hi nairaland,

i am a popular fan of nairaland, i religious follow the family and romance section reading stories and comment on nairaland and i mut commend they are encouraging and impressive, i have a very painful life am living and i choose to share it here on the family section because of the maturity i see here, pls i need ur advice. Am going to be brief as much as i can although i dont want to go into my life story.

have had a very rough and harsh childhood and it has affected my life so badly, am a very shy person i cnt stand d crowd cos i will be shaking excessively. i have a problem which is affecting my job. am an imperfect person but strive towards perfection, i desire to be self employed tho but i dont have resources for that yet hence i work under someone. but dis is my problem anytym my boss reprimand me, shout @ my mistakes or things i do wrong, i become sick immediately i have dis painful headache dat stays for a long while and hurts my head like hell. i become sick and start to cry. i feel worthless and dumb, i feel like an imperfect imcomplete person, i feel so terrible of myself and physically i take ill, the headache hurts my head like hell. sometimes i forget things and wonder y am dat forgetful, i dont like where there is noise it makes my head hurt and wen u scream @ me you are jst @ the venge of sending me to my grave. i left my former job because of this
shouting tin and my present boss isnt any difference the best way of communication for him is shouting. sometimes i seat and i weep for some reasons i dont know, sometimes i struggle to breathe. sometimes i hav an uncontrollable headache. i had a terrible childhood like molestation and dat expose my life negatively but i was able to gain control of my self through Jesus christ. now dis problem is should i have leave my current job and go to another place hoping to meet someone in corrects me in a calm way or i should stay. am confused i dont knw wat t do. i try my best @ work but wen dey see my little flaws they shout and it looks like all my effort are flying into tin air. i try to please my employer by doing wat he wants but i musnt make mistakes else am grounded my life is not settled i am fighting a war with myself please nairanlander wat do i do, do i have a problem.....please no insult jst mature comments

I think lack of self-confidence is your problem. You also need to
overcome your fear.

It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think.
The key question is: how do you overcome that fear?

This are the ways I think you can help yourself :

1. Try to change your self-image.

2. Always think positively and try to kill every negative thoughts.

3. Get to know yourself.
4. Always try to act in a positive way.
5. Always be prepared.
6.Know your principles and live them.
7. And always be grateful.

banjicom:
.

y u no get sense like dis nah, see wetin u dey take book space

you cant live in my house. my dad cant talk without shouting.

as for your question, leaving your job doesn't sound like a good option. no matter where you go, you will most likely have a boss that shouts. you can decide to leave if you are sure you would find greener pastures or start your business if you are ready to stay with it through its ups and downs.

also, when people correct you, take it as them helping you to do better and not saying that yoi are worthless or useless.

Please zaragirl and banji I need advice and not dis please thnx

feran15:
you cant live in my house. my dad cant talk without shouting.

as for your question, leaving your job doesn't sound like a good option. no matter where you go, you will most likely have a boss that shouts. you can decide to leave if you are sure you would find greener pastures or start your business if you are ready to stay with it through its ups and downs.

Hmmmmmm.....i am totally confused right now am in serious pain both emotional and physically I have a frustrating headache since morning now. Pls how do I get mod to take it to front page??

softcara:



Hmmmmmm.....i am totally confused right now am in serious pain both emotional and physically I have a frustrating headache since morning now. Pls how do I get mod to take it to front page??

cc: lalasticlala

zaragal:


y u no get sense like dis nah, see wetin u dey take book space

I dey prepare wetin I wan write ni. Check wetin I don write and u go see say I still get small sense pass you

softcara:
Please zaragirl and banji I need advice and not dis please thnx

Don't mind that zaragal jawe! I already given you my own advice I hope u find something helpful.

Hugs



You need to build your self confidence.

