fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Well, I can tell you one thing. Marrying her will be your biggest mistake and you will regret it for the rest of your life..

This is my reason.

A marriage based on pity will end up with you on the hospital bed with either a high BP or a face scared by acid. You will end despising your wife because you never truly loved her in the first place and you were just managing her. Why would anyone do that in the first place?

Secondly if you are having doubts, it is for a reason. Find that reason and you will have your answer.

At any rate its your call. You are the one that will live with it not me. I have already made my own choice and after 2 years I am still quite happy with my choice.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

Guy easy nah abeg

Your doubt means something. NEVER marry out of pity, like you said, it will wear out eventually.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

That is human being for us ooo...after realising that the girl is totally with/for him, He start thinking she is not worth his challenge...yet if the same girl had left him earlier...sure we'll have seen him posting of deceit from the girl...He should just get his priorities right that is all.

Marriages are filled with uncertainties, whether cold feet or no cold feet. When you say a woman looks older than when you met her, it means your level of promiscuity is on the rise. We will all age but some factors plays during these process. I am sure if former Petroleum minister Alison asked you to marry her, you probably would because she still looks pretty at her age so young man, as long as you care for her and make her happy always, the age factor won't show.
Always see the best part of people and not their worst side and character should go before beauty because it fades eventually and the monster in such people will come out glaringly and it did be late.

Our opinions here might not even matter, but wah matters are your own choices.

take it easy, it is your type that gets easily worn out and broken when little marital challenges arise. take a chill nne!!

misspicy:

his priorities are totally misplaced...like what do men really want?
bros whether this marriage is out of pity or not there is no turning back...marriage is not all about love,why did you not notice her looks before she changed her religion,before you proposed etc...na now when time don go for the lady you know all this....do you know what it takes to change ones religion for a man,i bow for that lady because i left a perfect relationship of two years because of religious differences,unless you wanna be selfish just go ahead biko





i still maintain my stand i no go fit sacrifice my anything for any guy....imagine talk

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

HML Bro

What is the problem really?u fear she might look old after giving birth?is that meant to be a problem too?well my advice is that u shld break up with her and get someone else with a bigger problem cos to me,I see no problem here.

misspicy:

his priorities are totally misplaced...like what do men really want?
bros whether this marriage is out of pity or not there is no turning back...marriage is not all about love,why did you not notice her looks before she changed her religion,before you proposed etc...na now when time don go for the lady you know all this....do you know what it takes to change ones religion for a man,i bow for that lady because i left a perfect relationship of two years because of religious differences,unless you wanna be selfish just go ahead biko





i still maintain my stand i no go fit sacrifice my anything for any guy....imagine talk

Make I change my church or religion for one dude...make I knw wetin cos am , did it before never gonna try dat again...except ofcos we share the same beliefs and we hav to move to inter dominated churches like from RCCG to MFM or DEEPER LIFE dats understandable but for the folks like CELE, Muslims, catholic....hell no...I bow for the gal...strong love

Before it degrade is better you call her and let her know your sincere feelings for her and the need for you not to go further with the relationship as it may end up hurting her because it can not be guaranteed you will not look out for a more satisfying lady after you are married to her. She may find it difficult to cope with but she will get over it and you would have freed yourself of the guilt of the hurt you would have inflicted on her if had married her.

If you are a Christian, my advice for you is to consider again what you have called "LOVE". Yes, you are right when you said it can be very difficult when faced with these situations. But I am sure you know you MUST make up your mind.

Back to LOVE. The love you have for this lady MUST not be just a feeling. Your love MUST come out of your heart as a DECISION (please consider 1 Corinthian 13). Emotions and feelings are there; they are good; but you must not base this decision that carries life-long consequences on feelings and emotions. If you love her OUT OF PITY, you need to be afraid, because truth is, you DO NOT love her. You LIKE her.

If you love her, please go ahead with your marriage plans. I am married myself, and I know what this means. But I have learnt that these decisions MUST be subject to exactly God's view on these matters. If you are in faith, saving relationship with Christ, that must be the most important for you. Now, you know that God loves you NOT OUT OF PITY, but HE loves you. It is a DECISION backed with ACTION. That's why He says in James to "show your faith with deeds". Please spend some time ALONE AT THE PLACE OF PRAYER, waiting PATIENTLY on the LORD (Psalm 37). If you can trust Him, you will come good. You will.

