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Re: F by sparta(f): 5:31pm On Oct 30, 2009
Yeah fhemmy, am having a swell time right now! Thanks
Re: F by Fhemmmy: 8:48pm On Oct 30, 2009
^^^ Happy for you and wish you the best.
Re: F by passionup: 1:46pm On Oct 31, 2009
Fhemmmy:

^^^ Happy for you and wish you the best.
yes
Re: F by passionup: 1:50pm On Oct 31, 2009
hello al,
How do i insert a quote then write my comment just below it. Ans will be highly regarded.Thanks
Re: F by Pharoh: 2:17pm On Oct 31, 2009
passionup:

hello al,
How do i insert a quote then write my comment just below it. Ans will be highly regarded.Thanks

Go to this Link
Re: F by passionup: 11:25pm On Oct 31, 2009
Pharoh:

Go to this Link




Thanks man
Re: F by N101: 7:45pm On Nov 01, 2009
jodeci:

@ beetle

yeah,we have a set of twins,our first issue after 18 months of marriage.

i will never scold or insult my wife outside the bedroom,so the question of quarreling with her before my bros doesnt arise.

[b]as per my bros and domestic chores,he doesn't help in anyway at all,absolutely lazy when it comes to domestic chores.[/b]But my wife and i overlooked that since i can practically play the role of a woman when it comes to domestic chores,i had rather help.

I am really learning alot from this fore-going.


jodeci:
From all sincerity of purpose,i appreciate your contribution,i have asked my wife severally why the constant quarrels between my bros and her,all she could answer was she doesnt like how my brother talks.

On the other hand,my brother thinks,i am not doing enough for him in terms of giving him money and these he thinks my wife is stopping me from doing.[/b]I have explained to him severally that i might be as rich as he thinks, after all i am only a salary earner.

I have also tried telling my wife to tolerate him,even when he talks thrash to his friends to her hearing,but she cant bottle that.

Like just yesterday,[b]my wife over heard him telling his girlfriend that,he is not gaining anything from me apart from food and accommodation and that even the food my wife gives him most times wasn't what he wants to eat,my wife over head him and flare up.It took my land lord to quell the skirmish,since i was not at home.
Those quotes in bold just prove to me that your brother has no respect for you, your wife, your home nor the fact that you are accommodating him. 

The person you need to speak to is your brother, not your wife.  Your wife is doing her best, coping with his laziness (and cleaning up after him), cooking and having her efforts abused, and hearing his lack of respect for you.  What other response do you expect from her? 

You should appreciate that you have a good woman in your corner, but your brother has no respect for either of you and the longer he stays in your home, the worse it will become.  You need to nip his behaviour in the bud, neither of you are his slaves. 

Once you do that, if you have other siblings staying with you in future, they will know how to behave in your home, what is acceptable and what isn't.  It's not for your wife to simply accommodate his behaviour etc, it is also for you to have a serious talk with him otherwise it looks as if he is walking all over you, abusing your home and getting away with it.  And that really is where your wife's frustration lies.

I had a friend in a similar situation, her brother-in-law was equally awful and her husband eventually kicked him out.  It was only when he had to struggle on his own did he appreciate that he had it good at his brother's place but abused it.   

Your children and your wife are  your priority.  The sooner you can get him sorted out, the better, but don't let it drag on for too long.  Good luck.
Re: F by inme: 10:06pm On Nov 01, 2009
Though i was not directly involved, i have experienced this kind of situation before.

I will advice you try and settle the both of them as soon as you can. Even if you kick out your bros, its only goin to worsen the situation. If you are a christian, try and involve your pastor, pray to God about it. You married your wife and i believe she is now part of your own family, then your brother also is your family. Just bekos one finger is rotten doesn't mean you should cut off whole hand. You bro is a human being with a human heart and not a stone heart. There might be more to it than what they told you, na only God who is who.
Re: F by chika98: 11:59pm On Nov 01, 2009
in me:

Though i was not directly involved, i have experienced this kind of situation before.

I will advice you try and settle the both of them as soon as you can. Even if you kick out your bros, its only goin to worsen the situation. If you are a christian, try and involve your pastor, pray to God about it. You married your wife and i believe she is now part of your own family, then your brother also is your family. Just bekos one finger is rotten doesn't mean you should cut off whole hand. You bro is a human being with a human heart and not a stone heart. There might be more to it than what they told you, na only God who is who.

Poster please NEVER listen to things like these. Family issues are meant to be sorted out without involving who aren't even related to you. Pastor ko? Preacher ni? I would agree with the bit about having your brother go. You married her and if you see sense with the situation then let your brother go and build his own life. Help him financially if you can because first of all; He has no business living with you at all. I hate it when family members do not know when to draw the line and act sensible.
Re: F by Outstrip(f): 2:43am On Nov 02, 2009
If this guy does not really know that his disrespectful brother needs to go by now then his problem is bigger than what he is writing here. He knew what he was supposed to do before he came on here. He was hoping to hear people say his wife is a trouble maker. He will wait and let his wife lose trust in him and then his brother moves on and marries his own wife. I don't think a lot of Nigerian men understand that most women need to feel safe when it comes to their husband. Once that trust and faith in you is gone, IT IS GONE. You will never get it back. Paying the bills and coming home at a decent hour does not make you a husband. It just makes you a human being. Don't wait around for your wife to have a reason to think you are not a man. It is too important to a marriage. I think your wife is an angel. I would have moved your brothers things into the master's bedroom since he owns the house and lock you outside. Thank God you have a wife like the one you have
Re: F by Fhemmmy: 5:24am On Nov 02, 2009
Outstrip:

