firstEVA:
I am too lazy to read lengthy write ups.

shaybebaby:
Depends on the expectations not being met. I wouldn't divorce a guys for the reasons above re not having a job. A job doesn't define a person rather it would be his attempts at to solve the problem that I would analyse.

Anyways, I am going through a divorce right now and would advocate it when all else fails. The most important thing is determining when the horse is well and truly dead. At that point, it's time to move on.

So there! One divorce advocate present.!!!

bukatyne:
Old story and I commented on a previous thread.

However OP, what was Biyi supposed to divorce her husband for

Wrong thread title.

pcguru1:


Not having a job and the wife handling the bills

bukatyne:


Is that a 'divorcable' offence?

pcguru1:


Normally it shouldn't I guess certain women have certain break points they can't deal with .

bukatyne:


Is that a 'divorcable' offence?

5minsmadness:

Wait forst...
Where my wedding card

You've been AWOL or MIA for long, bro.

A lot has happened.

But thank God you're back, hopefully for good this time.

Check my signature for poetry and vote

cococandy:
is it even an offense? Except the fellow is deliberately refusing to try.

Just that some ladies have their priorities messed up. They'd rather stick with a disrespectful wife-beating and cheating azz husband who 'provides' than an honestly loving one who's not so buoyant.

See the friend that has a 'perfect' husband
SMH. Sitting there collecting STDs, beatings and mouth lashing. When she is the one who should be looking for a way out of her toxic marriage.

Lezzlie:
Divorce should be the last option in a failing marriage.

Opting for it as a measure to curb a beating or cheating husband is like treating a disease whose cure is worse than the ailment

cococandy:

Well that's your opinion sir
But in mine, being divorced is better than having a husband who belongs to everyone or has a side job as a panel beater who uses the wife to practice.

KevinDein:
Don't you just love the way this thread is being deserted by nairaland resident divorce advocates?
I guess the story hit them real hard; Kinda reminded them of their lives
I will make it a duty to keep this thread alive for as long as possible.

Lezzlie:


You paint an extreem scenario, and I'll advise separation than an outright divorce in such circumstances.

shaybebaby:
Depends on the expectations not being met. I wouldn't divorce a guys for the reasons above re not having a job. A job doesn't define a person rather it would be his attempts at to solve the problem that I would analyse.

Anyways, I am going through a divorce right now and would advocate it when all else fails. The most important thing is determining when the horse is well and truly dead. At that point, it's time to move on.

So there! One divorce advocate present.!!!

EfemenaXY:


Would you in the same vein advocate for a separation if the tables were turned? Or is it one rule for her and a different rule for him?

bukatyne:
Old story and I commented on a previous thread.

However OP, what was Biyi supposed to divorce her husband for

Wrong thread title.

Lezzlie:


You've been AWOL or MIA for long, bro.

A lot has happened.

But thank God you're back, hopefully for good this time.

Check my signature for poetry and vote

Lezzlie:



You paint an extreem scenario, and I'll advise separation than an outright divorce in such circumstances.

5minsmadness:


Indeed a lot has happened. Bachelors have gotten married and women have given birth

A dead person told me that time is a very valuable resource. Decided to listen to his advice. Nairaland uses other people's time to make money and it's owner doesn't share

Am I speaking in parables?

I have been reading your poetry on the low-key for a while now, I must say u have a way with words. I suspect that's how 1steva was conquered . Will definitely vote!
Happy Sunday!

You've said so much in just one short post!

And it's a fact, that's why I use NL as a pavement for my indulgences

Thanks a lot man, I appreciate you.

cococandy:

Because divorce is an extreme solution. So news flash: (for those who have difficulties with understanding) nobody should be recommending it because one person lost their job or bla bla bla inconsequential reasons.

It is the solution in such 'extreme' cases like 'I painted' above.

And what is the difference between separation and divorce except that both parties are still holding each other from moving on even though they clearly can't and don't want to live together?

Lezzlie:



Separation offers a window of opportunity for change and hope. A divorce is brutal finality and there's no true " moving on" in a divorce situation.

The ghost of a failed marriage never ceases to haunt and hover over the next.

A separation offers a chance of sober appraisal of the union while still offering a form of physical and emotional detachments for pure reflection.

Marriage should be entered with care and even solved with greater care.

