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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Chronicles Of Jokes (145299 Views)
Huncho's Book Of Jokes / All New Sort Of Jokes. +updated+ / Jarizod's Book Of Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:41am On Sep 03, 2017 |
An angry wife to her husband on phone. Wife: where the hell are you? Husband: honey, you remember that gold shop? Where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it.. Wife: (relaxed) yes, my king Husband: remember i had no cash to buy it for you that day and i said I’ll buy it for you one day.. Wife: (totally relaxed with a smile and a blush) yes i remember my love! Husband: good, i’m in a barber shop next to that shop! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:43am On Sep 03, 2017 |
If you born pikin wey get big lips, name am Philips. If you born pikin wey get Big nose, name am Nosa. If you born Pikin wey no fine, name am Obasanjo If you born pikin wey resemble Dog, name Douglass. If you born pikin wey other people dey abuse, name am Tinubu If you born pikin for inside shop, name am Bishop. If u born pikin wey fat, name am Fatima. If you born Pikin wey thin, name am Tina. If you born pikin wey get two head, name am God forbid |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:44am On Sep 03, 2017 |
A man dies. In heaven he sees a large wall full of clocks and he asked the angel MAN: wat are dis 4? ANGEL: dey are lie clocks if u tell a lie on earth , it moves here in heaven. Man:who own dis one (pointin 2 a clock) ANGEL: its 4 mother theresa it never moves b’cos she doesnt tell lies MAN: where are d clocks of nigerian politicians? ANGEL: it’s in our office we use dem as fan since dey don’t stop moving…..lolzz 6 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:44am On Sep 03, 2017 |
I need to ask u something that has kept me awake, giving me sleepless nights and I want you to be honest with me. It might be awkward between us after this but I have to know how you feel. I have kept it in mind for a while now but I think its finally time i’ll be straight up and just confront you. I hope this dosen’t ruin the relationship we already have. I just need to know and I don’t see another way I could get over this but ask. Just be honest and true dear. How much is cabin biscuit in ur area? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:46am On Sep 03, 2017 |
Teacher: Today, We are talking about “Question Tags”. Examples; She is Coming, isn’t she?. They have eaten, haven’t they?. Teacher: Who can give another Example?. Jonso: we are goin to chop the yam today, Chopn’t we? Teacher: What kind of sentence is that? Please who can Correct him? Chipo: Teacher don’t mind him jare, the correct one is, we are going to chop the yams today, Yamn’t we? The teacher fainted! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:48am On Sep 03, 2017 |
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving. And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread. THANKS. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:24pm On Sep 03, 2017 |
Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked
the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?"
The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Akpos again came next
day by cutting his beard and asked "what is
the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied
"we don't sell our products to Akpos". The
next day Akpos came with a different face
and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The
shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Finally Akpos got irritated
and asked the shopkeeper "how do you
recognise me every time?" The storekeeper
replied "because this is not a TV it is
Microwave Oven!" 2 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:59pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
PRESENTER :- What's ur question
pls? CALLER :- There's this lady i wanted in my life shortly after my NYSC, but all my efforts proved abortive. She wouldn't pick my calls, she would laugh at me while passing by, for reasons best known 2 her. 5 months later, i was able 2 get my apartment, get a new car courtesy of a contract job I secured with a major oil company. Now most of d missed calls i have are hers, barrage of sms & all dat.I am confused on what 2 do, please advice me. PRESENTER :- Listen up.Give her a call letting her know dat u'll be at her houseby 4pm. When it's 4, call her again letting her know u'll be there by 6pm. When it's 6, call her again letting her know u'll be there by 8pm. Don't postpone again, take a cool shower, wear ur best outfit& an attention catching perfume. By 8pm, drive 2 her house, walk 2 her door & knock. Once she opens, with d sexiest smile u've got, look stylishly into her eyes, pull her slowly 2 urself, take ur mouth close 2 her ear & whisper '' THUNDER FIRE YOU! 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:00pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
I'm 23 and haven't had my periods as yet. My little sis is 17 and had her periods since 13. I feel ashamed to talk about this to my friends because i dont know if i had a problem.. or does it take a longer when you are a boy? 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:00pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain.. She can't speak Spanish.. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her... This went on for sometime.. One day she wanted to buy banana.. So She took her husband to the shop.. (dont laugh listen Dirty minds) Because her husband speaks Spanish very well 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:01pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
When a white man creates a phone and you video chat it with your brother/sister you call it technology but when your Grandmother/ Grandfather in the village uses a mirror to see you in the village you call it witchcraft. I think its high time we begin to value our Nigerian products. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:02pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
