fluxbush:
Oh please shut it! You think your rantings will make me feel bad about my opinions? I ve seen and heard worse, so just park one side abeg. Where in my post did I suggest superiority over a man? And you even had to mention my mum? You are very ignorant and emotionally stunted.

If you had common sense, you would have addressed the points I made instead of resorting to personal attack and insults. It is emotional midgets like you that give a bad name to marriage. Don't quote me again if you can't engage in intelligent and meaningful discourse. You think I am one of those helpless and needy women you can terrorize with your emotional blackmail? Nonsense. Mtchewwwww

Funny, In your post i mean the one i quote

"You said if the husband cannot control his erring mother, Do you really expect the ' bought out' wife to show love and wish the MIL well?


That statement alone nail you, I believe if your sister inlaw says the same you will clap for her abi? in that statement it means if the husband cannot control his mother then you can never show him love instead you can even kill her cos if you never show someone love and never wish him/her well you can kill that person.

Let me tell you this, No matter how you put it Mother in law will always be superior over their child. So if you are not ready to bow for your MIL then you ready to face her wrath.

I always tell people and will keep saying it, I have known my mother for almost 3 decades before i even think of getting to her so she should always respect that.

fluxbush:
Ugh! Another thread for guys to bash DILs. Already, one Ahab above is talking shit about wives being replaceable. Now with attitudes like that, when a supposed husband can't and won't caution his erring mother, do you really expect the ' bought out' wife to show love and wish the MIL well? And all in the name of cementing the bond between mother and son, as if the wife was cultivated from a tree.

I am not for wishing MILs death, karma or not, but when men learn to put everyone in their proper places,there will never be scenarios where MILs and DILs will be antagonistic towards each other. The onus lies on our lily-livered men and husbands.

Food for thought: MILs are not the mothers of the wives,so don't expect them to flow same as they flow with their actual blood. I can tell my mum that I am tired and won't cook for a day and she will understand me cuz I am her daughter. Say that to MIL and my box is already on its way to my father's house.

**Applause**

Bisjosh:
Truth be told ...

Some MIL already see a DIL as rival even before getting to know her.
they feel she will turn the attention her son showers on her to only herself (DIL)

ladies should stop pretending they love their MIL just to get the son then turn around after the wedding to show their beasty side.

If u know the mama is too tied to her son and u cant cope pls , no need in marrying the son. Look for someone else.

Women are their own worst enemies. You dont see this happening between son inlaw and father inlaw.

And for the husbands pls stop thinking over righteous of your moms. If your mum treats you well doesnt mean she treats others well. MILs are not angels.

**Applause**

APCmyheart:


Funny, In your post i mean the one i quote

"You said if the husband cannot control his erring mother, Do you really expect the ' bought out' wife to show love and wish the MIL well?


That statement alone nail you, I believe if your sister inlaw says the same you will clap for her abi? in that statement it means if the husband cannot control his mother then you can never show him love instead you can even kill her cos if you never show someone love and never wish him/her well you can kill that person.

Let me tell you this, No matter how you put it Mother in law will always be superior over their child. So if you are not ready to bow for your MIL then you ready to face her wrath.

I always tell people and will keep saying it, I have known my mother for almost 3 decades before i even think of getting to her so she should always respect that.

Mister, I just tire for your matter. So that is how you understood my words,right? To you,control has to always mean dominate abi? You didn't see the corresponding word 'erring' which should have told you I meant to correct his mum,abi? Don't blame me if you misconstrued my post. Everything shouldn't be taken quite literally.

Every woman and wife has a family she came from. Have you guys ever put yourselves in our shoes? We leave our families, homes and sometimes cultures to adapt to a brand new one, yet you men expect us to behave like we are a sponge soaked in water. Do you think we have hypo running through our veins? Or you think we don't have feelings too? Why should a sister in law come to my matrimonial home to talk shit about me,if she was properly trained by this same MIL? Can you see the hypocrisy here?

Nobody dey drag superiority with una mamas. Same way you give your mother, whom you have known for decades,that unconditional respect,your wife is entitled to that degree of respect. If you don't know,your enemies can use your wife to kill you cuz she is the closest person to you. She cooks for you and sleeps in your bed. So why will you threaten and blackmail her with your mother?

