My friend's brother just found out that his fiancee has been cheating on him for about 3 years. Despite this, he has tried to forgive and work with her and now she is the one leaving him. Her excuse, well, they have been together for 17 years but he hasn't married her. His excuse, he got burned in his first marriage and has his fears. However, he has been a loyal man and they practically lived as a married couple.

Personally, I think he is wrong for not marrying her and allowing his fears to waste 17 years.

Then I think she is wrong for cheating on the guy for 3 years. She should have just at least broken things off first rather than cheat.

Just wanted to know ladies, does this give her the right to have cheated?

No. But dude should also learn to work it na. ah ahn

how can she stay with the dude for 17 long yrs and not married

she didn't need to cheat to get out of the relationship, poor judgment on her part. staying with a person for 17yrs without marriage is reason enough to leave albeit not with the cheating route.

@ Sissy

Yeah thats what I said too o. 17 years, ouch! You know the world is soo jacked up. I know he got burned really bad in his first marriage but darn that was over 17 years ago.

For me, I think they both have their faults. They are both wrong.

yeah, they r both wrong but the lady is even more wronger for staying w/him 4 17yrs and decided cheating would be good enough reason to leave



really stupid if you ask me.

@ Sissy
yeah i agree o. you in the US? If so what city?

staying with a man for that long without marriage has gotten some hidden ageda. period! (http://romance-gists..com)

Lax75:

@ Sissy 
yeah i agree o. you in the US? If so what city?

I'm in Castle Jungle. castle b the country, jungle b the city

@ post

wonder whether the man in question will still fall in love again

unfortunately  it is sad that women think that marriage is the answer for everything. i would rather have someone that loves me and that isnt married to me than someone married to me and cheating all over.
Some women will marry anyone as long as their marriage look right in the eyes of EVERYBODY ELSE.
husband could be beating the shit out of them or abusing the kids, NO PROBLEM, we are happily married!

cheating on someone because he hasnt married you for 17yrs is a poor excuse. she CHEATED because thats the kind of woman she is, married or not has absolutely nothing to do with the problem, UNLESS she is marrying now the guy that was shagging her all these years (then that other guy IS the dumb ass for marrying a woman that he met through cheating)

i dont know what these women have with marriage. if it was a certificate that your man will be good, honest, caring and wont cheat then fair enough but these women running and hunting for marriage are out of control!!!

Brown no offence but ur comment is wrong 17 years is a whole lot to give.i think the man is a fool.wasting the woman's time and he can easily back out saying they weren't married maybe am oldschool but if u love someone and waste the person's time then you don't deserve that person.your comments ricks of emotions.the woman didn't cheat the man the man did.

I dont know why some people are just crazy about dis marriage stuff,anyway i dont think am crazy to go2 d alter wit any man,becos i dont think i can keep dis for better,for worse marital vow.

pc guru:

Brown no offence but ur comment is wrong 17 years is a whole lot to give.i think the man is a fool.wasting the woman's time and he can easily back out saying they weren't married maybe am oldschool but if u love someone and waste the person's time then you don't deserve that person.your comments ricks of emotions.the woman didn't cheat the man the man did.

please enlighten me and tell me WHAT DID SHE GAVE FOR 17YRS THAT THIS MAN DIDNT GIVE AS WELL?!
you are talking like woman body get sell by date and now that she spent 17yrs with this man, her value has changed?! she could have been happily living with this GREAT guy but instead she choose to do otherwise.
why would you women think that if a man loves you, treat you right but doesnt marry you then he is wasting your time?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is marriage the only goal in your heads!? since you are old school, doesnt love count for anything?
that kind of mentality goes side to side with men who drop their wives if they learn that she cant bare children.
come on now!

MRbrownJAY:

please enlighten me and tell me WHAT DID SHE GAVE FOR 17YRS THAT THIS MAN DIDNT GIVE AS WELL?!
you are talking like woman body get sell by date and now that she spent 17yrs with this man, her value has changed?! she could have been happily living with this GREAT guy but instead she choose to do otherwise.
why would you women think that if a man loves you, treat you right but doesnt marry then he is wasting your time?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is marriage the only goal in you all heads!?
that kind of mentality goes side to side with men who drop their wives if they learn that they cant bare children.
come on now!

i mean come on, does it take 17 years for a guy to decide if they want to marry you or not??!!

platinumnk:

i mean come on, does it take 17 years for a guy to decide if they want to marry you or not??!!

who said that marriage is the ultimate goal for EVERYBODY?! this man had his reasons, he got burned and decided that he prefers to love her unconditionally and leave the marriage thingy alone. is that a crime?! obviously they were happy for 17yrs because there is no talk of wrongdoing from the guy.
i guess the grass is always greener on the other side. i hope she will get a better man now!

MRbrownJAY:

who said that marriage is the ultimate goal for EVERYBODY?! this man had his reasons, he got burned and decided that he prefers to love her unconditionally and leave the marriage thingy alone. is that a crime?! obviously they were happy for 17yrs because there is no talk of wrongdoing from the guy.
i guess the grass is always greener on the other side. i hope she will get a better man now!

but i dont get it? is he rich enough that he is avoiding monetary division from a divorce?? I cant see how someone can shack up for so long, and I for one aint gonna be the one for it.

platinumnk:

but i dont get it? is he rich enough that he is avoiding monetary division from a divorce?? I cant see how someone can shack up for so long, and I for one aint gonna be the one for it.

if there was children involved, i can "halfway"understand her grief but apart from that, this is just a piece of paper .
YES, some men who got burned may decide that they dont want to share their wealth, this common law wife thingy is making it hard enough!!!!!
what was so bad that she could be there for 17yrs and suddenly give up?! if she stood by unmarried 17yrs , she could have stood even longer.

