baby124:

He does not believe all the jagbajantis advise he is giving her. Don't even bother yourself. He obviously did not read or is being dishonest. He said previously that cheating is grounds for divorce. He obviously shot himself in the foot there.

prestigiouslady:


Thank you very much Sir.
I'm 22hrs away from him ATM..but I'm willing to make things work between us, but on his own part, its like he takes one step forward and 3steps backward.
He's not even talking to me, he has blocked all means of communication with me.

at the rate I hate hearing this ehhhh.. U keep getting abuses u still believe it will work. That is wat is killing us in this part of the world u keep enduring stupid things. No man can change his adulthood take it or leave moreover wen his violent to a woman, unchangeable.. By the time ur head is broken then I guess u will know u made a wrong choice.. Be greatful to have a child if u have money divorce the idiot and fly out of Nigeria. I am a man and I know what it feels to be hurt. I can't stand it. U go leave ooo.. CUs I can not come and die oo.. My mama no kill my papa ooo.. My case is different..


All this people saying go back Una try ooo.. Marriage no be force oo.. Not in this generation. Not even in this evil country. Sister if your mind no gree u.. Sister see green light in front. They will say how sure are if it will be worst , that's the thinking of a typical black man.. That's y the white will continue to be ahead.. If u wan go back carry go.. But a wicked attitude never changes... Save this, go back to him. Come back and give me a reply.

keepingmum:
please stick with your husband inugo? for better for worse brigade....next time he bangs your head to the wall you will explain to angel gabriel why you arrived earlier than your appointed time

and stay away from your family friend. You are clearly still hung up on your abusive ex. only enter a relationship when you have grieved and healed

God bless u jare... That the rubbish they will say.. Stay nah your husband.. God punish any mouth that says..wen u are abused so badly u come and say nah devil work.. This people ehhh

baby124:

If you still did not see it. Then you either need an eye check or you are being dishonest. It is right there for you to read. You obviously do not believe your comments on this thread because if you did, you will not try to make excuses by shifting the blame on me(so funny).

Apologies Ma'am!

I had to reread again and saw the line! Guess I'm getting old already...

I have modified my last post.. and YES! Cheating is a strong ground for divorce

TonyeBarcanista:

Original content taken down:

After seeing that he has a new GF, my advice to OP is simple.

Infidelity is a strong case for divorce both in common law and Biblically. He broke the marriage vow.

You have the choice to either forgive him and try to make things work or give him some more time (say 6months) before making decision to quit.

God Help you
MODIFIED:
I had to reread again o.. I apologise sincerely! Pls forgive my mistake.

@op, I think you should get busy and strive to be successful, more successful that he could ever expect. Nothing hurts a man more than knowing you rose to the top without him. He will crawl om his knees to beg you eventually, just ignore him and put all your energy into something productive. Focus on raising your child. You don't need a man that doesn't need you.

Note here that want is not need. You want a man but you do not need a man right now.

You do not need to remarry. You need to be a strong independent woman.

As per divorce, you havr already spent 2 years apart, does he send you and the child upkeep money? If not, congrats you are qualified for a divorce according to Nigerian laws

nefertitiram:

Yes, I'm doing very well without him, I now have a job that takes care of me and my daughter..

He sends once in a while, when I ask him (before I got a job) he will tell me the custodian of the child should settle the child's bill...and for times he sends, I use thrice of what he sends to take care of the child.
On the day I told him about taking of the child, he told me if I could no longer take responsibilities, I should take her to his mum (same mum who wouldn't ask after the child o) or I should put the child on the next available flight to where he is, so he'll be able to take full responsibility.

prestigiouslady:


Yes, I'm doing very well without him, I now have a job that takes care of me and my daughter..

He sends once in a while, when I ask him (before I got a job) he will tell me the custodian of the child should settle the child's bill...and for times he sends, I use thrice of what he sends to take care of the child.
On the day I told him about taking of the child, he told me if I could no longer take responsibilities, I should take her to his mum (same mum who wouldn't ask after the child o) or I should put the child on the next available flight to where he is, so he'll be able to take full responsibility.

OK, hold on for another year, and divorce him based on 3years separation. Free this guy, you don't need him. With God you will be the best you can be. Don't ever think of sending the child to him or his mum.
Even me that I'm living with my husband, I still spend more than what he gives me for the child. Only a mother knows...so count it all joy. She will bring so much joy to your life.

From another angle, if you really want to be with this man so much, can you become deaf and mute to all his shenanigans for the rest of your life? Always turning the other cheek and turning a blind eye?
My mum did this and died of depression. She slept one day and didn't wake. True story.