If this guy does not really know that his disrespectful brother needs to go by now then his problem is bigger than what he is writing here. He knew what he was supposed to do before he came on here. He was hoping to hear people say his wife is a trouble maker. He will wait and let his wife lose trust in him and then his brother moves on and marries his own wife. I don't think a lot of Nigerian men understand that most women need to feel safe when it comes to their husband. Once that trust and faith in you is gone, IT IS GONE. You will never get it back. Paying the bills and coming home at a decent hour does not make you a husband. It just makes you a human being. Don't wait around for your wife to have a reason to think you are not a man. It is too important to a marriage. I think your wife is an angel. I would have moved your brothers things into the master's bedroom since he owns the house and lock you outside. Thank God you have a wife like the one you have

I think such man is a goat in with a little man's brain, that is yet to be a man.
Re: F by jodeci(m): 9:11am On Nov 02, 2009
Outstrip:

If this guy does not really know that his disrespectful brother needs to go by now then his problem is bigger than what he is writing here. He knew what he was supposed to do before he came on here. He was hoping to hear people say his wife is a trouble maker. He will wait and let his wife lose trust in him and then his brother moves on and marries his own wife. I don't think a lot of Nigerian men understand that most women need to feel safe when it comes to their husband. Once that trust and faith in you is gone, IT IS GONE. You will never get it back. Paying the bills and coming home at a decent hour does not make you a husband. It just makes you a human being. Don't wait around for your wife to have a reason to think you are not a man. It is too important to a marriage. I think your wife is an angel. I would have moved your brothers things into the master's bedroom since he owns the house and lock you outside. Thank God you have a wife like the one you have

A contribution from the anus.You dont have to make it obvious you lack the skill to read and understand.,i made it clear from the first lines that this is for the mature and not for those whose contributions are borne from the whims and caprices of their anus instead of brain.I am out of here,infiltrators have arrived.
Re: F by Outstrip(f): 4:01pm On Nov 02, 2009
grin grin grin grin grin Sounds like what I said pissed you off. You need to grow up. Sad that a contribution from my anus makes more sense than all the brain cells combined in your head. Your brother should start sleeping with your wife since you have let him start running your home. You want to hear that you are a man and you just caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Go and be a man and stop throwing tantrums and letting another man run your house. You are married to your brother not your wife.
Re: F by Fhemmmy: 4:20pm On Nov 02, 2009
Guys, let us take it easy oh
Re: F by N101: 9:15pm On Nov 02, 2009
@ jodeci

Outstrip may have been rude in some of what he's said, however some of it makes sense but you can't see it.  By not dealing with your brother you risk losing your wife's trust, your brother will move on and your relationship with your wife eroded because of the conflict that wasn't dealt with in time.

Your wife probably won't say much now but I'm sure that with each passing day the resentment is building.  Deal with your disrespectful brother soonest my friend for peace to reign in your house.  Once he's left I'm sure you'll be shocked at what your wife has been withholding from you all this while.
Re: F by ekoboy: 3:33pm On Nov 03, 2009
Your brother is seriously disrespecting you. Infact i feel that disrespecting my wife is far worse than disrespecting me. That he is your brother, does it give him the right to disrespect you. Why should he say you don't treat him well. Why do you tolerate such ungratefulness. Your wife is having problems with your brother simply because she is doing what your are supposed to do(let him know you would not tolerate such disrespect and ungratefulness in your house). And he will continue behaving that way because he does not understand why she is complain when you have kept mute about his behaviour, afterall your his elder brother and the head of the family. Save your wife all the wahala by handling your family matter. Your brother's behaviour am sure is not something that started over night, you have tolerated it and it has grown worse to this extent.
Re: F by Nobody: 3:55pm On Mar 13, 2010
A brother dts well bred knows dt an elder brother's wife should b respected even if she is a bitch,whenever u r in her house.If he cannot get along just fine wt her, dn he should not bother comin 2 ur house. d way u r going, u will turn ur brother in2 a spoilt brat and a permanent liability if care is not taken.U ask plenty from ur wife.do u know d emotional trauma she mit b passn thru just cuz of this? u hv 2 put ur foot down NOW! lik a man should and tackl d situation.ur bro has 2 respect ur wife if he has 2 stay under d same roof wt u.if he cannot, then I suggest u find him a place 2 stay.in d meantime, he should relocate full time 2 his place of primary assignment. ds will giv u n ur wife enof tym 2 come up wt a permanent solution. I am d first born n no siblin of mine will try ds crap n get away wt it. besides if d table were turned, as in ur wife's junior sis giving u d kind of crap ur bro is giving ur wife; wht would u hv done? remember if he doesn't respect ur wife dn he doesn't respect u: period.as 4 ur peops beefn her: no woman is totally in d gud books of her inlaw cept she bends backwards for them.it does not matter one way or d other.ur bro has to grow up or b forced to. he is actn like juvenile ,
Re: F by guysmat(m): 3:08pm On Mar 15, 2010
At this rate, if "anything" happens to the husband, his family will collect everything in that house and abandon the wife and kids to their fate.
The man had better put his foot down and read the rules of engagement/riot act to everybody concerned.
Is the brother going to live with them for the rest of their lives?
What are the husband's plans for this brother?
What happens if the family is posted to another part of the country/abroad to work? Will brother tag along?
When brother gets married, will he move in his wife into the home?
There's a limit to everything; and a battle is brewing somewhere.
The earlier that battle is fought, the earlier peace will be brought to the matrimonial home.
Re: F by agathamari(f): 6:20pm On Mar 15, 2010
first sit them down seperatly and find out what is going on. who pissed off who and why and then sort out how to smooth it out.

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