wapu:
@op your selfishness is disgusting.

You remind me of my husband.
I'm in a similar situation as your wife but our parents didn't introduce us.

We met in school and dated for 4 years.
My husband chased me like a possessed person.
We've done trad and I got pregnant and that was when he realized he doesn't love me.

I've been carrying my pregnancy alone but with love from his family and mine.
I'm not sure I can forgive him if he eventually comes back for reconciliation.

We don't live together and I haven't seen him for like 5 months.
I'm 8 months gone, have a good job can take care of myself and my baby.

My God spare us from devilish men like you and my husband.

Ishilove:

Ahn ahn, why did he wait till after trad before realising he didn't love you??

KevinDein:
you this misandrist. Men matter go soon make you faint

wapu:


It's best they don't do court and white.

I was about to do white but had to pause it cos he was saying I forced him into marriage.

Someone that proposed 7 months before the trad.

It's easier to divorce traditionally compared to legal battles and church will keep asking you to pray and will never divorce you.

If you suspect you have a confused man please don't go further to yoke yourself with him.

I'm waiting for my child to be born I'll ask his parents to come and take their brideprice.

You have a point,and thank God you were able to detect this.

God will see you through ma"am you are a strong lady

Pidgin2:



This is why you shouldn't bring your problems to nairaland, there are so many selfish people in this world.

OP, you impregnated a girl after paying her pride price and she is carrying your baby. What were you thinking before now? Consider the two other lives involved in this mess and make a commitment to make things right and work things out for the good of all involved

Onegai:


Belle.

See, Nigerian boys and girls grow up in a Nigerian Family, surrounded by Nigerian Society. Just imagine all what you have heard and seen about Marriage in Nigeria, what percentage was good? But whilst girls are taught to accept, manage and deal with the situation, 75% of boys are taught nothing positive. So the girls and boys grow up and when Adult, Marital and Parental responsibilities rear their heads, the boys usually go fleeing. Their flight usually coincides with "She's pregnant for me".

I'm not bashing guys, it is a guy that explained this to me. He said no matter how much a Naija guy claims to love a girl, once she is pregnant and they have not wedded fully, the guy goes into panic mode. Because he has not spent his life preparing for Marriage, he spent it preparing for How to Make Money, Buy Car, Build House in His Village, etc. My friend did the same thing to his wife. My hubby would do the same and judging by so many tales on NL, so would 75% of Naija boys.

I haven't met a single one of the other 25%, you know, the "my bf heard I was pregnant, stepped up to the plate instead of panicking and taking out his fear on me and fully supported me till this moment as my husband". I'm really hoping to meet one soon.

wapu:
@op your selfishness is disgusting.

You remind me of my husband.
I'm in a similar situation as your wife but our parents didn't introduce us.

We met in school and dated for 4 years.
My husband chased me like a possessed person.
We've done trad and I got pregnant and that was when he realized he doesn't love me.

I've been carrying my pregnancy alone but with love from his family and mine.
I'm not sure I can forgive him if he eventually comes back for reconciliation.

We don't live together and I haven't seen him for like 5 months.
I'm 8 months gone, have a good job can take care of myself and my baby.

My God spare us from devilish men like you and my husband.

cococandy:
Yea how did you really get into this.
What a mistery.

You claim you paid the bride price before even having sex with her. So that means you really did plan to marry her. So what's that about marrying for pity in your post. What pity?

Dude.

NevetsIbot:
so you had to quote me and tag me selfish?

You must be so awesome.

Op. Marrying that lady might not even help your kid. You might become a wife beater simply cos you married her out of pity.

Needless to say, you'll be unhappy all your life cos you don't love your wife.

Marrying that woman might make you a complainant,sadist,grouchy,depressed fellow.

Ive seen kids whose parents are not together turn out good. Even better than those with flawless parents.

