Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice - Family - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice (8187 Views)
Sometimes What Parents Say Hurts Alot / Help! My Wife Wanna Leave Me / Unhappy In Marriage, Pls Advice! (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)
| Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by romance007: 7:50am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Pls only matured advice. Am young (21yrs) undergraduate. I currently have an NCE. I met this guy about 2yrs ago and am deeply in love with him. I believe strongly that he loves me too. We are both from Plateau State with diff tribe but that's never an issue. We share similar values and have spoken alot about getting married and how our home should be. Both of us are devout Christians. He has a HND and is already gainfully employed and thus ready to settle down. He's 29. I dont mind marrying him right away too cos ive studied him and i believe he will make a good husband. Issue is after obtaining my NCE, I started off a five year lab course at Unijos and am just in my 1st year. While he is willing to wait till i enter my 2nd year or possibly finish 2nd year (abt 1.5yrs from now), my parents think differently. My parents dont want to hear me talk about marriage as they want me to finish school and get a job before settling down. My dad is worst as he believes i should only have a boyfriend after i graduate   . I know they say love is patient but of cos that's y he is willing to wait till my 2nd year. We plan on delaying childbirth until we are properly settled in the marriage and feel a child could be managed. I cant imagine keeping him for 5-6 years; that's crazy. I myself cant bear not being with him for that long. Pls has anyone come across such experience? How do you think i should handle this? It's killing me ohh!! pls advice this young lady maturely abeg. Thks |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by GboyegaD(m): 7:56am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Let your parents understand you are making the right decision for yourself and both of you have really planned it. You could get your siblings convinced and I'm sure they can also help you in convincing them. 2 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by pickabeau1: 8:08am On Dec 08, 2015 |
You are 21...no job No set time before kids come Will finish school in 4 years time Potential scenario 1 (4 years) 26 years old Housewife....no job Mother of 2....one in the oven already Education syspended Potential scenario 2 (4 years) Just about to graduate About to wed A job or business venture in the waiting More mature couple Well......... the elders say when food is sweeting someone...no other food will be worth it My advice Slow down till you're in year 3 You will be 23 he 31 You will know more about each other No marriage discussion till 2 years 32 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Nobody: 8:10am On Dec 08, 2015 |
U didn't knw u wanna settle down before starting a 5-year course? Ur parent still tink you are young.... U shud jus av made it clear dat u wnt to settle down after obtaining NCE...Instead if stopping half way or pausing halfway and getting married...... If u still insist u want to get married, den talk to ur parent, talk to ur siblings, talk to ur family relatives.....dis should help... D poster above me hs made som more sense as well |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Cutehector(m): 8:13am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Marriage is neva a way out... Most girls fail to realise that. Sure u could get married buh hey, its very possible to hold on about childbirth for a good number of years to start up ur career and keep it moving. 1 Like |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by vilight(f): 8:25am On Dec 08, 2015 |
U are just 21 and av countless more years ahead of you. I bet most of the pressure you are feeling to settle down is from the guy. He is 29. Besides how long have you two dated for that you are willing to tie the knots with him. If he truly loves you, he would not put you in a position to disregard your parents wish. |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Karleb(m): 8:32am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Kids. A yoruba adage says: What an adult sees on his seat even if a child climb mountain everest, he wouldn't see it. 10 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Eketem: 8:37am On Dec 08, 2015 |
All my Jos girls wey marriage dey hungry like sugar, you girls won't plan your lives you want to rush and marry because your mates are marrying. 3 years down the marriage you have two kids going to beg for gote in your parents house and Oga is drinking from the stress of carrying the whole burden and beating you. Same old story, my southern brothers and sisters will not understand how bad this epidemic is, very shallow unplanned mentality. Marriage is good but plan your life first 17 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by godofwar666(m): 8:37am On Dec 08, 2015 |
GboyegaD:@OP this guy just NAILED it  |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by godofwar666(m): 8:41am On Dec 08, 2015 |
vilight:so 21 is not yet ripe to marry? So you're saying she should marry at the age of 30?  2 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by godofwar666(m): 8:43am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Eketem:that's not a good wish and is this the good advice you can give to her ? |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by vilight(f): 8:51am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Yes it is. Even apart from the age factor, she has no job and also little experience. It isn't necessary to wait til 30yrs but a couple more yrs on top her present age would be manageable. Marriage is not something u rush into... If we check ur age I think u wud be either close to or even 30 on the dot and probably single...joking but no need to carry sum1 else trouble on top of your head like this... 2 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by funlord(m): 8:57am On Dec 08, 2015 |
romance007: 21? What do you even know about love and sex at this age? My friend go to school, enjoy being single for a while, finish and start to build a career for yourself! Before you end up at 31 with numerous regrets, bitterness and begin to sow your wild oats 10 years too late! 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by obinnashady(m): 9:10am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Very soon ur papa will marry u. 1 Like |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by donpata(m): 9:29am On Dec 08, 2015 |
