I have been married for 15 years. My husband and I
have always had a great relationship. He is a very
gentle, trustworthy, helping man. That’s what I have
always loved most about him. He is 53 and I am 43. We had some family friends (mom, dad, & 2
teenagers) for about 5 or so years that we spent quite
a bit of time with. With that said my family was
dealing with some pretty big issues with one of our
daughters that caused a great amount of stress in our
family. I also was dealing with significant health issues of my own. I know that I was probably pretty hard to live with at
the time (this past spring) for both my husband and
my kids. I’m sure that I neglected to see that my
husband needed somebody to talk to about it and I
was too busy with my own problems to see it. My problem is that my best friend, C, took it upon
herself to start calling my husband a few times a
month and sometimes more to check on him and see
if he was okay, so she says, never mentioning to me
that she was doing this. I asked him why he didn’t tell me that she was
calling before and he said he knew that there was so
much going on in our lives with our teenager that he
knew I wouldn’t understand and it would make
things worse and I would jump to the wrong
conclusion about talking her. He said he never had any feelings for her other than she was my friend and
thought of her like maybe a sister. He said he finally realized that she was wrong in
calling him (she called all the time) behind my back
and thanked her for helping him but told her to stop
calling. I feel so betrayed... I am trying to deal with the fact
that he didn’t tell me to start with (he said he
didn’t think anything wrong about it to start with or
he would have) but more than anything I feel so
betrayed by my best friend. I loved her like a sister and I don’t think I would’ve
have ever called her husband without her knowing it
no matter what the circumstances would have been. I
feel like she was never a friend at all to have kept
such secrets about my family to me. Its been really
hard to deal with for the last 3 months. Can it be true that a husband can be faithful to his wife
and love her in a situation like this? Was my friend
wrong in not telling me about her calling my husband?
Was my husband wrong in not telling me about it even
though he knew I probably wouldn’t understand at
the time? He hasn’t hid anything from me—call logs, etc.—he
actually showed them all to me. She doesn’t feel like
she has done anything wrong... then why am I so
hurt? I don’t know if I can ever have a female friend
anymore that I can trust. Does it sound like I can trust
my husband? For some reason I always have. He has
apologized for being so naive about her many, many
times and even feels embarrassed that he talked to
her about anything at all. He actually called her husband and apologized to him because he felt like he
had betrayed him for ever talking to her when she
called. I respected him for that. She hasn’t even apologized to me or my children for
the hurt she helped to create. Some background history—I grew up with a Dad who
always cheated on my mom and still does—we
always knew about it and it was a hard pill to
swallow—could this be why I am so doubtful about
men and truth? Please help me!

Fears have a way of surfacing as our reality if we don't let them go . He has apologized and even apologized to your bestfriend's husband , I think you should just let bygones be bygones

Madam,take it easy.

Don't make life harder than it already is.

Ur husband n d friend said there's nothing so give them d benefit of doubt.

Bae you are foolish to tink nothing went wrong

U berra focus on ur kids

trust no man abeg

The last paragraph captures it all, it is more of a psychological problem than fidelity problem. I bet you if anything was happening and they didn't want to to know, you will never know.

Thank God for the kind of husband you have, from what you wrote here, he has been very considerate and responsible, remember, a man's maturity is mainly how he react or handle situations not what he did

@op. Since ur husband has explained everything to u, give him that benefit of the doubt because relationship/marriage is built on trust and see if such thing will repeat itself again. Then for ur friend, avoid/monitor her seriously.

that's why I don't do friends. you are either family or an acquaintance.

anyway op, it's time you mend the fence with your husband. you are in this with him for the long haul. you should forgive him and let him know that you have forgiven him from your heart. he is a good man. hold on to what you share with him.

don't throw away 15years of married life.

re-direct your focus on your family. that's all you've got really and whatever you are going through personally don't let your family suffer for it.

keep your "friend" at arms length.

all the best with your family.

Give your hubby the benefit of doubt.He has apologised so you should let go.
Keep a watch on your friend and try to keep her at arm's length.

halfricanadian:
Bae you are foolish to tink nothing went wrong

U berra focus on ur kids

trust no man abeg

Wrong mindset.
You skipped the part that her friend had a role to play in this and it's possible she may have even initiated it.Why are you not blaming the lady too?

halfricanadian:
Bae you are foolish to tink nothing went wrong

U berra focus on ur kids

trust no man abeg

How you can easily call someone foolish baffles me, you can just pass your advice without the insults.

thorpido:
Give your hubby the benefit of doubt.He has apologised so you should let go.
Keep a watch on your friend and try to keep her at arm's length.
Wrong mindset.
You skipped the part that her friend had a role to play in this and it's possible she may have even initiated it.Why are you not blaming the lady too?

Watever is done behind a wife is as good as hurting the wife will the man accept such

See its the wife's headache not mine let dem solve it abeg o

pcguru1:

How you can easily call someone foolish baffles me, you can just pass your advice without the insults.

i'm sorry typographical error

U feel betrayed dat wat happened? Are u d only 1 aving issues? We men are like adult babies, u leave us & we crawl no d nxt adult's hand datz willing to carry us.....wat wuz so big a challenge dat u left ur family m husband un attended To & nw u blame it on d man & trust & u feel ur fwend betrayed u.....itz always beta to solve problems as a family dan ab individual.....im no supporting ur hubby or fwend but u actually gave room 4 such

Madam,
Reading through your post gave me a good glimpse of how you really feel at the moment with whatever occurred between your best friend and your husband. However, as bad as it appears to you, I strongly feel you should give them both the benefit of doubt -based on the trust you had for you husband before your health issues and other stuff came up.

For a mere man or woman out there, it's so hard to let completely but ensure you let it go completely through God's help and don't use it against them in future or in your words when mad at your husband.

Perhaps, here is something I think yiu should consider from a divorce lawyer : https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153705774056130&id=759016129

May God bless and uphold your home.