Until you guys really calm down and understand the real concept of marriage, the divorce rate and spousal murders will continue to escalate. Even in the time of our ancestors when sons and their fathers lived in one big compound, each had their huts and cooking pots. Mothers never interfered in their sons' affairs cuz they had a husband to attend to. Alas,these days where you have kids forcing themselves into marriage, mothers dictate everything to their sons and these boy-men allow it,thereby pushing their wives into unnecessary hate and bitterness.

Note: A good mother will never interfere in her child's marriage except where battery and danger to life is involved. She knows where to draw the line between being an elder and being a terrorist.

Creamish darling. Please don't forget all DILS are prospective MILS. So when their time comes, let's see how they'll handle it.

joseph1832ng:
Creamish darling. Please don't forget all DILS are prospective MILS. So when their time comes, let's see how they'll handle it.

I guess ur one of those who believe all MILs are angels and DILs are demons..

Creamish:


I guess ur one of those who believe all MILs are angels and DILs are demons..

Don't mind them. Even when it is staring them in the face that their mum is troublesome, all they will tell their wives is 'try and understand' or 'pray for her to love you'. As if the MIL cannot be offered same advice. Women yaff seen something in this life.

Creamish:


I guess ur one of those who believe all MILs are angels and DILs are demons..

Darling. I'm among the few who believe people can be anything they want to be.

I don't speak for other mothers, I speak for my mum. Her DILS love her. If there's one thing I love her for, (among others) she minds her business.

fluxbush:
Don't mind them. Even when it is staring them in the face that their mum is troublesome, all they will tell their wives is 'try and understand' or 'pray for her to love you'. As if the MIL cannot be offered same advice. Women yaff seen something in this life.

When it's your turn to become a MIL, let's see how you'll behave.

Remember, what goes around comes around. Most times, that is.

God in heaven knows I'd never wish my MIL dead

after leaving my parents house, I'd love to have a mother in law who would love me and be mother to me and my children.

I pray every time to get a loving mother inlaw who would be a close friend, we can talk about almost everything and maybe gossip about my hubby sef

joseph1832ng:
When it's your turn to become a MIL, let's see how you'll behave.

Remember, what goes around comes around. Most times, that is.

Of course I can't wait to be a MIL but I don't intend to force myself into my son's home. I know how it feels personally to have relatives mistreat and abuse you for no reason than the fact that they are linked by blood ties to you. So my dear,I will never subject another woman,who was brought up in another environment, to unnecessary wahala. Even if I am a widow, that won't be an excuse to share my son with his wife. Let her enjoy her marriage as I enjoyed and experienced mine. Marriage is not between a man,his wife and his mother.

fluxbush:
Of course I can't wait to be a MIL but I don't intend to force myself into my son's home. I know how it feels personally to have relatives mistreat and abuse you for no reason than the fact that they are linked by blood ties to you. So my dear,I will never subject another woman,who was brought up in another environment, to unnecessary wahala. Even if I am a widow, that won't be an excuse to share my son with his wife. Let her enjoy her marriage as I enjoyed and experienced mine. Marriage is not between a man,his wife and his mother.

Easier said than done.

fluxbush:
Mister, I just tire for your matter. So that is how you understood my words,right? To you,control has to always mean dominate abi? You didn't see the corresponding word 'erring' which should have told you I meant to correct his mum,abi? Don't blame me if you misconstrued my post. Everything shouldn't be taken quite literally.

Every woman and wife has a family she came from. Have you guys ever put yourselves in our shoes? We leave our families, homes and sometimes cultures to adapt to a brand new one, yet you men expect us to behave like we are a sponge soaked in water. Do you think we have hypo running through our veins? Or you think we don't have feelings too? Why should a sister in law come to my matrimonial home to talk shit about me,if she was properly trained by this same MIL? Can you see the hypocrisy here?

