Once upon a time, there was a concrete slab in front of a barracks and for 80 years there were always four soldiers guarding it.

Then one day, a new commander was appointed to superintend over the barracks. He noticed that there were always four soldiers guarding this concrete slab and he asked them why they were guarding it. None of them knew why. In fact, none of the soldiers in the barracks knew why the stone was always guarded. It had just been so for 80 years.

Bent on finding why this was the case, the new commander went into the archives and he eventually found out the reason.

A previous commander had wanted to build a new platform on which events could be held. The concrete slab was supposed to be part of the platform. However, wild animals often walked on the slab before the concrete could get dry, thereby messing up their work. Therefore, the commander ordered that four soldiers should guard the slab every night for three weeks until the job was completed.

However, the commander was transfered after the first week and every other commander that has been appointed has continued the tradition for 80 years without knowing why.

Acheron:
Some of you are mad. Say thank you ma because she's older? What did she contribute to the making of the food that I should be thanking her?. Even if it were my own Mother, why should I thank her after eating the food that was prepared with my own money?

Religion, culture and this backward thinking that elders are always right are the reasons why Africa is developmentally stagnant.

Una go dey alright. Tm

That you don't share same opinion with someone doesn't make the person mad.Again, this is not backwardness and can you tell me how it has stagnated development in Africa?... just say you don't gbadu the too much respect thing.

alfredo4u:
House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.

.......this is not hard work......its simply right to thank your elders after eating....no matter who prepared the food....i was brought up to believe that....even if visitors are around. . ...we thank them too....at list your wife did not tell u that in the presence of her mum...she came to u alone and said it .. It's nothing....just say tnk u....no need for petty fights.

BellaElla:


Yes it's proper.
When we were growing up, we were taught that you should thank the elderly ones in the room after eating. I still do that to anyone that is older than me when I eat. I am igbo by the way.

Children of this age now see greeting as too much work. I used to think the Yoruba's were the most respectfully in Nigeria but I work in an office and we have this ssce holder secretary who has never greeted me for one day and I'm her elder and senior in the office. Sad!

The mother of your wife is your mum also. In marriage Union; you and your wife become one body one soul. Saying "Ma" is justified.

DozieInc:


Traditionally you are expected to say thank you, to show that you enjoyed and appreciates the meal served, cos a mother in-law is just like a mother to you.

...don't mind them..this goes a long way to show how some people were brought up.....no one is dragging the bills with you...what is the hard thing in saying thank you....na wa o

BellaElla:


Yes it's proper.
When we were growing up, we were taught that you should thank the elderly ones in the room after eating. I still do that to anyone that is older than me when I eat. I am igbo by the way.

I'm not surprised that dis is from a Igbo. So I no fit eat in my own house now because an in law is around.D food wey I use my money buy 4 house. Ko Jo. If someone must say thank you,it should come 4rm her

mastermaestro:
Simple "thank you ma" won't take away your headship of your home. She isn't staying forever! Don't start a needless headless meaningless avoidable Cold War in your young home. Next time, thank mama for the meal. I know you would feel awkward about it. Just do it!!

Honour the woman, dude. But you may ignore my advice if you are older than her.

....dont mind them...what would a simple thank you do to him...no one is dragging anytin with you.....this just goes to show the type of upbringing some people were given...

[quote author=alfredo4u post=54915988]House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.[/


]
will thank you ma kill you? if u see her as ur mom den it is not a big deal..... it is called courtesy.... remember pride goes before a fall.

It depends on ur culture. In our culture(Igbo), it's a sign of respect to thank ur elder before or after meal irrespective of who the bread winner or provider is. It's even more customary to thank ur mother-in-law before or after meal. Pls ignore whosoever that is telling u not to do that unless u are not an Igbo person. Pls it does not change who u are. Only arrogant person will discourage u from doing that. Listen to ur wife, she is right.

