Kutey:

Unfortunately most things are easier said than done.

You have a job and that's good. I just need to know? are you papers under him (based on the marraige) and how long do you have to wait till you get your indefinite?

There are many domestic violence helpline and they have accomodation provided for you at any time.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime-victims/reducing-crime/domestic-violence/

If you have less than a year to wait you might as well stay and try and be as peaceful as possible once the time is near convince him to follow you to the home office, do same day application and then start making plans. Try and get your passport from him. If you can't it's not a problem just report it as stolen and you can get a new one the home office will stamp the ilr on your new one but it will cost you an additional fee. You need to open a bank account. You are nigerian and the chances of you opening one online are slim. You can get your work to transfer payments into a friends account (I have an account I never use and I'm a very honest person but I understand you do not know me so that's fine) must be someone you can really really trust as I have heard many funny stories.

You need to attend a cliniic or see your doctor everytime he hits you. They will not disclose what is happening unless you allow them but they will ask you what happened. Most professionals know even if you lie. They will keep a record which will be very very useful.

The best new is that you can still apply for your indefinite leave if you are a victim of domestic violence but you will have to prove it (medical records, police report, domestic violence help services or CAB)

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/ukresidency/settlement/applicationtypes/applicationformset(dv)/

Honestly you cannot be a man's punching bag, you owe him nothing. He has helped you but that does not mean he case use and abuse you. It's a choice he is making to be violent but you do not have to take it. Are you going to wait until he seriously damages you? If you have to call the cops call them as it only gets worse. You are too young to be going through this and he is a slimebag, a coward. You have no kids at the moment and that makes your decision easier it will be much harder once you have.

You need to start taking some action as most things can be done during your lunch break. If he does not care about getting a criminal record why should you?

Thanks for providing her with this information.

Even if this story is false this may be the information that saves someone elses life when they start to google for information.

@ secerez,i stayed in Elephant and Castle,if at all i wanna leave him,i believe i have 2 plan very well,i cants just pack out like dat,i need to be in control of my money first,am capable to rent a room on my own,getting close to £1300 after tax is enough for me but still i need to sort things out.i have no reason 2 start lying.thanks alot

@lizzy A

You have to leave first then sort the rest out.

If you plan to leave you will never have everything that you need to leave.

The shelters and womens groups will help you get control of your money and help you plan the next step.

Please get in contact with them and let them know what is going on.

Is your boss at work male or female? white or black? based on your answer i can help you with how to talk to them, because they do need to know something to help keep you protected.

lizzy A:

@ secerez,i stayed in Elephant and Castle,if at all i wanna leave him,i believe i have 2 plan very well,i cants just pack out like dat,i need to be in control of my money first,am capable to rent a room on my own,getting close to £1300 after tax is enough for me but still i need to sort things out.i have no reason 2 start lying.thanks alot

Fair enough,

but please, leave.

Good Luck.  

@original poster,pls dont mind them,is not easy nowadays 2 get a single man especially in london before u know it guys will just be tranfering u to themselves,luckily 4 u ur guy is a british,u have a good job so what else,i beg get pregnant on time,maybe dat will change d guys attitude.Imagine staying alone on cold winter night,pls endure for better 4 worse.Gdluck

surface:

@original poster,pls dont mind them,is not easy nowadays 2 get a single man especially in london before u know it guys will just be tranfering u to themselves,luckily 4 u ur guy is a british,u have a good job so what else,i beg get pregnant on time,maybe dat will change d guys attitude.Imagine staying alone on cold winter night,pls endure for better 4 worse.Gdluck

Surface,

You have just confirmed to me that you're nuts!!! A baby will not make things better! He will have even more of a hold on her! Then she will never leave!!

for the sake of my sanity ill assume surface was being sarcastic

Assuming surface is joking is the joke itself. I am sure by now you guys can pretty much expect anything.

As much as her story sounds unbelievable, the only thing that keeps me from calling it BS is that I have heard similar things from a friend who was in an abusive relationship.
While she could discuss intelligently on other issues, when it came to her abusive bf, her utterances were often so irritating that I was almost convinced that they were made for each other. She was always quick to defend the bf if anyone criticized the guy's actions, saying "it was my fault", "he is not really like that" or "you don't know him like I do". It took the intervention of her aunt (and the police) to get her out of the relationship, and even then, the guy stalked her for a few months after.

I dont think she is yet at the mental stage where she wants to leave she's still trying to save her marriage.  I doubt very much she will leave she will have kids with this loser and stay many years before the beatings get too much.

You need to have some self respect for yourself and you need to understand no normal relationship is like this.  First you get your own bank account and start saving money. Take money out monthly and store it in a secret savings account you can operate online if he asks you about it

Secondly you have internet access you can view houses online.  If you dont want your parents to bury you, you will get out now.

