breadandtea:
Hello everyone, this issue has been bothering me for a while now, so I decided to speak up here because I know I would get good 'advises' from people here.

I come from a family of 3 girls (our only brother died when he was less than one), I'm the Eldest (22), the next is 19 and the last is 16. We stay with our parents in Lagos.
I was very close with my immediate younger sister, I still remember many fun times we had together. But our relationship started drifting apart during our secondary school period, we started talking less. I remember I reacted harshly towards her when she used a little of my N100 I was storing for midnight call and things even got worse from that moment.
She joined me in UNIPORT, and we were staying together off-campus. Some times, we barely say more than 50 words to each other in a day, she prefers to gist with our neighbors.

Whenever I see other siblings in my compound, I know something is not just right! We don't even gist normal girly stuffs like boyfriends, makeup, dresses & co, and it really bothers me. We barely even quarrel, I think for the past 3-4 years, we've only quarreled 2 or 3 times.
Though we are both close to our youngest sister.

So please advise me on what to do. Thanks.

I just logged in to comment on your post!
First of all, I feel your grief.... I am a first born too and I understand.
Just as If a family is to be enjoyable- it must first start from the parents then it'll go down to the kids so is it your obligation to spice up the relationship between you and your siblings.
Too bad you are not guys, we have our own unique way of digging things up like playing computer games and stuffs like that.
You can start by taking them out on a Sunday, just spend a little., it'll lighten up the atmosphere for you to converse with her. Include the youngest sibling so it doesn't look as is you're buying her off.
Just have a good time together beforebefore engaging her in such discussions, it'll help

AND REMEMBER, YOU MUST (AND I REPEAT! , YOU MUST) KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR SISTER IF YOU CARE ABOUT HEY AND DON'T WANT HER TO STAY. IT'S YOUR OBLIGATION AS LONG AS YOU ALL ARE STILL UNDER ONE ROOF

Gaborone:
Hi Dear,

Sorry about the situation.

I'm happy you're the elder one...I'm sure it would make things a tad bit easier. You may need to force her out of her shell by bringing up things that would increase the contact between you guys. One way you can do this is asking her to help you do things once in a while. For eg, is she a make-up freak like my sister? If she is, you can present yourself and your kit for trial sessions. You can always ask her to shave your brows if you shave them. You can tease her about being an in-house professional, and have her do your make-up when you have outings every now and then. Those are just examples. Just think...does she know how to tie scarfs? You can have her tie yours every now and then. Is she a fashionista? You can start up a conversation with her when picking clothes to wear or buy. Even if she isn't a 'professional' in any of these, you can always form 'I need another hand to do this'. The options are endless actually. Ask about her opinion on weaves and hairstyles whenever you're going to make your hair. Another way of getting you guys to talk.

You can also tell her about your day. Forget you guys aren't so close for now, just make the gist exciting. No one keeps quite for hot gist. lol. And then, ask about hers too. When she's going out, tell her jokingly not to fight or knock down anyone's tray. Comment on her dressing. etc.

And then, you can ask her out of nowhere one day ''if she feels like flexing". If her answer is positive, you both can stroll to a fast food joint nearby to buy whatever you can afford. Only both of you should go for this walk. I say so because if your youngest sister comes along for now, she will gravitate towards her, since they are closer for now, as such, the purpose will be defeated.

There're many things you can do actually, the idea is 'forcing' you girls to communicate/interract. The more you do that, the more barriers are broken, and the more you bond.

I must add though, that if she rebuffs all the subtle attempts at getting close to her, you may need to sit with her and bring up a direct conversation about it. Ask what's wrong? What happened? Is she hurt about something you did? Is she angry with you? Is there anything going on with her she would want to discuss with you? How can things be changed?...etc.

Don't worry, all iz well. She will come around.

Cheers.

Well said...u get sense!

MuyiRano:

Okun o Iye

eokun o boda...koni sese

I have the same issue with my sisters but am not bothered, am very close to my brothers and am ok with that.

