An angry wife to her husband on phone.

Wife: where the hell are you?
Husband: honey, you remember that gold shop? Where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it..

Wife: (relaxed) yes, my king

Husband: remember i had no cash to buy it for you that day and i said I’ll buy it for you one day..

Wife: (totally relaxed with a smile and a blush) yes i remember my love!

Husband: good, i’m in a barber shop next to that shop!

If you born pikin wey get big lips, name am Philips.
If you born pikin wey get Big nose, name am Nosa.
If you born Pikin wey no fine, name am Obasanjo
If you born pikin wey resemble Dog, name Douglass.
If you born pikin wey other people dey abuse, name am Tinubu
If you born pikin for inside shop, name am Bishop.
If u born pikin wey fat, name am Fatima.
If you born Pikin wey thin, name am Tina.
If you born pikin wey get two head, name am God forbid

A man dies. In heaven he sees a large wall full of clocks and he asked the angel

MAN: wat are dis 4?

ANGEL: dey are lie clocks if u tell a lie on earth , it moves here in heaven.

Man:who own dis one (pointin 2 a clock)

ANGEL: its 4 mother theresa it never moves b’cos she doesnt tell lies
MAN: where are d clocks of nigerian politicians?

ANGEL: it’s in our office we use dem as fan since dey don’t stop moving…..lolzz

I need to ask u something that has kept me awake, giving me sleepless nights and I want you to be honest with me. It might be awkward between us after this but I have to know how you feel.
I have kept it in mind for a while now but I think its finally time i’ll be straight up and just confront you. I hope this dosen’t ruin the relationship we already have. I just need to know and I don’t see another way I could get over this but ask. Just be honest and true dear. How much is cabin biscuit in ur area?

Teacher: Today, We are talking about “Question Tags”.
Examples; She is Coming, isn’t she?. They have eaten, haven’t they?.

Teacher: Who can give another Example?.

Jonso: we are goin to chop the yam today, Chopn’t we?

Teacher: What kind of sentence is that? Please who can Correct him?

Chipo: Teacher don’t mind him jare, the correct one is, we are going to chop the yams today, Yamn’t we?

The teacher fainted!

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?" The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our products to Akpos." Akpos again came next day by cutting his beard and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos". The next day Akpos came with a different face and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos." Finally Akpos got irritated and asked the shopkeeper "how do you recognise me every time?" The storekeeper replied "because this is not a TV it is Microwave Oven!"

PRESENTER :- What's ur question pls?
CALLER :- There's this lady i wanted in my life shortly after my NYSC, but all my efforts proved abortive. She wouldn't pick my calls, she would laugh at me while passing by, for reasons best known 2 her. 5 months later, i was able 2 get my apartment, get a new car courtesy of a contract job I secured with a major oil company. Now most of d missed calls i have are hers, barrage of sms & all dat.I am confused on what 2 do, please advice me.
PRESENTER :- Listen up.Give her a call letting her know dat u'll be at her houseby 4pm. When it's 4, call her again letting her know u'll be there by 6pm. When it's 6, call her again letting her know u'll be there by 8pm. Don't postpone again, take a cool shower, wear ur best outfit& an attention catching perfume. By 8pm, drive 2 her house, walk 2 her door & knock. Once she opens, with d sexiest smile u've got, look stylishly into her eyes, pull her slowly 2 urself, take ur mouth close 2 her ear & whisper '' THUNDER FIRE YOU!

I'm 23 and haven't had my periods as yet. My little sis is 17 and had her periods since 13. I feel ashamed to talk about this to my friends because i dont know if i had a problem.. or does it take a longer when you are a boy?

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain.. She can't speak Spanish.. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her... This went on for sometime.. One day she wanted to buy banana.. So She took her husband to the shop.. (dont laugh listen Dirty minds) Because her husband speaks Spanish very well

When a white man creates a phone and you video chat it with your brother/sister you call it technology but when your Grandmother/
Grandfather in the village uses a mirror to see you in the village you call it witchcraft. I think its high time we begin to value our Nigerian products.

*THROWBACK 2009-2014*
They will never know the struggle we went
through with:


1. getjar.. Looking for a means to download 2go
2. Waptrick (the original waptrick) not this
wapdam or whatever they call it now.
3. Unknowingly downloading a Symbian game
into your java phone.
4. Having to load google page by page.
5. Downloading ringtones. Not songs oh...Ring
tones. Chai I did exploit then oh
6. Downloading wallpapers and themes...Lwkm. Everybody had Chris Brown's but I preferred
Michael Jackson.
7. Downloading one song...Just one song, and
that song will destroy your phone with virus. That's
how I spoilt my Nokia 2700.
8. You were a big boy (real big boy) if you could
use a whole 1mb to download 1 game...1mb was
like 1 terabyte then.
10. Choosing screen size before you download
anything. Lol. Not like now that all applications
adjust themselves to your phone. All this indomie generation will not understand these things.
11. Exhausting your data before your download
completes. Just forget it. Your account balance is
0.00naria..
12. There was one time MTN was advertising
games that could be downloaded with N200. I called MTN and told them I wanted to download the
game. The lady that picked up told me that I should
wait for the game to land in my phone. N200 was
deducted....many years after and I am still waiting
for the game.

