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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband (43785 Views)
This Couple Graduated From High School In 2015, Got Married And Bought A House / She Told Me A Very Dark Secret, Should I Still Marry Her? / I Didnt Like My Dad When I Was A Kid And Still Dont Like Him Now I'm Grown Up (2) (3) (4)
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Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Izen: 2:09pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Jimbadly: I disagree with your point on she has no reason to be unhappy just because..... Don't invalidate her feelings please. Some women like me want more than a man that is faithful and takes care of his responsibilities. There's more to life than that. Please it's a gross misconception that plays out way to often. Women are moved by other things too. 3 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by coolviv: 2:10pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Handsomecole: Wow. I think ur aunt's husband did a terrible thing and deprived d country and world of a medical doctor. It's not actually alright for a man to limit ur destiny cuz he is ur husband. Terrible.. 4 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 2:12pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Some women can be so frustrating, even if the man is romantic, they will still complain, even if he gives all his time, they will complain it's too much, women can't be satisfied that's the honest truth. Everybody with Their cross abegiii Phylemon: |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Izen: 2:17pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
AfroKnight: A marriage needs more than respect to work you know? What's the point of the respect when there's no happiness in the home? And please, a man that decided to come down to her level and marry her no matter how old is her equal in marriage. Please don't put respect and elders in the same sentence when talking about marriage. Because by your logic, if her husband is younger, she should disrespect him. The kind of respect marriage requires is different. Playing with your spouse is not disrespectful. Gisting with your spouse is not disrespectful. From the write up, you can tell that the op is very conscious of not disrespecting her husband yet where has that led her? She is still not happy. Cut her some slack please. 4 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by SilvanusII(m): 2:19pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
No offence, but I hobestly think you have married what MFM's Olukoya wud call a 'baby husband'. 1) Keeps malice with his wife 2) runs to his mother at the slightest hint of trouble 3) Wants to be recognized as husband by force...smh If you had only dated for two months (me I blame u sha) and got hitched, I cannot shake off the nagging feeling u r a beard or he feels trapped. Four years is too long to act like a child. I wouldn't advise you to keep being a doormat o. 6 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 2:34pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
A case of a social person been with an antisocial individual,. . ....incompatibility is the issue here and can only be compatible with acceptance and adjustment... |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by baby124: 2:36pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
I once destroyed such a relationship my sister was involved in with such a man. I was drained in his presence and my sister became a shell of herself dating a rigid slowpoke. Now she's marrying a man who worships the ground she walks in and I love that man like my brother! See my sister is just like you. Free spirited and very playful. Such people do not work well with the rigid types. I suspect this man is probably quite older than you and very insecure. Either about his background or sexual health. It all depends on you what you want to do but such types are extremely emotionally abusive. I think it's a mental illness actually because rigidity does not have a realistic place in such a volatile and unpredictable world. 4 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Psalmist1: 2:42pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Seriously, it happens but there is need for reconciliation and you have to take the lead irrespective of his manners towards you. I know you may ask why RECONCILIATION but am convinced of my Assertion. Something is burning deep inside your husband that requires your very best in him. He is hurt somewhere but your disposition can solve the issue. Get him to yourself in an Honourable discussion knowing the right time to do so, ask him to forgive you in anyway you might have wronged him, reminding him the early days of your relationship how both of you use to cuddle each other in all facets of life. Yes you might think you didn't do him nothing but I tell you that something went wrong somewhere. Forget pride of why you, just calm him down. I have a woman that can't openly tell you she is sorry and she argues alot and that alone gets men angry. If she offends me, the way she will calm me down is by showering sweet names on me but I just don't like it that way because it doesn't show any sense to me because the action might be repeated. I had to call her to order and tell her that such is not very ok though I have no grudges because am ready to say sorry even when you offends me of which she is aware . All am saying is much arguments can destroy your home, don't let it get serious. Let it be as he wants it sometimes, if any mistake comes out of it, he will see your relevance. Don't let misunderstanding last in your marriage because Satan is very trickery. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by aminat02(f): 2:46pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
I am so sorry you hurt. Unjust want to assure you that marriage does get better with time. It's unfortunate your are not feeling the fresh air after 4 years already. Like others have rightly pointed out, the key to a successful marriage is friendship and understanding. You guys jumped class in your dating days dats why it seems not to be coming together in your marriage. Youshould be each other best friends! That's more awesome than being good in bed together. Please, continue to be more patience and love you man. He has told you exactly what he wants from you, give it to him and he will make you his best friend and queen. You are a woman, nobody teaches a woman how to be more loving even when we don't feel like. So, meet him at your door step, collect his bag and greet him like your mama taught you. Be extra polite and formal since he seems wants that! Hello!! You are not been a doormat but try to save your home..it will get better each day. P.s, do stop apologizing at every argument, quarrel and misunderstanding, just listen when he talks and then smile. Save your home, it's not any better out there! 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by matthewlobo: 2:49pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Go and tell your Pastor. Also start listen to radio continental there is one particular program for couple which I can't remember now which I belief can be of help to you moreso if you can call on that programe. It is well. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 2:50pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