@ Poster, you wanted to know if it gives her the right to cheat

Simple answer is NO!

BUTTTTTTTTTTT,

From what I can see, they are both nit wits who are as dumb as eachother! I mean, how can a woman be co-habiting with a guy for 17 years and 'KNOW' that marriage for her is on the cards and not say anything, but decide to cheat (That's where her fault is).

And the boy  man, you have been with this woman for over 10 years?? and even by then you still reeling about your ex that means he is not really over her and should get over her!!!

To flip the coin, she has just proved his point of having that 'fear' that he's going to be burnt again!

I am sorry, but no, it's not an excuse, but I believe there is/was a serious communication breakdown on both parts!!!  

[s]17 years you know, and neither of them know where they are going, NONSENSE!!![/s]

The man has two kids from the previous marriage and funny enough his fiancee doesnt want to have any kids.

Also, she recently moved all her stuff out. This happens a few weeks after he just tooko her on a cruise. When he offered his help and all to help her move she refused to give him her new address saying that he might stalk her etc etc. All this is happening at a time when he just got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Funny thing is, she recently had a bad migrane and broke down on the job but he (fiancee/ex fiancee) was the first person she called.

What do u guys think?

@ Mr Brown's comment

Some women will marry anyone as long as their marriage look right in the eyes of EVERYBODY ELSE.


I somewhat agree to this. But I think moreso that they might not just marry anyone, however marriage has become an "image" thing. Almost like, "all my friends are married or getting married." And unfortunately, seems like many women do put more time and effort into the wedding ceremony than the actual marriage itself.

@ PC Guru

I personally think they both cheated each other. There is no winner in the situation and the woman should hope that this guy she has been cheating with will marry her.

My friend's brother's is shocked that she can just do this after 17 years with no conscience at all. I try tell the bobo say akata no get conscience oo.

guy ur bro is 100 percent roungh how will he keep a girl in the house wit out marriage. if 2 sey i se ur bro i 4 don flog am wit kan. bcus wetin he do so nobodi go doam 2 ur sister.

Na wah

Answer me this:

Were they living in the United States?

If so what state?

I know from your response that she is black american, calling her akata is not very nice and does not speak well of your buddy since he shared bodily fluids and a home with her all these years.

@ sistawoman

I think they in houston, TX

17 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she leaves the thread quietly

Did he ever introduce her as his wife or she him as her husband?

Did they file any tax returns together?

Did she sometimes use his last name?

TX is a common law marriage state which is why I ask all this, which points to a greater coment that I will hold until i have these questions answered?

17 years of dating

I missed the akata comment.  We sure get a bad rap among Nigerians.  In affairs of the heart, there is usually more than enough blame to go around.  She was wrong to cheat on him, but, he was so wrong to keep a woman he professed to love waiting for 17 years.  I would wonder what was wrong with me that I was not good enough to bear your name for all those years?  I can share your bed and your home but not your name?  Pastors here say this all the time.  A man is required to buy a license to own a dog but that same man will not buy a license to make you his wife.  Am I not more valuable to a man than a dog?  Seventeen years is a long time and those years can never be replaced.  I feel sad for the man, but they both are the authors of this story.  

@ Sistawoman, even if they meet the test of common law marriage in Texas, who would want a man unwilling to formalize his commitment to you in public before God and man?  If you value me, let the world know it. Seventeen years of shacking with no legal commitment and no legal protections is a game I am not willing to play.

@ Sistawoman

Yeah good idea holding until these questions are answered 'cos me I dont know

Also, the original topic was "Ladies, Is This An Excusable Reason For A Woman To Cheat On A Faithful Man". I humbly submit that faithfulness is more than mere sexual fidelity. Faithfulness encompasses your truth to me in all areas and a refusal to marry over 17 years is hard for a woman to bear. Now, she was dead wrong for violating the relationship with the other man. However, he bears some responsibility too. I would have left the guy before bedding another though. I am sure she got some gain for all these years. It is all so sad.

prittigrrr:


@ Sistawoman, even if they meet the test of common law marriage in Texas, who would want a man unwilling to formalize his commitment to you in public before God and man? If you value me, let the world know it. Seventeen years of shacking with no legal commitment and no legal protections is a game I am not willing to play.

This is exactly the point I wanted to make but had to be sure of their status before making it.

If in fact they were considered common law then yes he can make all necessary emergency decisions for her and vis versa. But the only hiccup and complication would be if a family member decided to get nasty and make him/her prove it in the middle of an emergency.

Men think that we want marriage to show off to our friends, and part of that is true; a very small part, the rest is that we want that legal protection that only a legally married couple can share.

I found that in my last r/s after 5 years and no ring I was not willing to wait anymore. I know as a woman who waited for a man to say to her that he loved her enough, that he trusted her enough, that he was willing to stick thru thick or thin and marry her and to find that in the end he does not say that it can be very hurtful.

It is much more than a piece of paper. It says in front of God, family, friends and enemies that I love this person so much I want them to carry my last name.

I applaud her for not getting prego for him and not bearing his seed out of wedlock.

I can stay this clearly if she has been cheating for 3 years he lost her 5 years ago. I am sure it took her two years to build up the courage to actually go thru with it.

And I know a black woman did not just sit there and not say anything. She talked and talked and talked and talked to him. She gave him every opp. in the book to save them and he refused.

She was wrong for cheating but he holds equal weight for not valuing her enough to keep her home.

@ Sistawoman

I agree, they are both wrong.

I just think she should have just broken it off first, taken sometime off then moved on. Instead of overlapping. Women make this BIG mistake. Now, if this new relationship fails, what's gonna happen is there would be EXTRA baggage because she really didnt give herself time to heal. What she did was trade in a set of problems because definitely there is no guarantee this new guy will marry her.