You don't want this to be your story

HARDDON:
One n just one thing alone guild our Lives as human beings: Our faith.
Not people's opinions, how we feel or the prevailing circumstances.

If you are a christian, u already know the only condition for DIVOURCE is infidelity.
Every other reason(s) is/are inconsequencial.

I know these r trying times,
dont know why u let this linger for two years.

Dont know why u went washing ur linnings b4 ur family members instead of talking to God bout it. N casting out every evul manipulation.

Dont know why all of a sudden, family friend is trying to creep in subtly n complicate issues.

Dont know if its because u r feeling lonely , u want ur man back. What happens when u get satisfied after a week?

So he blocked every means of communication, leaving u in a limbo and u just let it? Woman ? Wake up!!!!
u r still married to him n he cant be dictating wen it is right for u to come seEe him!

U know his movements from D times u have stayed wit him n u know wen to get him @ home. So gather ur garment n go get ur man! Dont sit there sulking !

3 things cud happen , the only one that matters is : u meet another woman in d house .......adultery n a good bases to file for D

U cant let him be hanging u and he is mos def enjoying his bleeping life!

Clear ur doubts once n for all! The answers u seek aint here, there r over there...so get up n go get them!

Still wondering how u were able to stay two years without eating another apple after tasting how sweet apple is!

Rich Regards
Don

hmmmm... this is d best of all. thumb up man

Pls pass gim on to me

nefertitiram:


OK, hold on for another year, and divorce him based on 3years separation. Free this guy, you don't need him. With God you will be the best you can be. Don't ever think of sending the child to him or his mum.
Even me that I'm living with my husband, I still spend more than what he gives me for the child. Only a mother knows...so count it all joy. She will bring so much joy to your life.

From another angle, if you really want to be with this man so much, can you become deaf and mute to all his shenanigans for the rest of your life? Always turning the other cheek and turning a blind eye?
My mum did this and died of depression. She slept one day and didn't wake. True story.

You don't want this to be your story

You are giving advice which you are currently not observing. The op is obviously not giving the complete story here. Advising her to divorce is plain wrong especially when you yourself have stated that you remain married to your own husband.

Obviously one of them is abroad. So access isn't so straightforward. My advice is for the op is to move closer to God. This problem is spiritual, not physical. You cannot fight a spiritual battle physically. Divorce and remarriage will only compound the problem. Every challenge God allows us to face is to strengthen us and draw us closer to Him. Be strong ma'am.

thorpido:
Try to establish communication with him and have a talk.Ask him what the future of your union is.It's going to work or maybe not.If it won't no point struggling with it.It takes two to make it work.
A home is not broken just because the parents are separated,it's broken also if there's abuse and strife between couples.The kids get damaged seeing that too.

Abeg 1/2 bottle of Laura Ikeji's wedding invitation bottled water for u.
Nice one Dear... I love this.

Forget what people would say, none of them suffered what you suffered, people just have opinions they really dont know what you went through. Time makes you forget pain and people don't really change. Do what is best for you please, if you need a divorce file for a divorce. Stop blaming yourself for his character, women also have right, its a woman that gave to him.

.

Whenever i hear he's everything i want in a man or she's everything i want in woman i quickly sense deceit.

Sis i am not trying to castigate but i am not always comfortable with Mr or Mrs perfect, because they always turn out to be big regret. I am not saying you should not date but don't be carried away with the qualities he displayed, those are his selling points that may not make up to 30% of his real self.

Don't go into anything serious or dip with him until you have discovered some of the shortcomings in him and check if they are what you can manage and cope with.

Remember your judgement of him at this point may not be accurate due to the emotional desperation for a companion you are in due to loneliness, so be very careful.

But its advisable you secure a divorce from your ex before you venture into a new relationship for integrity sake if not for anything.

Try and see that movie "War Room" and am sure you'll learn one or two here.
I hate to see two lovers drifting away after having lots of good times and shared alot of things together.
I wish you well

prestigiouslady:


Trust me, I've tried, we've both spent lot of cash calling and trying to iron things out...but I feel if we see and talk better. I asked if he'll come down to where I am, he said no, he's busy at work so I offered to come down to see him, he said no, he'll find time to come see me probably by mid year...I told him I'll come around, since then he blocked all communication channel with me.

when marriage becomes abusive there is no more love.you know what to do. going back is another season of reloaded abuses that will be very worst. if you have stayed away from him two years then move on because the trust is gone and love fading away

Take it spiritually for the next one yr.
Allow God lead you.

HARDDON:

If you are a christian, u already know the only condition for DIVOURCE is infidelity.
Every other reason(s) is/are inconsequencial.

