Sexytemi:




Him lying to my face and turning his back on me when I need him, that would break whatever trust I have left for any man, I just can't imagine myself going through the process of being lied to and taken for a fool, it would break me into pieces....

TheCOB:


Which in others words means that the worst thing that could happen if he does the above is a break-up which would hurt you and you would end up
unhappy.


Okay.

So, what would eventually happen if you continue refusing to trust him? And you constantly live in paranoia of him behaving like your ex?

Sexytemi:



Really its not my fault, I guess I gave the wrong person my trust, and you know once one's trust is broken its really hard trusting everyone around you.

I do trust him, but it can never be compared to the amount of trust I had on my ex.

TheCOB:


I understand dear. Trust is very fragile and when it gets broken, it is hard to get it back intact.
So No, I haven't said you are at fault.... I guess it's only human to withdraw when we get hurt.

But at the same time, if the cost of allowing yourself freedom of expression is the same (or even cheaper) than the cost of withholding your emotions, wouldn't you rather go for the cheaper option?

Look at it this way:

If you free yourself and allow yourself to just love expressing your emotions exactly as you feel without holding back in fear, the worst thing that would happen is that he would hurt you and you would be unhappy.

But if you hold back your emotions as you are doing you would still be unhappy! Infact you would be more unhappy because there's that part of you that would constantly remain suspicious, always double checking yourself, always trying to be one step ahead of his game (real or imaginary). So you end up living without really loving. That's unhappiness in itself.

So that same thing you are trying to avoid is what you are giving yourself and you know what, it still doesn't guarantee that he won't leave! So at the end of the day, you'd have double unhappiness - one because you never really enjoyed the moments, you didn't allow yourself flow into the loving.... Two because he still left!

Whereas if you give the relationship your best shot at happiness, you would gain the joy in the simplest things, you would live in the love of evry moment, you would feel the freedom that love gives - That is happiness. If he does indeed mess up, you would have only one source of unhappiness - his leaving. And for every moment you cry about the hurt, your heart would feel gladness over 5 other moments when you let yourself experience love as it should be.

And the best part of letting love happen is that because you are giving your best, who says it wouldn't work?

So the point is: I can't assure you that your new man wouldn't mess up like the former guy. But I'm certain that if you allow your heart to love and trust as freely as it should, you would be happier for it. Such that even if he does leave, for those few moments you shared, your heart would have felt the glow of life and really that's what love is about.

Love doesn't have to be a literal forever, its just those moments(regardless of the duration) when you felt that special happiness that define your forever.

Sexytemi:




Awwwww, thanks a lot...you're so right about me loosing up a bit, I'd do just that so that I can a memorable relationship and hope it do last..

Thanks once again.

Sexytemi:




Awwwww, thanks a lot...you're so right about me loosing up a bit, I'd do just that so that I can a memorable relationship and hope it do last..

Thanks once again.

CplusJason:
You don't wanna thank me too abi?

TheCOB:

Try not to be jealous

CplusJason:
I'll try my best.

CplusJason:
You don't wanna thank me too abi?

TheCOB:


I'm glad I could help somehow. Best wishes dearie

Sexytemi:



Thanks

Kaleydd2000:
I pray God helps me to be faithful, Amen.

Kaleydd2000:
stressors like?

Kaleydd2000 :

sexymoma:
@Thecob do you know i finally found out he has another babe and he s been dating this lady for like a year now.
my problem now is, he never stops calling me, i've even stopped calling of showing some kind of affections since the day i found out he has someone else, buh he'll always tell me i've changed, i've changed,ain't as caring as before, as a matter of fact, to my findings, this lady sleeps in his place mon-fri, if u check my prev chat with you, i told you he doesn't pick calls at night kindoff.

i just wnted you to tell me he s cheating on me, i already knew even before i chat you up..
well your advice was good enough!!

O0ni:


.

sexymoma:
you wanna write something?

sexymoma:
@Thecob do you know i finally found out he has another babe and he s been dating this lady for like a year now.
my problem now is, he never stops calling me, i've even stopped calling of showing some kind of affections since the day i found out he has someone else, buh he'll always tell me i've changed, i've changed,ain't as caring as before, as a matter of fact, to my findings, this lady sleeps in his place mon-fri, if u check my prev chat with you, i told you he doesn't pick calls at night kindoff.

i just wnted you to tell me he s cheating on me, i already knew even before i chat you up..
well your advice was good enough!!

O0ni:


Yes, please.




Sorry to barge into your texts.

The emboldened parts of your post is what I am going through.

I was going to type out my situation for some advice at some point but I deleted the many pages I penned, I felt it would be stupid for a guy to seek to be advised on the obvious.

Pardon my rant but I wonder how you're handling (mentally/emotionally) the fact that your significant other is seeing someone else and then continue to lie about it (maybe yours didn't). I just would like to learn your approach.

Thank you.

sexymoma:
do you know what... i was mentally/emotionally down as in down, when i was guessing or will i say doubting... buh immediately i found out as in i got the truth of the matter, i saw the lady, i discovered everything, My brother it was just as if dem carray 3 bags of rice comot for my head, as a matter of fact, i have the lady on my whatsapp, buh i never and will never chat her up, i don't do dat... most times i will check his "last seen" check the lady's lolz omo e go correspond like mad..lol, wel i've been able to handle it cos i bliv whatever is mine will be mine.
and moslyt i just thank God it's not marriage... just a relationship, i can back off anytime. it can be painful sometimes sha

O0ni:


Lol

I felt some relief finding out her drama was as a result of being involved but the continuous lying gets to me. Why can't people just own up to whatever the fruck they're doing?

It makes me feel like I'm some type of idiot that she tells me she wants the relationship of many years still but seeing some other guy lowkey & sticking him in as dps. This is aside the instagram comments & many photos on her phone.

I just don't like people when they lie.

I've stopped calling & texting too since I saw these things, I think she got the message as well & has tried to reach out but the damage is done.

Sigh.

sexymoma:
what bothers me now is he still calls and act like he cares Alil... Sometimes Im jos like how did i get myself into this.. Love sometimes ehn

mediocre:
Nice thread. Do you think its possible to fall in love more than once? I do not.

I have been in relationships, moved on. That's the normal thing to do right. Never imagined someone would have me stop wrapped around her fingers like this one. I'm just not the type, to fall for someone like that.

when we started dating, i just imagined it was going to be the same. I knew i liked her, but i wasn't exactly the faithful type.


Slowly she became part of me. We've had fights, even breakups but i always go back to beg, even when its clearly her fault. Every single time i always go back begging, not that i enjoy it of course but i would die without her. I would literally die. She knows this and she takes advantage of it. Sometimes she would get me angry ( sometimes i think she does it on purpose), we wouldn't talk for days, I'd be expecting her to apologise but she wouldn't. I would be forced to call her to try and fix things. It's .stupid.


Some people will think i have low self esteem and think i can't get any other girl. This is not true. I'm actually quite a catch, I've gotten advances from a number of girls but turned them down. Because i can't see myself with someone else, the thought of it just drives me insane. The thought of her with someone else makes me want to die.

I know she doesn't love me as much, sometimes i wonder if she loves me at all but she says she does. I don't believe in magic or juju or any other supernatural thing actually but sometimes i wonder if she " gave me something to eat" Lol. When she shows the slightest affection (which is quite rare), like giving me a peck in public or holding my hand or saying she loves me, it's like I'm going to burst. Out of joy, pure joy.

I hate that I love her this much, I've tried to fall out of love, didn't work so what's a guy to do...