As I promised here, I'm going to start this post with an incident encountered by a friend of mine some years ago which he shared with me sometimes in the year 2014. This I believe will portray a clearer picture of what I'm about to write.


It was one fateful afternoon, mid-February 2010, his mum sent him on an errand to buy some items in a bookshop not too far from where they reside back then. He agreed, not because he really wanted to go but cause of the fact that he's bored at home and thought some fresh air would be of great help, plus he might cease the moment to see a friend.


He got up and headed out. He got what she sent her and went ahead to pay his friend a visit. Getting there, they talked about anything and everything, they also watch some interesting home videos together. He didn't plan to stay out that long but before he realized what's up, it was a few minutes past 10pm. Why he'd stayed that long was inexplicable. So he told his friend, he needed to get back home. Moments after they stepped out, it started drizzling and before they both could lay their hand on an umbrella, it started raining heavily.


He said his friend encouraged spending the night over since the rain was very heavy. He rebuffed the idea saying he'll have to wait till the rain subside but when the rain wasn't looking like it's going to stop anytime soon, he decided to send a text to his mum, to inform her he'll not be home that night as he'll be spending the night at a friend's place - something he'd never done before.


It was when the message was not delivered that he realized he's got no airtime on his phone, the same goes for his friend. This reality pushed him to switch off his phone to avoid his mum getting to him first. He was lost in deep thought that night until he eventually slept off late into the night. He woke up very late the next day jumped up from bed and got dressed and started on his way home. He got some airtime and was about loading same when he realized he hasn't switch on his phone. As soon as he did switch it on, multiple text messages flooded his phone, he was shocked at this new development but he wasn't ready for the shocker lying in wait. He then decided to read one of those messages, picking one at random, it reads: 'the boy you are holding is the son of the Most High, release him now or face the consequences of the I AM THAT I AM', opening another and it read thus; 'you can't harm him, cause he's covered by the blood of Jesus, only free him and let him go'. He said he simply switched off his phone and put it back on just to be sure he's still awake and with the right phone. By the time the phone was fully on, more messages were still flowing in, the last one he read swept him off his feet, it was from his pastor, it reads; 'even though he walked through the valley of the shadow of death, he fear no evil cause greater is He that is in him than he that is in the world, the boy with you is a. creature of God, nothing can harm him, let him go or face God's wrath'. He switched off his phone and headed back to his friend's place.


It now dawn on him the situation of things out there. Those people at home are actually thinking something terrible has happened to him, since he's not the type that keep late nights, in fact judging by the text he'd read, they had thought he'd been kidnapped. When he discussed the issue on ground with his friend, they both concluded he can't go home just like that, they needed to come up with something first; something convincing enough.


'You can't just tell them you slept over because of a heavy downpour', that was his friend, he asked what he's suggesting, his friend spoke again 'we just need to think like them', 'and by thinking like them means I should admit to being kidnapped?' "Exactly"! And that was it, according to him that seems to be the only way out. What he needed to do is to just wobble home and share his 'story'. To achieve this, he needed to spend one more night - which he did.


His phone remained off all through the night, when dawn came, he didn't bother switching it on either since he was still under 'captivity'. He'd to wait till around 7pm that day before he'll switch it on. On his way home, different messages and calls were coming through, he kept the phone on silent mode and by the time he was about 15minutes walk to his house, he'd already gotten about 70+ missed calls. He decided to pick up one of the calls and answered as weak as he can, when the voice at the other end asked about his whereabout, he simply replied by saying he's on his way home, and ended the call not minding to pick other calls again.


By the time he was almost home, he changed his movement; he started walking sideways, roughened his hair, rub some dirt on his face and shirt and walked towards the gate where lots of people had been awaiting his arrival. Sighting him, the scream he heard almost render him deaf. Almost everyone was present; pastors, family members, friends, neighbours etc. He told them the framed story of his kidnap (he lied) and that was it; there was so much rejoicing that lasted almost a month, he was being prayed for and the case ended just like that.



After he told me all of these, I was surprised with mouth wide opened. I acted like a a judge; pointed out all of his mistakes and showed him the reason why he have to come clean if not to anybody, but his mum. He said it is almost five years now (cause he told me these things around August 2015). But I insisted. At first, he was reluctant, claiming, no one has ever known about this, no one but me and 'if we keep things between us, no one would ever find out;' he was that certain.


However, he agreed to tell his mum one of his deepest secret. He later told me he'd never regretted his action. Matter of fact, he felt relieved.


Now, bringing that into a relationship, he didn't want to lie, but he needed to. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a tight corner which we need to walk ourselves out from, and it seems an harmless lie could help get us out of it. Like I pointed out in the first write up, it's not a bad thing to do if and if only our main motive is to protect the other person's interest and or feelings, like in my friends case, he's trying to protect his mum's. Left to him, he might just say he slept over at a friend's place but those who don't buy that would tag him a chronic liar and call him all sort of bad names which he might be cool with but what of his mum? Some folks might start to think his mum is breeding a criminal little by little, like after everyone had gathered, waiting to hear his adventurous story, only to come back and say he held back because of rain? No, he can't stand it, he need to lie - he need to cover up this mess.


There are times, a person assumes that just because he does not mean his partner any harm he does not have to think carefully about his words before uttering them. Our words can either strengthen our relationship or destroy it


However, It is better to always speak the truth, but on the other hand nobody wants the truth if it is not said in love. When a fifty something year old lady asks her husband how she looks and that she wants him to tell her the frank truth about her appearance and he tells her that the way she looks right now he cannot tell the difference between her and their eighty year old neighbour, he has just hurt her feelings.


When you tell a lie to your partner so as not to hurt her feelings, you also must look for a way round it, go ahead when the time is right and tell the truth. Sometimes, they may burst out with rage; enranged and infuriated. That's normal, but on a second thought, they might come to realize your motive for telling a lie at the first instance, thus, appreciate your coming clean. Don't wait till your partner finds out you lie on their own, that will truncate the whole relationship.


There are ways you can present your case to your partner without his/her going all wild with you. When doing this, don't go about stressing the situation that warrant your action. Rather, feel remorse, as you present your 'case'. When you stand on the 'I did. this because it's the only thing I could do' (who told you it's the only thing you could do?) Or you are like 'can't you just understand my present predicament when I said what I said?" You are sending a wrong signal. Let them know how sorry you are for doing what you did; not necessarily stating your motives.


Needless I say that some relationships has been blighted by lies. Try as much as possible not to tell a lie; don't make it habitual, as that can go a long way in determining the outcome of your relationship. No doubt, making your partner wait for your habitual response (a lie) from you will ruin your relationship.


Truthfulness is the bedrock of a good relationship. Truth must be said but it must NEVER be bitter truth.



http://kolawolepeters..com.ng/2016/01/the-truth-about-lies-ii.html