God bless you, brother.

Reading through it,two things I see that you've started complaining about. 1. Her looks. 2. Wants to marry her out of pity. This is a marriage that's dead on arrival. Please do the two of you good by ending the relationship. Honestly none of you guys will enjoy it in times to come.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

Bro u said it all... # on point

SirJeffry:
Cold feet before marriage is VERY NORMAL bro.

It isn't always difficult to settle with the one you love but you will surely develop cold feet once it's dawned on you that there's no going back.

From your tone, you love her and it only takes a lady that loves a man to change her religion to please him.

She has done a lot of sacrifice for just a boyfriend, I believe she will do more for a husband. Such ladies are hard to come by, so ignore the devil's trick and move on.

Don't worry bro, HML in advance.

It's not easy. I can imagine being in his shoes too. I understand that that age thingy, she will most definitely look older with time. Thats why I urge guys to date ladies at least 4 years younger.

Dude!

If you had sisters, would you wish the same for them? Forget about the lady's older look. What attracted you to her in the first instance? She's stuck with you all the way; the least you can do is try! Marriage life & infact life in general isn't always rosy, and when the chips are down, ladies of her kind are those you need to thrive.

If her older look is the problem, talk to her about it. Hit the gym yourself, and make it mandatory she goes with you. She should ask around for good skin care products too, and eat a lot of fruits. Don't stress her emotionally as well. All of these things add up. Money no dey nahim person no look young.

Don't be deceived by what you see on the streets of lagos, brother. Being responsible is a choice, and the moment you choose to, you'll be alright.

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

My brother, God id watching you ooo

Since October 2006 you have been nairaland, only one topic and 206 posts!!!

Yourate who

After carefully reading comments above, I came to 2 conclusions. One, the ones asking you to forget your fears and marry her are either married or contemplating so very soon. Second, the ones telling you not to marry out of pity are single, not ready for marriage or play boys and girls. Dear friend, nobody in his right frame of mind will get to the level you are and go back just because of mere look. If my quess is right your relationship would be more than 5 years or close to. How do you intend to expect her account for the lost years. Guy, marriage itself is not bed of roses. Marry the most beautiful lady and you will still have marriage related problems. The first thing to look for in a mate is ANY who can endure,adapt and progress with u. She had demonstrated enough of that and its left to you. If you leave her now, I can assure you God will bless her with someone better than you and you may not be that fortunate later. On a lighter note, pls give me her number so that I can introduce her to a good friend of mine in need of a CAPABLE wife. Wish u all the best.

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Follow your heart. Don't get married out of pity else you will be the now people will pity.

Feelings alone shouldn't be the yardstick to consider marriage but your judgement should be based on future prospects. What and what is she bringing into the marriage to make it a quality one?

You close "one" eye to marry a woman otherwise be prepared to dump all the ladies that comes your way.

This feeling you are having is what is obtainable when a lady freely throw herself on you during relationship and courtship and now the feeling is that you have seen it all. Brother, better marry the Devil you know than the angel you are imagining and anticipating.

Women are surprise baggage. Now or later you'd wonder if you had done the right thing.

MadCow1:


Your issues are real.

I wish I could advise you in person, but all I would say to you is; Search your soul. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Are you superficial? Would her changing physical appearance bother you enough to create resentment in you? Do you love her enough to weather anything that may be thrown your way?

Remember that looks are fleeting. Even if she were 6 years younger than you, a simple dermatological disease can change all that fast. I am stressing on this point because her aging looks seems to be a big issue to you. The fact that you have started noticing it means you are no longer caught up in the love fantasy clouds and that is not a bad thing. Now that you are seeing clearly, ask yourself; Is her look going to be an issue for you? Like you said, she hasn't started giving birth yet so it will only get worse with each passing years.

I believe that love conquers all.. Looks inclusive. If you feel the love bond between you both is that strong, then shake it off and move on. If you feel the love isn't as strong, then you may need to actually have a rethink and reassess your decision.

Goodluck to you both.

OP nemesis will surely catch up with you. ur a fornicator. just used the woman.

to the guy i quoted all this one na yarns.

if a man wants a young woman he should be encouraged to get what he wants. wanting a young woman isnt a bad thing. looks may be fleeting but isnt life on earth fleeting? Why should i marry a girl of 32 years after she been around? wat was she doing all those years. in the olden days girls that were 21 were already old. modern day girls better wisen up and leave female empowerment and feminism to where it belongs!

