5minsmadness:


Am telling you.
What's all the bitterness about up there? Were so many people abandoned by thier parents that they r carrying out their vexation on the op

kaziblake:
This thread is making me angry..Even if it's the chioma I know i wont tell her anything

5minsmadness:

Sorry ma oh, but why is it making you angry? Are u chioma? Can we hear her part if the story?

It seems more like a telenovela story to me. Boy falls in love with girl, gets girl pregnant. Rich parents are horrified that thier heir impregnated the driver's daughter, one of lowly status. Rich parents seperate thier son from the poor girl and send him abroad to secure his future. The son was never aware the girl was pregnant. Years later the truth comes out. Son is shocked at parents behaviour and sets out to look for his lost love.

It honestly may not be the boy's fault.




[size=5pt]And yez, i watch telenovella. Sue me. [/size]

Spirit1:


Thank you

Either way the choice belongs to the young man.
Don't you agree that he should be given the opportunity to make this choice?

Spirit1:


Yes I agree with you. This is not about doing him or his mother a favor. This is about making effort to right a wrong.
No assumptions is being made here, but we all know that a mistake has occurred.
Shit happens in life, but everyone deserves a second chance.

I really appreciate your kind contribution.

Yaksson:
Dear Op, I have come to realise that seeking help on this forum is a big WASTE OF TIME.
mainly due to the following reasons:

1. There are many immature individuals who get personal each time they drop comments, hence logic is thrown for emotions.

2. Everyone here wants to voice out an opinion but sadly, wants his/her opinion to be the ONLY right one.

3. The level of judgemental criticism is second to none, they would do your wake, bury you, and dance the burial thanksgiving
even before you are dead.

4. They mock some or all of your listed issues just to point out your mistakes.

5. They end up giving you little or no help at all, even when they give u an advice, its normally a terrible one.

That being said, there are some few matured ones as I have seen very good suggestions, but most of them are well.... just catching fun.
Just be careful the kind of issues you share and be ready to receive the mega bashing of your life.

N.B: Don't quote me pls. I didn't call anybody's name, so read and passover!

RiloKiley:


Civic duty, lol, who is paying you for it?
You think you have made sense by all these words you typed? Where has he specifically mentioned he deserved any award? Where has he shown pride? Because he mentioned money, you don't like money? You wanted him to be poverty stricken? He even admitted his family was at fault and nobody is above mistake, what is you people's problem really

Yes, my comment was tactful. It was a generalized statement to pass a point across without accusing anyone in particular. Enough leeway to let those guilty of attacking the op unnecessarily read and move on without feeling personally affronted. Your quoting me specifically shows you are one of the bitter people sticking their nose in too deep for something that doesn't concern you in any way.




This is the original op's comment.
At first bolded, he starts by greeting you all in a respective manner. He talks about the prowess of nairalanders in helping to solve problems and his hope that his need will be met. How much more polite can you get?

At second bolded, he states the problem clearly. I guess because he mentioned his brother was successful and in the USA while the supposed girlfriend came from a poor family immediately a lot of you became jealous and judgmental (Yes, JEALOUS! You wont admit it but that was your first feeling!)! Should he hide his status again? He is trying to say he can now take good care of the boy if perchance they are still in an abject state of poverty BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WAY HE LEFT THEM. He has not done anything wrong by being successful and he definitely does not sound proud at this point.

At third bolded, Pleadings, apologies, explanations and more pleadings. He mentions money again, something that is apparently wrong to mention on this forum, and a lot of JEALOUSY flares up again. What has he said wrong? He even said he wants to compensate her ALTHOUGH HE KNOWS NO AMOUNT CAN PAY FOR WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO HER. How do you want him to say it again? Someone is saying he should stop mentioning money, he should stop mentioning money as if "money" is biting him/her!

I dare you to recompose his op to be more acceptable to the general public.

