LuvU2:
Why did u marry him!

OMG!!! See question

if you ask me i will say this is what happens when a man marries when he does not wanna be married,maybe to you.

Madam, Please accept my suggestion in good faith.

I think you are the one causing your problems. You want him to be who you want him to be but he prefers being who he wants to and there is nothing wrong with that.
Marriage doesn't mean that the other person should stop being himself or herself. This is where we get it wrong. He can only adjust to what makes you happy if you are truly sure that he loves you that much as you claimed.

Stop over-stressing yourself expecting him to be what you want but accept him the way he is and adjust your expectations from him.
He might feel like you can leave without him and start coming back to you with time if only you form the habit of giving him his space as much as possible.

I am sorry this is real life and marriage. You can't just change him within 4 years but if you are lucky with time you might change him God on your side

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

your story too long. You are not his wife but his tool. Tools don't complain, they are used by their handlers.

op, u no try sha. 2months and u were already pregnant. well you are the architect of your problem, so design a solution. i'll suggest you have a heart to heart discussion with him, explain how much you want things to be different and all. i wish u well

Even from this ur one sided story,it is glaring that u really lack respect.no matter how u paint the words.


Who calls her husband "ode"

2dugged:
well I guess you married a man like my dad, whenever he is around, it's everybody to your tent, the house is as quiet as a grave yard. I would want to tell you he will change, but I doubt he will, live your life and try to be happy with him around, play your favorite music when he is around and sing along, be happy and listen to comdey or hilarious movies when he is around, laugh hard and loud, don't let his sadistic nature suck out your happiness, that is the only way to help your self

The man na retired soldier ni? Very similar to my mum back then.. My mum beats us up with weapons like pot, stool, wire, spoon, padlock, etc.. Some parents self...

Also, my ex has a dad like this. She dey talk say she fear her papa pass armed robber because of his attitude. Only look way he go give her, she go wan make ground swallow her...

I went through your profile madam and from your topics you are always complaining about your family eg u had a problem with your brother in law, mother in law, even saw a topic about infidelity. It seems u complain a lot and I can tell u also nag from your topics. A man doesn't transform into a beast overnight. Check your character and attitude madam. When u re always having problem with people around u common sense should tell u that some of the blame lies with u.

How did you guys get to know each other? Let me start from there

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

Taking your post to be true... It does not sound to me like you are in a marriage. It sounds like a Master/Servant relationship.


To help me understand the dynamics in of your union, please tell me;

1. How and where did you guys meet..

2. How long did you both court for?

3. Did you at any point have issues with his family before or after the wedding..

4. Were you guys really friends before marriage?

5. Did you guys discuss and tell each other what you would expect from your partner during courtship? - Many couples don't do this during courtship only to enter into the marriage and be shocked at what lies on the other end of that door..

6. What is the relation between your husband and your family like?Does he like and respect your family?

7. Who is the Bread winner in your house? Were you ever working (before/after marriage)? explain a bit about the financial dynamics in your home.. If you both work, are you guys open to each other about your finances?




A lot of these are very key to understanding the dynamics of your relationship.

madam just find the inner strength in you to carry on emotionally.Forget ur husb n move on

I've read some part of your post and it all still boils down to you not knowing the man you wanted to SETTLE DOWN WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You have to manage it that way, cuz life's not a bed of roses. You may leave him and meet a wife beater..

I will just read comments on this one

I will just read comments on this one.

HungerBAD:
To the OP.

It is easier for people to apportion blames to the woman,but I will not do that.

Sometimes,to solve problems like this,you have to revisit how you guys met,and did before the marriage.

Was there courtship before marriage?this is very important,since you said he does not even know the things you like and that includes music or even your dress or shoe size.

Was the marriage an arranged one?was it a courtship the Christian way,where you dating and speaking only about the bible before marriage?

How did he grow up?did he grow up in a house where the Mom literally worshipped the dad?and he is looking for something like that?

You did not mention kids.

Your write up makes it look as if you guys are strangers,I mean total strangers.

Let us talk about the respect thing. So,continual greeting to him shows respect right?he is your husband and if greetings make him feel respected,then please do it. Or does greeting him make you feel unhappy?

Some men are generally not the touchy type,and do not like women all over their body,he might be that type of man,and not necessary somebody that is not romantic,he just don't like being touched.

Lastly,and and this is for you. What makes you happy?I know a lot of women will do anything to be a (Mrs)but after the marriage then what?what gives you Joy in your marriage?

Talk with him. Do not talk to him. Talking with a person is the ability to draw the other person into your world,into your pains,into your frustrations,into your life.

He is human,and I am sure he will see reasons with you.

Goodluck.

