Pregnancy is not an option here cos it will scatter your academic progression, don't consider it. Buy more time.

GHoJes:
People have and will successfully marry at the age you plan to marry.


You can finish school and still not be ready for marriage, yes there are many late 20's and 30's that are not ready for marriage. What makes the difference is maturity. Maturity comes from knowledge gathered from personal and general life experiences. Some successfully young married girls armed themselves with maturity knowledge before marriage or in marriage. The truth is girls your age mingle with each other and as such know only things you said earlier but since you want to grow faster than your peers, mingle with women not girls, vorariously gather marriage knowledge from book and life from now till next year because your immaturity can frustrate him even if he is good. Then be very sure he is the right one. The success is up to you.

Sweet sis,good am. It has been long I updated you cos things got somehow and my email is not opening.
But now,I can confidently tell you that it will soon end in praize.
Thanks for all the support,love and encouragement.

prissyluv:


Sweet sis,good am. It has been long I updated you cos things got somehow and my email is not opening.
But now,I can confidently tell you that it will soon end in praize.
Thanks for all the support,love and encouragement.

Haaauum!!

...and you made my day, to God be all the glory.

Awaiting my ...

jadelyn007:
gbam! Exactly! My cousin got married at 20 in year 1, she would leave her kids with her very sweet mother in-law who was a retired headmistress and her very supportive husband who bought her a car to make her commuting from home to school easy, she also had a maid. She ended up graduating with a first class degree. That is just one of the other family members who it worked for.
There is no rush and at the same time it is not to early

There is a very lean chance that parents would object to their 20 YO daughter getting married to a man like her husband. That man "knows his onions" and it would have been very easy to convince her parents
The husband knew what he was going into and planned for it.
With all the support and sometimes scolding from darling MIL, why will she fail?

If you see the clone of her husband ask him to come marry my daughter at 19.... I will gladly say yes, Keeping in mind that his like is rare..

Babe I'll not advice you to marry yet.if you're through with school,it would have been a lot easier.you need to be sure of your future.you haven't even started.Your nce is useful if you secured a BED with it ,you have 5 uncertain years ahead.but let's leave that for now.
Every woman in this present age needs a means of personal income.Every woman ought to have a certain degree of financial independence in marriage.here he pays your fees,clothes you,feeds you,give to your parents as well as his,and he's expected to save up money for further investments ability? Just how comfortable is this guy?
Know this truth today;when a man bears all the financial burden at home,he become callous,sees you as a liability,and whenever he needs advices or has serious financial issues he wouldn't even remember to consult you.why because you don't understand the art of money making.
Marriage is not all about having sexual feelings and getting laid.it comes with so much responsibility and expectations.if you must matter in your home then you must be well equipped.a woman who cannot contribute financially to her home is usually relegated to the background.
You're still young.start planning for marriage as you approach 24,ask him to wait,you can start a family at 25/26.you have a life time to enjoy marriage so why the rush?prepare yourself spiritually,emotionally,psychologically,financially .Marriage starts with a wedding but doesn't end with moving in.there are so many packages attached to it.don't be caught unawares.

GHoJes:
Haaauum!!
...and you made my day, to God be all the glory.
Awaiting my ...

hahahaha. Tx alot.

I want to know ooo.
Does it mean that a lady cant get married because she has no source of income? All the married folks here,were you all independent before getting married?
Some comments here are so very funny.


I understand that op is 21 and just got into school after her NCE. She already said,the marriage will take place late next year and that the fiance has some plans in place. All she needs is to think it through and if she is convinced she can handle academics,family and probably pregnancy when it comes,she should follow her heart and convince her parents as well.

And to those saying she should wait after school and get a job,I hail una oooo. As if getting a job or starting a biz is that easy.

OP at 21 you're still very young with life ahead of you, all I see from your write up is that you're helpless in love. Don't you have plans for your own life? do you just wanna be a complete house wife? try and settle down 4/5 years from now isn't bad.

Like others have said it's difficult combining marriage with academics, it's foolish to think we'll hold off child bearing till I'm in my fourth year or till I graduate (in fact it's impossible). A loving and caring man today may become a beast as soon as he gets what he wanted.

Think carefully.

prissyluv:
I want to know ooo.
Does it mean that a lady cant get married because she has no source of income? All the married folks here,were you all independent before getting married?
Some comments here are so very funny.


I understand that op is 21 and just got into school after her NCE. She already said,the marriage will take place late next year and that the fiance has some plans in place. All she needs is to think it through and if she is convinced she can handle academics,family and probably pregnancy when it comes,she should follow her heart and convince her parents as well.

