Dear Bunmi.

I got married at 32 to my wife. We were classmates at the University. Our relationship wasn’t one of Romeo and Juliet. It wasn’t one of love at first sight. It was more of a sexual attraction thing. And we hooked up right from our final year in the University. I had never really dated before then.

We continued this friendship thing based on sex. We had a few infidelity issues before we got married where I suspected she was seeing other men. She was. Things got messy at some point when one of my friend’s girlfriend called me to ask if something was going on between my girlfriend and her own boyfriend.  At the period, she found out she was pregnant. Not sure whether the baby was mine, I insisted I didn’t want the pregnancy and she went for an abortion. Out of pity, I overlooked all her infidelity issues and still stayed in the relationship.

We got married 4 years ago. I wanted marriage because I wanted a baby. I was tired of the dating thing, had a good job and I just wanted to settle down. In hindsight, I would say that was the only reason I got married to her. Not out of any special love. The sex was good and I thought why not just settle down and have a baby.

Today, we are still looking for a baby. We’ve tried all the methods in the books and spent tons of money. She has become lazy, ambition-less and her attention is now focused on me. Where I go, what time I come in, checking my phones, putting a software on my phone to read my chats… She now has trust issues. I have grown unhappy and frustrated. She stresses me out now and at some point I actually went out and cheated on her.

She found out and told my friends and family. I thought she wanted to save the marriage but she wanted her pound of flesh. Which was ok. I believe I deserve the shame I got. Since then, we hardly talk anymore. We hardly have sex anymore as well. She seems out of it, even  if it is for child bearing. She just waits and expect me to initiate sex. I can’t be bothered. These days I just go touch myself and I don’t care.

However right now my mind is off the marriage. I am tired. I still don’t love her but I don’t hate her either. I am just at a point where I don’t care anymore. Now we fight over little things. She doesn’t respect me anymore and there isn’t really any friendship anymore.

And now I do not want a child by her. I don’t want a child that will grow up in this poisonous atmosphere. I am from a broken home myself and I want a child that will grow up normally. I feel better when I am alone these days. I find solace in my work and the times I am out of the house.

Emeka
via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/dont-want-child-marriage-anymore/

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A woman who is yet to have a child of her own in a marriage of yours which has been up to four years will be an emotional woman. Like you said love wasn't why you married her, but you can make it work if you wish. Women need attention, give her some attention, and see things normalize.