Nobody dey drag superiority with una mamas. Same way you give your mother, whom you have known for decades,that unconditional respect,your wife is entitled to that degree of respect. If you don't know,your enemies can use your wife to kill you cuz she is the closest person to you. She cooks for you and sleeps in your bed. So why will you threaten and blackmail her with your mother?

Until you guys really calm down and understand the real concept of marriage, the divorce rate and spousal murders will continue to escalate. Even in the time of our ancestors when sons and their fathers lived in one big compound, each had their huts and cooking pots. Mothers never interfered in their sons' affairs cuz they had a husband to attend to. Alas,these days where you have kids forcing themselves into marriage, mothers dictate everything to their sons and these boy-men allow it,thereby pushing their wives into unnecessary hate and bitterness.

Note: A good mother will never interfere in her child's marriage except where battery and danger to life is involved. She knows where to draw the line between being an elder and being a terrorist.

Well said.

fluxbush:
Don't mind them. Even when it is staring them in the face that their mum is troublesome, all they will tell their wives is 'try and understand' or 'pray for her to love you'. As if the MIL cannot be offered same advice. Women yaff seen something in this life.

They have all concluded that every issue with their mothers must be the wives' fault. It's funny how they always claim not to understand women but are quick to conclude that a wife is always the wrong party in a MIL/DIL issue.

Guys, y'all need to know how to manage ur homes o. Don't cultivate that mentality that the wife is definitely the enemy when issues arise with ur mothers. Always listen to both parties with an open mind and assist to ensure peace reigns. I know most wives would rather get along with their MILs than fight.

joseph1832ng:
Darling. I'm among the few who believe people can be anything they want to be.

I don't speak for other mothers, I speak for my mum. Her DILS love her. If there's one thing I love her for, (among others) she minds her business.

Her DILs love her.. why? cos she has extended her arms to them. DILs want peace as much as the men do. My mum is the same. her DIL luvs her to the moon cos she has embraced her as her daughter. She treats her just d same way she treats us. How in the world will there ever be a problem between them NEVER.


...datz what we are trying to say... It's not always the fault of the DIL..

Creamish:


Her DILs love her.. why? cos she has extended her arms to them. DILs want peace as much as the men do. My mum is the same. her DIL luvs her to the moon cos she has embraced her as her daughter. She treats her just d same way she treats us. How in the world will there ever be a problem between them NEVER.

...datz what we are trying to say... It's not always the fault of the DIL..

Neither is it always the fault of the MIL.

If I meet a girl I like, and she tells me "I'm afraid of MILS" Instantly, I put a comma on her head.

How can one be afraid of someone you've not met before

giles14:
u part of d country are u from,
cos d part I am from it's d lady's mum dat do come for d omuguo. her mother in law can only come on d invitation of d lady or if d lady's mum is dead

Lol. In Yoruba land, it is the husband's mother that is expected to come for omuguo,althoug there are some exceptions where the wife's mother or sisters come

joseph1832ng:
Easier said than done.

I thought U said ur mum and her DILs are living peacefully?

joseph1832ng:
Neither is it always the fault of the MIL.
If I meet a girl I like, and she tells me "I'm afraid of MILS" Instantly, I put a comma on her head.
How can one be afraid of someone you've not met before

U are right to run. I will not speak for those who are unmarried and already speak ill of their prospective MILs. They have no reason to do so.

fluxbush:
Mister, I just tire for your matter. So that is how you understood my words,right? To you,control has to always mean dominate abi? You didn't see the corresponding word 'erring' which should have told you I meant to correct his mum,abi? Don't blame me if you misconstrued my post. Everything shouldn't be taken quite literally.

Every woman and wife has a family she came from. Have you guys ever put yourselves in our shoes? We leave our families, homes and sometimes cultures to adapt to a brand new one, yet you men expect us to behave like we are a sponge soaked in water. Do you think we have hypo running through our veins? Or you think we don't have feelings too? Why should a sister in law come to my matrimonial home to talk shit about me,if she was properly trained by this same MIL? Can you see the hypocrisy here?

Nobody dey drag superiority with una mamas. Same way you give your mother, whom you have known for decades,that unconditional respect,your wife is entitled to that degree of respect. If you don't know,your enemies can use your wife to kill you cuz she is the closest person to you. She cooks for you and sleeps in your bed. So why will you threaten and blackmail her with your mother?