And to those saying she should wait after school and get a job,I hail una oooo. As if getting a job or starting a biz is that easy.

I think u should create a thread with this heading:" Married Ladies, were u financialy independent b4 getting married? Share your story. "
abeg create am cos.the way marriage is painted here, e tire me ohh.

favoured234:


There is a very lean chance that parents would object to their 20 YO daughter getting married to a man like her husband. That man "knows his onions" and it would have been very easy to convince her parents
The husband knew what he was going into and planned for it.
With all the support and sometimes scolding from darling MIL, why will she fail?

If you see the clone of her husband ask him to come marry my daughter at 19.... I will gladly say yes, Keeping in mind that his like is rare..

lol. That's just one of my cousin who was lucky to find a man who is rich, even the one that married an average guy is still enjoying her marriage because the man will rather die than see his wife unhappy. I can swear by my life not because of what I am told but because of what I've observed the countless times I've been thr. He is not rich but he will never break a promise. Sometimes I wonder how he copes with paying fees for a wife, a kid and a maid. That is why I feel if op decides to go ahead with the idea she should try to be the best wife she can be and also be appreciative, it might not be rosy financially all the time but if she's understanding they'll work it out together. For crying out loud she already has a tertiary education, NCE. it's not like she's a jambite.

jadelyn007:
lol. That's just one of my cousin who was lucky to find a man who is rich, even the one that married an average guy is still enjoying her marriage because the man will rather die than see his wife unhappy. I can swear by my life not because of what I am told but because of what I've observed the countless times I've been thr. He is not rich but he will never break a promise. Sometimes I wonder how he copes with paying fees for a wife, a kid and a maid. That is why I feel if op decides to go ahead with the idea she should try to be the best wife she can be and also be appreciative, it might not be rosy financially all the time but if she's understanding they'll work it out together. For crying out loud she already has a tertiary education, NCE. it's not like she's a jambite.

My cousin (an only child) got pregnant at 21YO in 200L she came home to her deeper life parents and said the guy (28 YO) wanted to marry her.
(IMO the guy was not prepared for marriage, I would have just allowed the guy do introduction and let them wait for a while...)
Her family took care of almost all of the financial responsibility when it came to the wedding.
She gave birth to a bouncing baby boy through CS, She still lives with her parents and goes to school from home, her father does school runs for her while her mother baby sits.
On the son's first birthday, she was already heavily pregnant for the second...
My heart bleeds whenever I think of the stress she would be going through.. BTW the husband is in a different city..

IMO OP should wait for some time

donpata:

I think u should create a thread with this heading:" Married Ladies, were u financialy independent b4 getting married? Share your story. "
abeg create am cos.the way marriage is painted here, e tire me ohh.

My dear,I tire too

favoured234:


My cousin (an only child) got pregnant at 21YO in 200L she came home to her deeper life parents and said the guy (28 YO) wanted to marry her.
(IMO the guy was not prepared for marriage, I would have just allowed the guy do introduction and let them wait for a while...)
Her family took care of almost all of the financial responsibility when it came to the wedding.
She gave birth to a bouncing baby boy through CS, She still lives with her parents and goes to school from home, her father does school runs for her while her mother baby sits.
On the son's first birthday, she was already heavily pregnant for the second...
My heart bleeds whenever I think of the stress she would be going through.. BTW the husband is in a different city..

IMO OP should wait for some time

op said her man has a job even tho he can't be said to be rich, he would be on the scale of average. Hers is different and waiting 1 whole year like she said is enough. As long as the guy has a job. If only your cousins husband had a job that would put him on an average financial scale and they put child bearing on hold after the first child it would have worked.

From some of the comments on this thread, I can now understand why many Nigerian women are single at 45 and some, for life!

These same women will come out to say marriage is about love, understanding, honesty etc. but are truly showing that their belief in the marriage system is basically on 'how much money he earns, the degree she has' and all sorts.

My questions are thus:

1. Is this to say illiterates cannot and in fact, should not get married?
(Is bagging a BSc and earning a bogus salary now a criteria for marriage?)

2. Are people not formally schooled more likely to have a failed marriage?
(Most of our forefathers weren't. Yet, marriages had more meaning than they do now in the so-called 21st century.)

3. Does a few 'loopholes' mean they won't prosper?
Marriage is a personal decision and as such, no one can tell where this man and woman could be in the next few years. They may not start out as millionaires but with patience and hardwork, they will succeed.

Finally, anyone who starts their comment with 'a 21 year old woman is too young to marry' may actually be a lonely, depressed and desperate single lady at 50.

