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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. (49087 Views)
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Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by yemre: 11:08am On Nov 03, 2015 |
Hmmm, dillema indeed. Gentleman, i'll suggest u read thru the various advises u get b4 taking any step. However, you must never ignore the followings: 1. Someone who is not yet married can not advise u appropriately in matters of marriage or choice of partner because he hasn't been told. 2. Marriage is referred to as an institution. Pls take time to analyse what it means and entails. 3. You are both coming form different backgrounds. So, why on earth are you contemplating a partner tailor made for you. "perfect marriage exists only in heaven" 4. Talk of the age gap! The question is "do you want her? Is she of a character good enof to be called ur wife? Does she respect u? Does she take corrections? Does she care? Do u consider her a good mother for your kids? If the response to all these ques are in the affirmative, the why do u still see the 3yrs age difference? 5. Remeber point 2 above. It then remains your job to to the patchin and mending and not attempt to change her completely becos u may never achieve total change. Finally, I am not tryin to make u marry her or not. But if you miss her, of course you will always see babes but definitely not with same character and attributes. If you finally consider to marry her, you should not see yourself as her God or boss, see her as your partner and treat her as such. Thats the only way to go. I wish you luck. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by therapistmrs: 11:09am On Nov 03, 2015 |
There's no perfect man or woman but the question is do you her enough to over look her excesses.if you love her seriously you can continue to invest your time and money on her , with time you will see a total change. Don't forget love conquers all.all the best. therapistmrs. . com |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by decountof(m): 11:13am On Nov 03, 2015 |
my take on this.....couples who are happily married aren’t always compatible. In fact, there is no correlation between being happily married and how compatible you are. In truth, compatibility is rarely spoken of until one person begins bringing it up, and then it becomes a big issue. It usually means the couple is not getting along, which happens in happy marriages and unhappy marriages. Couples are not compatible all of the time; they fight about sex, kids, money and an extensive list of other things. someone once said....." If I used compatibility as a measure of success in my own marriage, I would be in big trouble. I married a man very different from me, thinking that since we both had the same vision together we could negotiate anything. So far, so good, but no one is exempt from challenging times. Those challenging times in the marriage should be anticipated and embraced for further growth. When we walk away from those times, saying something such as, “We aren’t compatible,” we lose an opportunity for growth not only in our marriage but within ourselves. here are things I can recommend if you have come up against a wall in your marriage and want to walk away. These suggestions will help, but be sure you both share the same vision or outcome for your marriage prior to undertaking them: When you feel incompatible with your spouse, write down what areas in your personal life are bothering you before mentioning it to him or her. These issues are yours, not your spouse’s. Take your spouse out on a date or walk and talk about your marital vision. Ask him or her if they feel the same. Listen to what they say. 3. When you tell your spouse that you feel there is a distance or incompatibility, make sure you define one specific area. If it is sex, for goodness sake, label it as intimacy. Often when men say they want more sex, they are referring to the intimacy involved; women do not hear or see that so, guys, you have to say it. These three suggestions will help open your marriage to a new growth that you may not have known was possible. A marriage is so vast and has so many possibilities; it is your story. Every therapist understands the incredible unspoken bond between couples. Imagine if the couple themselves could see that and work with it, rather than closing the door due to incompatibility. –Mary Jo Rapini |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by christiboo85(f): 11:14am On Nov 03, 2015 |
Iamthewatcher:@op age I nothing as far d woman is submisive I don't think age should be d problem. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by christiboo85(f): 11:18am On Nov 03, 2015 |
[quote author=christiboo85 post=39637211]@op age is nothing as far d woman is submisive I don't think age should be d problem.[/quotemoreover you should ve work on her long time ago to build her to your standard and its very important to look at d inward and not the outward.NOTE..don't marry out of pity follow your heart |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by sulmeza(m): 11:23am On Nov 03, 2015 |
nathdim:lol |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by tombeh(m): 11:31am On Nov 03, 2015 |
Keep telling him that God loves him...... |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by delors(m): 11:39am On Nov 03, 2015 |
Iamthewatcher:With the bolded, you can't have a happy home with her. You ll bully her. You are a bully already 2 Likes |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by 4C2215131: 11:54am On Nov 03, 2015 |
anukulapo: I speak of a bigger picture here with regards to her feelings and not some literate or anatomical short coming here. Again when seeking for advice one must be as objective as possible, no presuppositions or suggestions should be offered the advicer hence his judgement gets clouded thus running the whole exercise. His deposition in my opinion lacks that quality. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by 4C2215131: 11:56am On Nov 03, 2015 |
safarigirl: You! Shakes head...its NL sha... Its not in my character to join words with folks as lot of people do here justifiably or not. So I'll let your superior reasoning win the day. I'm done. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Nobody: 12:11pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
God qualifies the Called, HE doesn't call the Qualifieds. So seek God's face b4 your final decision so that you will not have anybody to blame base on the result of your decision. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Nobody: 12:21pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
evegran:Yeah....Really wack mentality... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Nobody: 12:22pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
pinceprinz:LoL! "" I don't hate You... I ADORE YOU! |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Nobody: 1:19pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
driand: Ode. I am married with two children 3 Likes |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by EnimeBassey(m): 1:33pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