Until you guys really calm down and understand the real concept of marriage, the divorce rate and spousal murders will continue to escalate. Even in the time of our ancestors when sons and their fathers lived in one big compound, each had their huts and cooking pots. Mothers never interfered in their sons' affairs cuz they had a husband to attend to. Alas,these days where you have kids forcing themselves into marriage, mothers dictate everything to their sons and these boy-men allow it,thereby pushing their wives into unnecessary hate and bitterness.

Note: A good mother will never interfere in her child's marriage except where battery and danger to life is involved. She knows where to draw the line between being an elder and being a terrorist.

At the first bold up there, You mean like saying the husband should give his morning serious warning to stay clear or stay off you and your husband affair even if she see what looks like danger happening to her son? Continue but remember your sister will also ask your brother to give the same kind of warning to her MIL..


@the second bold, But your likes will rush to your brothers house to lash on your sister inlaw. Mind you no sister will watch his brother wife insult or maltreat their mother even you.


Well about the divorce rate about 70% or more rates are caused by the impatience of the ladies, You always want to be in control of everything, You want to know where your is every moment, You want to know who he mingle with with, Some ladies will even ask their husband to stop mingle with some of their old friends cos she never like them..

Some will decide what their husband give to his mother, brothers, sisters etc.

Let me just say this you might get mad over it but i will still say it, There is nothing like equal right in marriage in africa, don't let those white mofo's deceive you guys, In our cultures men always have more right and superiority over there wives in all aspect, But the way you comfort yourself will determine how your man will treat you. As a lady who with good moral, You no matter what the case maybe you don't have the right to slap your hubby cos if you do, you will be inviting the beast in him except he is such dunce man.

joseph1832ng:
Easier said than done.

Na wa for you sef. I ve told you what I intend to do and how I want to act,yet you doubt and expect me to behave otherwise. Why? Cuz you also have the notion that all DILs are at fault. As for your loving mum, thank God for who she is. If she was otherwise, I trust you would side with her because she is your mum, even if she does something terrible. It is well with us.

This has been said times without numbers, but some many remain adamant.
My best friend became just a friend, because she won't treat her MIL right. And the husband happens to be an only child.
I expected her to be the second child to the woman, but as nice as she is to others, she refused.

godson4u79:
That's what too much watching Africa magic movies has caused.. it has soiled the mindset of most you my girls out there.

So true

APCmyheart:



At the first bold up there, You mean like saying the husband should give his morning serious warning to stay clear or stay off you and your husband affair even if she see what looks like danger happening to her son? Continue but remember your sister will also ask your brother to give the same kind of warning to her MIL..


@the second bold, But your likes will rush to your brothers house to lash on your sister inlaw. Mind you no sister will watch his brother wife insult or maltreat their mother even you.


Well about the divorce rate about 70% or more rates are caused by the impatience of the ladies, You always want to be in control of everything, You want to know where your is every moment, You want to know who he mingle with with, Some ladies will even ask their husband to stop mingle with some of their old friends cos she never like them..

Some will decide what their husband give to his mother, brothers, sisters etc.

Let me just say this you might get mad over it but i will still say it, There is nothing like equal right in marriage in africa, don't let those white mofo's deceive you guys, In our cultures men always have more right and superiority over there wives in all aspect, But the way you comfort yourself will determine how your man will treat you. As a lady who with good moral, You no matter what the case maybe you don't have the right to slap your hubby cos if you do, you will be inviting the beast in him except he is such dunce man.

Gosh! I give up! Are you for real? Your mum sees danger in her son's marriage and she takes it upon herself to confront the DIL, while you sit back and watch the drama unfold. Is it your mother that has the manhood used to bleep your wife( pardon my French)? So your job is only to consummate the marriage while your mother becomes inspector bediako and voltron for your wife matter? Please, what do you take your wife for? A zombie? If at all your mother sees any danger in your marriage, her duty as an elder is to warn you quietly and even talk privately to your wife,not engage her in a fight or argument. Then again, there is nothing wrong if you see your mother misbehaving in your matrimonial home and you give her a serious warning. Or you want to tell me that if you catch your mum in a hotel drinking and in a bad crowd, you will pet her and beg her not to do it again abi?