It's common courtesy.
Respect doesn't belittle you
And it cost nothing to respect your elders
Or at your age you don't greet your mum after eating?

snowblaq:
.......this is not hard work......its simply right to thank your elders after eating....no matter who prepared the food....i was brought up to believe that....even if visitors are around. . ...we thank them too....at list your wife did not tell u that in the presence of her mum...she came to u alone and said it .. It's nothing....just say tnk u....no need for petty fights.

People just like to create unnecessary drama

Wonder why children of these days lacks courtesy,because u provided the food nd she visited,if it's ur own mother,i don't think u will be asking this silly question.rubbish

Apina:
Op, your wife has little or no conflict management skill, which should be the number one characteristic every married woman should be associated with. She has forced you to open a thread this early morning because she couldn't manage a minute situation. It's situations as these that result to biases against in-laws cos I see no reason why the wife's mother should demand to be acknowledged after every meal as though its her house. Common sense should inform her that its not worth causing a rift between her daughter and husband. Op, It's also a good thing that this situation came into play because its evident from this that your wife puts her now extended family ahead of her immediate family cos she would never take your side or defend u if anything comes up.

...what is this one saying?...all this long epistle just to say a simple thank u after meals.....this is basic upbringing and home training.....ur MIL is not dragging the headship of your home with you....even if you saw her sitting down all day and not helping in the kitchen...simple home training expects you to thank your elders after eating.....with this kind of ego the OP and so many others have....its little wonder why we are raising a generation of mannerless children....i wonder wat he would give his own children as home training.....na wa o

smithsydny:
like I just wonder how some people grew up..

This little things go a long way.. But most persons don't know..

Things we take for granted are what matters more in life..

[quote authorChampele:
I don't want to join this stupid argument. Didn't your mother teach you to greet your elders after eating?[/quote]

You guys are not taking taking into cognizance that it might be a intertribal marriage.. Moreover, the context is different... For example, i was brought up to say thank you to God, my Father and Mother for the meal..EOD.. Any other elder(s) around does not simply.

What the woman should have done is to gradually explain her own culture to the husband...

Walelavender:
If your MIL prepared the meal you could always appreciate her effort. However if your wife did, it doesn't make sense. Thanking her for what? I could only eulogize my wife for preparing a sumptuous meal after devouring it in the face of my MIL....Doing that would definitely make my MIL happy. This is not about ego. It is called TAKING CHARGE!

......ok...so he would go and be checking the kitchen for who actually prepared the food.....unecessary nonsense.....its simple home training to thank your elders after eating....ordinary thank you would not kill anybody....neither does it make any man less of a man.....

UjSizzle:

If she's helping him take care of their child, saying thank you isn't bad.

But this is feeding. What's he thanking her for?

I don't understand the sentiments we carry about as Nigerians. It hasn't done us much good to begin with. Say "thank you" because it's polite but makes no sense at all.

You thank people for services rendered, not just for the sake of it. Otherwise all that show of courtesy becomes meaningless. Just like most things already are.

Exactly my position..

Una just dey show unnecessary pride here jare... Op, saying thank you does not mean you're stupid.. it's shows that you give honour.. . When you honour, you get honoured( may not even be through same channel.)

snowblaq:
......ok...so he would go and be checking the kitchen for who actually prepared the food.....unecessary nonsense.....its simple home training to thank your elders after eating....ordinary thank you would not kill anybody....neither does it make any man less of a man.....

It is part of home training from where you came from but its not normal for the OP and it does not depict that he was not properly brought up or lack home training..

alfredo4u:
House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.

Dias notin bad in tanking her mother,d same way she respect nd honour ur mother,do d same to her mother..dt is if u lv ur wife u will respect ha mother

topstar80:
Una just dey show unnecessary pride here jare... Op, saying thank you does not mean you're stupid.. it's shows that you give honour.. . When you honour, you get honoured( may not even be through same channel.)

He is not showing ego but he is trying to understand the rationale behind such gesture... people should explain things in love rather than screaming that he lacked home training or that he is prideful.

enigma2007:

brother leave those people jare,. I call them over grown adult..