Moreover, the woman will lead a sad life.... Yu married her outta pity,you dnt love her... She'll knw

Pidgin2:


Hey, this is why I said nairaland is full of people that keep thinking of themselves alone.

Ask your grand mother if she was in love with your grandad before they got married, it's not likely because then the emphasis was not on falling in love. It was more on making things work and learning to live and love each other. And most times it worked out for them hence the fewer number of divorces back then

Ishilove:
You don't love her, yet you broke up with your ex because of her.

You don't love, yet you paid her bride price.

You don't love her, but you slept with her on more than one occasion and got her pregnant.

You don't love her, but she is now your live-in lover.

Mr Man, you're a threat to all good women out there. Tweh!!

Berbierklaus:
[b]I just fed up for this [size=25pt]SPERM DONORS[/size] in the name of men roaming d*cks,you claim your family pushed you into impregnanting a woman and paying her bride price,are you confessing to be a dunce I wonder how a grown ass man will say he was manipulated into whatever (this habit of men not taking responsibility for their actions Is something I'm yet to understand in Nigerian Sperm donors)

Mr you Berra start loving that woman,you want to abandon her now that she is heavy with pregnancy,let any man dare that with me,he will never set his eyes on that kid

Lesson to ladies out there,don't go and be entering the family way with any man that has not done all the marriage required,do court wedding join sef,these Sperm donors are just confused people.

mtchwwwww,see what he even wrote sef,I know the Nairaland chauvinists will soon come and type what you want to hear,i hope your own sisters don't go thru what you want to put this lady thru.


Quote Me with sense o,I dey para[/b]

wapu:


It's best they don't do court and white.

I was about to do white but had to pause it cos he was saying I forced him into marriage.

Someone that proposed 7 months before the trad.

It's easier to divorce traditionally compared to legal battles and church will keep asking you to pray and will never divorce you.

If you suspect you have a confused man please don't go further to yoke yourself with him.

I'm waiting for my child to be born I'll ask his parents to come and take their brideprice.

dangotesmummy:
Dking but you claim you don't love her so how were you able to have an erekshon for a lady you don't love and even when you did why didn't you quickly stand up from on top her before you open your well and pour all the water inside her. Ok so the deed has been done. You caused the problem by allowing your family manipulate you left right and centre.

Solution allow her to born and send money for your son's upkeep and keep checking on him but you don't have to marry her even if she has your baby. Marry the lady you really love before you regret your life

This is a lesson to foolish ladies that think sex with a man or having a baby with a man will make him love you OR be going to his parents house to be doing pepefuru when you know he clearly doesn't love you or wants be with you

Joavid:


are you living under a rock?

what has love got to do with having an erecttion or sex?

That is not an admissible argument abeg.

Captainbells:
You don't love her but you put a baby in her?
Paid her bride price and you claim to be in a fix?

Yeah you do need a hammer to fix your head..
You guys are fuc..ck.ing piss takers!!

dangotesmummy:
it is.men claim they are only ATTRACTED TO THE WOMAN THEY LOVE OR CAN ONLY HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN THEY LOVE

Joavid:


a man can sleep with anything that has boobies and a vagina.

that's the attraction.

Women too have sex with men they don't love.

Kongi is kongi

mysticgal:

What kind of legal divorce when he's just married customarily?
*zoomsoff *

kaboninc:


No he's not.

But going by what you wrote, you may be the threat. to good reasoning

Dking99:
... During marriage course, it was clear that marriage built on pity and parental influence was bound to fail. We stopped meanwhile she was already pregnant for me... I made a mistake by trying to please people at the detriment of my happiness. Please how do I wriggle myself out of this situation?

Ishilove:


The man doesn't love her but used the excuse that he wanted to please his parents to go through all the motions of courtship and marriage, and now the poor lady thinks she's now a happily married woman, meanwhile the op is here yarning dust.

wapu:
@op your selfishness is disgusting.

You remind me of my husband.
I'm in a similar situation as your wife but our parents didn't introduce us.