Where CocoCandy sef?come advice here. If na to insult me now,I go see you.

Oga... are you a learner...? it's clear they didn't meet... and it is clear the hubby is way older than the wife... the OP married for money... now she don see the result... make she carry her cross abeg...

if she wanted to call her hubby 'ode' Or throw pillow at him... she should have married her mate or the guy that genuinely loves her...

Ignore him for awhile... Greet him every morning and do your things on your own...aint talking about personal needs ooo
As in put him in his place... Fine he doesn't want you to joke around with him leave him... Play with your kids
He keeps things away from you... Do the same.. Keep things away from him.. Don't tell him what you gonna do next... If he sits, sits nd Jos ignore him... Don't get me wrong ain't saying you should keep malice with him ooo... Buh i bet you he is doing all these becos you are giving him too much attention..

I pray that things change for the best for both of you..we should be able before marriage to know what men wants in marriage and what women want in marriage. That's were most of us get it all wrong. You don't go into a marriage to change the man or woman,you had better do a background check of who he/her is and his/her character and know if u can put up with it before marriage,if not don't..Couples should at least be best of best and not apart.
I think that you didn't really know him well before committing to the marriage,your are even supposed to see him get angry and argue,see how he reacts and all that. Marriage os for better and for worse o and so I wud advice that you seek divine counsel on this matter. Nobody wud want dis kind of predicament in a marriage and divorce isn't acceptable please. There are other things apart from been in love that sustains a marriage and these things are clearly missing...it can still work out just don't stop trying.

When one is blinded by love, u forget to study many thgs about ur partner, u forget to see if he has all qualities u needed in one another. Am still single but its gud to kW the kind of person u wana settle with. U can spend many years with someone without knowing everything about them but with time u will kW many thgs. That's d mistake u made. If care is not taken it might leads to speration. Its not only u going tru this many can't even say it out. Like a Frnd of mine, she kws the kind of guy she wana settle with, he doesn't gve calls, he doesn't exchange gifts he doesn't show romantic stuffslike that, finally his family doesn't like her yet she want to settle dwn with the guy. Op. Find his happiest moment n discuss, I pray he heeds to it. Sorry Abi was d marriage a match making stuffs? Did u tie him dwn with pregncy? Di u force ur way? U shud av studied to kW if he can cope with ur type or u. If he man doesn't feel comfortable with u no genue love. Ki se mimo se. I pray God help u

What you are feeling is perfectly normal and this is why we have many sexless/loveless marriages and high divorce rates nowadays. It is most prevalent when you marry someone beneath or above your looks threshold. Yes, it's all about looks. Money and status are just added advantages that could make you feel affection for your hubby but not sexual attraction. Remember, affection is different from attraction.

I have been in countless situations where 90 percent of the girls, women wanted only the top 3 good looking men while the rest were ignored, neglected. Not even their personalities made any difference. To these women, the sub par men just didn't exist. It's quite brutal.
These good looking men of course won't turn down the avalanche of choochies on offer but that doesn't mean they love you. You are just a cum dumpster to them.

You may feel pity for your hubby that he or she is trying hard to be the best husband, best wife, best father or best mother to the kids and good lover in bed but that is as far as it gets. Perhaps he used his money and status to buy himself a trophy wife to show off to his friends so they could have something to ogle at. Perhaps you went for the good looking man, ignoring the guys who genuinely wanted a romantic relationship with you. Now you must learn the hard truth that money and status cannot buy attraction.

This is the smoking gun society has been hiding from all of us. Could be quite depressing but it's true. You are either good looking or you are dead in the waters. It's why I always advise men to only go after women whose interest in them is primarily sexual to avoid stories that touch the heart. The same applies to women, except you don't value your own happiness. Find somebody in your leagues and stop settling/coping in a relationship.

I dare not speak any any further here as my recommendations could be quite drastic......

SycophanticGoat:



The man na retired soldier ni? Very similar to my mum back then.. My mum beats us up with weapons like pot, stool, wire, spoon, padlock, etc.. Some parents self...

Also, my ex has a dad like this. She dey talk say she fear her papa pass armed robber because of his attitude. Only look way he go give her, she go wan make ground swallow her...

if na only that one e for good, e come still be womanizer join, na now wey e don old e come dey tell us say if to say him know that time

iPopAlomo:



Oga... are you a learner...? it's clear they didn't meet... and it is clear the hubby is way older than the wife... the OP married for money... now she don see the result... make she carry her cross abeg...

if she wanted to call her hubby 'ode' Or throw pillow at him... she should have married her mate or the guy that genuinely loves her...

Guy your signature iss sick . It got mee really.

