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Diary Of A Broke Playboy - Literature - Nairaland

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OLU (diary Of A Broke Playboy)- Episode 5 (frying Pan To Fire) / OLU (diary Of A Broke Playboy) -episode 4 / Life Of A Broke Naija Graduate ( Short Story) (2) (3) (4)

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Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 5:15pm On Nov 20, 2016
Yesterday's morning was one of those mornings when you wake up and you don't even know what you want to do with your life. Those mornings you would come up from your bed, pick up a kitchen stool sit in the veranda and wonder if you had any dreams last night, if it was Chinwe that was romancing you in your dream or Ifunanya that bought you a wrist watch.

I merely brushed my teeth and strolled out to a popular spot where the guys in my hood normally met to sample passing girls, discuss the games they were going to stake on or talk about how posh their wedding in Dubai will be when they can't even afford a plate of rice for their girlfriends.

I sat in the company of some guys who like me had nothing to do that morning. They were talking about how Manchester United destroyed their various tickets. I was just there listening and hissing.

Like 5 minutes after i got there. Across the road from where we sat, a fight was about to break out between two teenage girls, one was light skinned and the other was Chocolate. We paid little attention to them. Everybody had his own problem. I Managed to grab some words from their vulgar exchange. They were fighting over some guy.

Before long, they were both pulling at each other. They had no hair on their head so they resorted to pulling on their clothes. I was expecting the guys with me to go and do something, instead they sat and just stared at them while they continued calling on their village deities on man u's head. Me too, i stared on like i was live on MONDAY NIGHT RAW.

"I swear that girls breast has stretch marks" one of the guys with me shouted.
As if on cue, the chocolate girl tore at the light skinned girls top and a part of her breast showed. There were clear marks on it.
The guys shouted Heeeeey.

I looked at the guy and asked him how he knew about the stretch mark.

"Guy you be learner o, So u no know say na because of me them dy fight" the guy told me with a thick mark of indifference on his face. I looked at him with utter disbelief, got up, wiped the dust from my trouser and left them. I looked once more at the girls, they were already as dirty as they can be and were pinning each other on the electric pole. I could hear the guys change their topic. They were talking about stealing the wire on the pole since nepa hardly brought light.

I hissed and continued on my way to Ifunanya's house. My dreams usually come true and i needed that watch.

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Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 5:17pm On Nov 20, 2016
Konji is a bastard son of a thousand fathers.
So i was in a bus on my way to the market to buy a trouser for church service. The next day being Sunday and i needed to look good for that girl that had caught my eyes since the first day i saw her.

My Facebook messenger binged. I opened it and it was my new Ghana girl. She said hi, i said hello. We started our usual chats. I usually don't like going far with girls that i'm sure wont be of any benefit to me. So our chat was mainly about what she ate, how she ate, the color of what she ate and who cooked what she ate. You know the usual Facebook chat.

So i decide to check out her Facebook photos once more. I saw she had uploaded new pictures. These ones were clearer than the ones she uploaded in the past.

I seemed to notice that all her features were clearer here and she has joined Facebook bad gang. The ones that purposely flash their boobs and booty at the camera. My Hot mind set it.

So i decided to take the convo deeper.
Me: so what are you doing?
Her: I'm about to take my bath, u?
Me: well, am on my way to the market. So can i join you in the bath?
Her: sure, i will increase the bath water.
Me: just pull off and wait for me.
Her: kk, I'm waiting boo......
The convo got more kinky. My joystick had already tripled in size. We were both enjoying ourselves.
We were at the peak of it all when the bus came to a halt. My joystick was still as hard as olumo rock. I looked up from my phone and everybody was alighting from the bus. I noticed i had gotten where i was supposed to get down. The conductor looked at me.
Me: I never reach my bus stop naa
Conductor: Oga na here we dy stop o.
I looked at him with sweat all over me and observed my joystick,. In my mind i was like "Oga go down naa".
Only God knows how i managed to leave there that day with my erection.

These days. I have learnt to pocket my phone anytime I'm in a bus...

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Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by EHMIR(m): 5:25pm On Nov 20, 2016
Land not for sale,trespassers shall be stoned to deathsad

44 Likes 1 Share

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 5:28pm On Nov 20, 2016
On this Friday i just needed to vent. You know that moment when all of your body itches you and you just don't know why. Nothing seems to interest you and you just feel weak. So I was in this particular mood that day.

