I am married for 4years now and have two kids from the relationship, before i married my wife she had other guys who were also coming after her,there was this guy in particular that she dated while she was dating me as well as she later confessed to me. I forgave her and we had to move ahead, that was precisely 2005,we went ahead and got married in 2007. In March 2008 i came back from work around 10.00pm and met my wife chatting with this ex-boyfriend of hers and also using the head gear to talk with him on skype, she ignored me until i called her attention to prepare food for me, when i realized it was this guy,i warned her that such an act could affect our marriage and she should desist from doing so as i don`t feel comfortable with her relationship with the guy based on the fact that they have had intimate relationship before we got married,i even threatened to report to her parents if she fails to stop it.

Over the years my wife attitude became unbearable as she does not respect me and has refused to take care of the business i opened for her since she lost her job, i happened to stumble on her email box which she did not sign out and saw that she has sent 18 pictures she recently took in our masters bedroom, while laying on the bed,in the shop etc, between July 2011 to August 2011 to this same guy. I just could not figure out why she has been sending this pictures to this guy, this is a woman i have done everything to satisfy but she does not appreciate any and lacks respect for me as she insults me even in the presence of my friends and neighbors.

The kids are 4:2yr respectively,please if you were in my shoes can you continue with the marriage?

Question:  What do [size=44pt]you [/size] think about your marriage?

That is your own side of the story. If I could hear hers, then maybe I could advice better.

I mean what make her to start dis-respecting you in the first place?

rokiatu:

That is your own side of the story. If I could hear hers, then maybe I could advice better.

I mean what make her to start dis-respecting you in the first place?

Sometimes people who accuse others of personal relationship problems usually are in denial of what is going on. It sound like there are some denial going on but all the advice in the world won't change what he feels about his marriage and the same for the wife.

True talk.

So Mr, how do you feel about the marriage?

This your marriage has cancer.Its just too advanced
You know its risky giving 2 cents worth of advise to a married couple till one hears from both sides

True.

Your story is just one side of the coin. Ever tried to talk to her and find out what went wrong? Nobody becomes bitter without a reason. You need to check your attitude . For example, you sounded kind of bossy when you said "[i]she does not respect me and has refused to take care of the business i opened for her since she lost her job".[/i]Sounds more like "I opened a business, and I'm keeping a tab on how successful it is". Respect cannot be demanded, it has to be gained.

Having said that, I would never become friendly with some guy I had dated b4 marriage behind my husband's back, talk less of sending him my pics. Maybe it is just me !

Guy,lets call a spade a spade.If you have not commited any wrong to your wife that made her to behave in this very way.It is obvious that she is still having a serious relationship with the other guy.

Anything that makes a woman to disrespect and behave anyhow to her husband in this way,is not ordinary.

guy,that woman is cheating on you.to the extent of sending matrimonia pictures to the man.

But i will urge you to follow this issue with maturity,i know it pains,but try and address the matter in matured way.

Did the mods move this thread from the romance section to the family section? oh yea, now I know why some of the replies here are  . Oh gosh

@Poster

I don't care about the other sides to stories because there is hardly a second side to a story posted on the internet by some invisible persons. No woman should send such pictures to any man. Take that proof and put her back in place.

//

If i am to go by ur story OP,  a woman chatting with an immediate ex on Skype late into the night and and not recognizing and respecting the presence of her husband, whom she is married to and have got kids for is no sure way to solve or get any grievance resolved, except she is building stones to destroy her home with her own hands.

according to your story, your wife seems not to be interested in the marriage any more. Try to ignore her and let her do what she wants. Take care of your kids. she will at one time discover that she is not being good to you. If she still loves you, she will stay and change her behaviors. If she wants to go to her ex, she will go and you will start anew life.

am sick of people coming to complain about their marriage on relationships on nairaland

[size=15pt]@OP i hope this is not true. Your username doesn't suggest your story is true.[/size]

Pls seek for the hands of God(prayers) and then if you have a pastor or Imam along with your parents,look for a solution here. it is easy to destroy than building a relationship, May God be with us all.

your wife need total delivrance

Ask your this question:Other than love did anything influence her decision to marrying u and not the other guy?
                                    How did u get to know she was double dating before ur marriage?
maybe ur wife love the other guy more when she was dating the both of you and maybe she got married to because of ur financial power and nothing else. the females in the house will agree with me that it is never advisable to marry a girl who has never really got over her ex most especially if the ex is around her vicinity but the problem is MOST of these girls will not tell the guys this is one serious cause of infertility.
@poster it seem ur wife is falling or have fallen for her ex.its all up to u.but if am is ur shoes i will get a divorce cos i cant stand the fact that ma wife is cheating on me.
NEVER!

ever read the book 'THE SECRET'. go read it and apply the principles outlined in it to fix your marriage.

