How To Deal With Father Of My Child? - Romance - Nairaland
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| How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 7:16pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
My child's father is impossible to deal with. Depending on the day, he is either lamenting that I've moved on with my life or putting on a front for his wife and pretending to hate me in her presence because apparently she thinks we're still f_cking (that's his own wahala, I told him). Whatever the case, I can't talk to him about our daughter without him catching attitudes, yelling, cursing, or hanging up the phone on me-or me hanging up on him because I refuse to be yelled at. Yes, he financially provides for her, but not without a fight or argument before he does so. It really frustrates me and I refuse to go through this problem for the next 11 years until my child turns 18. All my friends say go to child support so I don't have to deal with him but I truly loathe the courts getting in my business. Why should the courts have to tell 2 grownass people how to raise their child? Why should I be forced to perpetuate the myth that all American women "just want to get all Naija men for child support"? LOL. Honestly, I just want for us to raise our child without constantly fighting, but it seems an impossibility because that's all he wants to do. It gets to the point where he's arguing with himself, because I'm not saying anything and he's doing all the yelling. What's you guys take on this? |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Nobody: 7:30pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
I suggest that you talk to this guy heart to heart (that's if you haven't already) about how you feel, if he still refuses to change you'll just be stuck in the same situation where he barks before handing over the goods. I also suggest child support, as much as you may dislike this, it's what is best for your child that is the way to go, sometimes we must do the things we don't like and don't want to do in order to obtain the things we need, that's just life for you. Good Luck  |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Okanran(m): 7:39pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
There're quite a no. of NLers who can give good advice. I suggest u get their e-mail addy and contact them. Stop bringing ur issues to NL populace. Its only a matter of time b4 the weirdos up on here start disrespecting u, at this rate u might end up infuriating ur current partner. Just my piece.  |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by sistawoman: 7:41pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Negotiate with him a set amount that he should pay each month, when the payments are due and how they will be delivered. Ask that any communcation that he needs to have with you regarding your child be done thru email or other form of written communication since you two cant do verbal communication. Arrange for a third party to do the child exchange at a location other than each others homes. And if he fails to keep his agreement for CS then take him to court. Put it all in writing so he is clear that you mean business and hopefully with some distance you both can learn to get along. also look up mediation services in your area or call your EAP and you should be able to find one that can help you mediate with him before taking legal action. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 8:27pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Okanran: U know, the internet used to be a place where you could air out your woes ANONYMOUSLY and get many different opinions at a time. Hint, hint. Guess I'm not so anonymous on here anymore |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 8:32pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
sistawoman: you might have something, here. I have recently resorted to texting him. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Seun(m): 8:36pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Why not raise the child with your own money and leave let the broke bozo continue with his life? |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Okanran(m): 8:39pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Haven't seen Seun give advise in a long while, IyaKadijat must be unique. IyaKadijat: My bad If I seem to have rubbed u the wrong way. . . like I said earlier, my initial post is strictly MHO, I won't cap 2 much. All da best. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 8:40pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Seun: If it was just about money then there would be no problem there-but I actually want him to be a part of his daughter's life. Unfortunately, this means I have to have some sort of contact with him. And although I can financially raise my daughter alone, why should I have to? I didn't make her by myself, you know. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Nobody: 8:40pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
I agree, why dnt you support the child yourself? It seems like he's nt bothered with taking care of his daughter (well, based on the info you gave). If you're not able to take care of her, go to child support. Yes, it can be hectic with the court getting in ur business, but do you have any other alternatives?  |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Nobody: 8:42pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
IyaKadijat:Does he have any interest in her? Does he show her that he wants to be part of her life? Don't force him to face his responsibilities. Life WILL do that on its own |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 8:45pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
FL Gators: Depending on the day, sometimes. It seems he only has interest in her when his wife isn't in earshot of the conversation. Which kinda makes me uncomfortable because it makes me feel as if she may have some sort of disdain for my child if he's acting that way. I'm not saying that's the case, but he sure makes it seem that way. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 8:49pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Okanran: LOL. Just thinking you were the "Big Eye" again. It's okay. I think my "partner" knows this is kinda like my therapy. And sometimes I don't want to bother him with all my troubles-I'm just getting to know him-don't want to scare him away. But the Big Eye on here won't make it any better if he reports everything I say on here to the partner anyways. Geesh.  |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by sistawoman: 8:54pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Seun: Because Seun that is not fair. I can rasie my children alone w/o my ex-husbands die die support, but as the judge told me it is not my rights that I am denying but those of the children and I have no right to deny them what is thiers. We both laid down and had them so we are BOTH financially responsible for them. I have no intention on seeking more money from, althou I am entitled to every 3 years. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Okanran(m): 8:55pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
IyaKadijat: I think we understand each other perfectly. I ain' the big eye, I'm an ANONYMOUS cyber entity that hates to see things snowball in2 something else. Peace. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 9:04pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Okanran: Why do I feel like a child being scolded? Okay-I get the point, I'm done. I hereby renounce my Nairaland troubles into oblivion. I now realize in order to maintain what I have I'll have to shut my big mouth or else the ANONYMOUS cyber entity will make my life miserable in the real world. I just hope the cyber entity won't laugh when said partner starts telling the cyber entity about IyaKadijat that "she complains too much". Now that you've taken my therapy away, I'll have to resort to speaking to people in real life, lol. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 9:30pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
@Okanran-that was a big step I just took there, I hope you saw it. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Okanran(m): 9:37pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Abbegy, don't add me to the long list of riddle and drama on Nairaland, Feel free to have the mods compare my IP addy with that of "BIG EYE (whoever he is)". That should clear the air. My intent was to warn u of the crazy things on NL. Pls feel free to come to an educated and mature conclusion. Thanks. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by IyaKadijat(f): 9:42pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Okanran: Even if you aren't said Big Eye, you have made me realize that I do have eyes watching me-even online. And I had to wonder whether it was worth loosing the wonderful friendship I have in real life-it's totally not worth it. So I will still be a part of NL, but I will try my best to refrain from commenting or posting anything too personal. I hope that fits your definition of an educated and mature conclusion. And I hope wherever Big Eye is he will act like this conversation never happened today and not report to my friend in real life. |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by follypimpi(m): 10:07pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
@Iyak U cool Babe  |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Treetop20(m): 11:41pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
follypimpi:i heard you have been playing quite the matchmaker? |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by tope5000: 11:42pm On Jun 10, 2009 |
Treetop20: yeah . . . i hear u folly hooked iyakadijat up   |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by follypimpi(m): 12:22am On Jun 11, 2009 |
Treetop20: Me ke ? You louts sure tke NL serious |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by tope5000: 12:23am On Jun 11, 2009 |
follypimpi: iya kadijat said . . so dont lie |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by Treetop20(m): 12:25am On Jun 11, 2009 |
follypimpi:NL isn't serious |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by follypimpi(m): 12:25am On Jun 11, 2009 |
Treetop20: GBAM |
| Re: How To Deal With Father Of My Child? by follypimpi(m): 12:26am On Jun 11, 2009 |
tope5000: Impposicante'. |
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