I needed to let it out on someone. And was looking for a prey.
My whatsapp binged. I took a look and it was Chinaza, my girlfriend. Finally, a victim.

We started our chat. I have to confess, i was quite annoying but she persisted. Maybe that's why she's my main chick. She cares a lot.

I was determined to vent all my anger on her. So as i was going hard on her. I guess she figured out something was wrong and started to pet me, asking what the matter was. I kept maintaining nothing was wrong while being a total Sadist.

A while later when she probably got tired, she called my phone.

Her: what's wrong?
Me: i told you nothing was wrong naa
Her: are you sure?
Me: yea. Was that why you called?
Her: not really
Me: so?
Her: well, i didn't see my period
Me: who did you give it to?
Her: you.
Me: Really?
Her: be serious for once naa.

Something hit me on my mind immediately. It dawned on me that she said just she didn't see her period. The implications seemed to simmer into my head. I pause and continued, this time with much concern in my voice.

Me: how come, did you check well, i mean is your period supposed to start now?
Her: yea. Its 3 days late and i'm scared like this o.

By this time, my voice was real shaky. I couldn't even afford a condom talk more of affording a baby.

Me: But i have always been careful naa. How come?
Her: i don't know o. Shey i told you to buy condom that day but you were too drunk to care.
Me: nawa o. Baby are you sure?
Her:Nop, i'm not sure, i just like it more when you are scared than when you are angry. Just buy me a sanitary pad when coming. Love you. Bye bye.

She laughed hard and dropped the phone. By this time i had totally forgotten i was feeling somehow.

That girl shaa. She is crazy but i think thats why i love her.

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Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 5:29pm On Nov 20, 2016
Expect more updates soon

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by EHMIR(m): 8:32pm On Nov 20, 2016
Oga,ur updates short faa

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by kingklassique(m): 8:51pm On Nov 20, 2016
Epic bro nice 1
Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 9:22pm On Nov 20, 2016
Oga,ur updates short faa

Thanks bro. No vex. I'm still cooking up things. I appreciate your comments


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 9:23pm On Nov 20, 2016
Epic bro nice 1

Thank you so much. I really appreciate
Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 12:14am On Nov 21, 2016
Recently i have been bored and that increased my activities on facebook.
And so i met this new girl. Judging from her pictures, she was posh in all ramifications. So we got talking..
She was a jambite seeking admission into my school. I smiled at the prospect of hanging out with a jambito. I calculated they would be cheaper to run around with.

Long story short, i asked her out. After much whining and shakara from her, she accepted. We fixed a date, . Exchanged numbers and started looking forward to our meeting.

On a Monday afternoon like this, i was on my bed, half sleeping and half recovering from the little torment my babe, Chinaza gave me. That girl shaa.
My phone rang, i hurriedly picked and shouted a coarse hello into the mouthpiece. A very melodious female voice came up from the other end.
Me: Hello, na who be this?
Caller: Hi, its Rita, remember?
Me: Rita kwa? Rita from where?
Caller: Hey, you've forgotten already? We were supposed to be meeting today.

My head rang gbagam, i jumped up from my bed.

Me: yea Rita right, where are you now?
Rita: I'm about to leave my house. Just wanted to make sure it's still going down.
Me:Ok, you can start coming, call me when you get to the school gate.

Immediately we dropped the call. I quickly grabbed my towel, ran into the bathroom, did a quick wash up, i couldn't even remember if used soap or not.
I dressed up, picked my wallet, counted the 1000 naira notes inside, 5 in total. I slid the wallet in my pocket and ran to James, my friends room. We both lived in the same lodge. He had promised to escort me.
He hurriedly dressed up. And we both left the house. I ensured he had some money on him, just in case.

We were in a keke headed for the school gate when she called.

Me: Hey are you there yet?
Rita: Yea. We just dropped now.
Me: Ok. I will be there soon.

Then something like an audio flash back hit me.

Me: Did you say "we"
Rita: yea, i came with a friend, i didn't know the way so i needed her to help out.
Me: Okay o. Just wait for me. I dropped the call.

James just looked at me with a wicked grin on his face and said
"Guy, u don enter"
"Her friend better be cute too or i go just deny am for there sharp sharp" i said as the keke dropped us.

Locating them wasn't so hard. I observed her from afar and her pictures didn't lie. She was as cute as can be. Her friend too wasn't bad.

We approached them. Reintroduced ourselves. James just focused on her friend who's name was Cynthia.

