What will you do to your fiancee who left for 9 month & reappeared?

I [I]once[/I] had a girl[I]friend[/I].

We met in one of the Northern schools. We were in the same level and same department. Same religion, but different tribe. She is from "Awolowos", and I am from "Sardaunas". We dated for two years while in school. After graduation, we dated for 3 months and I asked to marry her.

After few months, she left me for 9 months and later re-appeared to asked for my forgiveness. I love her so much, but I gave her a condition to fufil before I forgive her: that she must tell me why she left.

That was 3 years ago. She has refused to tell me her reasons yet she said I must marry her. The point here is that I am commited to a serious affairs which will comulate into marriage months from now. If you are the one what do you do?

I'll do nothing...absolutely nothing. I just won't marry her again though.Whats the tendency she won't leave me again for 9 years

I agree with Allenpowered. If she cannot be open to you before marriage, she will not be open with you afterwards. The fact that you love her doesn't mean that she loves you the same; there might me someone else she loves much more.

What I'd suggest is this. Push her to give you the information. Push her really hard, and give her an ultimatum of a month or so to come clean. Remind her every day about the ultimatum and at the end of the month if she still does not tell you then go ahead with your new relationship and never listen to her again. At least your conscience would be clear that you tried your best ...

She doesn't have the right to hold you and your new girlfriend [url=http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=in%20limbo]in limbo[/url]. Just my personal opinion, though.

Perhaps she is embarrased because she was dating another man or something along those lines

Danasco, from your explanation, it seems you guys are not yet engaged, and so you are not obliged to marry her in the long run. If she cannot open up to tell you the reason for absconding, I am afraid then that when you are married, there is no limit to what else she could do.

It's way past 3 years now, and she still can't tell? She even has the guts to say you [I]must[/I] marry her!
If she decides to speak up and what you hear is bearable, I guess you can forgive her, you love her right? But then you are already committed to another relationship ...

Please don't make the biggest mistake of your life. Marriage with her is not a do or die affair. Don't forget that once you are in it, it might be difficult to get out.

You don't go into a marriage filled with secrets. Just try very hard in persuading her to tell you why she left in the first place. If it's a genuine reason, then you can go ahead and get married. Don't forget ... love is forgiving.

We should pray that God would not make us to be like an extra tyre.The lady in question played or is playing a double game.Do not make any mistake to forgive her.The wound created by her departure has been healed by another lady probably a better one.So my guy ride on and glo with pride.

Olatunji:

Do not make any mistake to forgive her.

olatunji na wa o!! i have never seen some1 advicing another person not to forgive..wat kind of horrible advice is that....
dont u know u have to forgive ur fellow human being for God to forgive u... i trip for this ur yeye advice o!

dominobaby:

Danasco, from your explanation, it seems you guys are not yet engaged, and so you are not obliged to marry her in the long run.

Even if you are engaged, does that make marraige a must? As long as you have not signed the dotted lines. You can even get into the church and decide you are not doing again. Police cannot catch you. Its better to go thru the embarassment that to go thru years of untold misery. If any so called fiancee of mine should go for even two weeks without any plausible explanation, wo she cant come back and say anything and I cant even believe that you are listening to her. For crying out loud, we are talking nine months, what is the guarantee she wanst pregnant and went away to deliver the baby?

Here is my policy:

My fiancé leaves me for 1 month with no forwarding address, no inkling as to what is going on in his life and he comes back a year later to ask for my hand in marriage....... the answer is NO.

Unless........

.......He confesses that he got a bit scared of the weight of commitment and bailed. He dated someone else for a while and realised it would not work because he was still in love with me. That he'd rather have 'bad' times with me than good times with someone else. (Culled from a song)

I probably dated someone else while he was gone, so I'll be a fool not to forgive him and marry him if I still love him, that is.

But..

He most definitely must tell me what possessed him to leave without warning and what drove him back. Touché.

Danasco, this is your life, your future we are talking about here. Since she has refused to talk, go ahead with the other lady and shut this one out of your life. She is only making things difficult for you, can't you see?