Girl!! u came to the wrong forum Co's most guys and ladies on NL are old cargoes btw 27-50 and unmarried. am 30 and unmarried top. lol.. we will thus not give u objective answer cos we are affected by our conditions. that's y many have expressd the deluded thought that at 21, u are too small to marry and u Should wait to "grow" and mature. @topic, u are 3 yrs above the marriage age in naija and far ahead many married ladies in the north. thing is, marriage is good at least if u find Mr. right. cos of your studies however, I think a 2year delay won't be harmful. within this period, work to understand your man and yourself. keep planning with him on how the home should be cos that will guarantee u less problems later. he should also plan on hustling more and preparing to be a father. though I think he is already old. lastly, as someone said above, keep reminding your parents that u are an adult and though u respect them, u are responsible for your life. you ain't too small for marriage. don't be deceive by NL Oldies. lol 11 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by damiso(f): 9:30am On Dec 08, 2015 |
pickabeau1: This is what I will also advise. 5 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by yvelchstores(f): 5:25pm On Dec 08, 2015 |
Listen to ur parents 1 Like |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by SAMBARRY: 10:17pm On Dec 08, 2015 |
Take 5 Sensible post from you today pickabeau1: |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by pickabeau1: 10:18pm On Dec 08, 2015 |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by SAMBARRY: 10:24pm On Dec 08, 2015 |
pickabeau1:I have spoken  |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by pickabeau1: 10:44pm On Dec 08, 2015 |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by SAMBARRY: 5:59am On Dec 09, 2015 |
 pickabeau1: |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by NifemiOlu(m): 1:09pm On Dec 09, 2015 |
|
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by 2tanG0: 3:10pm On Dec 09, 2015 |
wait for ur time, that's all I can say |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Hafsat24(f): 8:00pm On Dec 09, 2015 |
@Op..I know how you feel cos I've been in your shoes  ..my dad practically made my life a living hell cos of this marriage issue..mine started soon after I finished high school..guy was willing to wait till 300L buh noway..my dad didn't budge..and I was to study engineering with all the strike and whatnot..to cut the story short..that time gave me the opportunity to study the guy better and I realised he just wasn't the ONE..don't forget prior to this realisation I was helpless in love ..well I did get married last year finally.. to my best half ofcourse..Moral of my story: Take your time..your parents want the best for you no matter how difficult they may seem School and marriage isnt easy to combine o..its easy to say but my dear not easy to do..trust me you'll be glad you graduate before settling down But if you feel you can't..at least in your 3rd year try speaking to your parents..they just might have a change of heart 9 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Nobody: 8:47pm On Dec 09, 2015 |
Op. all i can say is b patient cos u may av not yet known him. from ur statement u said u "I dont mind marrying him right away too cos ive studied him and i believe he will make a good husbandthat means u arnt sure of him. So my advice is follow ur parent advice. He will wait if he truely wants U. |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Nobody: 10:59pm On Dec 09, 2015 |
wait for a couple of years more. you will get to know and appreciate yourselves more and obey your parents in the long run. approach your parents in two years' time. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by Nobody: 1:21pm On Dec 10, 2015 |
Op sorry you hear... Just be a little more patient with your parents.. You will understand with time... Don't go and get pregnant so their hands will be tied oh.. Your parents know that when you get married, its a license to start having babies University stress is not easy coupled with marriage stress.... One of them might suffer Your 5 years course might turn 8 Years course, that's if you eventually completes the education You might turn out to be a nagging wife because you might think your husband is not understanding (I go to school, come back, cook and he still wants sex )1 Like |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by misreal(m): 1:39pm On Dec 10, 2015 |
pickabeau1:True my man. U just nailed it.. U deserve a bottle of pepsi 1 Like |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by romance007: 5:50pm On Dec 10, 2015 |
I appreciate you all for your contributions. Though i still got some perturbing questions. Pardon me if am silly. When it is said it's not easy combining marriage and academics, BESIDES CHILDBIRTH, which other troubles are there? I currently go to school from my parents home. Thus; I got a multitude of dishes to wash daily whereas i may end up washing just 2 pieces in my husband's house. I got several rooms and the compound to sweep sometimes twice daily whereas only some few with less dirt in my husband's house. I got a community to cook for whereas i got to cook only for two in my husband's house.I got Mummy, Daddy, and siblings to attend to their errands even after the stress of school whereas it's just my husband's errand i have if married. That's besides the possibility of having a househelp if it becomes too necessary.I got my siblings assignment to assist with whereas my Husband's assignment would only be on Bed Daddy wont assist me with that school assignment neither will mummy whereas i believe my husband will be there to assist.I dont have to chat for hours on call or whatsapp with him since he will be having me around almost always meaning less distractions. Plus i dont get the pressure of selfservice since he's gonna be there almost whenever needed favoured234, vilight Moreso, i dont contribute anything financially to my parents at the moment; Its gonna be the same thing with my hubby too until i graduate of course or he establish small biz for me as we are already planning. So i ask again, besides the stress of pregnancy and child rearing, anyone wanna educate me on other troubles i havent seen cos of love blindness? Pls dont mind my foolishness if any, Its just LOVE . Thanks6 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by amtheone(m): 7:14pm On Dec 10, 2015 |
romance007: Reading this your write up, made me laugh out so loud. In this life, nothing is so sure. Listen to your parents. I wish you all the best. 5 Likes |
| Re: Am Undergraduate And Wanna Marry. Parents Say NO!! Pls Advice by hayzed1090: 7:27pm On Dec 10, 2015 |
I really wish I could give a comprehensive explanation of my stand! Believe me the best decision u can take in the sight of God and also for ur future is to marry him (you should av prayed over it of course.). U can delay pregnancy till u are done with school. At least it will prevent /stop you from fornication. 2 Likes |
Drug Abuse: When Last Did You Check Your Children’s Bags? – NAFDAC / SOLD!!! Baby Beds For Sale / Should I Give In ???
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 72 |