So we moved into the nearest eatery. Got ourselves a seat. Called the waiter. I was going to order for snacks so i could at least have some change in my pocket. Then James asked them to make the order themselves. I just eyed him, he smiled and smacked his lips.

"But get us chivita juice first and then take their orders" James was still talking. I was graphically dividing the money in my pocket with my imaginary eyes.

The Juice came. We opened it, poured into our various glasses, started sipping as the girls started making their orders. Rita was representing their interest.

"We'll both take fried rice and chicken with lots of salad on it"

James who had his glass of juice on his lips quickly dropped it on the table. My eyes tripled in size.

"Wait, Bae are you two going to share the plate of rice or what?"
I asked
"Noo, we are getting two" Rita replied. James coughed
"Ok o" i said and faced my drink.

The waitress came back with two plates of steaming fried rice and huge chicken wings. Only God knows how i managed not to snatch the food for them. As the waitress was leaving she called after her and asked for two cups of ice cream.
I stepped hard on James feet under the table. He looked at me and grabbed his glass of juice and started gulping it.

As they were lazily eating their food. We started a conversation. Her friend was a 100 level student of mass communication in the school. While she was also trying to get admitted into the Same mass communication departmentWe talked for a long while. When they were almost done with their food, i got up and made my way to the rest room. Counted my money again. Half cried for my life, urinated and went back to the table only to be welcomed by additional two cups of ice cream and another Chivita juice. I looked at the door, the devil inside me started advising me to make use of the door but i just jejely strolled to our table and sat down. James just managed to cover a good part of his face with his hands and was convulsing with laughter.

I just cleared my throat. Called the waitress to get me the bill.
The bill arrived, 7,250 naira. I was really tempted to yell at the girls but i managed to control my emotions. I just pulled out the 5000 naira in my pocket, handed it over to James alongside bill, grabbed the new juice and poured a large quantity of it in my glass, after all i was paying for it. James completed the money and paid.

I looked at the girls who were still romancing their food.
"well, you girls should just round up and let's get going" i said
"We are through" Rita said and they both picked their handbags.
I looked at their plate, the food was still a bit much and the meat was scarcely touched.

I and James looked at each other with our mouths open. I nodded and we all left the eatery.
"So when are we seeing you guys again?" James asked as we got outside the eatery.
"well i will be coming to register for my post ume in 2 weeks time. Maybe we can hook up again" Rita said
"hope you guys will sleep over next time" james was still asking
"Ermm, till then" Rita replied.
James nodded. He felt his pocket and said he forgot his handkerchief inside. He went back inside.

I flagged down a keke and they both entered. I bade them farewell and asked the driver to move before they would start expecting me to pay their fare.

James came out with a nylon which i wasn't bothered to check because i was fuming inside.
"Guy which kind wahala be this naa" i half screamed as James approached me.
He looked at me and broke into a laughter.
"Guy those girls shaa, na your village people send them like this" he said
"And remember you dy owe me 2,250 naira o"
I looked at him and hissed. He laughed and suggested we stop a keke to take us back to our lodge.

"Na your nyash you go use pay for the keke" i told him

Shaa, we walked all the way to our lodge under the hot sun.

Immediately we got back. I just crashed on my bed.
James came into my room and grabbed my stove.

"Guy which level naa, wetin u wan use my stove do" i asked him
"i wan use am cook, no worry, i go comot 250 for the money wey you owe as compensation for the kerosene" he laughed and left with my stove. I hissed, got up from the bed and poured a small quantity of Garri in a cup and headed to James room to borrow sugar.

As i walked into his room, i saw him cooking the remaining fried rice and chicken those girls had left....

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Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 4:28am On Nov 21, 2016
Nice job so far smiley


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 7:00am On Nov 21, 2016
Nice job so far smiley

Thanks bro.
Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 7:04am On Nov 21, 2016

Thanks bro.
I dey expect update o

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 7:26am On Nov 21, 2016

I dey expect update o

Sure bro. Thanks for following

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Spectraz: 7:46am On Nov 21, 2016
Guy whats up na... Drop more grin

The story reminds me of school life. LOL

Nice work bro. cool

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 8:04am On Nov 21, 2016
Guy whats up na... Drop more grin

The story reminds me of school life. LOL

Nice work bro. cool

Thanks bro. More on the way

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 11:22am On Nov 21, 2016
Nigga is allergic to reading but I will follow dis one,,,,,

I'm now learning at old cheesy grin


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 3:29pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nigga is allergic to reading but I will follow dis one,,,,,