You people just like having the power to judge and execute. It pleases you to see the 'american big boy' in so much pains because he cannot get to his son. Some are shouting karma as if they haven't done a bad thing in their life. Someone is even wishing him impotency! Thank God the op said his brother has two sons else you all would have been throwing a party at his misfortune! Painting yourselves as saints and pointing fingers at the op who has been amazingly polite and agreeing that yes his brother was at fault, taking all sorts of insults with humility just so he can get the help he wants. I guess that's what massages your egos.
Was his brother the one that threw the girl away? Was it not the sister? Even if it was him can he not be allowed to repent and reunite with his son? Even if his family abandoned her hasn't the op said severally that the fault was theirs and they are willing to correct their mistake?

No empathy at all! You blame the government for everything when you cannot even show pity on yourselves!

One poster is even angry on Chioma's behalf?! Has she asked the Chioma whether she is angry? If she has vital information to the finding of this woman and her son, isn't the normal thing to do to ask chioma WHAT HER OWN OPINION IS ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD LOVER first before passing judgement? How does it concern her? Why is she making the decision of not telling the op? Is she even related to chioma? Shouldn't that be for chioma to decide? How do you know chioma is not looking for Ikechukwu as well? Is she God?
She may not even have any information sef, just trying her best to make the op as miserable as possible. Because he mentioned wealth and USA? Are you people happy with poverty?

Abeg spirit1, you brought this problem to the wrong place, its mostly gloaters and bitter people that populate here, please take the little information you have gotten from the few good advices and move on. By God's grace you shall find succour. Its not a crime to be rich or be from the USA. Ask them if many of them are not fasting and praying to be where you are.

I know many of you will attack me after this post. I don't give a flying Bleep. Immature rubbish bunch of people who would rather watch the man burn to death than raise a hand to help him because he mentioned money. Nonsense!

5minsmadness:


Guy no worry, your bro will find the boy. Try other avenues like radio or television. I dont think you'll get much help here. Too many bitter people.

Abeg make nobody quote me o. Those bashing the op continue. I supose u get some kind of cheap therapy out of making others feel as miserable as possible. Even if the op's brother was wrong in what he did TWENTY THREE YEARS AGO, he is trying his best possible to make amends.

Many of you that believe in karma dont even know how it works. You too will desperately need help some day for a wrong u did in the past. Like u guys say..... Karma loading.

I have been trying to compose my contribution to this thread since yesterday in the best way possible. You just did justice to it. I dnt understand this "bring him down" attitude by most nairalanders.

We shout and scream jungle justice is bad when we see them on front page, not knowing we practice our own "e-jungle justice" here on nairaland.

Unfortunately its a psychological issue that will take alot of posts like yours to effect any change.

May God help us all .

cococandy:
The ultimate encouragement runaway dads have is that they know when the time comes for them to face the consequences of ruining their kid/s' and the mom/s' lives, emotional blackmailers will spring up in their defense and make the victims or those who feel sorry for them look like the bad people.

Askseek:
@ OP, my 2 cents. My father in law did something similar. In his case there were 2 kids he knew of and could still find their homes. He egged on by my mother in law abandoned these kids and relocated to the US. My mil argued that her husband was drunk and did not know what he was doing, and that he women were of loose morals so how could she be sure her husband was truly responsible. She chased them away and relocated her husband to the US. She joined him a few years later and eventually moved all her sons over. When they were finally settled and "doing well" the urge to right this wrong came over both of them and my fil came back to Nigeria. He was able to find both families. One of them her mother died when she was 6, she was passed from one relation to another, minimal education. She saw him, heard those words "I am your father" and packed her bags to go with him. He was overjoyed, if only he knew. From the day she moved in, every form of happiness walked out the door. My mil who perpetrated such a cruel act to keep her husband to herself lost her marriage. A marriage of 40 years collapsed and ended in divorce. Wemimo relocated to the US, DNA testing proved she is his daughter. She now lives with her father in the one bedroom apartment he once shared with his wife. She sleeps in the bedroom, he on the couch. My mil has 6 sons, at this moment only one still talks to his mother. The rest can't forgive her cruelty and have abandoned her. All six sons barely speak to their father. Wemimo I heard from the family grapevine said she would avenge her mother's death as she believes all her mother's suffering and eventual death stem from being abandoned by her lover, she hates my mil because she sees her as the one who forced her husband to abandon her mother.

