Mindfulness:

I have just added to it since this thread is a nice opportunity to find ways to protect our children.

Ok, I didn't read carefully enough. I agree then.

Have you ever heard of naturist beaches where people, entire families, swim and sunbath naked? I am sure you have. It is natural for these people to grow up seeing all sorts of na.ked bodies. I didn't grow up like this so it is strange for me but I can see many advantages in practicing this lifestyle such as seeing nudity as something natural and not offending or dirty.

The boy ogled because he is not used to seeing a na.ked girl. It is a sensation since it is new and since he is used to people covering their bodies in shame.

Didn't you say he peed there?

It is not about your daughter. It is more about the thin line between being careful and panicking. I don't want mylife to be guided by fear but I see the necessity of being careful.

Onegai:


I did, but 75% of the posts I saw exonerated him to the point that they ought to be paid for their hard work. Some said it was APC-PDP, others said our ancestors married at 14, one said 17 and 25 are now agemates, said she wasn't a virgin, her eye don tear, she's a vengeful ex.

Most people didn't pay Audu on the back, they simply screamed abuses at Sugabelly. There was no need to pat him on the back after that. If i were him, I'd go to court and pick a jury off NL. Not only would he win, but any girl who was no longer a virgin before 18 would have to attend mandatory sex parties and 11 would be age of consent.

No-one said "hey why didn't this guy just free her till a year later... "

My hubby went to school with him and said he wasn't a nice fellow. Another friend more bluntly called "a Shi.t". This behaviour of aggressive ownership didn't just start with this girl. But if we shoot her down, we will not hear about the quiet ones who did get their drinks spiked and end up crying in a hotel room with him and his friends. You may not like the messenger, but the message is valid.

EfemenaXY:


Ok



Of course I have, but that's completely different. You're referring to a setting specifically "designed" to meet the beliefs of a particular "cult" or set of people who share a common ideology. That's hardly the case for the public pool which caters for everyone hence the demarcations. Those with nudíst ideologies can, and are free to use the group unisex changing rooms, while the more conservative group of people should be allowed to change in the gender only rooms. Nudïsts should respect the perceptions of others and not force their ideologies on non-nudïsts / conversationalists.



And how would you feel if you were the girl's mother, or better still, the little girl? You don't think her privacy was being invaded upon by his unblinking stare?

At what point does decorum kick in, if at all, since you're of the opinion that people "cover their bodies in shame"?



No. I said he tried to have a little peep. As in "peeping Tom". I.e. commit lookery.



Okay.

But in a morally decadent society, one can never be too careful.

snubish:
what the young lady clearly is suffering from is a Histrionic personality disorder. why she ticks almost all the boxes.
absent father figure.
overly suggestive and erotic behaviour.
creative and over dramatic and over emotional
repeating patterns of abuse in dysfunctional relationships
no stable long term relationships
self centeredness.
depression and suicidal tendencies.
there are more if you read between the lines.

while she may not be completely lying about the Audu man, it would be simple and ignorant to believe all her tales. these people are prone to exaggeration worse still is that she has a talent for writing. i personally do not envy the young man at this moment, while not particularly academically bright many sufferers are extremely clever beyond most people's daily encounters.
i'm not exonerating the man, but in their relationships, everyone is scarred they victims as well as abusers, they suggest abuse and encourage abuse. then they use the abuse to manipulate.

i know this because i dated and truly loved a person with a similar disposition for 2 years. so i speak from experience, it was knowledge gained the hard way.

the young man would have learnt his lesson I'm sure. he should face the consequences of any excesses his youthful exuberance may have caused him to truly engage in. the young lady would not benefit from chastisement or random comments of sympathy on a blog post or public forum. the disorders start in early life and her deeply ingrained in the personality. she would benefit more from psychotherapy by trained personell. she should be encouraged to stick to her medication well to prevent he depressive bouts from becoming eventually suicidal. quite frankly it would do no good to comment more on the matter. this is a hard life and the damage on both sides is immense, naturally it would be tougher on the man who has been a more stable and rather accomplished young man with a family in bloom. good day.

EfemenaXY:


No one is disputing that awareness should take front seat, or that perpetuators of rape shouldn't face the law and be punished. That goes without saying.

And of course no one is claiming that a girl child be policed for the rest of her life either. The point I'm making, hard as it may be to accept is that this girl sugarbelly or whatever obviously lacked that parental guidance during her formative years. Seventeen obviously wasn't the first time she'd had sex was it? But let's keep that aside for a moment.

Those sexual acts she described in such detail in his car - does that sound normal to you? I still remember how I was at seventeen and I certainly hadn't tasted that minefield / partaken in the very adult game called sex.

