Is it so hard to divorce or which kain weakling be this man sef

Op, playing agony aunt to someone of the opposite sex in the office is dangerous. As it is, from your comments, you are already solidly on the man side based on the stories that he had told you even without hearing the wives side of the story

Also because you are supporting him, he may start to see you as his crutch and one thing may lead to another. Many office affairs start from agony aunt/uncle relationships.

If you really want to help, you will have a chat with both of them, advise both of them and not badmouth one in front of the other In short Take no side.

Reading between the lines, a woman who has 6 children for a man is not a new wife and lots must have passed under the bridge from both sides.
One cant be a saint and the other a monster and they have lived together for so long and with 6 kids.

regards the money issue, have you asked your colleague why his wife suddenly refused to take any responsibility?
I have heard of cases where the man starts having affairs or has inappropriate relationships with he opposite sex and the wife decides that she no longer wants to spend her money helping him whilst he is busy spending his frivolously

Im not saying that this is the case, but I have heard of this happening

Also when the man over spends on his side of the family, and not spending as he should on his wife's side, this can cause strife too
Ask your colleague what stated all this

Regards the police case, you don't live with them and don't know the whole story. There is a possibility that he has/did abuse her.......A lot does go on behind closed doors

I am not blaming the wife, neither am I blaming the husband cos I dont know what happened/happening

If you do want to help this marriage, do not take sides and do not encourage the man to badmouth his wife or you bad mouth her he will begin to feel even more resentment towards his wife which will further damage an already stressed relationship.
Encourage him to speak to her people, worship leaders and wise elders.

crackhaus:
Timbuktou, wetin I tell you?

Abeg look up...

Nna, I am saw it too. The chief witch is working tirelessly to spread discord and discontent into as many homes as possible. Tufiakwa.

^^^^^^...LMAO.
Advice: Don't take every comment personal. Just read, smile and move on.

5minsmadness:




How does he go about doing that?

Owning his home is easy, all he has to first learn to do is say NO and mean it regardless if it hurts his wife's feelings...but to be honest, I must admit it kinda looks like this ship has sailed already - When a woman has become so used to having her way with her man and all of a sudden sees that she has lost that hold on him, some devious women can end up going the extra length just to regain that control.


As for making her life a living hell, baba that one na professional specialty oo...not every person is capable of it, which is why I can't really explain it the way you'll understand it here.
Divorce is just too easy for some women, they need to be taught a lesson in the marriage until they can't stand it anymore and then gather their own things and move out on their own.

However with this psychological game, the man will have to always be one-step ahead of her and try to figure out her moves before she can materialize them.

Timbuktou:


Nna, I am saw it too. The chief is working tirelessly to spread discord and discontent into as many homes as possible. Tufiakwa.

It is well

Lol...

Tim, is it the spambot or one human-bot working behind the scenes?

crackhaus:

Owning his home is easy, all he has to first learn to do is say NO and mean it regardless if it hurts his wife's feelings...but to be honest, I must admit it kinda looks like this ship has sailed already - When a woman has become so used to having her way with her man and all of a sudden sees that she has lost that hold on him, some devious women can end up going the extra length just to regain that control.


[size=4pt]As for making her life a living hell, baba that one na professional specialty oo...not every person is capable of it, which is why I can't really explain it the way you'll understand it here.
Divorce is just too easy for some women, they need to be taught a lesson in the marriage until they can't stand it anymore and then gather their own things and move out on their own.

However with this psychological game, the man will have to always be one-step ahead of her and try to figure out her moves before she can materialize them[/size].

Biko am interested in this. So, the guy learns how to say no and means it, even though its tearing at his heart to see his wife hurt but he knows its for a good cause; what's the next step?

glossy6:


Your opinion but I know my intent & they are not destructive. For crying out loud, the man at the centre cries day in, day out that he can't afford those fees and that's where she should render a helping hand.

Really?

A grown arsèd man cries "day in and day out" not to his / his wife's family members but to you, a female probably many years younger than him and his wife for?? And it wasn't a one-off thing but he does it daily. i.e comes to the office everyday to cry on your shoulders? When, if at all, does he ever get ANY work done?

And how do you know his wife doesn't lend a helping hand financially? Afterall according to you, this man initially lived at Lagos alone while his wife and kids were living in the east before he sent for them all to join him. So I suppose this very wicked woman didn't spend a kobo on her kids, wasn't a fit mother, and the kids either fended for themselves or survived off fresh air, abi?

