Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) - Romance - Nairaland
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When A Girl Is Dating A Guy Who Is Not Ready For Marriage / Nairalanders !!! Ahcilies Need Your Urgent Adivce / Pls I Need Ur Adivce Abt My GF (2) (3) (4)
| Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by natashi: 2:07pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
I am an African American sister dating a Niger man. He is very smart, sweet, adventurous and funny. However, there are weird things coming up that is getting very hard to ignore. I have been dating him for five months now and I haven't seen his place of residents. When confronted on this he says he is not ready for that step. However, when I have invited to see my house its the same thing he gets very uncomfortable. I am not sure if I am running into a cultural issue or this is just we rid period no matter what culture you are from. Also, he seems unnecessarily worried about things. For example, he is worried about me wanting to get married (its only been five months what person wants to get married so fast). I have never even brought the subject up or hinted to the relationship going there. These things are stressing out the relationship and the chill guy that started is slowly turning into a secretive weirdo, help am I stressing over cultural issues that will work itself out , or should I dump and run and not be stupid because if he was a man from the states I would have been LONG gone. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by Gabry(f): 2:10pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
Hey, Im also dating a Nigerian but Im Asian. My bf tells me that if he is to visit my parents and I visit his parents, in his own family culture, it means that you wanna be in a srious relationship which will lead to marriage. I remember the first time he insisted on visiting my parents and when he did, he was sweating cold sweat all over. It shows how nerve wrecking he was that day. LOL!  So maybe to him, to visit your parents and you wanting to visit his parents means marriage. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by natashi: 2:13pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
I am not even talking about visiting his parents, he is in his upper 30's live on his own with a a roommate , I just talking about going over to your house and watching a movie or something. His parents are in Africa . |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by Gabry(f): 2:16pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
Hmmm. Ok, sorry I misread the first part. Cultural issues? nahhhh. . . . . It could be maybe he is embarrass to show you his residents or maybe he is hiding sumthing from you. . . Im not sure but I surely do know it has nothing to do with culture. So far, Ive seen most Nigerians would gladly invite people to their house!  |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by jaybee3(m): 2:18pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
could be either of the 2; not proud of where he lives lives with a gf or wife |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by natashi: 2:19pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
He makes a lot of money so I know its not embarrassment,  |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by follypimpi(m): 2:20pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
natashi: U sure he aint got no lady livin with him?? |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by natashi: 2:24pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
Only way to be sure is to go over and check out , So advice guys on how to confront this problem. If it is a lady she can have him, How should I bring this up to him  |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:27pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
@OP you probably haven't seen his place of residence because he probably has a wife and children living at home, He seems to be overly concerned about your thoughts on marriage/or wanting to settle down with him because he is already married, |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by Gabry(f): 2:29pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
natashi: For me I will do a surprise inspection. Ill go to his house and caught him in the act! |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by jaybee3(m): 2:30pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
very simple, just pour your heart out to him . tell him you not being able to go to his house is starting to put strain in ur mind and in turn on the relationship. You don't want to doubt him and def don't want to be mad worried abt what or what not. if he isn't hiding anything then he should def invite u over. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:31pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
natashi: 1. If he won't allow you to see his place of residence, how else do you expect to check it out, My advice might be to give him an ultimatum, "If I can't at least see your house, then we might need to go our separate ways because it seems as though you're married and thats why you are hiding your place of residence from me" OR Maybe he thinks u're CRAZY  and if you know where he lives, and when you find out the real truth about him, you might 1. call the police <esp. if he's an illegal immigrant> 2. or destroy or trespass on his property 3. or maybe stalk him, hahahaha!  |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by whitelexi(m): 2:32pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
natashi: Clear your mind of all these suspicions and stop smouldering your young relationship with shenanigans. Have u considered the fact that he may just mean exactly what he says about not being ready for that step yet? |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:32pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
Gabry: How will she do a surprise inspection if she doesn't know where he lives ?! are you suggesting that she stalk him to figure this out, |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by natashi: 2:33pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