The second child in question, David grew up in a home. His mother married and the man accepted David. He was in his final year in Unilag when my fil arrived. You can imagine the pain brought into that home. The young man did not acknowledge him, told him he had a father already. My fil dangled the American Dream like a carrot and this young man kicked him out with all the gifts he brought over. After numerous trips by family members he agreed to have a DNA test done since the issue of paternity was still in question. He turned out not to be my fil biological son and he was so happy not to be my fil son.

Sometimes we should let sleeping dogs lie, that little peace your brother has now. He might just use his own hands to destroy it by reopening this. What happened was horrible and inexcusable. He should leave this alone

Ujoan:


Did you notice how most of the people supporting him are men? And yet they claim 'all men are not the same' . . . . Obviously 100% of the guys on this thread will do exactly what OP's brother did . . . where does that leave the women . . single mothers of loose morals.

But then I also blame the women involved . . they are the ones having children for loser who thinks they don't have to face their mistakes until when it's convenient enough to do so. . . . when contraceptives are everywhere.

Even some married men are not left out of it. Many men would gladly abandon their wives and children for their concubines. Nigerian men generally believe that when the children grow up, they will come searching for them, so they don't have to hang around to be a father. That's why you see a lot of single mothers and divorced women raising kids alone . . Did they conceive the kids on their own?

The outrage from the men on this thread is honestly upsetting. See them acting like we are the evil ones here . . . . Shebi all of them have daughters or will do someday . . . I pray Chioma's fate befall their daughters . . . Amen. At least the man who is responsible will come back in about 20-something years to compensate them and their daughters, so all is not lost.

baby124:

Sorry to say but your father in law has always been a foolish and weak man. Reason why he can have 2 kids outside his marriage and a kid he had outside can break his marriage. I don't blame your MIL for what she did. It may look wicked, but she knew who and what she married which is probably her biggest mistake. Any woman will do anything to preserve her home. Plus as soon as that girl started causing trouble if your FIL had any sense he would have put his foot down and fought to keep his own home. Seems your FIL is a weak man that likes to tell emotional stories and gives excuses which has probably turned your MIL into the witch. Anyone that read your story can tell the man has got some very serious issues.

You think it's cake for your husband to show up and say he has two kids outside during your marriage? What!? You really should be worried about your home if that is the kind of man that raised your husband and your husband is on his side? This is not an insult. I would be. At the end of the day, your MIL was partially right, one of the kids were not his! Obviously this man was fond of following women of very easy virtue. She knew the lazy useless goat she married, who is still in a 1 bedroom. Makes me almost assume she was even the bread winner. Who would have paid for a biological kid that was not her husband's if she didn't take her earlier action.

RiloKiley:


Thanks i guess.
If everyone was a little less galling towards each other we would all be better off.

kaziblake:
I just saw the gibberish you wrote and in your mind you think you made sense?
Yes!i know the chioma and I asked her some things stylishly and I can confirmed right now that she is the one.

Ujoan:


So it's confirmed then, Chioma and her son are not some beggars on the street . . . as a matter of fact the boy has a FATHER and is now a graduate . . . .

@ Rilokiley

You see . . . .

Ujoan:


So it's confirmed then, Chioma and her son are not some beggars on the street . . . as a matter of fact the boy has a FATHER and is now a graduate . . . .

@ Rilokiley

You see . . . .

5minsmadness:

kaziblake:
I'm not lying

Ujoan:



But your FIL is an adult nah . . . did your MIL lead him to where he did the deed? Why does he need her approval to take care of the consequences of his actions

It's easy to blame others for our mistake, your MIL did what she thought was best for her, and your FIL let her because it was what he wanted anyway . . . this is all on him, not her.

5minsmadness:
Hahaha See them squawking about like pained vultures who have been denied thier next meal. You forgot how karma works right? After wishing someone evil u r now scared that same evil will happen to u, and quickly trying to justify yourselves

Karma will definitely get you! No be me talk am, its just the way it is.

