uboma:



Are you a trained 'child psychologist'? If no, please keep your opinions to yourself. Let those properly trained in 'child psychology' diagnose the actual problem of the child.

I await the op's response to my questions.

Abeg swerve, you didn't refute the insensitivity of your post but chose to attack with " are you a trained child psychologist" stance.
Are you

[quote author=pattybf post=43691055]

I do not think it is normal too,

Oh please madam!don't listen to online advices that will jeopardize your boy's wellbeing. I have a 4+ too a girl for that matter and if you see the way I scream every minute . It's their age,the only way out is look for healthy activities to distract them. My kids being girls I use cartoon,colouring books,songs etc during the weekends.did I tell u I have had to replace a whole wash hand basin just because my girl got curious about where the water in the hole goes

Cc tearoses, onegal,byvan

Why does this sound like mine
Mine was 3 Oct
He's a bully
He likes to fight where there's non
He can talk
He spoils toys or do I say repair
He's stubborn
But in all of these
My son is a great kid
I was always furious but then I sat and thought about it and found out my son needed me more
Attention
More of it
We talk like mates
We go out every weekend even if just window shopping
We hold hands
Pray togryher watch his cartoon together
Do his homework
He plays with my hair and I massage his feet
Yes he still bullys even those older than him
He still looks for trouble and spoils things but the attention, love and care has given him a sense of responsibilities
Listens to me when I talk with a calm voice and fidgets when I am harsh
These I know and started to scold him lovingly

Just give it time
Attention
And everything will work out just the way you want
Goodluck

TheArchangel:
Abeg swerve, you didn't refute the insensitivity of your post but chose to attack with " are you a trained child psychologist" stance.
Are you

What was insensitive about my earlier post?

Angelberry:
Stop beating him, give him mild punishment. Right madcow1

The Child is a 4 year old that is obviously very hyperactive and probably has an attention deficit disorder (meaning he can't focus on one thing for long and gets easily distracted). He is still exploring the world before him, curious about everything and interested in checking everything. His mind is still a blank slate that needs to know why everything is the way they are, e.t.c. It's a normal thing for kids. Just visit any children's party and see how they act.

Beating a four year old back and forth serves to achieve nothing but associate his mother with pain and Terror. Such can definitely affect the mother and son relationship in the future.

How about the mother tries reading a lot of articles on parents that have dealt with children with similar behaviors and find out how they tackled it. Grounding the child is a very effective way of doing that. The kid is hyperactive and likes to move around, punish the kid by making him sit still in one place without moving and nothing to entertain himself,. That is an epic way to punish them I have come to discover.

Try a reward system as well. Like if he eats, he gets to go and play with whatever it is he loves to play with or if he finishes his home work, he gets to watch Television. Be stern with the child and assertive, but leave flogging until the child is old enough to understand why you are inflicting pain on him. All she need to be is tough with the kid. Learn to assert her authority without inflicting pain.

The issues the OP is experiencing isn't new to her at all.. My own brother had the same issues even as a 10 year old. It started affecting him in school. My brother could focus on a teacher teaching him for too long and once he gets to a point, he would start playing in class. When he was in Nigeria, the teachers didn't know how to handle him until he was moved abroad and as I speak today (he is about 13), he is in a boarding house and has really grown out of it because he was properly managed by his school (I wish I knew the methods they employed). Today, my brother manages himself very well and is doing well in school without my Mum behind him with a cane chasing him around.

The OP has been offered a lot of good advices on this thread and I hope she can look through and find a good alternative means to deal with her child.

Swissheart:
Smiles.... I know how you feel right now however this is not beyond ordinary. He is just overactive and that is normal for a 4yr old boy(some girls are too). Firstly you have to stop him from the constant play with other kids in the compound if that will generate into adult issues.
Secondly get him good toys, charts, books with very interesting and colorful pictures.... This will take his time as he will be occupied with them.
Thirdly what kind of movies do you allow him see? Get him to watch kiddies stations where morals, good behaviors and friendly characters are shown especially those ones with songs for kids.
Make him responsible............ David hold your sister, I want to get stuffs from the kitchen.... Watch them and see how he does behind you. Gradually he'll know he has little stuffs to handle. He is just 4!
Pray for him... Teach him to pray too. Whenever lil Darling misbehave here...... We send him to his knees(he'll cry, keep eyes open, shout or sleep off)
You have to minimize the threats oh...... It worked during our time but these ones are 'digital babys' . Don't be sick because he'll grow to be cool.
Much Love.

awww! you are really a swissheart! kudos for being articulate!!