*THROWBACK 2009-2014* They will never know the struggle we went through with: 1. getjar.. Looking for a means to download 2go 2. Waptrick (the original waptrick) not this wapdam or whatever they call it now. 3. Unknowingly downloading a Symbian game into your java phone. 4. Having to load google page by page. 5. Downloading ringtones. Not songs oh...Ring tones. Chai I did exploit then oh 6. Downloading wallpapers and themes...Lwkm. Everybody had Chris Brown's but I preferred Michael Jackson. 7. Downloading one song...Just one song, and that song will destroy your phone with virus. That's how I spoilt my Nokia 2700. 8. You were a big boy (real big boy) if you could use a whole 1mb to download 1 game...1mb was like 1 terabyte then. 10. Choosing screen size before you download anything. Lol. Not like now that all applications adjust themselves to your phone. All this indomie generation will not understand these things. 11. Exhausting your data before your download completes. Just forget it. Your account balance is 0.00naria.. 12. There was one time MTN was advertising games that could be downloaded with N200. I called MTN and told them I wanted to download the game. The lady that picked up told me that I should wait for the game to land in my phone. N200 was deducted....many years after and I am still waiting for the game. If u didn't witness all this, my brother u can't talk where am talking 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:03pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
*Exactly nine months before FIFA World Cup 2018 in Russia. That means if you impregnate your wife now, you will be busy with maternity issues while your friends are watching world cup* Please abstain or use condoms 3 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:04pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
You keep saying "All men are dogs "until you get pregnant and give birth to a baby boy then you start posting his pics with captions "My little king" My sister, that's a PUPPY 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:05pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
A women’s prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to death! |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:07pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
Dear guys if you lose your girlfriend in a crowded place, just start talking to a hot girl.she will somehow find you in less than a minute. TRY IT OUT 3 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:10pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella. Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Guys, can we change this topic please? 3 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:11pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving. And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread. THANKS. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:17pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
Hello fellow nairalanders, followers and viewers of this awesome thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", I just wanna inform you all that Today Is My Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by ftosino(m): 2:05pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
preciousuweh: Hbd To You, Age Wid Grace My Month-mate |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 2:37pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
ftosino:thanks bro. |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Hakeem12(m): 10:15pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
preciousuweh:great work here. Been laughing all day. |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Hakeem12(m): 10:15pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
preciousuweh:happy birthday to you. |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:32pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
Hakeem12: Thanks Bro. |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:32pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
Hakeem12:Thanks Bro. |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by 300dotstv(m): 7:07pm On Sep 20, 2017 |
do you want to smile through out the end of 2017 then click and share the following links-https:///gKxktzR and u get a chance to win 1000 recharge cards |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by indoorlove(m): 8:33pm On Sep 20, 2017 |
Watch and Laugh All Emmanuella comedy Videos https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.adams.emmanuella |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by bolarin411: 2:34pm On Sep 25, 2017 |
NASCO just released a new TV commercial sef for their new cornflakes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaoEUMJ2seQ preciousuweh: |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by petinnoson: 7:43pm On Sep 30, 2017 |
The Labour Room is a reality TV show that is aimed at National Development, the last 4 men will take home a seed price of 200M naira. It is the first of its kind in the whole wide-world. The contestants are called the Labour Room Governors or the Super37 which are delegates from all the 36 states in Nigeria including the Federal Capital Territory making them the Super37 and now there is an Immunity Campaign going on. Please go and Like, Share and Retweet to enable your state Governor gain immunity for the next one week or else he/she will lose the race. You can watch this reality TV show on Channel 105 on Startime or NTA Entertainment 24hours, Watch Live on Youtube and Facebook. Please follow and make your voice heard for the Nigeria of our dream, #Wetakeresposibility #TheLabourRoom, know more on www.thelabourroom.ng Via Facebook @The Labour Room Lagos State Group and Twitter handle @TheLabourRoom |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by SofiaAmrozia(f): 3:31am On Oct 01, 2017 |
I actually found this cos I was bored. nice work op. I've been laughing since. It's the reason I haven't gone to bed yet. Keep up the good work!!! |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:53pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
SofiaAmrozia: Thanks Hun. I'm glad it made you laugh. |
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