Hello, did you actually calm down to read her story before giving this advice? Or did you skip this part below?

prestigiouslady:
he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

The only grounds for a divorce scripturally is indeed infidelity. Yes, but the man is cheating on her already abi is there a new definition of infidelity? Now to make matters worse, he is emotionally abusing her and has blocked her out of his life, so this ain't even a case where the man is moving heavens to show remorse o.

Why are people like this? If she were your sister you would give this same advice? If she returns and dies from emotional torture and depression, you would b one of the first people to come on social media to lambast the man. Why do Nigerians prefer medicine after death?

On the flipside though, prestigiouslady I'm not saying stay or leave o. You are the one wearing the shoes, you should better if you are willing to let go his errors and start afresh.

But Nigerians should sha wake up and stop giving some funny advice only to disturb our eyes with woman rights activism after the deed is done!

prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc

You seem to be more concerned about what your undeserving ex and other people would say rather than your own comfort. That man is already from the deepest part of hell just incarnated to torment you to death. File for DIVORCE ASAP and damn whatever. It's your life and you deserve to enjoy it. Any man that abuses a woman (whether physically or emotionally) is not worthy to be called a man and should be treated by any woman with reckless abandon. You don't want a broken home for your kid but trust me, an abusive home is far worse than a broken home; and your ex already has a second wife and is expecting a kid(s) from the comments I read above. Don't sacrifice your precious life on the alter of unnecessary endurance and mere societal doctrines. You've done your best to reestablish contact and mend fences but he obviously doesn't want you back. He just wants to waste your time and waste you for whatever reason known only to him and GOD. I say it again, GO FOR DIVORCE!

prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc

Watch "Diary of a mad black woman" you'll find answers

TonyeBarcanista:
Bro, God bless you

U too bro

prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc

sort out your priorities and make a decision, but remember there will be causes and effects. a word is enough for the wise. Godspeed!

you are not giving the full details.
I will try to be very critical with you.

Many people dont knw this, All marriages have issues, just that when people share testimonies they always dwell on the good side. even the one your parents did, it is just understanding and discipline yourself . Even men of God, for instance we knw a famous pastor who divorced his wife recently.

How does your husband abuse you? Does he physically abuse you? or he speaks to you rudely. if he hits you then run.

It is worrisome to hear you say your folks wanted you to leave your home? They are suppose to encourage you to stay in your house, particularly your mum. Except off course the dude is a woman beater. Am also surprised his friends told you to forget him? Doesnt that surprise you? they are still friends with him now, hence they should want the best for him. trust me if i see my friend having issues with his girl, i will try to be the peacemaker, except off course am sure the girl is a disaster.

But really a man is supposed to be the head of the home, he should be able to direct you as deemed fit whether you like his decisions of not, I know this is painful to accept, but it is the truth. if indeed you are a real christian.

The family order is God> husband> wife> children.

Although i believe this power should not be abused and should be exercised with caution, but babe trust me there are things i i think u should just obey, particularly when it comes to critical decision. No man wishes his wife evil or selfish, except the man doesnt love you or has a very low mentality. Do you constantly challenge his decision and authority? This can dent his ego and probably why he does what he does.

My advise to you , the husband is the driver of car(journey of life), you are the co passenger, sitting in front with the driver, the children sit behind. Never ever try to take the steering from the driver, except off course the driver is unable to drive.

You also mentioned something about your flaws, have you worked on them? what does he really nag about, and how have you taken your time to work the so called flaws? except you do this you will keep having issues with him. Am nt an advocate of divorce so that to me isnt an option. it is so funny how we have adopted many of these western practices(divorce), before you knw it we will adopt gay and lesbian.

Thank God you are asking this questions now, but what were u looking at for 2 years and it is now you are feeling lonley, he must begin to get used to life without you.

My advise for you is pray about this, and ask God for guidance also pray for God to change those bad behaviors you don't like. Then go see someone in his family who you think he respects, like his father or so, tell them you want to keep your home and you have learnt. It is them that will call him to come and take his wife home. You going to his house on your own just seems to desperate and one kind. It wont even hold water. And you should nt have doubt oh, it is for better for worse. that house is your house too.

Sorry shdnt be to hard for you to say.don't go back and begin to challenge his authority. Some men are just too proud even when they are wrong they wont admit, my dad for one. Am sure you saw all these in him during courtship ,but the love was shacking you .


God bless you and take control of your marriage.

prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc

sanchos9607:


You are giving advice which you are currently not observing. The op is obviously not giving the complete story here. Advising her to divorce is plain wrong especially when you yourself have stated that you remain married to your own husband.

Obviously one of them is abroad. So access isn't so straightforward. My advice is for the op is to move closer to God. This problem is spiritual, not physical. You cannot fight a spiritual battle physically. Divorce and remarriage will only compound the problem. Every challenge God allows us to face is to strengthen us and draw us closer to Him. Be strong ma'am.