I dunno but I think beating randomly causes more harm than good. I believe children need a lot of sleep (6am leaving the house is pretty early) and they tend to get shrieky and hyper due to lack of sleep. Does he take long naps during the day at school? The more hyper my daughter is, the more I know she needs a nap.

He likes destroying stuff because he needs to find out how stuff works, great. Give him things to do: colouring books, paints, playdoh (cheap in Ojuelegba), let a carpenter make him a blackboard and give him chalk to decorate to his heart's content, give him empty cartons of tea, shoeboxes, sugar, toilet roll and toothpaste. Get Elmers glue and go online, look for "Mister Maker" and copy the projects, let him build it. Then he has stuff he can destroy and you have your stuff in peace.

As per fighting with other kids, don't keep defending it. If he fights, squat down to his level and ask "what happened, who hit first?". If he did, make him apologise and say "if you fight your friends, you won't have anyone to play with". Also let him use his crayons and write a Sorry note to the other children. It won't be everrytime to do this, but slowly he will understand.

Repeat things to him slowly and calmly. One of my sisers said children truly don't listen because they're overstimulated so you have to repeat things to them slowly so they call down and listen.

Create a chart where he can win points for every sticker given for good behaviour like "I finished my food", "I sat down quietly for 10 minutes" and every weekend he earns one place of chocolate for points.

Beating should happen when he does wrong. Only then.

I had nephews like this and we would dance choreography, paint and walk around the estate and count and wave to okada men. We made counting games out of different colours of cars that passed (green car, red car, blue car).

He won't be a quiet boy but at least his enerrgy is expanded better and he'll listen more.

victorels:
Engage him with some skills that can keep him bussy. He is a great child.

And try controling what he eats. So much sugar on these foregn products.

Reduce his sugar intake. Stop the beating For Now lest he sees it as 'no biggie'. Had a cuz like that, whenever he came visiting, we be having panes of glasses to replace

chimkaire:

Reduce his sugar intake. Stop the beating For Now lest he sees it as 'no biggie'. Had a cuz like that, whenever he came visiting, we be having panes of glasses to replace

He just need something to distract him.

You just need to be observant to discover what he pays more attention to and try to make him concentrate on that.

I know its not easy. but when you take a step and you were able to see a little result, smile and plan for another step.

Are you sure you aren't passing through the adult version of the child's disorder? You seem very paranoid for no apparent reason. #JustCurious

uboma:



Are you a trained 'child psychologist'? If no, please keep your opinions to yourself. Let those properly trained in 'child psychology' diagnose the actual problem of the child.

I await the op's response to my questions.

Onegai:
I dunno but I think beating randomly causes more harm than good. I believe children need a lot of sleep (6am leaving the house is pretty early) and they tend to get shrieky and hyper due to lack of sleep. Does he take long naps during the day at school? The more hyper my daughter is, the more I know she needs a nap.

He likes destroying stuff because he needs to find out how stuff works, great. Give him things to do: colouring books, paints, playdoh (cheap in Ojuelegba), let a carpenter make him a blackboard and give him chalk to decorate to his heart's content, give him empty cartons of tea, shoeboxes, sugar, toilet roll and toothpaste. Get Elmers glue and go online, look for "Mister Maker" and copy the projects, let him build it. Then he has stuff he can destroy and you have your stuff in peace.

As per fighting with other kids, don't keep defending it. If he fights, squat down to his level and ask "what happened, who hit first?". If he did, make him apologise and say "if you fight your friends, you won't have anyone to play with". Also let him use his crayons and write a Sorry note to the other children. It won't be everrytime to do this, but slowly he will understand.

Repeat things to him slowly and calmly. One of my sisers said children truly don't listen because they're overstimulated so you have to repeat things to them slowly so they call down and listen.

