Hmmm, dillema indeed.
Gentleman, i'll suggest u read thru the various advises u get b4 taking any step.
However, you must never ignore the followings:
1.
Someone who is not yet married can not advise u appropriately in matters of marriage or choice of partner because he hasn't been told.
2.
Marriage is referred to as an institution. Pls take time to analyse what it means and entails. 3.
You are both coming form different backgrounds. So, why on earth are you contemplating a partner tailor made for you. "perfect marriage exists only in heaven"
4. Talk of the age gap! The question is "do you want her? Is she of a character good enof to be called ur wife? Does she respect u? Does she take corrections? Does she care? Do u consider her a good mother for your kids?
If the response to all these ques are in the affirmative, the why do u still see the 3yrs age difference?
5. Remeber point 2 above. It then remains your job to to the patchin and mending and not attempt to change her completely becos u may never achieve total change.
Finally, I am not tryin to make u marry her or not. But if you miss her, of course you will always see babes but definitely not with same character and attributes.
If you finally consider to marry her, you should not see yourself as her God or boss, see her as your partner and treat her as such. Thats the only way to go.
I wish you luck.

There's no perfect man or woman but the question is do you her enough to over look her excesses.if you love her seriously you can continue to invest your time and money on her , with time you will see a total change. Don't forget love conquers all.all the best.
therapistmrs. . com

my take on this.....couples who are happily married aren’t always compatible. In fact, there is no correlation between being happily married and how compatible you are. In truth, compatibility is rarely spoken of until one person begins bringing it up, and then it becomes a big issue. It usually means the couple is not getting along, which happens in happy marriages and unhappy marriages. Couples are not compatible all of the time; they fight about sex, kids, money and an extensive list of other things.

someone once said....." If I used compatibility as a measure of success in my own marriage, I would be in big trouble. I married a man very different from me, thinking that since we both had the same vision together we could negotiate anything. So far, so good, but no one is exempt from challenging times. Those challenging times in the marriage should be anticipated and embraced for further growth. When we walk away from those times, saying something such as, “We aren’t compatible,” we lose an opportunity for growth not only in our marriage but within ourselves.

here are things I can recommend if you have come up against a wall in your marriage and want to walk away. These suggestions will help, but be sure you both share the same vision or outcome for your marriage prior to undertaking them:

When you feel incompatible with your spouse, write down what areas in your personal life are bothering you before mentioning it to him or her. These issues are yours, not your spouse’s.
Take your spouse out on a date or walk and talk about your marital vision. Ask him or her if they feel the same. Listen to what they say.
3. When you tell your spouse that you feel there is a distance or incompatibility, make sure you define one specific area. If it is sex, for goodness sake, label it as intimacy. Often when men say they want more sex, they are referring to the intimacy involved; women do not hear or see that so, guys, you have to say it.

These three suggestions will help open your marriage to a new growth that you may not have known was possible. A marriage is so vast and has so many possibilities; it is your story. Every therapist understands the incredible unspoken bond between couples. Imagine if the couple themselves could see that and work with it, rather than closing the door due to incompatibility. –Mary Jo Rapini

Iamthewatcher:
you've got a point that's also part of d reason I put up do piece. She's picking up slowly on d use of english but she just need a thorough education even as I'll like her to be a nurse. D is is dt I'm caught up in between d merits and d demerits. Tnx all the same for ur humble contribution.

@op age I nothing as far d woman is submisive I don't think age should be d problem.

[quote author=christiboo85 post=39637211]@op age is nothing as far d woman is submisive I don't think age should be d problem.[/quotemoreover you should ve work on her long time ago to build her to your standard and its very important to look at d inward and not the outward.NOTE..don't marry out of pity follow your heart

nathdim:
he is looking for a perfect lady with phd

lol

Keep telling him that God loves him......

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

With the bolded, you can't have a happy home with her. You ll bully her. You are a bully already

anukulapo:

Sentiment. A call for advice in order to avoid failure has become selfishness. How?...and the lady's dreams,things that makes her happy would be what? Not being literate? Protruding belly?

like you assume that the lady also doesn't have things she'll like the guy to address. Does that make her selfish too?

I speak of a bigger picture here with regards to her feelings and not some literate or anatomical short coming here.

Again when seeking for advice one must be as objective as possible, no presuppositions or suggestions should be offered the advicer hence his judgement gets clouded thus running the whole exercise. His deposition in my opinion lacks that quality.

safarigirl:
if you had a valid argument to pass across, you would address the rest of my write-up rather than dwell on a perceived insult.

An uncivilized manner would mean wording my terms in a demeaning way a la '....someone with half a brain.....'

But you can't argue with my point, so I bid you adieu. Good Morning

You! Shakes head...its NL sha...

Its not in my character to join words with folks as lot of people do here justifiably or not. So I'll let your superior reasoning win the day. I'm done.

God qualifies the Called, HE doesn't call the Qualifieds. So seek God's face b4 your final decision so that you will not have anybody to blame base on the result of your decision.

evegran:


Seriously! And it tells you the kinda mentality these so called guys have.

Yeah....Really wack mentality...

pinceprinz:




grabs both hands and legs,

Ties em together,

Smacks her butt to my satisfaction

And throws her right out through the window like the stubborn she-goat that she is

I HATE U!

LoL! ""
I don't hate You... I ADORE YOU!

driand:
Who be this wan? U already jealous? OK he should have come to marry you instead right? SMH..