Forgot to add, how successful are your marriages all these women yannin...?

bukatyne:


Wanted to tag you but thought you would mind.

In this life, no absolutes.

As far as the guy is right and she knows the challenges, it will be well.

Hello dear, I was banned by that spam bot shyte so couldn't reply earlier, I don't mind at all. There really are no absolutes, you take the risks that are worth taking.

It's sad that people now prepare for marriages like they are going to war .

byvan03:
It's sad that people now prepare for marriages like they are going to war .

them done make me go back to dust my marriage books to see if there's somthing i missed out b4 i enter this "VALLEY OF DEATH".

donpata:


; D
them done make me go back to dust my marriage books to see if there's somthing i missed out b4 i enter this "VALLEY OF DEATH".

Lol @ Valley of death. following by the Nairaland standard of marriage preparation, I missed out everything. Gosh!! Why get married if it makes you prepare for war. Once you are prepared for war, you will find yourself subconsciously itching for war so you can exert the combat tactics learnt over the years of prolonged single hood. No wonder the number of failed marriages keeps skyrocketing. People can't wait to tap into their contingency plans.

They now put plan A,B and C in place before lying through their teeth at the alter that is for better, for worse .

Ive read carefully, the comments so far and am so happy i got these opinions. Am more informed than i was before creating this thread. Now i know am gonna make an informed decision and i promise that whatever step i finally take, and no matter how long it takes, i will definately inform u all. Thanks a lot and God bless u all.

jadelyn007:
lol. That's just one of my cousin who was lucky to find a man who is rich, even the one that married an average guy is still enjoying her marriage because the man will rather die than see his wife unhappy. I can swear by my life not because of what I am told but because of what I've observed the countless times I've been thr. He is not rich but he will never break a promise. Sometimes I wonder how he copes with paying fees for a wife, a kid and a maid. That is why I feel if op decides to go ahead with the idea she should try to be the best wife she can be and also be appreciative, it might not be rosy financially all the time but if she's understanding they'll work it out together. For crying out loud she already has a tertiary education, NCE. it's not like she's a jambite.

You sha have allota cousins... they all married at 21... all have a kid and a maid...

Adaeze003:


You sha have allota cousins... they all married at 21... all have a kid and a maid...

I only gave 2 instances of cousins who married very early before their university education and yes I have lots of cousins and it's a close knit extended family. Do you have a problem with comprehension or a problem with my post? Which one?

jadelyn007:
I only gave 2 instances of cousins who married very early before their university education and yes I have lots of cousins and it's a close knit extended family. Do you have a problem with comprehension or a problem with my post? Which one?

Lol... I knew she was gon come at me...

Smh...

sweetheart,since u are in Jos,we can get to meet.I have a similar story to urz.I hope u get to read this.I got married at 21..still in school.pple complaind and adviced me other wise.they said I am too young and still in school so I should face my school and marriage can come later.these same pple have come to see how much of a great woman I have become.the fact that u finish school and have a job is not a criteria to having a good husband.atleast it would save u from commiting fornication.most pple that advice u against marriage are in a sexual relationship and don't see any reason to be married cos they are getting satisfaction.I am not saying you should get married for sex.you have to be sure he is the one for u.he has to understand the importance of education and support u all the way.my parents objected to me getting married initially cos I was in school.but I made them understand that I know what I want and I am sure about the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.it is these same pple that wud start preasurin u after school to get married and u might end up getting married to a wrong person.u can delay pregnancy.but in my case,I didn't.we planned that I would take in immediately.and I am enjoying my bundle of joy.my husband allows me to read and encourages me.got me a laptop for my project and even takes me out to save me the stress of cooking.I am young but my husband adores and respects .cos of the way I handle issues.pls don't get pregnant out of wedlock.talk to your parents and make them see that you are mature enough because they might still think that u are too young.if they have met the guy,they might think he is not capable of taking care of u and if they havnt met him,take him to see them.the way he presents himself would assure them of how capable he is.I just hope u are not getting married because of the wrong reasons like,too much work in your family house,sex,wearing a wedding gown (cos I know thatz what we ladies like a lot.)I know your own course is demanding but if u are sure,u can go ahead.dont forget to pray about it.aure na da dadi fa.i wish u all the best.don't forget to send my iv ko.

I guess there's no "one size fits all" in such situations.

I've learned a lot from this thread.