Create a chart where he can win points for every sticker given for good behaviour like "I finished my food", "I sat down quietly for 10 minutes" and every weekend he earns one place of chocolate for points.

Beating should happen when he does wrong. Only then.

I had nephews like this and we would dance choreography, paint and walk around the estate and count and wave to okada men. We made counting games out of different colours of cars that passed (green car, red car, blue car).

He won't be a quiet boy but at least his enerrgy is expanded better and he'll listen more.

Practical post.
Thanks

Onegai:
I dunno but I think beating randomly causes more harm than good. I believe children need a lot of sleep (6am leaving the house is pretty early) and they tend to get shrieky and hyper due to lack of sleep. Does he take long naps during the day at school? The more hyper my daughter is, the more I know she needs a nap.

He likes destroying stuff because he needs to find out how stuff works, great. Give him things to do: colouring books, paints, playdoh (cheap in Ojuelegba), let a carpenter make him a blackboard and give him chalk to decorate to his heart's content, give him empty cartons of tea, shoeboxes, sugar, toilet roll and toothpaste. Get Elmers glue and go online, look for "Mister Maker" and copy the projects, let him build it. Then he has stuff he can destroy and you have your stuff in peace.

As per fighting with other kids, don't keep defending it. If he fights, squat down to his level and ask "what happened, who hit first?". If he did, make him apologise and say "if you fight your friends, you won't have anyone to play with". Also let him use his crayons and write a Sorry note to the other children. It won't be everrytime to do this, but slowly he will understand.

Repeat things to him slowly and calmly. One of my sisers said children truly don't listen because they're overstimulated so you have to repeat things to them slowly so they call down and listen.

Create a chart where he can win points for every sticker given for good behaviour like "I finished my food", "I sat down quietly for 10 minutes" and every weekend he earns one place of chocolate for points.

Beating should happen when he does wrong. Only then.

I had nephews like this and we would dance choreography, paint and walk around the estate and count and wave to okada men. We made counting games out of different colours of cars that passed (green car, red car, blue car).

He won't be a quiet boy but at least his enerrgy is expanded better and he'll listen more.

The one I know will never keep to any of these oo. When d mum ask him to sit, he shouts back. nooo, what will u do?

thelish:

The one I know will never keep to any of these oo. When d mum ask him to sit, he shouts back. nooo, what will u do?

OP sorry for what you are going through with your son. I think boys have that tendency to be completely out of control if left unchecked. I had to start defining responsibility for them from a very tender age, once I know you can understand, you have to attend to age appropriate errands. I have 3 of them, so I had to deal with that aggressive tendency among them. I use my whip as required, dialogue if the offence is not whip worthy.

Fighting is prohibited because they know the consequences, so I have to deal with the constant reporting. My last son( 2+) is very hyperactive, won't watch cartoons but offer to carry him and watch him cuddle up like an infant. I think your son needs more of his parents for a start. He spends too much time out. 4+ is no longer too young and understand all that you say to him. This child needs attention in my opinion. Do you play with him, Somersault ,dance ? It brings out the cheerful part of any child playing with their parents.


His aggression towards other kids is the only thing I find unusual, please cut down his school time and get closer to this child. Find him a professional help if necessary. Motherhood is not easy but very gratifying if you are getting it right. Teach him how to apologise for his wrong, my 2yrs old fools me with that. "Mami, I will not do it again ", you won't know what to do with him at that point .


Yet again, my brother used to be that out of control as a kid, one day one trouble kinda kid. Now he is in his early twenties and the gentlest of souls . Kids change, just play your part as a mother/father and leave the rest to God/nature.

Looks like ADHD.

You should get a professional opinion though.

Sugar is the problem. Reduce his intake of it. Feed him only Vegetables and Fruits and see the quiet baby that is your child.

thelish:

The one I know will never keep to any of these oo. When d mum ask him to sit, he shouts back. nooo, what will u do?

These have worked for other children who are hyper, it's meant for those who wish to try it first. My nephew and I were at the pool and because I told him to come out, he vexed and threw his goggles to a corner in childish anger. I squatted down and said "pick up your goggles or if I pick it up, I will give it to another child as a gift". He went to get it. A child shouting "no" at me won't get a slap or anything, I will turn it into a game first then later tell him it's not appropriate behaviour. If you teach them consequences, they will learn. It takes patience and that is why I encourage parents to take breaks from their kids from time to time, because your patience runs thin and you'll want to go mad.