Yahh but check this out, I know he lives close to his work but don't have and address to check it out. I have poped up at his job he loved that. He is just werid he thinks that all of his relationships end because he takes them to the house to fast and then he has antisocial behavior (computer related job) that causes girls to stress and get mad and dump him, (bogus I don't know). So pop up is defenitely out |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by Gabry(f): 2:34pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
^^^ YES!!!! Like James Bond! |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:35pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi: what exactly is the big deal about visting someone's house ? especially someone u've dated for about 5 months, she never said that she wanted to marry him or meet his parents, If he lives with family: he should be able to invite her when they are not around. or if he is embarassed at the dirtiness, or the hood that he lives in then e should say so, "I live in a garbage dump" nothing to see over there, |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by whitelexi(m): 2:36pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
posakosa: Nobody can hide in a civilized economy. . . He has a mobile number, it is registered to an address. If he drives, it must have a plate number which is registered somewhere. If he has a house land line, u can look up the yellow pages or local directory. . . Knowing it is easy to track him down, why would he not want u to come? I think you're about to end this relationship if u go trespassing and i also have a sneaky suspicion that at the end of the day, you'll have nothing on him - and that will hurt seriously cos then it would be late! |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by jaybee3(m): 2:37pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi:lexi common, dude is in his 30's and what single dude do you know will date a for 5 months and not for once invite the girl over to his place for sampling? |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:39pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi: Civilized economy or not: If this man is an illegal immigrant: I'll say this: you can never track a Nigerian Illegal immigrant, NEVER. Unless he commits a crime. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by whitelexi(m): 2:39pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
jay bee: Some people have strict principles and they abide by it at all times. This guy may just want some time to see that he is doing the right thing! posakosa: this man would have no job if he was illegal, he would not drive if he was illegal - she says he has a job and she's been to see him in his office, so how was that possible? |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:40pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
jay bee: Im sure he has sampled her in her house. trust a Nigerian man not to sample when he's not an opebe ?! |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by whitelexi(m): 2:42pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
posakosa: If i remember well, OP said he felt uncomfortable with her inviting him over, she didnt say for sure whether or not he visited natashi: |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:42pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi: Doing the right thing ?! Did you guys read the post?! when he's overly concerned and afraid about her wanting to be married, she never said that she wanted to be married to him. one thing I know, if a Nigerian man truly cares. Often times, he will be straight forward. Not honest but straight forward, this one sounds like someone hiding something. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by natashi: 2:43pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
nope all sampling has been done in hotel (nice hotels not that it makes much difference) but he wouldn't even come in my house when invited in, |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by whitelexi(m): 2:44pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
posakosa: Some people dont want a girl to get the wrong impression when they are not sure about moving up to the next level with her, there is nothing wrong with that - it is better than building sand castles in the air and then the girl feels hurt tomorrow when things dont materialize. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:44pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
@ OP Then it might be something else, I don't know him so I don't want to speculate or continue assuming, But it CERTAINLY IS NOT CULTURAL if thats what u're asking. Its probably other factors. |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by follypimpi(m): 2:45pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
natashi: Maybe his House-Phobia |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:46pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi: U're right. absolutely. @ OP do you live alone ? if u live with your family, then I can see why he is uncomfortable, |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by follypimpi(m): 2:47pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi: O ri e Fokasibe |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by whitelexi(m): 2:48pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
@OP Like i said earlier, there are factors there that are influencing his decisions at this stage but it is nothing for u to start suspecting him over. He has not visited u and has not hosted u in his house so u need to calm down and look at it as him being him. When the time is right, he will open up to u, and u will know that by so doing, he has made up his mind to move to that level with u. follypimpi: Ori iwo nko? |
| Re: Dating A Nigerian Man Need Adivce (help) by posakosa(m): 2:50pm On Sep 22, 2009 |
whitelexi: hahahahaaha! are you sure u're Nigerian ?! Oooo da mo! |
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