Bottomline here is this: if she had been closely monitored by her parents from childhood, she wouldn't have had that emotional void which she wrongly assumed could be filled by a man.

She had both daddy & mummy issues.

Mindfulness:


Why would people date such people? It is an interesting question, isn't it?

Kimoni:


If only it was easy to know this sort of people from a distance, no one or maybe less people would.

@snubish - that was a deep analysis of the whole situation and the people involved, I'm inclined to accept your submissions. And yes, the guy should face the consequences of his youthful exuberance.

Mindfulness:


I have a different theory. Without being judgmental, there must be something inside of a person to feel attracted to someone like this.
Have you ever heard of the term codependent relationship?

5minsmadness:


A woman brought her daughter into my office on friday morning. She was bathing the child after taking her home from school in the evening when the girl screamed that her pee-pee was hurting her. On examination, the mother found abrasions and slight bleeding on the inner right thigh and the right labia majora had lacerations. The child is three years old. It was obvious she had been molested a few hours earlier and the culprit would most likely be a care-giver but we cant tell for sure cos she can barely communicate english. Thats a helpless victim. Thats someone that cannot give consent. That is a REAL victim of underage rape. Not the bullsh1t story of "I am coming out now but didnt come out when the going was good cos i was afraid the videos i knowingly consented to might be leaked"

Kimoni:


For me, the problem is not the initial attraction you have to that person or the desire to date him/her, the problem for me, lies in you opting to forge ahead with the relationship when it become glaring to all who he/she is.

@codependent relationship - yes

Mindfulness:



Now I get where you are coming from.

Let me ask you one question though, do you think an emotionally healthy person would do what the girl did for her ex-boyfriend?

queenfav:
I love you..seriously.I don't know why people pity her.I have read her all blog posts,tweets and all.What I can say is that she has deep seated paranoia and other physchological disorders.Forget the stokholm syndrome abeg.She had a choice and decided to take the abuse.Even her mother was aware of the relationship.She is just an ex who is scorned.Do you guys think if mustapha married her these allegations would come up?An average 17yr old ought to have enough sense to walk away.She obviously has a high propensity to self-destruct and also has wild sex fantasies.In one of her mails she revealed that she had lesbian se.x to mustapha.On her blog,as recent as last year,she was dating a guy she met on twitter who told her he had a girlfriend.Yet she willingly became a side-chick.For me,all this noise is not going to help her much.Because if she had clinical depression,the revelations that will follow can make her suicidal.Her family had better fly her abroad and check her into a psych ward.

queenfav:
That is where the parenting issue comes to play.The mother deserves to be dragged on tarred roads with a dangote truck till she bleeds to death.Seriously..At 17 your child has no business dating a man,let alone a 25 year old.I had my first relationship in uni and I was above 18 then.Even at that,my folks would ask me to bring him home,so they can interact with him.What sort of mother would be alive while her child is hopping from hotel to hotel at 17.The family ought to have sensed that she had psychological issues and drew her closer.All her actions are characeristics of a teenager rebelling against poor parenting.If the mother had not dumped her in a boarding school on her own,I doubt she would have degenerated to such heights.There is a bond to be built with a child when growing up.That bond cannot be established when the mother is a part-time parent.

Mindfulness:


And yet you were wondering why people pity her. This is why.

queenfav:
Na true u talk abeg..I am just annoyed at a lot of things..Because she ought to be thinking of how to move past it and be a better woman,than getting involved in all this scandal.The parents are major screw-ups.That's why I don't question God why he decided to make some women barren.Because only He knows what kind of mothers they would have become.You find cases of parents abusing their kids,using them as loan collateral,sending them off to become househelps at tender ages.You'll just wonder why God gave them the child for starters.I hope this saga ends well for her,because for me..I know it will get more messy.

tearoses:
I am not a lawyer so don't know how this may play out in court assuming that it ever gets to court in Nigeria.

However as a Parent I am very concerned about the input of this girls parents when she was growing up

Something definitely went very very wrong & even though this has happened and the clock cant be turned back for this girl, there are lots of lessons to be learnt from this sad story.

Parents please be involved in your kids. There is nothing out of bounds that you shouldn't be able to talk about.

Single mothers should be careful of the relationships that they go into (I read somewhere that the mothers boyfriend also raped this girl)

Fathers when you leave home, think about the kids you are leaving behind and the effect of your leaving on their mental state. Daughters need a father so be involved. Dont just walk away without looking back.

This girl grew up with zero self esteem and had gaps in her life that she thought that sex would fill. She needed love and she thought that sex would translate to love.
Unfortunately & sadly she came in contact with a user & a manipulator who took advantage of the situation.