If u didn't witness all this, my brother u can't talk
where am talking

*Exactly nine months before FIFA World Cup 2018 in Russia. That means if you impregnate your wife now, you will be busy with maternity issues while your friends are watching world cup*
Please abstain or use condoms

You keep saying "All men are dogs "until you get pregnant and give birth to a baby boy then you start posting his pics with captions "My little king" My sister, that's a PUPPY

A women’s prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to death!

Dear guys if you lose your girlfriend in a crowded place, just start talking to a hot girl.she will somehow find you in less than a minute. TRY IT OUT

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Guys, can we change this topic please?

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

Hello fellow nairalanders, followers and viewers of this awesome thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", I just wanna inform you all that Today Is My Birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

preciousuweh:
Hello fellow nairalanders, followers and viewers of this awesome thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", I just wanna inform you all that Today Is My Birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Hbd To You, Age Wid Grace My Month-mate

ftosino:

Hbd To You, Age Wid Grace My Month-mate

thanks bro.

preciousuweh:
A Governor was in a church for
thanksgiving.

The topic of the sermon was "repentance".

After the sermon, Pastor Akpos asked the congregation 'if anybody wants to give his or her
life to God lift your hand let me pray for you......'

Nobody responded for about three times.

The Governor mounted d alter and made a statement.."If u want to give your life to God please
lift up your hands let Pastor pray for you cause we want to have good citizens in this state". 

A guy lifted up his hands reluctantly.

The governor asked his PA to give the guy 10 million naira.

The governor repeated the same statement again, this time around everybody's hand was up...

The Governor turned to Pastor Akpos to pray for them, to his greatest surprise Pastor Akpos hand was also up.....

great work here. Been laughing all day.

preciousuweh:
Hello fellow nairalanders, followers and viewers of this awesome thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", I just wanna inform you all that Today Is My Birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

happy birthday to you.

Hakeem12:
great work here. Been laughing all day.

Thanks Bro.

Hakeem12:
happy birthday to you.

Thanks Bro.

do you want to smile through out the end of 2017 then click and share the following links-https:///gKxktzR and u get a chance to win 1000 recharge cards

Watch and Laugh All Emmanuella comedy Videos

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.adams.emmanuella

NASCO just released a new TV commercial sef for their new cornflakes


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaoEUMJ2seQ

preciousuweh:
Naija of Old I miss you oo!


1. I miss d days when we went to school, lined up & D headmistress & teachers inspect our nails & uniform & den we match to our classrooms, U Remember na??

2. D days of Nasco Biscuit,Trebor, Iced coloured water tied in nylon we called it “lolly”

3. D days of Goody-Goody & pako Biscuit.

4. D days of ali & simbi, Mr Salami & Mrs Salami, Agbon, Edet lives in Calabar.

5. Chei, i remember those days when one naira na money, when groundnut was 5 kobo. & choco milo sweet was 5 kobo

6. The days of messing game, who is in d garden, police and thief

7. D days of mama & papa play
8. The days when we use to build houses with sand, play suwe game, tinco tinco, change U̅r style, ten ten, skipping, stop! U remember nau?

9. Those days wen we used to fly kite on streets, wen boys used to use d paint bucket cover as tire & their daddy’s hanger as d steering

10. Those days when rubber band was stock exchange.

11. The days when voltron, jimbo, power rangers, spider man was our favourite cartoon.

12. D days of limca soft drinks & choco milo advert on black and white tv and sunday rendevous by1:30pm

13. Those days when we say ‘leke leke give me white finger’.

14. Those days when eleganza pen was d best

15. D days wen we used to drink water from d tap even suck out d water if its not coming out

16. D days when NTA will show rainbow color for 30 mins then national anthem before they resume program @ 4pm

17. D days wen basket sandals, simbi nd Bata sandals were d best

18. D Days wen we all sing sandalili sandalili songs.

NOTE: If you didn't experience any of the above, then you should be calling me sir. I'm not your mate.

The Labour Room is a reality TV show that is aimed at National Development, the last 4 men will take home a seed price of 200M naira. It is the first of its kind in the whole wide-world. The contestants are called the Labour Room Governors or the Super37 which are delegates from all the 36 states in Nigeria including the Federal Capital Territory making them the Super37 and now there is an Immunity Campaign going on. Please go and Like, Share and Retweet to enable your state Governor gain immunity for the next one week or else he/she will lose the race. You can watch this reality TV show on Channel 105 on Startime or NTA Entertainment 24hours, Watch Live on Youtube and Facebook. Please follow and make your voice heard for the Nigeria of our dream, #Wetakeresposibility #TheLabourRoom, know more on www.thelabourroom.ng Via Facebook @The Labour Room Lagos State Group and Twitter handle @TheLabourRoom

I actually found this cos I was bored. nice work op. I've been laughing since. It's the reason I haven't gone to bed yet.
Keep up the good work!!!

SofiaAmrozia:
I actually found this cos I was bored. nice work op. I've been laughing since. It's the reason I haven't gone to bed yet.
Keep up the good work!!!

Thanks Hun. I'm glad it made you laugh.