Preach separation, not divorce.

shaybebaby:




Only if time hasn't been taken to reflect on the lessons of that failed union. It is possible to do such and apply the lessons in the next relationship.

shaybebaby:


Marriage is no different to a relationship, it's still two people in it managing their interactions albeit within a formal contract.

shaybebaby:


When that contract is broken, the only difference is that walking away has legal ramifications in addition to the emotional ones that comes with all relationship breakdowns.

When marriage breaks down, destinies are altered and sometimes the rift in the psyche never bridges with time. There's that nagging guilt, you could have done more, even when it isn't your fault. Ladies have this feeling more

shaybebaby:



My marriage didn't fail because of the usual reasons i.e abuse, infidelity or even absence of love. Relationships are more complex than that.
It failed because I believed I was the one fighting to keep it whilst the ex refused to acknowledge or even address our issues..burying his head in the sand so to speak.
The power was in his hands if only he acknowledged the problem, he didn't. I had two choices, accept the status quo or walk away. I chose the latter.

A year on, I mourn the death of our union but I am happier. I have found love again and so has he. Life happens but ultimately, the power lies in our hands to make what we want of it.
Marriage, separation, divorce..it is up to us to shape as we want.

Lezzlie:



Separation offers a window of opportunity for change and hope. A divorce is brutal finality and there's no true " moving on" in a divorce situation.

The ghost of a failed marriage never ceases to haunt and hover over the next.

A separation offers a chance of sober appraisal of the union while still offering a form of physical and emotional detachments for pure reflection.

Marriage should be entered with care and even solved with greater care.

Preach separation, not divorce.

cococandy:
Fair point.

But like I said, divorce is an extreme solution required in extreme circumstances.
So in my opinion there are situations requiring separation while there are some requiring outright divorce.

There's no amount of idealism that changes the fact that sometimes one is better off divorced from a horrible partner. Some people have died because they preferred to bargain with the devil.
Human beings can be wicked. If anyone unwittingly finds themselves married to such a person, the only solution is a divorce.

And there is true moving on. Albeit never easy but always better than being limbo of prolonged separation.

Now that is all I've to say on the matter. The topic is overflogged. Seems you're new to these parts

Lezzlie:
You're statistically wrong, dear. Time and figure have proven tellingly this is not the case.
There's a world of difference between marriage and a romantic relationship. Not even a shack-up compares to marriage in form or relation. There's an unspoken, formless haze of responsibility and commitment that no other form of relationship carries except marriage. It could be down to the formalities, the vows, the witness, and convention, but it is nevertheless there.



When marriage breaks down, destinies are altered and sometimes the rift in the psyche never bridges with time. There's that nagging guilt, you could have done more, even when it isn't your fault. Ladies have this feeling more



The above is your personal life I feel I don't have the moral authority to play judge or a moral analyst --- at least not on a forum.

I'm happy for you all the same.

Lezzlie:


I believe in the indissolubility of marriage in most situations.

cococandy:

Oh. I just saw this before replying your last post. So there are some situations where you believe marriage can be dissolved?
why going on like you're saying something different?

I'd hate to have wasted all this time debating with someone who's saying the same thing with me.

So which is it, do you or don't you believe that sometimes some situations require the marriage dissolved. Or was that a typo up there.

cococandy:

Oh. I just saw this before replying your last post. So there are some situations where you believe marriage can be dissolved?
why going on like you're saying something different?

I'd hate to have wasted all this time debating with someone who's saying the same thing with me.

So which is it, do you or don't you believe that sometimes some situations require the marriage dissolved. Or was that a typo up there.

@the emboldened, so what have you been arguing about then?



In as much as you think of me as new to this part, I've been here very long to know you're pro-divorce.

And I disagree with you that a beating husband has earned the penalty of a divorce anymore than a slovenly, abusive wive has.


Your "extreme cases" are in most instances, going by your precedents, minor domestic scuffles.

You are wont to often advocate divorce as a quicksilver approach to most marital malee.

Divorce is only for the instance of actual intention to take life or a direct threat to it.

Every other brawl should be settled with the option of divorce far off the table.

Lezzlie:


@the emboldened, so what have you been arguing about then?
In as much as you think of me as new to this part, I've been here very long to know you're pro-divorce.

And I disagree with you that a beating husband has earned the penalty of a divorce anymore than a slovenly, abusive wive has.


your "extreme cases" are in most instances, going by your precedents, minor domestic scuffles.

You are wont to often advocate divorce as a quicksilver approach to most marital malee.

Divorce is only for the instance of actual intention to take life or a direct threat to it.

Every other brawl should be settled with the option of divorce far off the table.