Money cannot be exchanged for spending quality time and being involved with your children, This girl attended one of the most expensive schools in Nigeria but lacked parental guidance and support.

I sincerely hope that she is able to heal and enjoy the rest of her life. They stole a part of her life but I hope that she is able to reclaim the rest of it back and live a happy and fulfilled life.

Mindfulness:


You don't have to be annoyed. It doesn't help anyone. A persons ho suffers from mental health issues can't make sane decisions.

There are women out there who would make great mothers and are barren. And there are women like Suggabelly's mother who received the fruit of the womb even though she apparently doesn't deserve to be called a mother. So it has nothing to do with God punishing women for being wicked.

queenfav:
Yea,in all God is all seeing and has reasons for not blessing most women with a child.The lack of good parenting skills is just one instance,its not exclusive.

tearoses:
I am not a lawyer so don't know how this may play out in court assuming that it ever gets to court in Nigeria.

However as a Parent I am very concerned about the input of this girls parents when she was growing up

Something definitely went very very wrong & even though this has happened and the clock cant be turned back for this girl, there are lots of lessons to be learnt from this sad story.

Parents please be involved in your kids. There is nothing out of bounds that you shouldn't be able to talk about.

Single mothers should be careful of the relationships that they go into (I read somewhere that the mothers boyfriend also raped this girl)

Fathers when you leave home, think about the kids you are leaving behind and the effect of your leaving on their mental state. Daughters need a father so be involved. Dont just walk away without looking back.

This girl grew up with zero self esteem and had gaps in her life that she thought that sex would fill. She needed love and she thought that sex would translate to love.
Unfortunately & sadly she came in contact with a user & a manipulator who took advantage of the situation.

Money cannot be exchanged for spending quality time and being involved with your children, This girl attended one of the most expensive schools in Nigeria but lacked parental guidance and support.

I sincerely hope that she is able to heal and enjoy the rest of her life. They stole a part of her life but I hope that she is able to reclaim the rest of it back and live a happy and fulfilled life.

Ewuro4:


That pickin Na goat oh



Lol.

EfemenaXY:
Pls, you lot are scaring me.

Where was her mother when all of this was happening?

Abeg o! Still reading through this thread - but if there's one thing I'm quickly learning, we as parents - mothers especially - can't take our eyes off our girl child. Not even for half a second!

Mindfulness:


God blesses everyone, it is just that not everyone is in the receiving mode.

snubish:
what the young lady clearly is suffering from is a Histrionic personality disorder. why she ticks almost all the boxes.
absent father figure.
overly suggestive and erotic behaviour.
creative and over dramatic and over emotional
repeating patterns of abuse in dysfunctional relationships
no stable long term relationships
self centeredness.
depression and suicidal tendencies.
there are more if you read between the lines.

while she may not be completely lying about the Audu man, it would be simple and ignorant to believe all her tales. these people are prone to exaggeration worse still is that she has a talent for writing. i personally do not envy the young man at this moment, while not particularly academically bright many sufferers are extremely clever beyond most people's daily encounters.
i'm not exonerating the man, but in their relationships, everyone is scarred they victims as well as abusers, they suggest abuse and encourage abuse. then they use the abuse to manipulate.

i know this because i dated and truly loved a person with a similar disposition for 2 years. so i speak from experience, it was knowledge gained the hard way.

the young man would have learnt his lesson I'm sure. he should face the consequences of any excesses his youthful exuberance may have caused him to truly engage in. the young lady would not benefit from chastisement or random comments of sympathy on a blog post or public forum. the disorders start in early life and her deeply ingrained in the personality. she would benefit more from psychotherapy by trained personell. she should be encouraged to stick to her medication well to prevent he depressive bouts from becoming eventually suicidal. quite frankly it would do no good to comment more on the matter. this is a hard life and the damage on both sides is immense, naturally it would be tougher on the man who has been a more stable and rather accomplished young man with a family in bloom. good day.

Mindfulness:


You are saying that she has "a deep seated paranoia and other psychological disorders" and you wonder why people pity her?

Moreover, do you think a person who suffers from what you have just described, is able to make reasonable decisions?
Did she decide to take the abuse or is it a result of her disorders?

Mindfulness:


We mean the same thing, I just wasn't clear enough. I should have asked, how is it possible that someone continues feeling attracted to such a person and relationship. Frankly speaking, I would run.

cococandy:


There's no way I can finish that.

It's not her stories that I can't stomach.

The comments people make about stuff like this is sickening. There's always the need to defend the indefensible


and you're right even if she was 40yrs old, what happened to her was rape.
Except he wants to say she made it all up.

Mindfulness:


Why would people date such people? It is an interesting question, isn't it?