You dont need to call any hotline or support group if you dont want you have two legs RUN!

awwww, poor thing. I wish U could make up your mind and leave him. Anyways, seems you dont wanna leave cos of "what he has done for you" Omo, things happen o! if push come to shove, calculate how much he spent on the processing, save up, and pay him the money back, at least you wont have too much guilty conscience. But u're not in a health relationship. When he's not home, Look for your passport!! start taking your things form him small small, he request he knows your PIN --- give him and eventually, change it!! Chaii, Girll, redeem yourself ooooo.

JUST DONT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF GETTING BELLE FOR HIM, IF NOT YOU ARE SCREWED.

@ lizzy a,if truely u want 2 leave ur britiko man,i beg connect me wit him becos i am very lonely,i wouldnt mind d beating thank God for uk good health services,i can always call d ambulance should incase of serious panel beating.

surface:

@ lizzy a,if truely u want 2 leave ur britiko man,i beg connect me wit him becos i am very lonely,i wouldnt mind d beating thank God for uk good health services,i can always call d ambulance should incase of serious panel beating.

sistawoman:

Thanks for providing her with this information.

Even if this story is false this may be the information that saves someone elses life when they start to google for information.

thumbs UP!

why are u angry are u lizzy a or busi bodi?

surface:

why are u angry are u lizzy a or busi bodi?

at the fact that u are willing to suffer beatings for some man

i think i have 2 update my pix too,since everybody is updating thire profile

platinum word of advice
i think surface has a more advanced sense of sarcasm than most of us

else how can someone be so damn (&^£$%^&*(

bluespice:

platinum word of advice
i think surface has a more advanced sense of sarcasm than most of us

else how can someone be so damn (&^£$%^&*(

oh ok

_{I thought i was saving her soul} lol

@lizzy a,u dont have 2 listen to dem becos most of them lives in America,u know london is diff frm yankee,but wit ur age u have no problem,u can always get anoda man but pls dont go 4 nigerians,i think Ghanians are more romantic and gentle.

@ surface,i think u have to stop dis ur excessive drinking becos i dont know why u r talking like dis

@ lizzy a,pls dont take 2 surfaces advise ,i dont think having a kid is d best thing to do now,u need to sort urslf out first.Good luck.

surface:

@lizzy a,u dont have 2 listen to dem becos most of them lives in America,u know london is diff frm yankee,but wit ur age u have no problem,u can always get anoda man but pls dont go 4 nigerians,i think[b] Ghanians are more romantic and gentle[/b].

Please the first and only man to hit me was a ghanian.

hello pricess how are you doing am jerry,,,, am young black good looking guy who realy like you alot and i will like know you so can you give me you yahoo or msn id so we can chat and get to know each other well ok

@ Poster

just read your story plus all the comments. First of all I live in UK and I knw couples around me that fights all the time so i don't understand what you mean by CRB business cus its left to you if you want to press charges or NOT but i am sure if u call the cops 1 time dis will stop.

also if everything he has done for you in the past is worth all the BEATING u gets everyday cus u LOVE him den goodluck to U.

Its not that u r not appreciative but if u r getting beat for it everyday then think about it

if i were him i will kill you too. after spending that much?

pinochio:

if i were him i will kill you too. after spending that much?

LMAO

LizzyA,
I agree with what a lot of people have posted here.Start making plans for your safety.If you are still hesitant,remember that most women that lose their lives violently lose it at the hands of people who purport to love them. You can interact with your family if you want to or don't you people have public phones in the UK? When I got harassed by my hosts back in the day when I got to this country,I would wait till I got to school or work to make calls to my family and when they wanted to keep my documents 'in a safe place', I absolutely refused because I didn't want to be left without an option if it came time to beat it. Do the same but first thing you need to do is to have a safety plan. You only live once!

Sorry to resurrect this thread, but Lizzy whatever happened to you? Did you leave your abusive bobo? I hope he has not killed you yet because you seemed reluctant to leave him. Anyway update us, let us know that you are still alive.

Una don hear the guy own story? everybody just dey conclude. you guys need to hear his own side of the story.Shekina!!!

Lizzy dear, You are probably suffering from low self worth maybe as a result of your poor background, people help people everyday but do not hold them in bondage forever. I understand how you feel, you dont want to labelled an ingrate, but baby things wont get better. Men who beat women hardly ever change. Try and get ur passport and leave him, if it turns ugly then and only then call the cops, and in fact tell him today dat if he ever lays a finger on you againyou will call police! He seems to have tamed you nicely to have the guts to pound you in the U.K. He does not need a wife he needs a slave, an odalisque and you seem to fit the role nicely. Re-establish contact with your family, I guess you owe them something too, no matter what you think. And remember you have only this life to live, dont throw it away. and anyway stop provoking him or you are the type that enjoys fighting?

please set yourself free