Ode. I am married with two children

There is point I'd like to make on this matter. Don't bring sentiment into this matter. I know its going to be a hard thing to do at this time considering how far u have groomed her. You shouldn't marry a woman you don't respect bcuz it won't be long before u talk down at her concerning her flaws.

I was once in ur shoes too. Even they won't be sure of you bcuz they know they are below ur standard and inferiority sets in. Social status becomes zero.

But if u can respct and love her till the end, then u have urself the best wife a husband can ask for

Hmm,U nd only U can decide because u are d 1 dats goin to live with ha 4 d rest of ur life,But I ll av 2 ask,do u truly love ha,wen u luk at ha does ur heart do a tiny lil flip(dnt mind d girly like sentiments),because i observed u neglected to mention dat,u were analysing ha pros nd cons as if she ws a piece of merchandise u want to acquire.OP,if u dnt luv ha,please for both ur sakes,do not marry,except u ar d very very conciliatory type hu can keep calm when irritated(which frm ur comment abt ha getn u angry,i doubt u are)I feel ur pain,because like u i get very irritated when i come across girls hu i FEEL are local nd nt tushed up enuff 4 moi.Bt if u do really luv ha deeply(Luv o nt like),den by all means do d needful,bt a word of caution,U rily cannot change ur life partner,all d characteristics she currently has both good nd bad ll still likely be dere 20 yrs frm nw,though she mit try 2 hide them to please u,it is only d luv that u feel 4 her dat wud mk u tolerate ha,

NOTE U urself am sure ll av ur own deficiencies,u ar nt an angel,so wen lukn at her flaws,tk a luk also at urs

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

How can a lady have a fat tummy and be pretty and fair, it seems you dont know what u want in this life, you must be confused. na big breast dem dey use select wife? ewu.

Iamthewatcher:
Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was [size=20pt]such an olodo[/size], she quickly blamed those she lived with.

The BOLDED got me laughing my petunia off...

As regards to the topic,
Bro,
It's your call... If she's what you want, then bring her up to your standard...

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

her pros outweigh her cons, you have a good woman right there if that's all the faults you have about her, its when she starts being disrespectful or even insult you u have to start worrying.

Every other flaw she had can be erased by you over the years, from her use of english to her tommy to her eating habit, these are minor flaws man.

If i were you? I would marry her if am sure i LOVE her

Gaborone:
There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually,
spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any inbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future? Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

My guy, no perfect lady o! Brush her up to your taste. But if u can't be patient for all that then do the needful. You might also consider enroling her also in etiquettes schools To avoid gbagun from your wife in the future like princpal,na only u waka come? My feillow widows! Ojukwu might be dead but his manhood lives on! The whole essence is gromng ur spouse for where u're going. Make sure she's teachable o! Cos some people become so relaxed after marriage likE its their final achivement. But wait o! Rita of KOKOmanson don marry na. Which leaves me conclude that guy u can do the work of grooming her to what you want and your standard. God bless you BIG!

Bro listen: your lady isn't dull, if she can rewrite her waec and make almost all ha papers. she is also improving in her use of English, I guess You are not a teacher by occupation yet she could learn... she's improving in everything You r teaching her... So??

why not prepare another story?

I think people should stop overhyping this LOVE sef! Damn, you think LOVE is the only thing that sustains marriage or relationship? OP, I love the fact that you could spot some things you are not comfortable with. Let me tell you, compatibility matters even more than LOVE. I was once in a situation like this. But in my case, she was even a graduate. She can't speak good English, if I teach her something today, she forgets before tomorrow! Damn. No ambition to further her education beyond degree level. She told me point blank that she's not interested in Masters. I knew there and then that she was going to cause a setback for me. We couldn't move on the same pace. Did I tell you she always feels inferior? Oh yes! She was never confident enough around me, because she knew I was way better than her in everything. Social status was zero. I knew she can't represent me in any occasion (infact, I would never be confident to let her represent me anywhere). I knew she wasn't the best for me and I wasn't the best for her either even if she was a 'wife material'
We were not just in the same class. I didn't allow LOVE to obscure me from taking note of these vital realities on ground. There are lots of 'wife material' ladies in your class bro. They've been waiting for you to reach them

Just explore!!!

fem29:


Ode. I am married with two children

pics or it a lie,

Dont worry Rihenna is waiting for you.

if you are talking about speaking English fluently, spik rite and sound rite is there you can enroll her to improve her spoken english. the mouth odour its a simple thing that can be work on without stress.

@op you need to be patient with her, dont forget you are way ahead of her in academics dont get upset whenever you notice shortcomings.

Remember nothing good comes easy, you have to work hard to get what you want. So its your duty and responsibility to turn her into the woman you want her to be, if you dont do it no one else will.

My only fear about this whole thing is She might be acting all good because She is not exposed. Majority of ladies in her shoes act the same way.

I have heard about ladies that were sponsored in School by their would be husbands but ended up dumping them after school.
I wish you all the best.

ever read the book "The Taming of The Shrew"

I beliv one should marry for where he is going nt where he is now,so if u knw that she can't work on her self to ur expectation,then u better move on,there are better ladies out there,dnt marry out of pity,dnt allow what happened to Gudluck happen to u.

driand:
pics or it a lie,

Ok oo. Stay there and and be waiting ooo. I will post pictures to prove I'm married to some anonymous person online. Please stay there and be waiting

fem29:


Ok oo. Stay there and and be waiting ooo. I will post pictures to prove I'm married to some anonymous person online. Please stay there and be waiting

pinshure or u're a liar... .!

Mehn,all I see in u is pride of been learned.Will u get out of here my friend.....