You're so into this man you can't even see what's right in front of you. It's not about who shouts the loudest that suffers the most. A man with a hidden agenda will say anything and wave the pity card in your face to get his leg over you. So yes, to gain your sympathy and "understanding", his wife must be the devil's incarnate killing him slowly. If not, how else can he pull your strings? And to make matters worse, you swallow everything he tells you hook, line, and sinker without verifying the facts. Everything he says must be true because he's quiet and soft spoken like your husband.

Odiegwu.

I don't understand the angle you are coming from, maybe you are translating your name literally "my wealth is mine or here".

Oniòvò mė nunu ra! Kiyèmè??

Wer aye niè? Wer guolo rè òzà na? Rè obaro rà!

But in all sincerity, a woman should be helpful, though I've not heard from her.

Well then, maybe you should go meet her to hear her side of the story before acting judge and jury solely on the man's say-so version of events. Seriously, how do you know for certain his wife of 16 years with 6 kids has never done anything? Do you live with them?

You even commented this man paid his niece's fees but cries about paying his own kids' fees. Makes you wonder where his priorities lay.

I shared this story so as to get opinions and you are here sounding as if home building is solely for men and how a man should die pleasing a woman in the capacity he cannot obviously function. Am still at a loss at what you are driving at but your message is clear that she should ride on.

No, you wouldn't get it, seeing as you're too far gone into this man to think objectively.

Let's turn the tables around. The woman is forced to shoulder the entire financial responsibility of the home, including paying her nephew's school fees. She then decides to "cry out" to her male colleague everyday bad mouthing her husband for being a selfish, inconsiderate gít and even goes further to share pics of her husband with this male colleague of hers, who now thinks the man is a wicked soul. This male colleague is so heart broken about the "plight" of this woman, he can't sleep at night.

Now tell me, honestly, what:

~ your opinion of this woman will be?

~ what advice will you give her? (apart from the usual dim-witted "fast and pray, wear red bra and knickers, seduce and séx him till he can't walk straight"...)

My marriage can not be said to be better than hers because we all have our challenges, what I imply there is that I earn above her and tend to prioritize my spending & you are here interpreting my write up to portray what is not.

I Am not against her choice of school either as I've often told him to do what suits them in terms of meeting the educational needs of their family because they cannot be me and I cannot be them. I am sharing a story, which opinions coming in may differ but attacking me is not a way forward here.

Well you made the comparisms, not me.

KanwuliaMama:


The reason people should learn to stay out of others' relationship, to avoid the unconscious sentiment of "I beta pass my neighbor generator fumes"!

In the Nigerian setting??

Highly unlikely. Not when they órgàsm off the misery of others.

5minsmadness:

More of hunger, to be honest. I havent eaten since morning.

Lol!

Then you should post more on an empty growling stomach, and less when full.

5minsmadness:

Biko am interested in this. So, the guy learns how to say no and means it, even though its tearing at his heart to see his wife hurt but he knows its for a good cause; what's the next step?

But isn't this just the problem?
What he sees as 'hurt' in his wife is a fugazzi, it isn't real.

Saying NO to someone doesn't hurt them in the way you're interpreting it (as in, devastation) - what they actually feel is disappointment for not getting what they want.

Which is why I noted he may have actually got past that point where he can realize that refusing his wife something that panders to her selfish desires does not 'hurt' her - she would definitely get over it if she were normal but we have seen already that this woman is far from normal, which brings us back to the point being how he has given her way too much in inches, miles, and km...she's now working on light-years.

The next step after learning to say NO is to not let the NO or what he percieves to be 'hurt', tear his heart apart.

crackhaus:

But isn't this just the problem?
What he sees as 'hurt' in his wife is a fugazzi, it isn't real.

Saying NO to someone doesn't hurt them in the way you're interpreting it (as in, devastation) - what they actually feel is disappointment for not getting what they want.

Which is why I noted he may have actually got past that point where he can realize that refusing his wife something that panders to her selfish desires does not 'hurt' her - she would definitely get over it if she were normal but we have seen already that this woman is far from normal, which brings us back to the point being how he has given her way too much in inches, miles, and km...she's now working on light-years.

The next step after learning to say NO is to not let the NO or what he percieves to be 'hurt', tear his heart apart.

