don't tell me what to do" drama?

The disrespect?

Your step trying to divide the family? Reporting you to your husband?

Are you ready to feel like a nanny?

etc.

And this is not only about you, this is also about the little boy/girl who wishes "mommy and daddy" stayed together.

@post
Like I said before, hell nah

michelin89:

Or maybe you are just complicating things for yourself.

You are a woman . . . would you feel comfortable if your husband's ex kept showing up frequently to see her children and also collect money that you both work hard for?

How would you treat those kids if they spend plenty of time with their mum? Would you be an auxiliary mum or what?

you dont seem to have thought this thing through at all . . . rhetoric is easy.

@toyin

u are kind of wrong there

@poster
but i cant do it either