bluespice:

thats true but from the story, the woman seems like a questionable character
why impose a restriction order on the man,
refuse him access to his kids
and live in his house with ur current boyfriend
all because he raped u . . .
naw she has somn fishy about her

pardon my ignorance but what is CRB?

Criminal Records Bureau

@ poster
awuf dey run belle

holy mo!
so she's been at the receiving end of physical and mental abuse for how many years
because she doesnt want his name on some damn record?


add growing up to the list of things u need to do!

Yet another sad, immature woman . . . stay there and continue taking your beating like a good girl.

Please dont laugh at her.

Please someone give her some resources.

If she was here in the states I could do that.

the UK based ladies r no where to be fond tho sincerely if she knows he's abusing her,
she should also know how to get help online

she sure makes herself sound quite sure of herself as a worker why not ask for help from her colleagues?
she really doesnt have to let them know she's the one if she's scared or embarrassed

@ Poster

Am in Uk, I might be able to help,

Where are you based exactly?

bluespice:

the UK based ladies r no where to be fond tho sincerely if she knows he's abusing her,
she should also know how to get help online

she sure makes herself sound quite sure of herself as a worker why not ask for help from her colleagues?
she really doesnt have to let them know she's the one if she's scared or embarrassed

You would be surprised at the type of women that get abused. Very successful, important, highly educated women. They hide the brusies, make excuses and when they reach out for help it is done often with a shaky hand and most times they take the information and return to the abuse.
Most abused women attempt to leave on avarage 8-10 times before they actually leave.

@Lizzy A

i believe every word of your story but i don't think its fair that u suffer in silence just because he helped u. was he beating u before he brought u to london? dose he have a bad temper? how and when did u findout about his CRB? Is he treating you like a slave since only he has access to your money?

sistawoman, im only saying since she's so sure of herself,
she can ask for help indirectly

that said if this story is actually true,
she needs to call her family or people he respects,
get her life together n leave him

...

Often times reaching out to your family is not possible.

Do you know what it is like to be told day in and day out that you are a piece of crap?


Do you know what it is like to be beaten so much that you beg on the inside that he kills you so you dont have to be beat again?

Do you know what it is like to have your self-esteem ripped away der der?

Do you know what it is like to hate the woman you have become, for allowing him to beat you?

do you know what it is like to want to run but your legs are frozen for fear that he will find you and kill you?

Do you know what it is like to lay awake at night wanting him dead but unable to do it?

Do you know what it is like, after you have built this man up to be all wonderful, to admit to your family that you live in consistent fear?

Do you know what it feels like to try and be "perfect", to keep thinking if i can just get this right he wont beat me?

I have talked to these women, I have cried with them, I have begged them not to go home and helped the ones ready to leave to leave.

These men never leave your valuables at home. If he has her passport it is locked in his desk at work.

the courage it took her to come here shows she is ready to end this and even if all of this fake, there is another woman out there that is being mentally or physically abused that is reading what everyone says and can either draw strength and leave or stay and die.

But at least, the very least we as women can sympathise with her and understand a little bit what it feels like, might feel like to have everything stripped away, even your self-esteem and self-respect.


I am going to get personal.
When my BF hit me for the first time, I was shocked to say the least.
I did not tell a sole.
he came back and got on his knees begging me to forgive him and I did. I wanted to believe the best. I wanted to believe that he was sorry and he did not mean it.
Then he hit me again.
As I stood there holding my jaw I had two choices:
* call the cops
* or take the beating

I choose to call the cops and all the while I kept saying "I am not the type of woman that gets beat by her man". Still thru the whole thing I cried because I felt like I had done something wrong. I felt like maybe I was making the wrong choice. It was not until i talked to the House of Ruth folks that I realized what i was feeling was normal.

I still feel shame to this day that it took him hitting me twice to make me leave. I never thought of myself as "that type of woman".

@ liz,dont worry,d lord dat brought u 2 England wit is mighty hand will surely make a way for u,all u need is just to be prayerful and move closer to God,since ur heart is still wit d guy i believe prayer can change his hot temper.Goodluck.