The first thing that comes to mind here is Confidence. As a man you should be confident especially when it comes to your field, correction no matter how pleasant isn't always like praises, so be ready to be corrected at any time without it making you feel less of yourself. At work, home, friends even strangers will always play their parts on us but it doesn't mean we aren't important or loved. It is also very important to have a working shock absorber else one dies of depression or intimidation .I cry at the slightest provocation.....but it is always like my worries or anger flows away through my tears.... So it is normal to cry (shouldn't last for too long)... After which you should feel alright to absorb or tackle the cause........... Stop thinking or brooding to the extreme.






Note:I complain of headache every time I cry.... In fact too much of everything gives me original headache but not to the point of not breathing well.

I wonder what these Nigerian Psychologists graduates without a job doing with their knowledge? Looking for a job in oil firm as usual hmmm

This is someone desperately in need of 10 ,60mins sessions of self worth Therapy.

OP sweetheart, you need help. Start looking in the mirror everyday and say to yourself how smart, intelligent , & beautifully made you are.

Ewuro4:
I wonder what these Nigerian Psychologists graduates without a job doing with their knowledge? Looking for a job in oil firm as usual hmmm

This is someone desperately in need of 10 ,60mins sessions of self worth Therapy.

OP sweetheart, you need help. Start looking in the mirror everyday and say to yourself how smart, intelligent , & beautifully made you are.

Thnx a lot

Swissheart:
The first thing that comes to mind here is Confidence. As a man you should be confident especially when it comes to your field, correction no matter how pleasant isn't always like praises, so be ready to be corrected at any time without it making you feel less of yourself. At work, home, friends even strangers will always play their parts on us but it doesn't mean we aren't important or loved. It is also very important to have a working shock absorber else one dies of depression or intimidation .I cry at the slightest provocation.....but it is always like my worries or anger flows away through my tears.... So it is normal to cry (shouldn't last for too long)... After which you should feel alright to absorb or tackle the cause........... Stop thinking or brooding to the extreme.






Note:I complain of headache every time I cry.... In fact too much of everything gives me original headache but not to the point of not breathing well.

God bless u

banjicom:


I dey prepare wetin I wan write ni. Check wetin I don write and u go see say I still get small sense pass you

ur brain been go on ASUU strike

op I feel like shouting at u right now



coz u need to build ur confidence




and be strong mentally

I don't get why people feel shouting at subordinates is acceptable. You can point out mistakes, be firm and assertive without shouting

OP you have gotten some great tips and like has been said by some others , you need to constantly reaffirm positivity to yourself, never allow anyone make you feel like a lesser human. Being wrong/making mistakes is part of learning and part of the learning process is being to accept constructive criticism.

I noted you said you forget things a lot. Maybe you need to get a daily planner and write things that you need to do down. Sometimes having things written down right in front of you makes it easier to remember when/if you need to need get stuff done. I never ever run out of post it notes and have loads of task reminders/appointments as soon as log into Outlook so I don't forget tasks and when they are due. Wjen you are juggling lot like , there tends to be the possibility that you could forget or omit some stuff so you need to take practical steps to guard against it.


You are not an incomplete person just because you make mistakes and forget stuff. (hugs)