I'm now learning at old cheesy grin

Thanks nigga. Good u finally decided to learn at ur old age grin

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 4:14pm On Nov 21, 2016
Oya na
Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by prettyunny(f): 4:32pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nice one bro
But is it possible for me to share stories I wrote on fb on here?
Pls kindly reply...tanx smiley

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 4:39pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nice one bro But is it possible for me to share stories I wrote on fb on here? Pls kindly reply...tanx smiley
Sure smiley
Just open a thread and start your story(ies)


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 4:40pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nice one bro
But is it possible for me to share stories I wrote on fb on here?
Pls kindly reply...tanx smiley

Lemme answer for him .....NO cool

Create your own thread.....giv us d link....we will b visiting kiss



Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 5:34pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nice one bro
But is it possible for me to share stories I wrote on fb on here?
Pls kindly reply...tanx smiley

Thanks sis. You can open a thread for that. Thanks again

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Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 7:36pm On Nov 21, 2016
My father has always been like a trusted and performing government to me, not for any reason other than he pays my allowances as and at when do.

My alert came in at the last Friday of the month so i decided to flex it out the next Sunday. I invited my girl over. She told me she would be coming with a friend of hers.

Me: why naa, you want to add additional expenses on my head abi?
Chinaza: nooo, bae you know i won't do anything like that
Me: So why would you come with her? Abi you want to find me a 2nd girlfriend?
Chinaza: you must be silly, i'm here saying you are not even enough for me and you are talking about sharing..
Me: Biko stop, lets not start fighting on the phone because it is my airtime that you will be wasting.
Chinaza: Baby of course you know i don't like fighting you on the phone, i will rather do it physically where i can beat sense into you.
I laughed
Me: so be serious jare, why would you be coming with someone extra.
Chinaza: Well, i'm bringing her for that your poke noser of a friend, james who keeps following you around. At least she will keep him busy, while i will have you to my self alone.
Me: Hahahaha, ok naa. I hope she is not a glutton or we will split the bill o.
Chinaza: stingy boy, as if we don't split the bills before.
Me: You better look cuter than her or I'm going to hand you over to James and rock her.
Chinaza: And you better have enough money on you or I will be bringing my 2nd boyfriend along.

crazy girl

Sunday came, by 2pm i was already out of the house with my usual culprit, James. We were headed for an open air restaurant. I called my babe, she was still taking her bath. Good news for us. We decided to sample the available girls.

My eyes caught one pretty looking girl. She was seated alone. I quickly dropped James and walked to her.

"Hmmm, i think its soothing to find out that I'm not the only one without company" i said pulling a seat and joining her table.
She looked at me and smiled and faced her phone again.

"even though i'm already seated, i'm still going to ask, can i join you?
"Umm, i guess yes" she said smiling at me.

We got talking. Her name was sandra, she was waiting for a friend of hers. I decided should her friend come, to invite James over. I needed to know this girl.

My phone vibrated. I took a look and it was James. I stared in his direction. He was already on his second bottle of Heineken and was flashing his teeth at me.

I opened my whatsapp and texted him.
"Guy i hope those two bottles are not on my account o"
"Before nko, na your papa carry me come here?" he replied
I just sent him hmmm and focused back on my new friend. I ordered ordered two bottles of smirnoff for her and two bottles of Heineken for me. I cannot be buying Heineken for James and be drinking Malt. Its my money after all.

We were still talking before my phone rang again, i looked and it was James. I looked at him again and he was on his 3rd bottle. He was asking me to come over. I eyed him and continued my convo.
He walked up to me, said hello to the girl and faced me.
"Guy, the door dy crowded o"
I looked at the door and my girl was there. She didn't see me, thank God. She was focused on her phone.
I quickly excused myself, James kept my new catch company to my utter dismay. That guy is capable of anything. I was praying he doesn't lie to her that he was the one paying for the drinks or order another one.

I approached my girl, she was really looking sweet.
"So who delayed you today?, were you counting beans for your mother " i asked her.

She hugged me and smiled
"sorry boo, i was waiting for my friend who said she was bringing another friend of hers" she said smiling
My face froze. I looked at her with a deep frown on my face
"Did you say her friend?"
"Yea baby, whats wrong with your face?
"Abeg stop all this baby thing, anytime you want to misbehave, you start looking for who to call baby"
"Babe chill naa, you know i won't let you bear the pains alone"
"Abi, lets go before this Stupid James buys drinks for everybody here with my money"

We walked up to James and our new friend and i wasn't disappointed. James was on his 4th bottle of Heineken and Sandra was taking her 3rd bottle of smirnoff.