She cannot even reach out to her family. She even said that her coming to the UK was an answer to prayer for her family. I am sorry but I have seen cases where parents would push their chldren to stay in an abusive marriage for the "greater good". I still think that it is important that she has a mentor. She just seems emotionally immature to me and it could even be because her spirit has been broken. This man is obviously crazy. I don't think he will just accept it like that. She needs to plan and plan quickly. Like sistawoman said if there is someone that can mentor her and be a source of strength for her to make this difficult decision then step up now.

Outstrip:

Like sistawoman said if there is someone that can mentor her and be a source of strength for her to make this difficult decision then step up now.

Funny enough, all those advising her to call the cops are not even willing to get involved and give her concentration?? Na wah oh, u people should not fold your hands and watch her go down oh

@ liz,if u need temporary accomodation for d main time,i think i can still work something out for u,dats if ur crazy guy wont come to my house making trouble

maray:

@ liz,if u need temporary accomodation for d main time,i think i can still work something out for u,dats if ur crazy guy wont come to my house making trouble

Now, thats what i'm talking about! Put your money where your mouth is!

liz u got one offer

UK ladies step up for a sister nau

Crazy About Him For Travelling Sake,but Now

Hi everybody in d house,let me go straight 2 d point,my guy processed my visa 2 uk but d problem is dat everyday he beats me,he doesnt allow me to talk to my parent except if he gives me d permission,now am tired of d relationship but i dont want him to see me as ungrateful person becos he spent alot before i could get to uk,so pls i need ur help becos i really want dis relationship 2 work but most times he beats hell out of me whenever i provoke him.thanks

So he brought u to uk, does that mean he can treat u like a slave?
naija men never fail to amaze me

Funny how she wont answer what causes the beatings. Yet she does not want to leave but shes wants help on how to stop the beatings?

Bloody hell you are not ready to be saved. You have grounds to get your papers without him because you are a victim of abuse.

As for you sisterwoman you are just too much I swear sometime ago on here you were telling us you organised swingers parties or some trash like that. Do your stories ever stop?

When did you have this boyfriend who beat you? was this after you got married? Was he the man you were cheating with for years or what?
Cant keep up with the stories darling.

He doesn't let you talk to your parents?

Am sorry, don't you have someone to report to for abuse? Can't you move out?

Ok, to be more specific, do you have any KNIFE in your kitchen?

LadyT:

Funny how she wont answer what causes the beatings. Yet she does not want to leave but shes wants help on how to stop the beatings?

Actually she said he said if she was a proper wife all would be well

As for you sisterwoman you are just too much I swear sometime ago on here you were telling us you organised swingers parties or some trash like that. Do your stories ever stop?

When did you have this boyfriend who beat you? was this after you got married? Was he the man you were cheating with for years or what?
Cant keep up with the stories darling.

You cant keep up because your not suposed to.

I married my 1st husband at 17. I was hit for the first time by a male at 32, you do the math.

No i did not organise the Player parties, I did the planning for the activites at the parties.

When telling my story spend a little bit more time getting to know it da da.

one little hit, fiam off the step, hit the hard floor etc and that's the beginning of yamutu/end of life. act now!!! dial the cops number next time he hits you. no matter what he did for you,
even though he brought you out of poverty, take nothing less.
you are in UK where you can make it on your own. this is not nigeria so forget abt
him for once and think about you.
good luck lady.

Crikey! 

Your guy beats you, and you're more worried about his CRB record?? 
What do you want to happen, huh? Once a guy hits a woman, he doesn't stop, it'll continue. He'll often make out you're "provoking" him, and after a while, you'll actually start believing it! And start making excuses for an animal that's less than a man.

You need to start feeling better about yourself, you're worth more than that!
I'm all for getting the police involved; it won't impact negatively on you, you're not likely to be packed on a plane and sent to Nigeria, as you're an abused woman.

This animal you're with is using you as a cash cow, he collects your wages, WTF?? What part of you do you actually own? 
You need to get out of this "relationship" bondage / slavery before he maims or kills you! 

Pretending I believe this story. If after all these rain of advices & assistance the poster can't get a grip then she should decide what's best for her. From her rantings I think she prefers to get whacked all over with all sorts of objects. Another thing that baffles me is you say you love this guy and you express more pity and gratitude than actual love.
Enjoy the blissful life.