Well I think you should sit her down...let her know how far you girls have torn apart and how bad u feel about it, and what you want....but also let her talk and express her self so it doesn't look like you're imposing it on her....magic may not happen@that moment so you have to be patient because she would be studying you to see if you mean it!

NwaNimo1:
Normal amongst sisters . . . .always some sort of jealousy or squabbling.

Is that really a picture of Oye Nimo that u used as ur profile picture??


Back to the topic op, I understand perfectly what u are passing through cos like u I'm the first Child n I also have a sister n 2 brothers. I'm closer to my immediate bro cos my other siblings are still rather young but at the same time I try to interact with them at their own level too. Recently my younger sister gained admission n I can't wait to hear all the gist when I get home 4 this Xmas.

I really think u should improve on ur communication with her, learn about the things she likes discussing with ur neighbours n discuss with her, also try n request 4 ideas or opininons concerning things like fashion, relationship ideas since u guys are both adults n go to church or any other outings together and I promise things would improve.

Lest I forget, also pray about it. Goodluck!

Its all up to you!! I have no advise whatsoever other than...free your mind and start relating with her. Watch how you act towards her. Avoid over harshness and strictness. Take her as your best friend, boy friend and sister

Ol

Op u get time, Mhe and my brother we no even dy grit self... Yet we no dy fight.. Everybody dy him own lane... I don't think we have uttered 500words to eachother this year... And i Mean it... Bt i don't count it as anything...If i fry dodo, he chop and vice versa..

simple solution. people get close when the have sths in common.as the big sis look for fun things u can do together.

breadandtea:
Hello everyone, this issue has been bothering me for a while now, so I decided to speak up here because I know I would get good 'advises' from people here.

I come from a family of 3 girls (our only brother died when he was less than one), I'm the Eldest (22), the next is 19 and the last is 16. We stay with our parents in Lagos.
I was very close with my immediate younger sister, I still remember many fun times we had together. But our relationship started drifting apart during our secondary school period, we started talking less. I remember I reacted harshly towards her when she used a little of my N100 I was storing for midnight call and things even got worse from that moment.
She joined me in UNIPORT, and we were staying together off-campus. Some times, we barely say more than 50 words to each other in a day, she prefers to gist with our neighbors.

Whenever I see other siblings in my compound, I know something is not just right! We don't even gist normal girly stuffs like boyfriends, makeup, dresses & co, and it really bothers me. We barely even quarrel, I think for the past 3-4 years, we've only quarreled 2 or 3 times.
Though we are both close to our youngest sister.

So please advise me on what to do. Thanks.

you should be thankful if u 2 are close she will be all up in ur business especially when you are not in the mood

once a girl strts developing oranges she wld stet misbhavin mtchwww.. gv hr tym she mst surely cm dwn frm her horses

meemeetruth:
Immediate elda bro n I r lyk dat too or mayb worse sef,he always has somtin bad to say bout my r/ships he jus too annoyin somtyms I feel he envys me buh I wonda y a broda should envy his sis ,bk in pri skool I grew olda dan my age mummy wanted me to do an entrance xam so my bro n I could start js1 togeda I rememba vividly d tins he said n atitude he startd givin till my dad dcyd I complete my pri 6,my second was at keffi all girl skool his was a mixed skool in sura he kept rantin on how my skool is a private skool n he was taken to kpako skool it even bcame worse wen my waec results came out I bcame d first to make clean papers every1 was happy 4 me xcept him I rememba his frnd who helped me check online tellin him obay u don c ur sis result she bag b's n c's o n he responded wen dem carry her go private skool dey even giv her special centre y she no go bag am, ask any1 in aunty ayo compo my set 09 afta which daddy bought jamb 4 both of us we had reasons for nt gainin admission,daddy passed away I went to a poly finsished ND wit upper came bk d hate is still der I rememba him tellin nt to talk to som girls cos am too big for dem dat u no knw who u b,skool wey u go?am now processin anoda skool myself no daddy no mummy am wonderin wot he will b sayin now som sIblings sha d day I went to Purchase a form I kept tinkin if only my bro could get his mayb few yrs to com we r all graduates,we should learn to love our siblings no matter wot d fyts,d quarells will always b der its how u sort tins out at d end of d day dat matters u don't even want to hear d awful tins he says to me n wot he tells pple bout me I still kip it cool is it how he beefs anywho comes close to me my advice is ur d elda nt lyk in my case u should straighten ur path

It was so hard to read what you wrote, but I did to the end. Feel bad... Take this e-bearhug. Must be hard.