We met in school and dated for 4 years.
My husband chased me like a possessed person.
We've done trad and I got pregnant and that was when he realized he doesn't love me.

I've been carrying my pregnancy alone but with love from his family and mine.
I'm not sure I can forgive him if he eventually comes back for reconciliation.

We don't live together and I haven't seen him for like 5 months.
I'm 8 months gone, have a good job can take care of myself and my baby.

My God spare us from devilish men like you and my husband.

Ishilove:

This is the kind of comment that reinforces my conviction that many Nairalanders type first, think later. In your mind you're making sense, shey?

I'm responsible for what I write, not what you understand.

The man doesn't love her but used the excuse that he wanted to please his parents to go through all the motions of courtship and marriage, and now the poor lady thinks she's now a happily married woman, meanwhile the op is here yarning dust.

Kaboninc use your head when next you want to quote me abeg.

adeaks:


Is the part in bold based on what you assumed for the OP and the lady or what you garnered from the OP's post.

The OP clearly wrote that; "it was obvious to both of us that there was no love between us", and "during marriage course, it was clear that marriage built on pity and parental influence was bound to fail.".

Those words do not paint the picture of a happy marriage. Without a rebuttal from the lady saying otherwise, I wonder how you arrived at the conclusion from his post that the wife thinks she is happily married It's like you unilaterally entered the marriage, assumed the position of the wife and imputed happiness just like that.

Yes there are many men who do a lot of stupid things to please their parents. You can accuse the OP of being spine less, not being a man, not being able to stand up to his parents and all sorts, but that doesn't change the fact that from his story, he has allowed himself get into a loveless marriage. It is better to get out now than live the rest of his life like that.

kaboninc:


You have just confirmed my fear that you could be a threat to good reasoning.

When you people talk, nah, it's very funny how you put words and meaning together. He said he did what he did to please his father. Whether it was wrong or not, you don't know.. .but you've judged.

What good reasoning would have done in this case is to ask why would he want to please his father? What circumstances led to him pleasing his father at the expense of his happiness?

And as usual, herd mentality, you forgot the lady too has a choice - a choice to say NO! A choice to refuse the relationship most especially if she knew he wasn't happy with her. And don't tell me any bullshi.t that she never knew or didn't see the signs. She KNEW!

What I had expected from people like you who claim to think before they talk is to find out why he did what he did.

So next time, yes there's freedom of expression but do the public some good by thinking and allowing good reasoning to prevail before expressing yourself.

Ishilove:

I told you to use your head before quoting me, didn't I? You obviously didn't. Before commenting do you think I didn't take all that into cognisance? You just stretched forth your fingers to type without thinking it through.

Define 'herd mentality', because you're obviously using phrases you lack basic understanding of.

PresVA:
Everyone is saying op was forced into the union but I think otherwise. . if he was forced, then there wouldn't be room to end the union as he wants to do now, he would have gone ahead with the marriage regardless. .
He actually had options. .

why didn't you reject your parent's proposal then? why now that the lady is pregnant?

It's easy to tell him don't marry out pity bla bla bla.. but put yourself or your sisters in op fiancee's shoe ...mtcheew
not telling you to marry someone you don't love but didn't you know all along? Why didn't you reject your parent's offer earlier?
People should learn to be careful of their choices and be willing to take responsibilities afterwards. ..

Also, I don't believe the agreement to breakup was mutual if not there will be no need for this thread from the op...

I hope your fiancee finds peace and a much better man when you break up with her...

kaboninc:


If you had used your brain - even a little of it - you won't be having problems with good reasoning. If as you claim, you took into consideration these issues, you won't be doing nuisance to good reasoning and common sense.

'Herd mentality', like the other sheep here who 'think' and 'reason'in 'one direction' am afraid that is what is playing out here. Or you wantu school me? Teacher.

Mentioning you sef, e dey enter your head.

Buzz off!