As for me, i wish all parties well

Ujoan:


Do you not know what the quote button is used for? Why can't you be specific in addressing issues instead of barking around like a mad DOG

I can't seem to find where anyone was wished evil, or where anyone was trying to justify any wish they made I wonder if you are referring to my prayer for your daughters to pass through what Chioma passed through; then it shouldn't be 'evil' to you nah . . . after all what OP did was the right thing, which is why I wished same for y'all. I expect to be THANKED!

Throwing irrelevant comments about to generate likes is really cowardly . . . we are all saying the same thing. LET EVERY MAN REAP WHAT HE SOWS!!!

5minsmadness:


Why are you quoting me Did i quote you? Did i even mention your so called prayer? Stop behaving like a b!tch on heat and shut up! Addressed those that addressed you.
Its the second time you are mentioning coward on this thread and the other guy let it slide so u think u can do the same with me. If you werent such a coward yourself why didnt you quote the person u meant in your prayers?
Lily livered chicken!

5minsmadness:


Why are you quoting me Did i quote you? Did i even mention your so called prayer? Stop behaving like a b!tch on heat and shut up! Address those that addressed you.
Its the second time you are mentioning coward on this thread and the other guy let it slide so u think u can do the same with me. If you werent such a coward yourself why didnt you quote the person u meant in your prayers?
Lily livered chicken!

Ujoan:


Yes you are a coward by intentionally avoiding to quote anyone. You think you can just throw general insults about and go free because you were didn't quote anybody?

I intentionally decided to call you to order because your snide comments are demeaning to say the least. Why can't you be the man you claim to be and address people directly?

Mumu

5minsmadness:

And you are a cantankerous mewling of a woman who has no sense of moral empathy. Did i talk to you? When u were talking about men and their daughters in general did u mention anybody? Hypocrite!

Class rep! Who are you to call anyone to order? You who have been judging the op from page one and attacking all who felt sympathy for him in a bod to feel uselessly powerful? Go sit your unruly self down, madam judge. You are so stuck up with your self righteousness u stink to high heaven, just that others are probably scared to put you in your place. Mrs attention seeker

I will continue to make generalised statements. Knock your head on the wall!

Ujoan:


That's how one of you went to quote a comment I made in an unrelated thread to try and attack me . . . . Unfortunately I'm not one of those weak and insecure people that can be easily intimidated by e-attacks. I can do this all day Mister . . . can you

5minsmadness:


Is that what this is about?
You were too cowardly to quote a guy that attacked you on another thread and so decided to take it out on me?


HYPOCRITE!

find someone else to test you bullying skills on. Or continue with me. I couldnt care either way. You can do this all day cos sadly for u, you don't have a job. I on the other hand am busy helping people in my establishment. But turnout is low today so i'll be charitable and give u the attention you so desperately seek.

Overaged cow

Ujoan:


Now i know, you are just one of those greedy Nigerians who think everything is about money . . . That's why you think one needs to be PAID to carry out a civic responsibility. I love money, but money is nothing compared to people's respect and dignity. I know this concept is quite difficult for an average Nigerian to grasp, but it's the plain truth.

Whether he's rich of 'stricken by poverty' is irrelevant. What is degrading is his dismissive nature and his assumption that he will be doing Chioma and her son a favor by finding them. He forgot that that boy is an Adult now and doesn't NEED his father's approval anymore. Wherever he is, he has a life and there's no guarantee that the offer of USA will even mean squat to him.

So why not just keep that aside and crave forgiveness instead He acknowledged he made a MISTAKE and people who make mistakes often BEG for forgiveness. Not dangle incentives to those they've wronged and act like they are doing them a favor. His attitude is offensive to people's sensibilities, hence the outrage.

And in-case you don't know, a lot of people calling the OP to order are doing waaay better than his supposed 'rich' brother. So no, we are not impressed with his 'achievement' and I really really hope Chioma and her son won't be either. Whoever they are, I hope fortune have smiled on them . . . . God knows they deserve it.

and No,you were not being tactful. You were being bitter and critical . . . . .