Take the kids to your mother, and send her to her ex jobless lover. Unless you want to die young then you can keep the marriage. No matter whatever you might have done to her, going back to ex is out of it except they never break up in the first place, move on man!

chaircover:

@poster,
This advise I am about to give is not for everyone, and may cause more damage than it is worth if not handled well, but you can create  fictitious female friend and start having phone calls, with her, come home late, refuse your wife's food, generally ignore her etc to snap your wife back into her senses. But be careful if you choose this option; it can backfire & if your wife is a bulldog she will call your bluff and tell you to go to hell. Like I said, this option is not for everyone.

Lack of respect - True Respect is earned and not demanded, however You can demand fear and this is not healthy. Explain to her how you feel and give her specific instances of when she disrespected you so that she knows what exactly she has done; Don't just tell her that she disrespects you. Let her know that she is putting the marriage at risk by her attitude and tell her to remember to think of the children and what will happen to them if things get out of hand and  the marriage packs up.

never pretend to a woman u have another woman out there cos it will end al the love she has 4 u. And can i ask u this? Has she ever suspected u of cheatin no her even without comin out 2 tel u?

If this is a true life story,i guess you shud divorce her without any explanation because u owe her none.I see no reason y a married woman shud cheat on her husband.There are alot of women out there that will appreciate the man in you.Please don't b a fool and do wat is rite.

I have always warned that NEVER EVER MARRY A CHEAT because A CHEAT WILL ALWAYS CHEAT. But, women rights activists on nairaland will call me names. she was cheating while you were dating, now you are married and she is till cheating. That is what I call CONSITSENCY. Just do a DNA test on your so-called children and lick your wounds. You married an adulterous and treacherous woman.

I think some of us have taken this "there are two sides to a story" orientation too far. The only thing I would be interested in in a case like this is: is the poster's story TRUE? That's all. Is it true that his wife took intimate pictures of herself (in their marital bedroom of all places) and sent to another man? Is it true that she is still keeping in touch with her ex-boyfriend - chatting with him even in her husband's presence? Assuming that these allegations are true, then to what extent do I need to hear the wife's side of the story to determine anything? Is there ANY justification whatsoever for such actions on the part of the wife. . .regardless of whatever the husband might have done? Is there anything a husband can do that can make a wife justified in conducting an illicit affair with her ex (sending him pictures!) and brazenly 'disrespecting' her husband? These are the issues. I certainly don't belong in the school of thought that justifies or rationalizes a wife's cheating/disrespect on account of her husband's actions or inactions.

If anyone wants to advise the poster, he or she has to assume that he is telling the truth (as per his story). The issue of 'both sides to a story' only applies if one (or both) of the contending factions is telling an outright lie about what actually happened.

@Poster, no need for me to advise you. As some would already know, my advice in all these issues pertaining to uxorial infidelity/disrespect is always inexorably brutal. Besides you don't seem the sort of 'boss-man' that has ballz enough to do what you ought to do (which is what I would have advised) in the circumstance.

I wouldnt be quick at judging your wife,though whatever might have dragged her into the stupid game can never be justified.The act is awful and evil!
But let ask some question.DID YOU TRULY WIN HER HEART BY TRUE LOVE OR U CLOUDED HER SENSES WITH MATERIAL THINGS AND WON HER from whom she truly loves?
Maybe money cant buy her the true feelings of love she needs.
She needs your money but loves the other guy.
So u've got to stop carrying touch for another guy.It can never be too late to fix your life.

1. Study her closely again.
2. If situation remains the same, call her and give her last warning.
3. Call a family meeting( her parents inclusive) and give all evidences and give her the final warning.
4. If symtoms persist, then separate her even without going to the court.
5. But make sure those children are yours if not you have being dreaming since 5years ago.

@Poster.

Your situation is a very difficult one and I can imagine what you have been going through. Nevertheless, I also believe there is an answer to every question. First of all, we have only heard from you, if its possible to hear from her as well it will be great. Lets assume you have been a faithful and loving husband, then I think you need to get her folks involved in this.

This is Africa and we live a communal life, if there are any other people in her life( someone she fears and respects, Pastor, Imam, uncle etc ) that can talk to her apart from her parents, then you must speak with them as soon as possible.

You also need to take her out and really speak with her, am sure she knows what she's doing is wrong or maybe she is still living on the infatuations with this dude, if that be the case, then you need to really show her some REAL Love. Do things that will restore the sparks in your love life.

I know most men usually ignore their wives especially after child births, if that is your case, then you have to wake up bro.

Finally, go on your knees and talk to God, have faith and be rest assured that you have not lost her yet

I wish you the best

U need not be told dat the marriage has ended long time ago eventhough I have not heard her own side of the story yet, but from urs, the marriage is over. Are u even sure the two kids are urs?. Sorry oo just asking sha

I stopped reading this at:

[s]there was this guy in particular that she dated while she was dating me as well as she later confessed to me.
I forgave her and we had to move ahead[/s]

Let me also ask you these questions

1. Did you lose your job and when you go out, you come home empty handed?
2. Are you no longer functioning in your Bed ministies?
3. Is she suspecting you are dating another person?
4. Are you no longer romantic or do not buy her gifts?
5. Do you keep late nights?
6. Is she having some old friends that smells wayward?

Investigate then get back to us on this forum, we will surely reconmend a lasting cure to your viral disturbance.