Plss pals why is it that when they ask a usher to pray for the offerings the pastor will only close one eyes . lemme come and be going before they call me talkative

Laws Which Newton Forgot To
State

1. LAW OF TARGET : You will hit a target when you
unknowingly throw an object but when you
consciously want to hit the target with an object ,
you will miss it. 2. LAW OF CAR BLOCK : A car blocking your path will
move as soon as you turn to follow the back.
3. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change your queue, the
one you have left will start to move faster than the
one you are in now.
4. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
5. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR:
After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin
to itch.
6. LAW OF WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
7. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in
water, the
telephone rings.
8. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The
probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don't want to be seen with.
9. LAW OF SWAG : Any day you put on your nice
clothe to go out... Either there will be rain or you
won't see people you wore the clothe to impress.
10. LAW OF STOMACH : You will never get hungry when you go out with money but when you don't
go out with money,it is like your village people
wants to use your intestines to hang themselves.

Bondage is when you board a bike with a very fat woman . Lemme come and be going now jor

You contribute 10k every month on your girlfriend hair but to just contribute money for the
improvement of the church you are dodging . Uncle
your ancestors and angel are just ashamed of you .

Ladies that where gucci pant of 100k and bro is telling you to sit down well with you lap close . Uncle wait y will she close her leg eh don't you see that she is wearing a pant of 100k . Aunty don't mind him open it wider , even spread it very well . No i say spread it so that it will be larger than rumors . Oya wait lemme be going

Witchcraft is when you enter shoprite . Eat, watch movies, buy items and so on . Now it reach to pay with your atm and you remember that you forgot it at home . O boi eh .....

Advice to my guys here : If a girl doesn't inbox you back... Just know she has viewed your profile pic and said "no, no, noooo, I said nooooo, this one no follow"

Only Nigerians understand that
Dangote is the richest man in Africa but
he is not in the top 20 richest men in
Nigeria

#ProudlyNigerian

Advice for Girls here : If your boyfriend cheats on you why bothering yourself to cry when you can add ur menstruation to his stew Lemme comma be going

That moment you get home and take off your "push-up foam bra" ; Everything falls and reality hits you.

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment (encouraging ones ), hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

preciousuweh:

Thanks Hun. I'm glad it made you laugh.

..



Oh it did o

preciousuweh:
That moment you get home and take off your "push-up foam bra" ;
Everything falls and reality hits you.

Nae be slippers Bobby fall on you​

Nice jokes.
very funny.

by the way you can get more jokes and also post new jokes via the site on my signature below

Those jokes really cracked me up all day... I had an exam today but I couldn't drop my phone last night when I started reading them... God bless you jare

Yesterday I visited my friend in ipaja, I noticed he used vegetable to cook the beans I ate in his house....
Right now I am seeing a lot of people around me; Buhari, Trump, Putin, Obasanjo, Obama........ It's like we are having meeting oh

An igbo man will be involved in an accident, only to wake up and find his family beside him in the hospital... Then he will ask them:

"All Of You Are Here Who Is In The Shop?"

A friend of mine asked me if I'm willing to go to
London... See question!!
who wants to stay in this Nigeria where
1. Fowls rape themselves
2. Exam questions come out before the proposed
examination date
3. Bigger Banana are cheaper while smaller ones are
expensive
4. You buy Suya 100 Naira and when you get home,you
realise the Aboki sold Onions 70 Naira and meat 30
Naira
5. Garri is more expensive than Noodles.. Try drinking
the Garri for 20 Days straight,Falz Glasses will be small
size compared to your own
6. You get Pirated Yoruba movie and you get home to
see Bruce Lee(Enter the Dragon Part 1)
7. Ghosts in nollywood fear cars when crossing the
Road because They don't want to die again
If you advice me to stay in Nigeria ehn! Hmmmmmmmn
just don't let me talk!!!!!

Today was my first day entering a Court. The Judge Shouted " Order, Order !!" I Was so excited , So I shouted Back " fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and chilled glass of special ice mineral water .” Am Now Locked up In A Dark Room. Am Sure They Will Bring My Order soon.

There are three things which are a mystery unto me, yea the 4th which I do not know ;

(1) The way Neymar makes over $200 million in 8 years
(2) The way Mayweather makes it in 56 minutes, more than Neymar makes in 8 years
(3) The way Diezani is probably richer than both Neymar and Mayweather combined
(4) The reason I'm still going to school

My Girlfriend broke up with me. she thinks that i am childish. So i calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away

The only time African
parents are humble is when you're teaching them
how to use a smart phone..
They become so humble that you can even send them to bring hot water from the fridge.

Apology Letter from a hospital to a patient.

Dear sir, we have good news. Lab results confirmed that the Red Rashes around your penis was not cancer, it was Lipstick so we Apologise for cutting it off. Thank you sir.

One stupid guy used gun shot as his ringing tone in Maiduguri on Sunday, the phone rang inside Church up till now dey are looking for d pastor to continue service.

It's only in Nigeria you will see
FOOD IS READY .
But when u go in and ask for pounded yam with egusi,.. They will tell You, E still dey fire.

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment (encouraging ones ), hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

It is only in Nigeria we tend to check the expiry date of Gala after eating it.

lwkmd!

IF YOU LOVE ODUNLADE, this one mad gan oo.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHDtGP15Gm0


THE VENDOR - ODUNLADE ADE and ADUNNI ADE | latest yoruba movie VERY FUNNY

Growing up, did you ever decide to trek a long distance just because all your friends were doing the same?
Or for you was it I lost/spent my t-fare?
Or when the going gets tough...
Shout out to the ever reliable "leggedisbenze"

Never look down on anything,, If ordinary rat can make it to Aso Rock, why won't I ??
So Rat enter Aso Rock before me??
Isiorite

TEN COLLECTIONS OF JOKES


1. Nigerian girls love money, I’m telling you.
You’ll get angry and tell her to go to hell She will look at you and be like, “I don’t have transport fare.” Blood of Malachi !!!!!!!!!

2. I wonder y dy call it
“menstruation” instead of
womenstruation… Plz ladies don’t shift ur problem to us.

3. No matter how serious your relationship is…
Ur girl/boyfriend is Always single in evry document he/she fills…

4. Today I was with my
girlfriend in my room..hmmm dis weather…after some minutes she
told me ” bae make me feel like a woman” I quickly stood up and
collected all dirty clothes and gave her. She suddenly left, But I think she has gone to buy soap

5. Hmmmm I actually don’t know what girls mean or want when they say this…"Babe I will soon
be going ooo"
Only jah knows.

6. This is hw America brush our teeth…..Shi.!!!shi!!!shi!!!!
shi!!!!!pour and rinse that is all Buh how Nigerians brush their teeth shi!!shika!!shi!!shikakaka!!kakashi!!kakashii!!!Deep the brush inside their throat like dey wanna swallow it!!!!…… Make weird sound like a goat Being strangled… Then feel Like vomiting…..Takes another paste to the brush…….Every thing
would seems like an horror film…..Thank God am not from this country.

7. We virgins deserve daily allowances for d temptations we overcome especially now d weather is not encouraging.………

8. Its funny how ladies don’t get moved when their babies suck their breast but u will hear all
kinds of moaning n groaning when a guy start sucking their
breast…....Me i no won talk anything.

9. Yahoo boys in a party…..moment they hear SARS…..they won’t even wait to hear if it’s
#SARZ__ON__THE__BEATZ
Omo come and see temple run.

10. Having a short girlfriend is not bad until she washes your clothes and wait for you to come and hang them.