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

lf that lady be my daughter eeh! I swear, u no go marry for life if you triam.. ..nonsense!

Op, if na me, I got put my left index finger for my Toto take curse you.

Which kain wahala be this

Na so my efulefu first husband tell me say e no love me again waka follow one House girl ... I thank God for my current that was our best man that gave a me shoulder to lean on and one thing led to another and he left his wife and married me.


You be akpa amu Op.

Michellla:

thats exactly where he went wrong.

Don't mind him jare...he didn't get it wrong, he was basically fulfilling is lust...don't mind him...he is just scared of taking responsibilities and he feels the girl is not worth his challenge and fantasy after her been tru it all for him....#shame on u man#

Imagine after so many years of sacrifice,u just discovr now that u love her out of pity.

What kind of love is that,
Som1 that stood by ur side over the years,it is now she looks older than u.

Well u can betray her oo...but don't come here again to seek for solution when evil start befalling u.

When I had the same issue............\you know what my Uncle told me; He said Olee Olee... After you have drank her water very well.. You presume another well might taste better.... Lols, it means Younger looking and Older looking...What matters is the current usage volume

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Never let a relationship make u become something you're not,cos the truth is when it's over they may never regret losing you but you'll regret losing yourself #truetalk#

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

My guy, ds feeling u have, u will still av it in marriage if u marry miss world. I think u guys have been together for too long outside wedlock. The decision to go ahead or not to go ahead is urs to take but think with ur head and not ur heart before u decide

Marriage is not compulsory. No need to commit to a life sentence of tolerating what you're unhappy with.

It worries me too how I'll put up with a woman who will just start to physically deteriorate especially after childbirth tags in with aging.

My guy, find one pretty lady that you're happy with and have maybe some beautiful mixed race kids so your parents will feel fulfilled as grandparents. Live your life and don't get tied down to this senseless lifetime contract wherein someone is definitely bound to get hurt down the line.

Single for life!

You've said it all friend. Those on the no, are single and not ready to settle anytime soon. Not even PMB is finding his rosy as seen by us talk more of Imams and pastors. He's got a faithful one there and he calls it "out of pity".

Larryjay4u:
After carefully reading comments above, I came to 2 conclusions. One, the ones asking you to forget your fears and marry her are either married or contemplating so very soon. Second, the ones telling you not to marry out of pity are single, not ready for marriage or play boys and girls. Dear friend, nobody in his right frame of mind will get to the level you are and go back just because of mere look. If my quess is right your relationship would be more than 5 years or close to. How do you intend to expect her account for the lost years. Guy, marriage itself is not bed of roses. Marry the most beautiful lady and you will still have marriage related problems. The first thing to look for in a mate is ANY who can endure,adapt and progress with u. She had demonstrated enough of that and its left to you. If you leave her now, I can assure you God will bless her with someone better than you and you may not be that fortunate later. On a lighter note, pls give me her number so that I can introduce her to a good friend of mine in need of a CAPABLE wife. Wish u all the best.

They no dey take shame chop winch.... Give urself brain!

Hey... With ur write up... I tink the issue here isn't loving her outta pitty or she going thru the maturity stage... Everyone would pass thru that stage eventually... Making the I do decision shouldn't be based on the 'fine face syndrome' rather the character and attitude of the babe... We have sooo many fine faced girls with demonized characters... This decision isn't for only you... Its also for ur unborn children ...if u say u guyz have been thru the craziest issues together and she took all u r shits and still remained... Brother.. Nothing else can push her out...Coz not all girls in our society today can take shits from their dudes..they'll rather Bleep ya bestie to make a point..what if u get the fine faced queen and get married to her and then some tin terrible happens that makes her face bad or better still would u divorce her wen she gets to her 60?... Again brought.. It ain't about the face buh the characters of that woman...see our social media today.. What most girls have to offer and showcase is their butts and faces... Nothing else.. And even the butts.. Like 1000 dudes Don visit am and still counting.. Please be smart and get an elders consult before u make a terrible mistake... No go use wife as girlfriend oh

Michellla:
A girl gives up almost everything for you.

One week to your marriage you're contemplating on whether or not to marry again.


isnt that wickedness?

Lolx, thats how ur menality is