Giv me ur sista number i read psychology il talk some sense into her hehe

Swallow your pride and talk to her as your baby sister because you gradually drifted apart. Maybe you had the big sister complex which might have made her shift her grounds towards you. Every once in awhile try start a conversation with her no matter how awkward it may sound... just to prove to her, how much you care to know much more about her.
it worked for me..
now we're best of friends
#humility first...

Oliviaarims:
A lot has been said on this already, but I feel inclined to chip in that u shouldn't always act like a big sister. Yes. Sometimes, u should condescend to her level. Relate with her like u're age mates, the way she'd relate with her friends. Don't be too conscious of urself, such that u keep reminding urself at every point in time that u're the older one.

Be more concerned about her affairs... In a caring way, that doesn't seem offensive or overbearing. Go out of ur way to do little things for her. I have two younger sisters and a younger brother. The age gap is far enough. But we relate very well. There are times I scold them surely, but they never hold it against me, because of the closely knit cordial relationship we've built over the years.




N. B. U've got to be consistent with this. Don't give up on her all too soon if she isn't being immediately cooperative.

I hope u knowwhat to condescend means. check n correct ya sef

misspicy:
I need help on this issue too,though i don't stay with my younger sister,she rarely discuss issues with me only when asking fpr money even on whatsapp i always HI her first

not ur fault..that doesn't mean u don't love her or she don't care about you too. That's just the way you guys were brought up. Same thing use to happen to me & my sister but in recent time(mayb cus we are growing older & we no longer leave together) she started calling each other & discussing but we are still not discussing relationship stuffs(like who is ur bf or who is ur gf talk) but gradually we will get there...All you need to do is to start updating her about your life & start taking risk for her..let your closest friend get to know u love your sister soo much..she will get to love u more she starts hearing from outsider how much you love her...



Cc Misspicy

You are not alone OP, I do not speak much with my twin brother we have very little in common and he often irritates me.

BleSSedMee:
Op I can very well relate with what you are going through now....

I'm the eldest girl too and my younger sister simply see me as her rival. Growing up was not too fun cos of this ish... I tried calling her out and what she told me was i am always acting like am the holiest person.... It was a painful era for me...

I'm now a woman and married, and my relationship with her is still not too sisterly... I've decided to let her be and live my life in peace....


In your own case i think you should sit her down and ask her what her problem is with u... She might be feeling intimidated by your lifestyle, you never can know..


Compliments of the season.

Nice piece of advice......I suggest you talk to your sister too. You never can tell.

Am world apart from my twin sister and I thought am alone. We just don't flow and my friend told me of another set of twins that don't get along.

Well, I have been trying to get close to her but its pretty difficult. Could it be because we were raised in different homes?

I can relate with this situation

I have an elder sister and we are four years apart. We are very friendly towards one another but not close enough to discuss some personal matters like men and relationships or feelings and emotions. She has tried to bridge the gap but I always find myself shutting her out. It just feels awkward.

Growing up she always had this seniority air thing going on and I learnt to keep my distance. Also growing up she used to use stuff I gist her against me later on and it used to hurt me. This she does not know but I know that is a major reason I can't open up to her

Gaborone:
Hi Dear,

Sorry about the situation.

I'm happy you're the elder one...I'm sure it would make things a tad bit easier. You may need to force her out of her shell by bringing up things that would increase the contact between you guys. One way you can do this is asking her to help you do things once in a while. For eg, is she a make-up freak like my sister? If she is, you can present yourself and your kit for trial sessions. You can always ask her to shave your brows if you shave them. You can tease her about being an in-house professional, and have her do your make-up when you have outings every now and then. Those are just examples. Just think...does she know how to tie scarfs? You can have her tie yours every now and then. Is she a fashionista? You can start up a conversation with her when picking clothes to wear or buy. Even if she isn't a 'professional' in any of these, you can always form 'I need another hand to do this'. The options are endless actually. Ask about her opinion on weaves and hairstyles whenever you're going to make your hair. Another way of getting you guys to talk.