There is point I'd like to make on this matter. Don't bring sentiment into this matter. I know its going to be a hard thing to do at this time considering how far u have groomed her. You shouldn't marry a woman you don't respect bcuz it won't be long before u talk down at her concerning her flaws. I was once in ur shoes too. Even they won't be sure of you bcuz they know they are below ur standard and inferiority sets in. Social status becomes zero. But if u can respct and love her till the end, then u have urself the best wife a husband can ask for 1 Like |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by ChriisDiamond(m): 2:22pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Hmm,U nd only U can decide because u are d 1 dats goin to live with ha 4 d rest of ur life,But I ll av 2 ask,do u truly love ha,wen u luk at ha does ur heart do a tiny lil flip(dnt mind d girly like sentiments),because i observed u neglected to mention dat,u were analysing ha pros nd cons as if she ws a piece of merchandise u want to acquire.OP,if u dnt luv ha,please for both ur sakes,do not marry,except u ar d very very conciliatory type hu can keep calm when irritated(which frm ur comment abt ha getn u angry,i doubt u are)I feel ur pain,because like u i get very irritated when i come across girls hu i FEEL are local nd nt tushed up enuff 4 moi.Bt if u do really luv ha deeply(Luv o nt like),den by all means do d needful,bt a word of caution,U rily cannot change ur life partner,all d characteristics she currently has both good nd bad ll still likely be dere 20 yrs frm nw,though she mit try 2 hide them to please u,it is only d luv that u feel 4 her dat wud mk u tolerate ha, NOTE U urself am sure ll av ur own deficiencies,u ar nt an angel,so wen lukn at her flaws,tk a luk also at urs |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Nobody: 2:23pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Iamthewatcher: How can a lady have a fat tummy and be pretty and fair, it seems you dont know what u want in this life, you must be confused. na big breast dem dey use select wife? ewu. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by mykel010(m): 2:41pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Iamthewatcher:The BOLDED got me laughing my petunia off... As regards to the topic, Bro, It's your call... If she's what you want, then bring her up to your standard... |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Flawlessangel(m): 3:00pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Iamthewatcher: her pros outweigh her cons, you have a good woman right there if that's all the faults you have about her, its when she starts being disrespectful or even insult you u have to start worrying. Every other flaw she had can be erased by you over the years, from her use of english to her tommy to her eating habit, these are minor flaws man. If i were you? I would marry her if am sure i LOVE her |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by SURElee(f): 3:00pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Gaborone: My guy, no perfect lady o! Brush her up to your taste. But if u can't be patient for all that then do the needful. You might also consider enroling her also in etiquettes schools To avoid gbagun from your wife in the future like princpal,na only u waka come? My feillow widows! Ojukwu might be dead but his manhood lives on! The whole essence is gromng ur spouse for where u're going. Make sure she's teachable o! Cos some people become so relaxed after marriage likE its their final achivement. But wait o! Rita of KOKOmanson don marry na. Which leaves me conclude that guy u can do the work of grooming her to what you want and your standard. God bless you BIG! |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Teymanhenry(f): 3:09pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Bro listen: your lady isn't dull, if she can rewrite her waec and make almost all ha papers. she is also improving in her use of English, I guess You are not a teacher by occupation yet she could learn... she's improving in everything You r teaching her... So?? |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by yeni09: 3:21pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
why not prepare another story? |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by OCTAVO: 3:35pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
I think people should stop overhyping this LOVE sef! Damn, you think LOVE is the only thing that sustains marriage or relationship? OP, I love the fact that you could spot some things you are not comfortable with. Let me tell you, compatibility matters even more than LOVE. I was once in a situation like this. But in my case, she was even a graduate. She can't speak good English, if I teach her something today, she forgets before tomorrow! Damn. No ambition to further her education beyond degree level. She told me point blank that she's not interested in Masters. I knew there and then that she was going to cause a setback for me. We couldn't move on the same pace. Did I tell you she always feels inferior? Oh yes! She was never confident enough around me, because she knew I was way better than her in everything. Social status was zero. I knew she can't represent me in any occasion (infact, I would never be confident to let her represent me anywhere). I knew she wasn't the best for me and I wasn't the best for her either even if she was a 'wife material' We were not just in the same class. I didn't allow LOVE to obscure me from taking note of these vital realities on ground. There are lots of 'wife material' ladies in your class bro. They've been waiting for you to reach them Just explore!!! 2 Likes |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by driand(m): 4:04pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
fem29:pics or it a lie, |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Uthman75: 4:21pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Dont worry Rihenna is waiting for you. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by HillaryD(f): 4:22pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
if you are talking about speaking English fluently, spik rite and sound rite is there you can enroll her to improve her spoken english. the mouth odour its a simple thing that can be work on without stress. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Enahi(f): 4:29pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
@op you need to be patient with her, dont forget you are way ahead of her in academics dont get upset whenever you notice shortcomings. Remember nothing good comes easy, you have to work hard to get what you want. So its your duty and responsibility to turn her into the woman you want her to be, if you dont do it no one else will. My only fear about this whole thing is She might be acting all good because She is not exposed. Majority of ladies in her shoes act the same way. I have heard about ladies that were sponsored in School by their would be husbands but ended up dumping them after school. I wish you all the best. |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Chuksgeo: 6:15pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
ever read the book "The Taming of The Shrew" |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by uckyra: 7:08pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
I beliv one should marry for where he is going nt where he is now,so if u knw that she can't work on her self to ur expectation,then u better move on,there are better ladies out there,dnt marry out of pity,dnt allow what happened to Gudluck happen to u. 1 Like |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by Nobody: 7:34pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
driand: Ok oo. Stay there and and be waiting ooo. I will post pictures to prove I'm married to some anonymous person online. Please stay there and be waiting 2 Likes |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by driand(m): 7:43pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
fem29:pinshure or u're a liar... .! |
Re: A fellow Nairalander needs your advice before crossing the rubicon. by joefranky(m): 10:29pm On Nov 03, 2015 |
Mehn,all I see in u is pride of been learned.Will u get out of here my friend..... |
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