Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was the highest selling book of non-fiction in the 1990s for good reason. When it comes to the initial stages of dating, surging endorphins and crazy-amazing sex (if you're lucky), men and women have very different experiences. Why? Falling in love for you isn’t the same as it is for a woman, and not just in how quickly you melt for her in certain ways and how much longer it takes you to feel connected in other ones.

“Men and women are wired differently. Women are more emotive and intellectualise love more. Women can grow to love someone they were not initially attracted to, once they get to know the person. Men need the opposite,” psychologist Nikki Martinez says. “Men need the initial attraction [first] to be open to getting to know the person who they will ultimately fall for. Also, since women are very cerebral about things, they are thoughtful about the idea of love, where men can be fast and 'all in' once they have those feelings.”

So what are the biggest differences between the moments between I-just-met-you and I’m-in-love-with-you for the opposite sexes? Here, experts shed insight:

Men are way more physical.
In a study commissioned by Medicis Aesthetics, 1,000 men and women were polled on many relationship questions – from marriage and divorce to physical attraction. What they found was that while looks mattered to both sexes, physical attraction was much more important for men especially. “Men are initially attracted to women based on a physical connection and then grow to love the person,” Martinez says. “They do not think someone is nice and then have the attraction grow.” Of course it could be possible that a woman could become more beautiful to you once you get to know them, but what will always catch your attention first is what they look like.

Men are more impulsive.
You’ve heard it before, but for men, when something is special about a woman, they’re quick to move the relationship forward. That’s why you’ll hear many people say that “a man’s light was on” when he decided to get married: once you make a decision about a person or you're a time in your life that you’re ready for something serious, you’re all in. It's all about timing. Women are a little more analytical about everything and will often think through the relationship’s longevity more thoroughly than you will. “By nature, men can act more impulsively when they feel something, where women need to be more certain and cautious,” Martinez says. “Men are okay with jumping in and trying a new relationship when they feel the right connection instead of being cautious and waiting until they know for sure, like a woman might do.”

Men are more focused on passion.
Though your girlfriend may send you dirty sexts when she’s in the mood to bang later, for you, having intense gotta-have-you feelings are always at the forefront of your mind. “Research suggests that men's perspective on love often focuses heavily on the passionate aspects of being in love more than the emotional stability and supportive aspects,” licensed marriage and family therapist, Esther Boykin, LMFT says. “It might be easy to dismiss this as men being lustful but love is a multi-faceted thing and being drawn to the passion of it doesn't make men's love less meaningful or true.”

Men value fun more.
While it’s true that a man who makes a woman laugh will likely be someone she is more attracted to, women are also logical about love: they want to know that someone has a good head on their shoulders, just as much as they want to make sure they can keep it up in the bedroom. On the other hand, Martinez says that men want a partner who can be relaxed, laid back and have fun with them, without thinking or analysing the details too often. Having someone who is easy to get along with makes men more comfortable sharing their feelings and opening themselves up in the long run.

Men are less likely to share feelings in the beginning.
If nothing freaks you out more than “I wanted to tell you” or “I have something to talk to you about”, you’re not alone and you’re totally normal. In the beginning stages of falling in love, you may be thinking about all sorts of things (like how she could even be your wife one day) – but you aren’t exactly ready to start sharing those feelings. Martinez says that men often take much longer to express themselves verbally and emotionally with their partner, and will often wait until they feel very secure in the relationship, even if they were quick to jump into the love affair in the first place. However, you will show exactly how you feel with touch: “Men are more likely to express their love through affection, initiating fun activities with their partner, and, of course, sex,” Boykin explains. “Women, on the other hand, are more likely to avoid negative interactions and show affection through other ways.

How do I fall inlove?_thinking hard