Please people dont make marriage seem like its war war war!!! ...There are still good times in it and there are many successful marriages as well.. Its all about your mindset,tolerance,patience and maturity amongst others and not age...age is just a number. I have met older ladies whose behaviours are child-like and also young ladies who have good sense of reasoning as well and vice versa... Its not all about age please ..dont make been 21seem like 12. The op is intelligent,knows what she wants,has plans/goals as well.. Yh it might not be exactly the way she n her man has planned it out,at first but things will fall into place so long they are sure about it and with God on their side as well. Am 21+,though not married, am an ONDholder and i have a little business i do to keep myself busy and earn money and if marriage comes now,why not? what are we waiting for? so long we are guided properly in our decisions and with the right mind ...i dont see anything like war in it and am glad my parents dont object neither do they pressure.... I've got 2cousins who got married at 21 and 20 and they re doing well... one is in her 3rd yr now and the other about going for direct entry and has a baby also. while another being 34 or so with a good education and a good job still hanging there,waiting impatiently.. So please you dont need to be a millionaire or have an Msc before you settle down..dont make marriage seem like hell please be optimistic. There are so many marriages that have worked and yours can be counted as one too only if you take the right decisions and be guided properly..it cant be all perfect but you can make it work...fall in love and take your brains along side... I wish the op @Romance007 all the best in what ever decision she takes... and i really do appreciate the comments from GbogeyaD godofwar666 hayzed1090 Maruf05 ayoi GHoJels Prissyluv Massali quindebbie jaydelyn007 donpata and byvan03 .... bless

Nice one Essence4, "fall in love and take your brain with you", I like this.

All these aged ladies we have here and their usual belief system that everyone's life must be tailored to their own ways and paths.

What's bad in a 21 year old getting married if she has MOST of her priorities right?

How old were your parents when they got married? What did your father own when he got married to your mum?

Grade II teacher's cert, 6 shirts, 2 trousers, a pair of shoe and an umbrella and what else? prospect of a better life together? Isn't it?

So what's the fuse about him not having every every? Aren't all your parents better off now? Did they build that house, buy that car have everything they have now before getting married? Is marriage about how much the guy pulls?

No wonder we have thousands of single ladies loitering the streets unmarried. Start small, grow bigger.


Marriage is about growing old and living life together. Does he have the prospects? Does he have at least something to sustain you both? Are you planning to cut your coat according to your size? Are you going to take precautions and hold off on giving birth until when you can be able to raise them and give them a befitting home?

@op. Most have said what you need to hear.
Get married if you want to. no rushing it. Don't do it because of pressure to have your own house and so on. Do it because that is what you want and that's what is right for you now. Give yourself ample time to get to know your spouse more. Don't give birth immediately. Kids have a way putting extra pressure that's not needed for now. Good luck

Adaeze003:


Lol... I knew she was gon come at me...

Smh...

smh for you, stop acting like a fool. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then shut up and learn quietly!

jadelyn007:
smh for you, stop acting like a fool. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then shut up and learn quietly!

Blood of J! This early Sunday morning?


Happy Sunday to you too...

byvan03:




Hello dear, I was banned by that spam bot shyte so couldn't reply earlier, I don't mind at all. There really are no absolutes, you take the risks that are worth taking.

True

Noted

How are you and family? How is Christmas preparation going?

You want to graduate with
P(Pikin)
H(Husband)
D(Degree)?

It can be very costly. My niece who did that is currently doing an extra year in the university. She made 2 babies and her CGPA is woeful!

A lady that I know eventually graduated with a third class. And she was very intelligent. She's so ashamed of her result that it gives her inferiority complex. Her friends who married after their studies have it all too: husband, children, good career prospects because of their good result and respect from their in-laws who never saw them as uncompleted projects which their brothers invested money to complete.

There is time for everything: a time to be carefree and a time to bear responsibility. Enjoy this stage of your life. If you must marry, can you agree to postpone child-bearing till you have written your final exams?
Remember, the marriage can go anyhow but with your certificate, you can pick the pieces of your life together and feed your children. Don't joke with this stage. It can make or mar you. A man in love is a very different creature from a husband.

Advice from a very concerned parent!

(Am quoting people for you)

marriage is for the rest of your life.......what's the hurry?

personally, i'll advice you chill and graduate before you get married. try and graduate with a good grade cuz trust me you don't want to be a housewife.

If you get pregnant, definitely juggling school and pregnancy and motherhood will not be a walk in the park...why graduate with a 2.1 if you can make a first class

if the guy truly loves you and is your husband, he will wait for you. I have a friend (male) that waited 5 years for his girl to graduate and serve, he met her before she got admission. they got married last year...he was 36, she was 24.

true love waits and not just for sex!