You can also tell her about your day. Forget you guys aren't so close for now, just make the gist exciting. No one keeps quite for hot gist. lol. And then, ask about hers too. When she's going out, tell her jokingly not to fight or knock down anyone's tray. Comment on her dressing. etc.

And then, you can ask her out of nowhere one day ''if she feels like flexing". If her answer is positive, you both can stroll to a fast food joint nearby to buy whatever you can afford. Only both of you should go for this walk. I say so because if your youngest sister comes along for now, she will gravitate towards her, since they are closer for now, as such, the purpose will be defeated.

There're many things you can do actually, the idea is 'forcing' you girls to communicate/interract. The more you do that, the more barriers are broken, and the more you bond.

I must add though, that if she rebuffs all the subtle attempts at getting close to her, you may need to sit with her and bring up a direct conversation about it. Ask what's wrong? What happened? Is she hurt about something you did? Is she angry with you? Is there anything going on with her she would want to discuss with you? How can things be changed?...etc.

Don't worry, all iz well. She will come around.

Cheers.

You already said it all.
You spark some of what I wanna spoke.
Nobody quote my correct Inglish

sweetgala:
You are not alone OP, I do not speak much with my twin brother we have very little in common and he often irritates me.

Unbelievable. I thought me and my twin sister are the only twins acting that way.

I have the same issue with my sister...... God help us ooo

megacruise:



Nice piece of advice......I suggest you talk to your sister too. You never can tell.

*smiles* Thanks.....

Will do so @ family Reunion this yuletide...

I can only hope for the best..

You can only try to be her friend, if she is not willing there is no much you can do

[b][/b][color=#006600][/color]
my own is my elder broda we barely talk though it happened between me and my elder sista but since we re not livin togeda we have becom very close(buh not close to gist about relationship stuff) buh if sud start playing with my junior ones u wud tink we are age mate even though it was not like dat during our growin up days

I can relate to this. It was weird initially but I had to make the move. Each day I got home I asked her how her day went and try to know if anything interesting happened to her. I told her mine too if I had any. Sometimes I joined her in preparing food and then asked her to accompany me to go see some of my friends. And above all, ladies react to GIFTS, so I never failed to buy something for her whenever I had the money to do so.
It paid off and we bonded very well. Right now I am her safe deposit box, keeping most of her "Secrets"

sashaa:
I can relate with this situation

I have an elder sister and we are four years apart. We are very friendly towards one another but not close enough to discuss some personal matters like men and relationships or feelings and emotions. She has tried to bridge the gap but I always find myself shutting her out. It just feels awkward.

Growing up she always had this seniority air thing going on and I learnt to keep my distance. Also growing up she used to use stuff I gist her against me later on and it used to hurt me. This she does not know but I know that is a major reason I can't open up to her

Have a direct conversation with her when she is at her best moment. Tell her how you feel about her letting out your secrets. Am the 1st and I remember I was that silly back then not until my younger bro called me and told me about it. Family is everything.

glossy6:
Am world apart from my twin sister and I thought am alone. We just don't flow and my friend told me of another set of twins that don't get along.

Well, I have been trying to get close to her but its pretty difficult. Could it be because we were raised in different homes?

Thaf could be a factor. Now u need to look at what you have in common with your twin. Use it to get close to her. And also look out for her strengths and weaknesses. Where she is weak always be there to teach and support her (in a loving manner) and where she is strong be humble enough to learn from her. All the best.

...

misspicy:
I need help on this issue too,though i don't stay with my younger sister,she rarely discuss issues with me only when asking fpr money even on whatsapp i always HI her first

lol..it happens to most people... U can ask her about school and stuff that's a good Way to begin