My daughter at 8 months plus is struggling with food. My husband (aided by his bossy aunt) keep saying that she hated food and must be forced to eat. Cue endless crying and anxiety every mealtime for this child. Now, when she grows up and is a child that runs away during mealtimes, what will they say, they'll say "oh she's naughty and wayward". When the truth of the matter is that they reinforced bad behaviour in her. My sis made me realise this and now her mealtimes, I respect her wishes: when she's full and turns her head away, I try once or twice and then leave her. I sing during mealtimes and watch that she eats what she likes in a nutritious manner. The crying has reduced and they are there congratulating themselves that forcing her worked

Nigerians use too much aggressiveness and impatience to try and solve a problem. Which makes it worse.

pattybf:
it has come to the point I have to voice out. my 4yrs old son has become so sturbbon I find it difficult to handle him. as I type now, my fingers r all paining me from d thorough beating I just gave him.

this boy doesn't listen to any scolding or threatening. I have used every way possible to talk to him to no avail. [size=24pt]before I used to pet him,[/size] but I saw he wasn't responding well to dat. now I have to shout, threaten n beat him but d case is still the same.

This is where you got it wrong at the beginning, your boy has realized that you really can't bear to see him cry and pout for long so he knows that no matter what he does now, you will almost end up peting him and trying to console him.
Wrong foundation.

This is where you modern mothers think you have it figured out, not knowing that your own mothers were and are still wiser in almost all ramifications.

There is a way to discipline a child, and no it may not involve beating him up mercilessly. It is called tough love! But seeing as most young women these days want to become Americanised by fire by force, you suddenly think that petting and mild scolding is the new & improved modern method for raising kids.

Sorry ma'am, your child doesn't have no darn attention deficit bla bla bla, neither does he need any counselling...he's just a 4yr old dammiit.
Your method of discipline was wrong from the beginning and in naija slang, 'he don see you finish'... Simple!

God bless our mothers mehn...and except any of you here want to deny it, most of us know how our mothers raised us with one iron hand and another soft hand to draw us closer.

I agree with crackhaus, cure the craze with one hand, cuddle him with the other. This modern method hasn't worked perfectly, so alternating will do. I also know that playing with kids do a lot of wonders to their psyche, it makes them very easy to manage. When you punish them, they won't think it's because you hate them. Reward good acts, punish the wrong ones and never be partial.

uboma:



Please tell me, during his days at daycare, how many hours averagely did he spend there each day before you go to pick him?

daycare opens btw 7am to 6pm, he used to stay there all that time, I even asked for more sometimes. around dat time too, my Biz used to extend to late evening, I had a neighbour dat picks him and keep him till I come back.

I have to say everything, may I can find out the root of d problem.

Please check what he is eating
Sugar can make some kids climb the walls and there is sugar in almost all the foods these days so please check packaging very well and watch what he is putting in his mouth.

Coke and additives can have the same effect on some kids too

Please stop beating him.....its not working especially as its got to the point that you are worried that you will injure him one day

Try another method instead.

How about withdrawing privileges instead. There must be things that he enjoys.....Restrict when he is naughty & let him know that you are not happy with his behaviour.
Most importantly, explain to him what he has done wrong so he fully understands

Keep him busy too. What does he do at day care? Is he being stimulated appropriately or are the kids just sitting on front of tv all day bored.

Parenting can be hard work
It is well sis

Dyt:

Why does this sound like mine
Mine was 3 Oct
He's a bully
He likes to fight where there's non
He can talk
He spoils toys or do I say repair
He's stubborn
But in all of these
My son is a great kid
I was always furious but then I sat and thought about it and found out my son needed me more
Attention
More of it
We talk like mates
We go out every weekend even if just window shopping
We hold hands
Pray togryher watch his cartoon together
Do his homework
He plays with my hair and I massage his feet
Yes he still bullys even those older than him
He still looks for trouble and spoils things but the attention, love and care has given him a sense of responsibilities
Listens to me when I talk with a calm voice and fidgets when I am harsh
These I know and started to scold him lovingly

Just give it time
Attention
And everything will work out just the way you want
Goodluck

hmmm! thanks

thelish:


Is he d only four yrs old around?,
I have one around me like dis. All d children in d street are scared of him. when he is coming, everyone go into hiding. He bites, throw stones at people, hit adults buttocks, flog d mum etc. And u say it is normal?