Hey Dear, all i will say is, don't give up. I don't think its enough to get fed up. I know the feelings, i have a great idea of what you are passing through but either you have kids or not, hold your marriage and keep working and praying. Do the best you can and remain faithful and loyal,someday,he's gonna need a friend and it will just be your turn.
Really, i don't know whats with Nigerian mothers and their son's marriages...should his mother feel really comfortable that her son bought her a car without your consent or knowledge? SMH.

Heya really I don't even know what to say but I thought you were supposed to marry your friend, not your oga, pls if I may ask didn't you notice this during courtship? and is the age difference between you both that much? I am thinking if he is way older than you he might not see things from your perspective and that respect thing, abeg this is 21st century, does he want you to call him Boda ni?

2dugged:
well I guess you married a man like my dad,the only time I saw my dad smile was when his friends came over , whenever he is around, it's everybody to your tent, the house is as quiet as a grave yard. I would want to tell you he will change, but I doubt he will, live your life and try to be happy with him around, play your favorite music when he is around and sing along, be happy and listen to comedy or hilarious movies when he is around, laugh hard and loud, don't let his sadistic nature suck out your happiness,laughter is contagious so is sadness , that is the only way to help your self

Good post.

Also visiting marriage counselor by the couple would help.

2dugged:
if na only that one e for good, e come still be womanizer join, na now wey e don old e come dey tell us say if to say him know that time

Hahahaha, are you sure you're not the ex I was talking about? Cuz her mum found out that her husband was dating her best friend...

SycophanticGoat:



Hahahaha, are you sure you're not the ex I was talking about? Cuz her mum found out that her husband was dating her best friend...

my elder brother once walked in on him at a bar with a girl, my dad bought drinks for him and his friends and warned him not to tell when he got home, he still came home and told my step mum who being the quiet woman she is swallowed it and did nothing. The thing vex me eh

I so much feel your plight and I understand how you are feeling. I don't know why people are blaming you though, it's very obvious your husband is a typical traditional, ego-driven, proud man. He wants all the kneeling down to greet me stuff. Then I ask myself what is marriage without romance and there can never be romance where ur husband sees you as a lower breed, I mean why can't I greet my husband in d morning with a kiss?
My advice is if u want to keep this marriage so badly then u Ave to act like he's nt always around, fall in love with something else nt someone (do not cheat) get busy cos believe me, he's nt going to change, NEVER!!!

Come Ist did you people "date" at all even for a day before getting married?? Because me I don't understand this one ooo...

Well in a nut shell, leave your husband alone stop disturbing or perching around him. You know your duties as a wife, perform it an leave the rest.
You are not the Ist to get married to a husband like that. I have an aunt in ur situation. I've never seen the man's "teeth" b4 cos he is stern to the core, he even stopped my aunt from her medical practice to sit @ home to show you worse. But she got used to him and they are still together till date.

Perform your duties as a wife, respect your husband. Thats what he wants simple.

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

Am not married yet but will use a close frnd testimony.Wen she married she didn't enjoy d marriage for 2 years eight months and 13 days .But now I tell u she is happy she didn't give up and here r wat she did .

1. She loved her hubby and am glad u love urs .

2. She was prayerful

3. She was very patient

4. She reads Psalms 30 vs 5 and key into it .

Pls don't give up

Come Ist did you people "date" at all even for a day before getting married?? Because me I don't understand this one ooo...

Well in a nut shell, leave your husband alone stop disturbing or perching around him. You know your duties as a wife, perform it an leave the rest.
You are not the Ist to get married to a husband like that. I have an aunt in ur situation. I've never seen the man's "teeth" b4 cos he is stern to the core, he even stopped my aunt from her medical practice to sit @ home to show you how worse. But she got used to him and they are still together till date.

Perform your duties as a wife, respect your husband. Thats what he wants simple.

stunningjudy:
op, u no try sha. 2months and u were already pregnant. well you are the architect of your problem, so design a solution. i'll suggest you have a heart to heart discussion with him, explain how much you want things to be different and all. i wish u well

Exactly... Op im just being realistic and objective here... You actually married that man prolly as an opportunist (gold digger) since you said he gave you everything you want expecially in terms of finance...theryby being a nice guy.. Your husband never mind and recognised you as one..now he is tryna impose his guts and ego on you... You need to manage your predicament by playing along

You know the answer to your question ,you just don't know you know .He want to be respected ,show him that you respect him .This kind of people are the easiest to deal with,over respect him ,he will show you too much love . There is always a baby in every man ,a wise woman will bring it out .Is just a typical Africa man . Please in the cause of playing with such man don't use word like ODE . If you keep respecting him is a matter of time HE WILL OPEN UP.