My likes? Wow! Another personal attack on my being. Do you know me? Have we met before? Have you dated me before? If no to all these, what gives you the right to judge and assume rubbish about me? Well for your info, I was brought up well by a good woman. I have two brothers and one is old enough for marriage, and I have never met or worried about his babes. That is his bloody life. If in the future,any of their wives insults my parent, na my brothers I go jack to warn his wife. Can you see the difference between me and your likes?

You are a hypocrite, a big one at that. So as a wife, I shouldn't know my husband's whereabouts but you wanna know my every movement. I shouldn't criticize his choice of friends but he is allowed to order me to stay off my single friends. I shouldn't know about his contributions to his family but I am expected to submit my salary to him and beg him to send my parents pocket money from that salary. Hmm... God is waiting for all of you on that last day.

Phew! You are enough to be a project topic. Abeg where did I ever mention equality in African marriages? You no know wetin you go yarn again,so you just dey misyarn. You even mentioned slapping the husband. O ga oo. I thought the issue here is MIL vs DIL. A lady with good morals? What a laugh! Men shouldn't have morals and scruples abi? Na us carry morals for head like Okonjo Iweala,okwaya?

If you want to go the African route, my dear go and research on the family structure during the days of our forefathers. Stop all this nonsense of terrorizing women to submit to every of your whims and caprices. Stand for something. You either go the African route or the oyibo route. All this remix no make sense abeg.

fluxbush:
Mister, I just tire for your matter. So that is how you understood my words,right? To you,control has to always mean dominate abi? You didn't see the corresponding word 'erring' which should have told you I meant to correct his mum,abi? Don't blame me if you misconstrued my post. Everything shouldn't be taken quite literally.

Every woman and wife has a family she came from. Have you guys ever put yourselves in our shoes? We leave our families, homes and sometimes cultures to adapt to a brand new one, yet you men expect us to behave like we are a sponge soaked in water. Do you think we have hypo running through our veins? Or you think we don't have feelings too? Why should a sister in law come to my matrimonial home to talk shit about me,if she was properly trained by this same MIL? Can you see the hypocrisy here?

Nobody dey drag superiority with una mamas. Same way you give your mother, whom you have known for decades,that unconditional respect,your wife is entitled to that degree of respect. If you don't know,your enemies can use your wife to kill you cuz she is the closest person to you. She cooks for you and sleeps in your bed. So why will you threaten and blackmail her with your mother?

Until you guys really calm down and understand the real concept of marriage, the divorce rate and spousal murders will continue to escalate. Even in the time of our ancestors when sons and their fathers lived in one big compound, each had their huts and cooking pots. Mothers never interfered in their sons' affairs cuz they had a husband to attend to. Alas,these days where you have kids forcing themselves into marriage, mothers dictate everything to their sons and these boy-men allow it,thereby pushing their wives into unnecessary hate and bitterness.

Note: A good mother will never interfere in her child's marriage except where battery and danger to life is involved. She knows where to draw the line between being an elder and being a terrorist.

I have been following up your comments and you are the only sincere lady on this thread with few other ones being straight.....the rest are white washed face, pretentious hypocrites; desperados of end time.

May God bless you. I Love you and creamie too.

fluxbush:
Na wa for you sef. I ve told you what I intend to do and how I want to act,yet you doubt and expect me to behave otherwise. Why? Cuz you also have the notion that all DILs are at fault. As for your loving mum, thank God for who she is. If she was otherwise, I trust you would side with her because she is your mum, even if she does something terrible. It is well with us.

You don't know me, do you? I'm not among those peeps who are slaves to their families.

I tell you, i'm from a christian family, but I'm not a christian. I can bring a muslim woman with 5 kids and tell my parents I want to marry her and they won't tell me no, why? Because i've drummed it into their heads that i'm responsible for my happiness, because it's my happiness, not theirs, but mine, so my decision is final.

That's how steadfast I am. Cos I don't subscribe to archaic and old fashion rules and beliefs.