"Hey, our girl is here" James half screamed, he was obviously getting drunk.

They exchanged pleasantries.

"So sandra meet my guy's most beautiful girl, Chinaza, and chinaza meet my new friend, Sandra" James introduction was totally inspired by alcohol. Chinaza ignored him, looked at sandra and smiled.

"So Ada i was waiting for you in the house and you ran here before me enjoying yourself naa" Chinaza said grabbing a seat.

I just stood stupefied. James was just looking at me with his mouth open.

I sat down. Looked at Sandra who was now smiling and turned to my girl.

"So this is the friend you were waiting for? I asked her.

She laughed and Said yes. I was really confused and heartbroken. Now James was going to enjoy the girl i bought drinks for.
I became confused on whether to freak out on the new drinks James ordered or to be happy Chinaza lied about her friend bringing another friend. Well shaa, i just bought more drinks.

We did have fun. That is, drunk people's fun. After about 2 to 3 bottles, i was motivated to buy more drinks and well peppered chicken wings. Men that Sandra girl is qualified to be called a village drunkard.
As we were talking and enjoying ourselves, Sandra's phone rang.

Sandra: Hello babe, just walk in, you will see us.

She cut the call and said that's her friend coming in. Apparently Chinaza didn't lie, Her friend was bringing another friend.

I was financially drained that day, spent so much that my Girl was the one that paid for our transport home that day. Even James too felt the heat.

But the after party was just like an after party. Fun was the name. I don't need to tell you what a drunk girl can do. Chinaza was just a sweetheart. Their friend was Hot personified. Her name was Juliet.

While my baby was fixing us dinner in the kitchen, i was busy playing Romeo with Juliet. We were all drunk, my girl didn't mind.

Chinaza was drunk but not too drunk to share me with anybody.
She slept between me and Juliet. We went to bed by 2 am in the morning. Something happened on the bed between me, chinaza and Juliet. I can't remember but maybe Juliet knows.
Don't bother asking Chinaza or You will be getting a story from me about our divorce.
And did i say she didn't share me that night, lol.

Am only BROKE not a CELIBATE.

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Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Nobody: 8:21pm On Nov 21, 2016
Another nice update
Thumbs up man
You better tell Us wetin happen that night or else.....angry


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 8:26pm On Nov 21, 2016
Another nice update

Thumbs up man

You better tell Us wetin happen that night or else.....angry

Lol. I will ask Juliet to Tell her side of the story. Thanks bro

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by EHMIR(m): 8:57pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nkiru,when next dis op update the tori,abeg hemme giyan one better cold origin


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by arosunshine(m): 9:04pm On Nov 21, 2016
This is hilarious.

Following keenly

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Endougs(m): 9:22pm On Nov 21, 2016
Seat booked

1 Like

Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by maestro299: 9:27pm On Nov 21, 2016
Nice one OP! I troway salute! As a former 'player' myself (Now I don born again o, help me thank God), I can relate to most parts of your stories big time. Kudos.


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 9:37pm On Nov 21, 2016
Thanks everyone


I appreciate


Re: Diary Of A Broke Playboy by Chipappii(m): 9:44pm On Nov 21, 2016

I have always had it hard trying to convince a lot of people that i was still a virgin, girls especially, mostly after i'm done handling them unto pre-intimacy matter. They will be like "with all these expertise, you are trying to say you have never had sex before" and me will be singing all the psalms i know, not to prove my virginity(who dat one epp) but to see if they will grant me this experience. Most girls i have associated with shaa, i don't know whether to call them wicked or stingy, they are the type of girls that will let you tour the whole of Washington but won't allow you into the white house. This i assure you can be quite disheartening, more especially when the man down below is already on attention. One of my girls then would invite me over and i will be sure to meet her on GEANS BUMSHOT(what manner of wickedness). We will kiss, smooch, whatever you do before the real stuff, and eventually my highest reward will be to finger her while she just lies there shaking like someone with Parkinson disease. And me will be doing all the work with little or no pleasure.
Me being a virgin is not a Choice i Made, just that i never had the opportunity. Not like i don't get girls, i do and easily too. And most times when i have the opportunity or something like that, i always end up messing it up and doing what i do best and that would be....... Finger the hole.
But at least i can swear I'm a master of romance.


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