Op saying thank ma/sir is a way of showing respect to ur elders.. Or do u think ur MIL can't feed herself n her family without u.... No let ur ego bring u down oooo.... Its obvious that u are not here for advice but for support, but ur wrong. Unless she (mother in law) is younger than u.... Saying thank ma/sir to ur elders doesn't mean that he or she is the person that provide the money for the food... She is the mother of ur wife for Christ sake, like a mother to u, she survived without u up until u met her daughter(ur wife now)... Abeg park well, person like u no dey hear advice, why i dey even disturb my self

alfredo4u:
House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.

d day u start dat u bkom a slave to her & ur inlaws......remember ure a full man wit responsibilities & therefore saying tanks ma to any woman outside ur wife and probably small appreciation to whoeva aided in preparing d meal for example my dad sumtimes appreciate d maids in my hauz after eating jst to encourage dem and it ends dere ne b say u go dey mumu ur sef in d name of famzing in laws.....oga u dunt nid dat rather ur mother in law shd b happy dat uve made her daughter a wife, a mother and uve equally made ur mother in law a Granny

mastermaestro:
Simple "thank you ma" won't take away your headship of your home. She isn't staying forever! Don't start a needless headless meaningless avoidable Cold War in your young home. Next time, thank mama for the meal. I know you would feel awkward about it. Just do it!!

Honour the woman, dude. But you may ignore my advice if you are older than her.

God bless u real good for this response.

It's very proper 2 say thank u 2 ur elders after eating, I'm 4rm Delta and we are taught dat 4rm childhood. It doesn't change a tin, it doesn't stop u 4rm being d head of d house. Just mark of respect. My sis who is married 2 an Imo State man says thank u 2 her husband each time he eats her food, d husband shld say thank u rada but she still says it. Just a mark of respect and honour.

Thanks ma 4 wat? No b she cum ur house, guy b smart or else d 2 of den will pound yam on ur head

Same way you find thanking elders after eating ridiculous is same way i find bowing to greet weird. If you feel saying thank you is not a sign of respect, then bowing when greeting shouldn't be used to judge if i have/lack home training.

I grew up greeting my elders after every meal. Its part of my culture and if i get married to a yoruba man and learn to bow to greet his people, he too has to thank my mother or whichever elderly person from my side after eating.

I think it has to do with upbringing and culture ...in my house we don't say thank you to my mum or dad after eating ..na God we dey thank..but now I am married now, anytime my mother in law helps to cook(child birth tins ) I say thank you.I live in Warri and before you can eat in front of an elder you must say migwo and also after eating.So a lot comes to play but saying thank you suld nt hurt a fly.I guess d Guy just got married...he must learn the culture of his wife and wife same..
In my house we no dey kneel down finish to greet my parents and no one takes offence but the day I tried it in my in laws house...I hear story that day so since then anytime I m going to my in laws's na kneel down finish ooo.
Bro,say thank you we know you are head...

ccqueen:

He's from this planet and African at that.From this side of the country (Eastern Nigeria), we greet our elders after eating irrespective of who provided the meal.It's obvious you are not Igbo,we do it to show respect just like some cultures demand you prostrate to greet an elder.

Okay, but imposing your traditions and belief on your spouse is unwarranted especially if you are not from the same region.
It's like telling a muslim to start his prayers with in Jesus Name.

alfredo4u:
House, just needed candid advise, my mother Inlaw is in my place for omugo/visit.

Just this evening my wife served me my dinner and after finish eating I left the parlour to the bed room, my wife came in and said why didn't I even say thank ma to her mother.

Pls kindly advise becos I nearly took offence about it.

since she was there when u finished eating, courtesy demands u do dah..... it wont make u one less human being dah u are.....

snowblaq:
......ok...so he would go and be checking the kitchen for who actually prepared the food.....unecessary nonsense.....its simple home training to thank your elders after eating....ordinary thank you would not kill anybody....neither does it make any man less of a man.....

Excuse me, try to be civil and respect my opinion . I can't figure out how you people are finding it difficult to define what home training is. If that is what their culture says,fine, but telling me its obtainable in all cutures....that is too petty and unrealistic !