If my mum is wrong, I tell her flat out she's wrong. No sugar coating.

Creamish:

I thought U said ur mum and her DILs are living peacefully?

How does "easier said than done" translate to "my mum and her DILS living in peace?

U are right to run. I will not speak for those who are unmarried and already speak ill of their prospective MILs. They have no reason to do so.

If you say so.

Gennyike:


I have been following up your comments and you are the only sincere lady on this thread with few other ones being straight.....the rest are white washed face, pretentious hypocrites; desperados of end time.

May God bless you. I Love you and creamie too.

e- hugs . We shall overcome.

joseph1832ng:
You don't know me, do you? I'm not among those peeps who are slaves to their families.

I tell you, i'm from a christian family, but I'm not a christian. I can bring a muslim woman with 5 kids and tell my parents I want to marry her and they won't tell me no, why? Because i've drummed it into their heads that i'm responsible for my happiness, because it's my happiness, not theirs, but mine, so my decision is final.

That's how steadfast I am. Cos I don't subscribe to archaic and old fashion rules and beliefs.

If my mum I wrong, I tell her flat out she's wrong. No sugar coating.

OK. I take your word for it. Why do you question mine? You don't know me too,do you?

fluxbush:
OK. I take your word for it. Why do you question mine? You don't know me too,do you?

Easier said than done translate, according to me, "do as you wish".

Simple.

I'm male and not married but I know what some MIL are capable of. What I want to say is that not all MIL are wicked. Also, even your husband will offend you ( as you also offend him) once in a while. That's only normal and doesn't make him (or you) bad. It is also a normal thing for MIL to offend you once in a while. Do not take every single thing MIL does personal. Realize that she has some authority over your man(if you disagree, go and slap her and see what happens to your marriage) even though a good MIL won't abuse it. Some smart women befriend and get close to their MIL's who actually use their influence to balance things between the two spouses. MIL is powerful, as long as you marry a Nigerian. Face it. However, play your cards well, and you will enjoy MIL.

If you have gentle MIL, you are lucky:do not take advantage of her, don't assume it is your duty to put her in her place, just leave her, she is going to do normal by herself because when you try to fix her, na then wahala go start. Show affection and treat her well, all will be well. A lot of wives' cause unneccessary problems for themselves by trying to fix a MIL that needs no fixing, because they assume all MILs do.

If you have Outspoken, energetic MIL, that doesn't necessarily make her wicked(they are the easiest to provoke if you do anyhow). If she is the traditional type, greet her as you would your mum, or greet her as her son does or however she prefers. If she's from another tribe, learn how they greet there. Just let all your interaction with her show that you are a "good" girl, and are not a threat to her son AND DON'T show any sign of any intention to reduce her authority(Big Mistake). She will warm up to you and see you as at worst, one of their family assets( which will be good enough to avoid trouble). IF she's the kind type, you will even be able to use her influence on your husband at times. She might even prove influential in settling your quarrels (without taking sides).

If you have Wicked MIL(which can only be ascertained when all the above have failed), your matter dey God's hand.

Bottom Line: Most [b]normal [/b]MILs do whatever they do for their son's sake. The less selfish ones do it for the sake of the marriage. Once you don't make yourself an apparent threat to their son and prove yourself an asset in their family, they will be nice.
Give them the benefit of the doubt before waging war against them cos you can't win anyway. They might just prove to be allies.

PS
I'm typing from my observation of most MIL-DIL relationships. If you wanna confirm what I'm saying, look at the best MIL-DIL relationships and note that they usually involve gentle DILs. All this only applies when the MIL isn't wicked, so don't peg me as one of those guys who believe DIL should be the slave and MIL the master. I only want to point out how to treat a nice MIL so that you'll enjoy her. Enough said.

I Love my MIL though...what if I say more than...... *fill in the gap.

fluxbush:
e- hugs . We shall overcome.

Smh

My mum has not had any issues with my brother and his wife because she doesn't interfere. If you want to share your son with his wife go ahead, it's your call but be prepared for what goes on in a polygamous family because both women will be fighting for the husband's attention