Oga crackhaus i hail u bros , i'm seriosily learning a lot here. So in essence he has to harden his heart. Easier for sone guys, not so easy for some. Realise that what she feels is not catacltsmic but simply disappointment which aint so bad. We all get disappointed once in a while. Cool.

Is that it? Any other step?

EfemenaXY:


Really?

A grown arsèd man cries "day in and day out" not to his / his wife's family members but to you, a female probably many years younger than him and his wife for?? And it wasn't a one-off thing but he does it daily. i.e comes to the office everyday to cry on your shoulders? When, if at all, does he ever get ANY work done?

And how do you know his wife doesn't lend a helping hand financially? Afterall according to you, this man initially lived at Lagos alone while his wife and kids were living in the east before he sent for them all to join him. So I suppose this very wicked woman didn't spend a kobo on her kids, wasn't a fit mother, and the kids either fended for themselves or survived off fresh air, abi?

You're so into this man you can't even see what's right in front of you. It's not about who shouts the loudest that suffers the most. A man with a hidden agenda will say anything and wave the pity card in your face to get his leg over you. So yes, to gain your sympathy and "understanding", his wife must be the devil's incarnate killing him slowly. If not, how else can he pull your strings? And to make matters worse, you swallow everything he tells you hook, line, and sinker without verifying the facts. Everything he says must be true because he's quiet and soft spoken like your husband.

Odiegwu.




Oniòvò mė nunu ra! Kiyèmè??

Wer aye niè? Wer guolo rè òzà na? Rè obaro rà!



Well then, maybe you should go meet her to hear her side of the story before acting judge and jury solely on the man's say-so version of events. Seriously, how do you know for certain his wife of 16 years with 6 kids has never done anything? Do you live with them?

You even commented this man paid his niece's fees but cries about paying his own kids' fees. Makes you wonder where his priorities lay.




No, you wouldn't get it, seeing as you're too far gone into this man to think objectively.

Let's turn the tables around. The woman is forced to shoulder the entire financial responsibility of the home, including paying her nephew's school fees. She then decides to "cry out" to her male colleague everyday bad mouthing her husband for being a selfish, inconsiderate gít and even goes further to share pics of her husband with this male colleague of hers, who now thinks the man is a wicked soul. This male colleague is so heart broken about the "plight" of this woman, he can't sleep at night.

Now tell me, honestly, what:

~ your opinion of this woman will be?

~ what advice will you give her? (apart from the usual dim-witted "fast and pray, wear red bra and knickers, seduce and séx him till he can't walk straight"...)



Well you made the comparisms, not me.

Fkforyou:
^^^^^^...LMAO.

Advice: Don't take every comment personal. Just read, smile and move on.

...sticking to this

glossy6, dont let anyone bamboozle u into agreeing with thier twisted idea of relationships. Good morning.

5minsmadness:
glossy6, dont let anyone bamboozle u into agreeing with thier twisted idea of relationships. Good morning.

My dear I tire oh! How people twist things baffles me!
Good morning jare.

veave:
You make me remember one of our neighbours then. The man adds weight only when madam goes for official assignment. All her money is for expensive lace and party. She can go to eatery and burn 5k on a meal while her kids drink garri. They where always hungry and tattered. Give her money for food, voicemail. Buy it yourself, fight. They where always owing rent and school fees because her husband had no savings. You need to see fight if he refuses to bring money for frivolous activities. You can imagine a man walking on the road and mumbling to himself. We where always praying he doesn't walk into an oncoming car then.

As much as I loathe domestic violence, detesting men who do so as well as adulterers, these kinds of cases take the cake really and reading stuffs like this makes me wonder how practicable telling such a man not to flip and yet seek no other paradise outside is, really?

It's led me to believe in how unreliable suggestions and counsels here can be. I take posts on Reddit, 4chan, Yahoo more serious sef.

People butt into issues typing rubbish readily with the similitude of verbal diarrhea without any serious empathy or depth of thought on what levels of pain such scenarios must have held for the posters.

It's when people labor on unrealistically under the weight of stupid stuffs like many people posted here that make folks go at each other with hammers and cutlasses later.

You kept it real, though!

My dear, pls tell ur colleague and his wife to go for counselling.