softcara:
hi nairaland,
i am a popular fan of nairaland, i religious follow the family and romance section reading stories and comment on nairaland and i mut commend they are encouraging and impressive, i have a very painful life am living and i choose to share it here on the family section because of the maturity i see here, pls i need ur advice. Am going to be brief as much as i can although i dont want to go into my life story.
have had a very rough and harsh childhood and it has affected my life so badly, am a very shy person i cnt stand d crowd cos i will be shaking excessively. i have a problem which is affecting my job. am an imperfect person but strive towards perfection, i desire to be self employed tho but i dont have resources for that yet hence i work under someone. but dis is my problem anytym my boss reprimand me, shout @ my mistakes or things i do wrong, i become sick immediately i have dis painful headache dat stays for a long while and hurts my head like hell. i become sick and start to cry. i feel worthless and dumb, i feel like an imperfect imcomplete person, i feel so terrible of myself and physically i take ill, the headache hurts my head like hell. sometimes i forget things and wonder y am dat forgetful, i dont like where there is noise it makes my head hurt and wen u scream @ me you are jst @ the venge of sending me to my grave. i left my former job because of this
shouting tin and my present boss isnt any difference the best way of communication for him is shouting. sometimes i seat and i weep for some reasons i dont know, sometimes i struggle to breathe. sometimes i hav an uncontrollable headache. i had a terrible childhood like molestation and dat expose my life negatively but i was able to gain control of my self through Jesus christ. now dis problem is should i have leave my current job and go to another place hoping to meet someone in corrects me in a calm way or i should stay. am confused i dont knw wat t do. i try my best @ work but wen dey see my little flaws they shout and it looks like all my effort are flying into tin air. i try to please my employer by doing wat he wants but i musnt make mistakes else am grounded my life is not settled i am fighting a war with myself please nairanlander wat do i do, do i have a problem.....please no insult jst mature comments

Difficulty breathing - Asthma?

Childhood molestation - Manifesting as trauma / panic attacks, self doubt and feelings of worthlessness years later.

Tendency to forget things / dislike of loud noises (raised voices) - Autism? (Mind you, there are different "levels" of capability on the autism spectrum).

@ Softcara, I'm no medic but it's obvious you have several issues - medically, psychologically, and emotionally - each of which needs to be addressed separately. But first of all, how old are you and what sort of job do you do?

EfemenaXY:


Difficulty breathing - Asthma?

Childhood molestation - Manifesting as trauma / panic attacks, self doubt and feelings of worthlessness years later.

Tendency to forget things / dislike of loud noises (raised voices) - Autism? (Mind you, there are different "levels" of capability on the autism spectrum).

@ Softcara, I'm no medic but it's obvious you have several issues - medically, psychologically, and emotionally - each of which needs to be addressed separately. But first of all, how old are you and what sort of job do you do?

Am a receptionist. Am 20 years...

damiso:
I don't get why people feel shouting at subordinates is acceptable. You can point out mistakes, be firm and assertive without shouting

OP you have gotten some great tips and like has been said by some others , you need to constantly reaffirm positivity to yourself, never allow anyone make you feel like a lesser human. Being wrong/making mistakes is part of learning and part of the learning process is being to accept constructive criticism.

I noted you said you forget things a lot. Maybe you need to get a daily planner and write things that you need to do down. Sometimes having things written down right in front of you makes it easier to remember when/if you need to need get stuff done. I never ever run out of post it notes and have loads of task reminders/appointments as soon as log into Outlook so I don't forget tasks and when they are due. Wjen you are juggling lot like , there tends to be the possibility that you could forget or omit some stuff so you need to take practical steps to guard against it.


You are not an incomplete person just because you make mistakes and forget stuff. (hugs)

Thnx so much . I always write things down. But I omit some @ times

softcara:



Am a receptionist. Am 20 years...

Have you seen a doctor yet?

You may need to see a physician/doctor.

You may probably be having tension headaches, and stress could be a major factor.

Anyway, try and relax. Get your acts together, avoid anything that'll make your boss shout, or better still if you can develop a thick skin to the rantings, and let the words just fly over your head that'll just be great.

softcara:


Thnx a lot

You're welcome dear ((((((HUGS)))))

EfemenaXY:


Have you seen a doctor yet?

No

eyinjuege:
You may need to see a physician/doctor.

You may probably be having tension headaches, and stress could be a major factor.

Anyway, try and relax. Get your acts together, avoid anything that'll make your boss shout, or better still if you can develop a thick skin to the rantings, and let the words just fly over your head that'll just be great.