You do have a problem on your hands.

Some children are just born that way, it may not be thru any fault of your own or there may be something you did or took during antenatal and perinatal periods. But the older he gets the more a problem he will be. This isn't Autism or hyperactivity. It just an anti social behaviour that could become worse with time.

Your only options now;

Seek professional help, (it might not help)

Take him to cleric (prayers etc) there are churches that do special services for children below 12.

Bundle him to an academy or seminary before his 7 years.

Please don't go to anybody for prayersoo, before they pray belzebub enter pikin head. You can go to church yourself, kneel before the altar and pray to your God (assuming you are a Christian ).

stevecantrell:


You do have a problem on your hands.

Some children are just born that way, it may not be thru any fault of your own or there may be something you did or took during antenatal and perinatal periods. But the older he gets the more a problem he will be. This isn't Autism or hyperactivity. It just an anti social behaviour that could become worse with time.

Your only options now;

[s]Seek professional help, (it might not help)

Take him to cleric (prayers etc) there are churches that do special services for children below 12.[/s]

Bundle him to an academy or seminary before his 7 years.

Bro are you a comedian?

pattybf:


daycare opens btw 7am to 6pm, he used to stay there all that time, I even asked for more sometimes. around dat time too, my Biz used to extend to late evening, I had a neighbour dat picks him and keep him till I come back.

I have to say everything, may I can find out the root of d problem.

Oh poor little boy.
He has never really enjoyed his childhood with his parents since he clocked 1 year old.
Do you work for the state government or do you have your personal business? I ask this because, if you are into your personal business, why not consider relocating to where your husband is currently and try re-establish your business there?
I want a situation whereby your son can close early from school, get back home, do his homework and take a nap. And also for him to grow in a home where his mum and dad are present to provide care and support for him.
Please try to make your husband see reasons why he needs to be around for the sake of the children's overall development.
If this option is not feasible, do you have a younger sister or a trusted relative who can assist to pick up your son from school and take him home? I really dont like the idea of stretching a child for 12 hours daily.
Nothing is wrong with your child. He only craves for more attention and love from his mum and dad.

My first post only dealt with the cause of his unruly behaviour, this post here is one very good solution:

[size=24pt]Send him to boarding school[/size]


Although I suspect this mom may not have the stomach for it...

byvan03:
Please don't go to anybody for prayersoo, before they pray belzebub enter pikin head. You can go to church yourself, kneel before the altar and pray to your God (assuming you are a Christian ).

Very good point you have raised.

Looks as if u are talking about my son! My son is seriously hyperactive

Hmmnn by the grace of God I we(hubby and I) have been able to make him can a bit!

Madam u have a lot of work to do! I wish I can type all the methods we applied in him, but i can assure u, it's not a spiritaul problem,

crackhaus:

Bro are you a comedian?

Very real ish....I'm dealing with a kid like that now.. A 24 year old Man who started out just like this. Now a convicted rapist and attempted murderer.
And yes he's from an excellent background before you ask.

Some kids are just not normal. Child psychologists can do nothing for these kids.

By the time they're juvenile they've committed one felony or another. That you're not spiritual doesn't make it unreal to many parents who have strange kids who become a society problem later.

You want to laugh after you have one of your own like that but some parents aren't smiling.

Anyway I don't blame you, I used to get as 'happy' as you when I had my own brief experience with Crack .

Carckhaus and stevecantrell

Academy and boarding house can be a good idea but not in all cases.

A psychopath will remain psycopath even after attending nigeria millitary sch and NDA my brother grew up in those schools and still he was one of thosewho assaulted a man for calling a female cadet beautiful.

He can't change !

crackhaus:
My first post only dealt with the cause of his unruly behaviour, this post here is one very good solution:

[size=24pt]Send him to boarding school[/size]


Although I suspect this mom may not have the stomach for it...