baby124:spot on bro. i know before now your sista must have been deceived/fooled to believe that unlike poles attract (which like most maxims can never be true in all cases) for example in relationships. even the Bible said we should not be unequally yoked. now am glad she knows better. Ladies take note. compatibility is key. 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by baby124: 2:56pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
FxDuke:Thanks! But I am a woman. I am completely different from my sister and take no shit. I have effectively tamed such men in my dating past. Such men should marry no nonsense women, and you should see them cry for her! You will be shocked. Lmao. My sister is now with a guy that has her personality, and she is so successful and free now. 4 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 3:04pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
baby124:oops sorry sis. my bad. noted! wow thank God for her and that she finally saw the light |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by baby124: 3:17pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
FxDuke: |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Ifebazz(m): 3:26pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Iphesure212:With all the therapists in oyibo land, they still churn out more divorces than we will have in next ten years. Ask your husband why he married you abeg initio. Whether it was to do genuflection to him all day long, kiss his arse daily, or to be his companion. Ask him face to face. Tell him he's destroying the union with his archaic attitude. Yes a wife should respect her husband at all times but, once there is love and understanding, somethings don't reek of such evil. Or did he marry a robot to respect and greet him all times? Another is check your self. I don't always subscribe to that school of thought that the man is always wrong at home. Most reactions of men are basically reactions from salient actions of the wife. Many women drive their husbands crazy, but the guys just pretend all is well at home only to seek succurr outside. Non is good. So try to be what you expect him to be. Have a happy married life. 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by sisisioge: 3:31pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Jimbadly: Jimmy, why would say this? The lady just wrote that her husband,who is supposed to be her best friend and confidant ,would rather play the role of her fore-ancestor. How's she supposed to find happiness with him? Happiness is waking up in the morning, looking at the person sleeping beside you, planting a long kiss on his lips and saying 'hallos' sleepy head. Not the good morning daddy shiit! I kinda have an idea of what she's going thru cos I once dated a guy almost 8yrs older. Guy was happy to be my 'baby' when it pleases him but my daddy most of the time. We couldn't make it of course, it was a century too late for that. By the way OP, thank you for taking him off the shelf. May God help you. 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Goldenboy007(m): 3:33pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
placeofallure: It's always clear when a married woman advises than all these single wannabe marriage counselors !!! I couldn't have said this better. Poster - Your case follows the adage of wanting to eat your cake and still have it ! You are the modern feminist and yet you want the traditional values of a husband ! Choose one aunty! Either you are independent classy modern woman who demonstrates that she is equal to her husband or you are the humble achiever who chooses to be submissive even though she is equal to him. The western world you are all emulating, please can you count how many successful marriages they have over there? Be wise ! 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Askseek(f): 3:48pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
Where to begin? You married this man without due diligence. You did not know him, I mean really know him prior to marriage, and I know there are some things you can only find out after marriage but if you had taken your time to know him then you would have made an informed decision. Since the deed is done and you have a child now (you were pregnant when you married), your choice is either to work on yourself thereby helping your marriage or get out, don't look back, just leave. It really is your call cos you are the one in the marriage. 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 3:55pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
I won't blame OP some men are actually like this, God will never make me boring like this or a respect freak, I hate when people show too much formal greetings, sorry op I have no advice for you, am not matured enough but I will learn from this sha. This is sad 4 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by malachytochukwu(m): 4:00pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
You argue with him all the time, you find it difficult to greet him in the morning and when he comes back from work, you even hang out without him (no wonder you didn't even know when his mum came, only saw when she was leaving) and you expect him to worship you?? Nah, it doesn't work that way. I guess the age difference could be wide too and you want him to play like a teenager? |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by idrissunny: 4:04pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
You din't mention wether you guys has kids most especialy his love sex. Iphesure212: |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by AngelicM: 4:15pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
My dear,ur case is the same as mine now and I know what u r passing thru!.5 yrs in marriage,3 children,no communication with hubby,we live in d same house,no gistin,no sex for 5months,always silient treatment and malice.infact I jst tire.I am unemployed bt still seachin for a job even with my 2.1 in law.I pray God help u and May he also help me!amen 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 4:17pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
LuvU2:Good question o |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by fexichi(f): 4:20pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