Why did she leave in the first place,If i am da one,I would also want to know why she left in the first place, and also y she want me to get married to her, na by force?

Can u imagine? What nonsense? She leaves and comes back with no explanation and expects marriage. She must think u owe her or something because she has some nerves. See from experience, i know once they leave once, they'll leave again. My ex left for no reason for five mths , when he came back told me he travelled. Though it was stupid because he didn't think it right to tell me but i accepted him cos it was viaing into marriage. Only for him to leave me again for two years. I tell u d stress was terrible.

Better end d relationship now before u get hurt. Whats d use of a relationship if both parties r nt honest with themselves.

Thats just ma opinion.

prettyH:

Can u imagine? What nonsense? She leaves and comes back with no explanation and expects marriage. She must think u owe her or something because she has some nerves. sEE FROM EXPERIENCE I KNOW ONCE THEY LVE ONCE THEY'LL LVE AGAIN. my ex left for no reason for five mths , when he came back told me he travelled. Though it was stupid because he didn't think it right to tell me but i accepted him co it was viaing into marriage. Only for him to leave me again for two years. I tell u d stress was terrible.

Better end d relationship now before u get hurt. Whats d use of a relationship if both parties r nt honest with themselves.

Thats just ma opinion.

maybe she was pregnant and wants u to marry her and may be by then it wuld be to late when she tells you her reason for leaving.

Danasco:

What will you do to your fiancee who left for 9 month & reappeared?

I [I]once[/I] had a girl[I]friend[/I].

We met in one of the Northern schools. We were in the same level and same department. Same religion, but different tribe. She is from "Awolowos", and I am from "Sardaunas". We dated for two years while in school. After graduation, we dated for 3 months and I asked to marry her.

After few months, she left me for 9 months and later re-appeared to asked for my forgiveness. I love her so much, but I gave her a condition to fufil before I forgive her: that she must tell me why she left.

That was 3 years ago. She has refused to tell me her reasons yet she said I must marry her. The point here is that I am commited to a serious affairs which will comulate into marriage months from now. If you are the one what do you do?

bros na watin u one hear again?is either u r in or jump out fast fast,but if u choose 2 b in den u most go dig ur grave first

my own opinion is this issue is that for the period of 9months that she left u, she probably wanted to date some oda guy and it probably didnt work out and now she wants u back.
if u wanna take her back go ahead and do so but just bear in mind that ur probably just her back-up choice.

You are a grown man. You do not need anybody to tell you things don't add up. It is common sense that a woman that loves you does not leave you for that length of time and keep mum on return. If you were to marry her, how do you know the past will not repeat itself? hm? Communication is the key here. Tell her your concerns and if she still aint' willing to tell you what hapened in those missing 9 months, then you may want to consider walking away.

9 months uhn.
Ehm how long is a pregnancy period again?

@poster
the fact that you are even considering giving her a chance means that you shouldnt marry any of these girls.

ONE is not trustworthy and cannot even tell you straight what went on while you dated and the SECOND you dont trully love because if you did you wouldnt have considered the first girl.

Stop worrying bro, just marry both.

Great suggestion.

okay! i haven't exactly read the body of this thread but the heading has sent me reeling with laughter for a long time!

Danasco:
What will you do to your fiancee who left for 9 month & reappeared?

I [I]once[/I] had a girl[I]friend[/I].

We met in one of the Northern schools. We were in the same level and same department. Same religion, but different tribe. She is from "Awolowos", and I am from "Sardaunas". We dated for two years while in school. After graduation, we dated for 3 months and I asked to marry her.

After few months, she left me for 9 months and later re-appeared to asked for my forgiveness. I love her so much, but I gave her a condition to fufil before I forgive her: that she must tell me why she left.

That was 3 years ago. She has refused to tell me her reasons yet she said I must marry her. The point here is that I am commited to a serious affairs which will comulate into marriage months from now. If you are the one what do you do?

simply fuccccck and dump her,she thought the grass will be greener at the other side,greedy thing,a typical naija lady!