Bros, if I was in that woman's shoes, I would not hang around waiting for him to want me, I would walk away like he was a bad dream. 2 years of abandonment and infidelity? Emotional abuse? Times have changed o, na before that one de happen.
Did you see the part where my mum died of depression from years of grasping straws? If she had walked away a long time ago, she may still be alive today.

Divorce is not for remarriage, divorce is for independence. He no longer has control over you. When he is ready to be a husband, he will come begging and they can get married again. Abi is there a law against remarrying ex?

@favouchild2017.
Thank you.
His friends have tried talking to him all this while but all efforts have been futile.
As per what took it so long to start all this reconciliation process...I was hurt and II needed to be myself again...twas in this period I got a job.

You see, when we were together, I had no job, I couldn't ask for cash o, he will tell him since I don't work, I wouldn't know the value of money and hard work.. I did virtually what a woman should do, and one thing I know is I respect him, a lot.
But on days he abuses me, sometimes I get angry and lash out back at him.
Yes, he beat me up twice in the marriage.

And he's not concerned about my feelings, like for example, he forcefully had me go for Family planning, and when I complain about being uncomfortable with the FP, he starts yelling at me and telling me we can't afford a baby for now.

My flaws... He says he fears me cos I don't talk(when of course, he knows he has done something bad or cheated me) and my nature, I don't dwell on things for too long, I don't keep malice, even when he wrongs me, I'll go and apologise, not because I'm happy or guilty but because I want a peaceful home... So sometimes he feels I'll hurt him.
Last November, he asked me if I wouldn't retaliate if eventually we come back together.
I keep quiet not because I don't feel pain, but because I believe its better I keep mute when I don't have anything nice to say than to hurt someone with my utterance.

Again, his mum keeps giving me cold shoulders, I tried trying to make things work between us but it was abortive, so I accord her her respect but I don't go close to her...it annoys my husband and I keep telling him, for me and his mum to be friends, he has a lot of work to do, you know I don't hate your mum, but please talk to your mum, let her accept me, you can't forcefully match make and your mother but no, he doesn't care..

Sometimes I wonder if he's got bipolar issue, this minute he is sweet, caring loving and everything.. The next minute, he's like someone I've never known before.

Amen to your prayers, thank you

See what I'm saying about independence?

I'm glad you got a job, imagine the insolence when you ask for money. Isn't he supposed to cater for you? Even women that earn millions their husbands still give them money for upkeep.

You can keep playing this cat and mouse game with him but babes, you got to kick the dirt of your shoulders and make a name for yourself. You will become so desirable that it will bvyour turn to do shakara

prestigiouslady:



My parent told me to come back home but I insisted he will have to send me out himself that I wouldn't give up on my marriage so easily..
But at the end, he had to invite the police to tell me to leave, when asked what I did, he said nothing, he just needed a "break"
Did you wife kept extra marital affairs, he said no
Then the DPO told me to go to my people, to avoid stories that touch the heart.

And ever since I got back, my parents were still supporting him that he'll come around, until they realised that might not be anytime soon.

I've tried all I can to make things work but he keeps frustrating my efforts.

He wasn't forced to come ask for ur hands in marriage. How dare he call d police to evict his wife? No matter what might have transpired, there are ways things should be done. Go to the church and make known ur ordeal to ur parish priest so that if it comes to divorce, u might actually be allowed to continue practising ur faith. Since he had d impetus to go impregnate another woman, do not make it easy for him when it comes to divorce. If possible make urself “A wife from hell" to him.

prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc

I'll give you same advice I gave my mom. When things turn violent and Godforbid he bangs your head against the wall it will end with sorry. Your loss. Making matters worse is walking around with a new girl, shows he's not ready to change and going back he will have a form of control over you. Men like that don't deserve a good woman like you, secondly you're an emotional wreck and getting in a relationship now would do more harm to you. Darling be a strong woman, divorce him and build yourself. When you see you can sleep alone at night without needing a man then you're ready for a relationship. 2 years after marriage is a short time. After breaking up with me fiance it took me over 2 years to move on. Because I didn't want to rush things. Hope you come out stronger darling.

Like my blood sis,I would say go on wit ur life,leave dat man Alone,sometimes we makes mistake and we must correct dose mistakes. GOD WILL NOT DO WOT MEN OUGHT TO DO FOR DEMSELVES.

As far as I'm concerned that "Till death do us part" bullshit belongs in the past not in this century...

Times have changed, there is no reason to keep trying to revive a relationship that is dead especially if you were unhappy in it.

No human being is indispensable!...Move on with your life, your happiness is in your hands.

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