Dis is nice
Thnx alot

@softcara

Sweetie, stop beating up on yourself. Nobody is perfect and nobody ever will. Learn to love your imperfections. There is nothing wrong in wanting to learn and develop but it is a journey that will continue till the day you die so try to have some fun while being at it instead of thinking of it as a goal or destiny that you will achieve one day and live happily ever after. Set realistic goals for yourself and try to enjoy the journey toward them instead of putting so much pressure upon yourself. Appreciate every little step and achievement and be nicer to yourself.

Mindfulness:
@softcara

Sweetie, stop beating up on yourself. Nobody is perfect and nobody ever will. Learn to love your imperfections. There is nothing wrong in wanting to learn and develop but it is a journey that will continue till the day you die so try to have some fun while being at it instead of thinking of it as a goal or destiny that you will achieve one day and live happily ever after. Set realistic goals for yourself and try to enjoy the journey toward them instead of putting so much pressure upon yourself. Appreciate every little step and achievement and be nicer to yourself.

Thnx. Will keep trying

softcara:


Thnx. Will keep trying

The only thing you should try is to be happy and enjoy your life.

softcara:
hi nairaland,

i am a popular fan of nairaland, i religious follow the family and romance section reading stories and comment on nairaland and i mut commend they are encouraging and impressive, i have a very painful life am living and i choose to share it here on the family section because of the maturity i see here, pls i need ur advice. Am going to be brief as much as i can although i dont want to go into my life story.

have had a very rough and harsh childhood and it has affected my life so badly, am a very shy person i cnt stand d crowd cos i will be shaking excessively. i have a problem which is affecting my job. am an imperfect person but strive towards perfection, i desire to be self employed tho but i dont have resources for that yet hence i work under someone. but dis is my problem anytym my boss reprimand me, shout @ my mistakes or things i do wrong, i become sick immediately i have dis painful headache dat stays for a long while and hurts my head like hell. i become sick and start to cry. i feel worthless and dumb, i feel like an imperfect imcomplete person, i feel so terrible of myself and physically i take ill, the headache hurts my head like hell. sometimes i forget things and wonder y am dat forgetful, i dont like where there is noise it makes my head hurt and wen u scream @ me you are jst @ the venge of sending me to my grave. i left my former job because of this
shouting tin and my present boss isnt any difference the best way of communication for him is shouting. sometimes i seat and i weep for some reasons i dont know, sometimes i struggle to breathe. sometimes i hav an uncontrollable headache. i had a terrible childhood like molestation and dat expose my life negatively but i was able to gain control of my self through Jesus christ. now dis problem is should i have leave my current job and go to another place hoping to meet someone in corrects me in a calm way or i should stay. am confused i dont knw wat t do. i try my best @ work but wen dey see my little flaws they shout and it looks like all my effort are flying into tin air. i try to please my employer by doing wat he wants but i musnt make mistakes else am grounded my life is not settled i am fighting a war with myself please nairanlander wat do i do, do i have a problem.....please no insult jst mature comments

look you are a baby.so because you are rita Dominic they should not correct.keep doing like mumu.shay you get friends sef.because you day do like 16 year old way lost virginity.ase girl mumu

zaragal:


ur brain been go on ASUU strike

I know say na fish brain you get. Wicked girl! Hw far, wetin we dey use celebrate dis new year na!

@op you have to work on healing first and recovery from the trauma of your past before you may be able to function properly, the anxieties and depression you feel is an after math of the abuse you suffered. I suggest you see a psychologist, but if you are unable to do so, you could check the internet and look for ways you can heal from emotional abuse. You can also join a group of people (there are lots) or a forum where you interact with people who have gone through similar abuse and are recovering, just like a support system. As for changing your job, most bosses shout, you have to work on your self first if not you would keep changing jobs. Are you a christain? If you are i suggest you get some books on mental health and emotional healing, i can recommend the book; beauty for ashes, by joyce meyer. I hope this helps. *Hugs*

Jimdonnet:


look you are a baby.so because you are rita Dominic they should not correct.keep doing like mumu.shay you get friends sef.because you day do like 16 year old way lost virginity.ase girl mumu

Thank you.