Double P

The lesson from this man's travails is, NEVER you as a man marry a woman who didn't live her youth. They always get carried away when they find comfort and starts getting attention from men outside. I know what I am talking about. A lady with experience, who has seen it all can hardly be swayed by sweet talks and attentions from men which most often than not is laced with ulterior motives. She is already way ahead of the predators and wont find it hard putting them where they belong as she has been there done that.

Click like if you CONCUR.

5minsmadness:

Oga crackhaus i hail u bros , i'm seriosily learning a lot here. So in essence he has to harden his heart. Easier for sone guys, not so easy for some. Realise that what she feels is not catacltsmic but simply disappointment which aint so bad. We all get disappointed once in a while. Cool.

Is that it? Any other step?

Lol, two steps never do you?

Seriously though, with those two steps alone the stage is set. The thing with matters like this is that it is more a mental/psychological thing than it is physical.

The way a 3yr old child already knows which of her two parents will melt and give her anything she wants once she starts crying loud enough.
Personally, that one doesn't work for me at all...and as my mom will always say "crying neva kill pikin before".

It's the same with adults - people (male/female) just subconsciously know who they can get to do what they want whenever they want.

crackhaus:

Owning his home is easy, all he has to first learn to do is say NO and mean it regardless if it hurts his wife's feelings...but to be honest, I must admit it kinda looks like this ship has sailed already - When a woman has become so used to having her way with her man and all of a sudden sees that she has lost that hold on him, some devious women can end up going the extra length just to regain that control.


As for making her life a living hell, baba that one na professional specialty oo...not every person is capable of it, which is why I can't really explain it the way you'll understand it here.
Divorce is just too easy for some women, they need to be taught a lesson in the marriage until they can't stand it anymore and then gather their own things and move out on their own.

However with this psychological game, the man will have to always be one-step ahead of her and try to figure out her moves before she can materialize them.

Is it about the husband saying no or about the wife saying yes to assistance?

Like you said, the ship has already sailed and I doubt he is capable of steering it through stormy waters. They have SIX kids, which means that he has been accepting her character for a while now - not only accepting but even rewarding her caprices.

But when I say that men like them bad, they don't believe me.

Mindfulness:


Is it about the husband saying no or about the wife saying yes to assistance?

Like you said, the ship has already sailed and I doubt he is capable of steering it through stormy waters. They have SIX kids, which means that he has been accepting her character for a while now - not only accepting but even rewarding her caprices.

But when I say that men like them bad, they don't believe me.

I don't believe he possesses any real power in making his wife become supportive, unless you're implying he resorts to the use of force.
The only thing he has power over now, is what he will/will not do anymore.


Most men like them bad only for fun, not for marriage - a wife is permitted to be her husband's personal freak and p0rnstar, not the everybody-knows-afrocandy-theatrics.
Unfortunately, some of una sef don figure this one out and will present only the goody-goody bits till the deal is sealed.

crackhaus:

I don't believe he possesses any real power in making his wife become supportive, unless you're implying he resorts to the use of force.
The only thing he has power over now, is what he will/will not do anymore.

Words of wisdom.

Most men like them bad only for fun, not for marriage - a wife is permitted to be her husband's personal freak and p0rnstar, not the everybody-knows-afrocandy-theatrics.
Unfortunately, some of una sef don figure this one out and will present only the goody-goody bits till the deal is sealed.

Are you speaking from experience?

crackhaus:

But isn't this just the problem?
What he sees as 'hurt' in his wife is a fugazzi, it isn't real.

Saying NO to someone doesn't hurt them in the way you're interpreting it (as in, devastation) - what they actually feel is disappointment for not getting what they want.

Which is why I noted he may have actually got past that point where he can realize that refusing his wife something that panders to her selfish desires does not 'hurt' her - she would definitely get over it if she were normal but we have seen already that this woman is far from normal, which brings us back to the point being how he has given her way too much in inches, miles, and km...she's now working on light-years.

The next step after learning to say NO is to not let the NO or what he percieves to be 'hurt', tear his heart apart.

Shege, abokii. Walahi, I am on foint.

Mindfulness:


Words of wisdom.




Are you speaking from experience?

Lol..
Bad, good, short, tall, flat yansh, big yansh, humble, arrogant, princesses with attitudes, and those with level-head... I've seen them all.

The thing is I don't think I've met any one YET that will successfully pretend and not end up revealing her true self in less than six months.
I know how to bring out the best as well as the worst in people just to have an idea of what they capable of saying or doing.

You are one example here