I really think you should stop apologising after every argument. I sincerely think you should avoid the argument. If he likes to be greeted, greet him. Morning afternoon and night, nothing spoil. Dont be toooo expectant of your husband, they always disappoint. Put your hope and expectation in God. If he starts an argument, try to hold yourself and dont talk much, this does not mean you agree with him, it means you want peace to reign. Have time for yourself, do something you love. Listen to music, if you like use earphones, read a book, start some excercise, bake a cake. Do simple things to spice up YOUR life. My dear, happiness is within you find it. Look at the good things in your life. I know that feeling... I later realised that the things I attached so much meaning to, did not mean anything to him. Wishing you the best. 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Quinwhite: 4:39pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
@ Babztemmy: I understand the type of friendship n closeness u desire from ur hubby. To be truthful to u. It will not be possible. There are some men that a woman is for sex and procreation. They do not need ur friendship. Ur obedience n unquestionable loyalty is all that is required. U will be taken care of to their satisfaction not to urs as long as u do not complain. If u expect him to change that will never happen. His parents n siblings are regarded higher. U will not be consulted for advice, ur suggestions are not required. If u can take it fine if u cant too bad. If u want to leave be ready to drop ur children. As u came so will u leave. The choice is urs. U ve started if u can endure stay on if u can't it is not too late. 3 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 4:50pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
just like others have said, I believe that this started even before you got married. closeness before marriage is what signifies the "peace and rest" you must have to be able to know you are meant for each other. How his attitude affects you, his words, character etc, do they bring you closer to him and give you restful mind or you just adjust to them? Anyway, I'll advice you to give him what he wants. That's the foundational character he grew up with which will change only if he's ready to see it. Does He wants respect? give him much more than he demands but pls don't be afraid of him. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 4:50pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
just like others have said, I believe that this started even before you got married. closeness before marriage is what signifies the "peace and rest" you must have to be able to know you are meant for each other. How his attitude affects you, his words, character etc, do they bring you closer to him and give you restful mind or you just adjust to them? Anyway, I'll advice you to give him what he wants. That's the foundational character he grew up with which will change only if he's ready to see it. Does He wants respect? give him much more than he demands and let your family move forward but pls don't be afraid of him instead love him |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by whiteeyes: 5:03pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle:common bru! Be nice for the sake of motherhood pls. 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Philtim(m): 5:15pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
am a man and am talking as one...every man should jst grow up and make meaning out of their marriage..this man wants to be worshipped, but its never possible. 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by DedeNkem: 5:15pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
No one here really knows the real history of your marraige or how you two live or if you did something that made him behavior this way. A real man always tries to resolve problems in his relationship. His behavior shows he doesn't love and trust you. A man who loves his wife won't treat her the way yours treats you. Unless you did something bad. Call him for a serious meeting, to discuss this problem. Let him know how it makes you feel and demand an explanation for his behavior. If you try everything you can to fix your marraige but fail, then it's time to divorce him. If you two can't resolve the problem, there's absolutely no reason to be in an unhappy marraige! You'll be better off leaving a failed marraige than to be in one! Good luck. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by fireforfire: 5:33pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
[b][/b][color=#990000][/color] YOUR HUBBY IS A DIFFICULT MAN. SHIKENA |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by wazobiang: 5:41pm On Aug 08, 2016 |
He loves you to want to have a child with you, he loves you to have married you. The man you describe would not have married you if he felt like this before marriage. Thought about that? What he saw faded or what he endured out of 'niceness' turned into what he could not longer stomach. I am not on his side but if you love him, have you pretended at least. I can't understand you not greeting him when you are upset. Greet him. I greet my enemies talkless of my husband. Love is overrated, be nice to each other - he is not reading though - but it has to start with someone and in the end, you will likely regain your rhythm. You may have hurt him in more ways than you understand. You need to know that people's expectations of marriage vary greatly. Do not mind people asking you whether you dated or not. Our parents did not date often before marriage but their marriages lasted untill their death. Your seeking for opinions here is good for you. But you can pack a lot of rubbish into your house if you are not careful. Ok for a solution. Discipline yourself, wear discipline like a cloth. Make it a point of duty to greet him every greeting time. If you forget, apologise and greet him. On misunderstandings, I understand you are not his slave but forget it and remove the matter from your heart if it does not affect you. If it does affect you, tell him how and explain it until he understands. Do not argue. You are going somewhere... Look out for him. Food preferences - you probably eat what you like, so give him what he likes too from your department. Clothes and shoes. I do not know what your setup is but ensure he is ready when he wants to be ready. You are not serving him, you are showing him that you want him. Watch him. Watch for any atom of appreciation as a sign you are getting close else it is a lost case. If he appreciates, see how long you can hold on while making demands now that he kiss you as a thank you, soften up and say he loves you that you want to hear it - explain why you have a different opinion to the expression of love. Use this opportunity to ask him what went wrong, listen. People may think am asking you to dumb down and put yourself at risk, but if you love him and this can give you an insight then I think you better do it. If you treat him nice and he starts responding the way you want, you are now respecting him and he is now loving you, which is what you wanted originally. Only, you want it without understanding his queer demands. After that judge for yourself whether the end justifies the means, or if it is worth it. You got to stay like that for life if it worked. If it works and he eats out of your hands, I think it is worth it. |
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