Lookatew! Just take a good lookatew! So
you came here to know how to turn your
man to a sure ATM abi? Oya na! You will
learn lesson today. Just remember that it
was you that brought yaself here, issnor me
that is about to teach you bad thing.
hehehe.
Abeg wetin be ATM sef? For the sake of
posterity, I will tell you. ATM means
Automated Teller Machine. Inugo The
machine that always spits out money in
banks. Darrisit! Today, I am about to teach
you how to make your man spit money like a
sure ATM, anytime you want (without using
him for blood money ooo).

So, focus and go with me as we look at
different ways to make your man a sure
ATM.


Open an account

Wait! do you think you can just walk up to
an ATM and start to make withdrawals when
you don’t have a bank account. Same way
here; you need to operate an account, simply
put – get a MAN. Make sure you choose your
bank (MAN) with wisdom, consider factors
like distance, availability, customer service
and others. Then proceed to open an account
(creep into his heart) How? I don’t know,
maybe through your charming smile, your
nice attitude, your cooking ability, your
heavy duty assets, anything at all…just open
an account!


Make a deposit

You get what you give or even more, right?
I’m sure you agree with that. Before your
man can be a potential ATM, you must have
deposited something in him. Why will he
give you money na? Who you epp? Except
you want to lock him in a nice wardrobe or
maybe a room, decorate his environment
with nice shades of black and/or red
designed with cowries, make him tie a red
wrapper(black too will fit in), place a big
calabash like that of the Fulanis on his head,
and watch him vomit money faster and better
than the ATM machine. If you don’t have
plans to do that, then you have to make your
deposits, support him, pray for him, advise
him, believe in him, encourage him. Deposit
is not once o, it’s a continuous process.
NB: You don’t have to sleep with him.


Get an ATM card

Now you have an account and you have made
(still making) deposits, it’s time to get your
ATM card. You won’t have to join the queue
of his friends and other things waiting to
make withdrawals from him (they all will be
using withdrawal slip), so the need for the
ATM card. In this case, your ATM card will
be your ATTITUDE towards him and the
things he cares about. While dealing with
him you need to put some RESPECK on it but
not at the detriment of your self-esteem. But
if you are an Edo or Ijebu girl **pops
collar**, you know how we roll na**winks**,
our ATM card can sometimes be some
powdery black substance! lol.


Activate your ATM card

Getting the card is not enough, babe you
have to activate that card. Activating ATM
card is so easy, you just have to change your
pin right?? Exactly! So let me tell you how.
Your former pin is that conventional “Baby,
please…” formal way of making money
request. It has to be change! Your new pin
will be his “ mumu button ”, get to know his
mumu button and use appropriately. For
security purpose, remember to guard your
pin, avoid sharing it with other people, and
also make sure you change it when the need
arises.


Know your withdrawal limit

Now that you know how to make
withdrawals, I must remind you that there is
always a withdrawal limit for every bank.
Don’t go overboard with your requests. Know
when to stop and when to keep going. Also
know that you may not be able to withdraw
more than you have deposited, except he is
doing a Promo, his service is compromised,
or someone has hacked into him (God help
you the hacker is from Edo or Ijebu, you are
finished!).


Always check and understand the service status

You should understand your man’s mood
before making requests. You need to check if
he is in a good service mood, if he is, can he
dispense at that time? If something is wrong
at that time, relax till when he is up and
running so he won’t swallow your card.


Treat his staff right

The fact that you are banking with him,
means you are banking with people around
him. Don’t look down on his friends, don’t
insult his family, don’t shrug your shoulders
on his colleagues. Don’t get involved in
criminal activities using these people as
allies. If you don’t like any service offered to
you by any of his staff, gently and politely
make your complaints.


Adhere to rules

Adhere to banking and withdrawal rules, to
avoid dismissal from the network. But if you
act too smart and you are unable to keep the
service going, please be kind to send us your
breakup story.

Wow! OP,u deserve a National Award for this.U got me there.Was expecting something scarry.U rep bro.!

Very funny

Reading.

Nice Write up guy, stylishly hitting the nail on the head

males will comment.... females would view d thread and sigh!

Ur head is there

Lol

GoldenJAT:
males will comment.... females would view d thread and sigh!

lol, even the ladies should agree na. it's meant to be a symbiotic relationship.

This guy badt gan, i was about to call him a sissy and woman wrapper until i saw what i didnt expect

SANDOSKI:

Sweetie don't you agree?

Hmmm...

comic relief. you are a good writer

okay, but seriously i did not read it

Absolutely intriguing writeup! I will be delighted to keep your bosoms off asses bruh !!

Wow nice write up op, one will surely turn the man to an atm by following those rules, he wont hesitate to spit money out at all.

ErnieSmallzz:
okay, but seriously i did not read it

ernie how was ya night

Twaz fyn, urz?

joshuamoses101:
ernie how was ya night

ErnieSmallzz:
Twaz fyn, urz?

was alright,i like ur diary m thinking abt getting one myself