I am very happy wit all ur contiributions so far,u guys made me to know what i really derserve now becos i have never spoken to anybody concerning wat am going thru.for d first time i told him yesterday dat he cant be having all my money dat i need a separate account,and he told me there is no problem so far he will know d pin 2 my ATM card,onces again am very happy now i know dat a problem shared is a problem have solved.

@ Maray,thanks alot 4 ur concern and everybody dat believed my plight,i have nothing 2 gain to start posting rubbish on dis forum but i believe there are more matured people dat can always put me thru becos am just 25 years old.THANKS AND GOD BLESS U ALL.

Good move for starters.But act quick before you catch another left hook.

lizzy A:

I am very happy wit all ur contiributions so far,u guys made me to know what i really derserve now becos i have never spoken to anybody concerning wat am going thru.for d first time i told him yesterday dat he cant be having all my money dat i need a separate account,and he told me there is no problem so far he will know d pin 2 my ATM card,onces again am very happy now i know dat a problem shared is a problem have solved.

@ Maray,thanks alot 4 ur concern and everybody dat believed my plight,i have nothing 2 gain to start posting rubbish on dis forum but i believe there are more matured people dat can always put me thru becos am just 25 years old.THANKS AND GOD BLESS U ALL.

My dear, this is still a form of control, he still has control over your money

Unfortunately most things are easier said than done.

You have a job and that's good. I just need to know? are you papers under him (based on the marraige) and how long do you have to wait till you get your indefinite?

There are many domestic violence helpline and they have accomodation provided for you at any time.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime-victims/reducing-crime/domestic-violence/

If you have less than a year to wait you might as well stay and try and be as peaceful as possible once the time is near convince him to follow you to the home office, do same day application and then start making plans. Try and get your passport from him. If you can't it's not a problem just report it as stolen and you can get a new one the home office will stamp the ilr on your new one but it will cost you an additional fee. You need to open a bank account. You are nigerian and the chances of you opening one online are slim. You can get your work to transfer payments into a friends account (I have an account I never use and I'm a very honest person but I understand you do not know me so that's fine) must be someone you can really really trust as I have heard many funny stories.

You need to attend a cliniic or see your doctor everytime he hits you. They will not disclose what is happening unless you allow them but they will ask you what happened. Most professionals know even if you lie. They will keep a record which will be very very useful.

The best new is that you can still apply for your indefinite leave if you are a victim of domestic violence but you will have to prove it (medical records, police report, domestic violence help services or CAB)

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/ukresidency/settlement/applicationtypes/applicationformset(dv)/

Honestly you cannot be a man's punching bag, you owe him nothing. He has helped you but that does not mean he case use and abuse you. It's a choice he is making to be violent but you do not have to take it. Are you going to wait until he seriously damages you? If you have to call the cops call them as it only gets worse. You are too young to be going through this and he is a slimebag, a coward. You have no kids at the moment and that makes your decision easier it will be much harder once you have.

You need to start taking some action as most things can be done during your lunch break. If he does not care about getting a criminal record why should you?

i cease to belive this story

no one in the right frame of mind will rejoice at the thought of a supposed spouse knowing the pin to the atm card
are u kidding me?
dont u realise he can change the pin?

seriously someone that knows her needs to bundle her up n take her for an extensive psyche evaluation!

n no one take me up on the 'right frame of mind bit being cos of the abuse'
if she can tell him she needs an acct she has sense!

bluespice:

i cease to belive this story

no one in the right frame of mind will rejoice at the thought of a supposed spouse knowing the pin to the atm card
are u kidding me?
dont u realise he can change the pin?

seriously someone that knows her needs to bundle her up n take her for an extensive psyche evaluation!

n no one take me up on the 'right frame of mind bit being cos of the abuse'
if she can tell him she needs an acct she has sense!

My sister, THANK YOU!!!

She does not want help, she just wants people to feel 'sorry' for her!
I asked her where exactly in the UK she is based, she no answer!
Accomodation was offered, she no take am!

If the story is true, then my dear, only God can help you out of this YOUR bondage!

I know people who have been through this and it's sad!