My friend is really confused/depressed right about now. He doesnt understand why he finds it so difficult to love and trust women. He just broke up with a girl last month and doesnt know why. He has nothing bad to say about her and even considers her to be one of his best female friends. When I asked him what happened, he said ever since she dropped the L word his feeling for her changed He doesnt understand why sum1 like her could love him and he wants to blame it on the fact that he never had his mother around (she died when he was 5) and doesnt know how it feels to be loved or the meaning of love, it kinda scares him. Is this really justified Is there truly a link between a guy who never had his mom around and being an emotionally unavailable man? Any Psychologists in the house?

Is there truly a link between a guy who never had his mom around and being an emotionally unavailable man?

very likely.

well my bf never mom died when he was young, he gets kinda stiff sometimes, but hes not totally heartless.

We're working on it

But i think there is a link, not just losing mothers, but anyone that was highly significant in their own lives.

Pray about it. good luck

I don't think it has anything to do with his losing his mother at a tender age. . .don't believe there's a link anyway. I personally know someone who never even knew [/i]his mum; she died shortly after his birth, but he had no problem falling in love and, as a matter of fact is happily married now.

No doubt your friend has an emotional - possibly psychological - problem . . .how can he break up and [i]not know why? that sounds pretty odd to me. . .I would suggest he seeks professional help.


BTW what the heck is emotional availability?

There're several orphans/guys who never knew their moms out there today enjoying a blissful relationship with their spouse. Me thinks its an individual thing. A lot of guys that grew up with a loving mother, abuse/beat their wifey/gf simply because the guy's mum isn't cool with her.

mai suya when ur so much engrossed in ur suya and suya business,

offering u kilishi no matter how sweet n tastefully done and presented will not be appealing

ur emotionally unavialable at that moment

I am this way, mother left me when I was 5. I put a lot of women through hell. I still have a hard time loving and also I have abandonment issues (insecurity). I am not needy though. It is hard for me to work for the love of an intimate relationship. Its like your never motivated for the feeling of love from a woman in a relationship.

I have lots of love for others though.

I had to go to a lot of therapy to resolve the issue. I still have the issue, it is part of the inner child within me; however, I do not allow this part of me to make my decisions. I had to learn this.

When I recognize that I am in a environment that triggers my emotional response. I comfort myself like a child, but I am trying to help that part of me that feels abandoned. I talk to myself and tell myself everything is going to be ok. She loves you and will not abandoned you, and If so, I will never leave you. I will be here to take care of you forever. That is part of what I was taught.

My advise is not to deal with this type of person until they fix themselves. It will never work.

mntpaul:

I put a lot of women through hell. I still have a hard time loving and also I have abandonment issues (insecurity). It is hard for me to work for the love of an intimate relationship. Its like your never motivated for the feeling of love from a woman in a relationship.

that's what I noticed in some people with similar situations.

My advise is not to deal with this type of person until they fix themselves. It will never work.

many women still take the risk anyway. But go through a lot of heartache.

@bluespice thanks for the em. . .very [i]vivid [/i]explanation. . . 

mntpaul:


My advise is not to deal with this type of person until they fix themselves.  It will never work.

By this ''type of person'', I take it you are referring to men that are intrinsically predisposed to such behavior, independent of whether or not they might have lost their mum at an early stage, because I'm yet to be convinced that there is any casual relationship.

Otherwise, I think you are making an unfair generalization . . .

Its all in his head,wen he is ready to love he will

very interesting contributions we have here, thx to everyone.
I really feel sorry for him and he wants to seek professional help because he really likes his ex.

The fact that his ex accepted him with all his flaws and even fell in love with him confused him and his feelings changed. He said he had to "force" himself to try to love her back but the feelings never came

mntpaul aptly summed it up.

Your friend should seek professional help especially since its easier to do so abroad, if that's where he is.